Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Bluetooth = Autodouche

Outside of a work/office situation, there are no exceptions to this rule.

So let it be written.

So let it be done.

So let it be Valtrexed.

# posted by douchebag1
11:39 am July, 20 mr.reeve said...

DB1,

You can add outside of car and walking around with bluetooth to the list.

This chick needs open her eyes and realize she’s kissing a toad……or is that a choad…….

11:40 am July, 20 dbBen said...

Baby Jebus just shed a single Swarovski Crystal tear.

11:45 am July, 20 massengill said...

It’s not acceptable at work, either. You look like a fuckin’ ‘borg.

11:46 am July, 20 massengill said...

yeah, that was me.

11:58 am July, 20 anonymous said...

Yeah, substitute “work/office” with “car” and you got it right.

12:00 pm July, 20 Anonymous said...

On the other hand, kissing a hott is acceptable reason for kissy face.

12:02 pm July, 20 scrotum pole said...

As for the bluetooth, I think it was Doofus’ failed attempt at hiding that fucked-up sideburn.

12:09 pm July, 20 Bag Margera said...

I’m assuming she was drunk, and he was just… there.

12:09 pm July, 20 Douches Wild said...

The gizmo in his ear is synched with a magnetic pickup on his prostate to establish a bio feedback loop during acts of chatroulette masturbation.

12:10 pm July, 20 Wheezer said...

So let me touch her boobies, and I will fondle.

12:14 pm July, 20 Steve L. said...

190-proof and douche-hott kiss photos do NOT mix. i repeat. do NOT mix.

12:14 pm July, 20 Douchble Helix said...

Vanessa Hudgson make-out session?

He gets a pass.

12:15 pm July, 20 Douchble Helix said...

There’s a thing called ‘scoring up’. This is what it looks like.

12:18 pm July, 20 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I don’t know if I should be jealous, mad, or confused. He must be the king of the AV department after this coup. A blue tooth headset isn’t douchy it’s just nerdy. (and not in an ironic kind of way)

12:20 pm July, 20 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Because macking on the ladies is no reason to miss a call – you never know when that next big opportunity will come knocking.

.

Bluetooth – Holy shit are you a tool.

12:23 pm July, 20 Battlescrote Galactica said...

Trustfund Todd was able to leverage Jasmine into dating him because Todd’s dad let’s him take out the Porsche on Friday nights despite his lack of lobster abs, tribal rats and a sweet fauxhawk.

His friend Jeff gets tons of ass with his Affliction shirts, so he retired his vast collection of tees featuring wolves & eagles since T.J. Maxx was having a big sidewalk sale of MMA shirts that got dumped in front of the store one night most likely by a larger chain department store who found that the EPA charged a 500% fee over cost to have each shirt incinerated and shot into space.

That resulted in 3/4 of a hand job while waiting in the Porsche for their Blizzards at the drive-thru at Dairy Queen. Trustfund Todd was unable to finish because dad called in on the Blutooth to make sure he filled the tank on the way home…

12:26 pm July, 20 tall guy said...

Agree!

12:36 pm July, 20 Deltus said...

I’d like to refine this. Leaving in the bluetooth earpiece when you’re not talking on it is autodouche. If I’m out and about with my cell phone on me, I’ll have my bluetooth earpiece on and linked, and if I get a call I’ll put on the earpiece and use it. I don’t like the radiation of the cell phone being right next to my brain, I’d rather have the MUCH less powerful radiation from the earpiece there. But then when the phoning is done, take that bitch OUT of your ear and BACK into your pocket. It’s not fucking jewelry.

12:37 pm July, 20 Captain Lame said...

Yeah bra! Im totally making out with her! No, right now!… Literally at this moment!… She’s looking at me funny, I better go.

12:42 pm July, 20 Douchble Helix said...

I think their mouths are closed.

I keep looking at that honey, but wait a sec, what’s all that crap on his t-shirt?

Maybe he is a douchebag…

12:44 pm July, 20 soy bomb said...

Yeah, this one’s a slam dunk.

.

.

Full disclosure, outside of using a bluetooth whilst driving, I also use a bluetooth during my weekly 1 1/2 hr marathon phone conversations with mom (love you mom!). It frees my hands so that I can get some Playstation 3® time in.

1:05 pm July, 20 mr.reeve said...

Yeah, if you are around the house its cool. Its those fucking people that walk around the store or when you are at your kids baseball game and you don’t see that they have a bluetooth in their ear. You think they are talking to you but they are not. You feel like smacking them upside their head so the bluetooth goes flying.

1:07 pm July, 20 Deltus said...

@soy bomb: don’t apologize for wearing and using the bluetooth earpiece while actually conversing over the phone. That’s what it’s for. Playing PS3 while on the phone with your moms is another matter, but using the earpiece for what it’s for is fine. Just tell us you take it OFF when you’re done the call.

1:10 pm July, 20 Mr. Biggs said...

Not going to set up rules on where and when one can non-douchally use bluetooth. Because the trademark of douchebags is having a bluetooth during times when it’s OBVIOUSLY for show. Like at a party, while kissing a girl.

I mean what are we supposed to think here? He’s Secret Service entertaining Barack Obama’s daughter’s babysitter?

1:11 pm July, 20 scrotum pole said...

This dude may be a douchebag, but give the pudgy little fuck some credit for overacheiving.

That’s some fine, little sixteen-year-old twat he’s macking on.

1:13 pm July, 20 scrotum pole said...

BTW, If anyone ever sees me wearing a bluetooth in public, please shoot me.

1:20 pm July, 20 Bueller said...

Is dude wearing a kippah? (yamaka)

1:23 pm July, 20 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

He can use the bluetooth to quckly call his lawyer after he gets arrested for sexual contact with a minor.

1:29 pm July, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Agreed regarding DB1’s comment

1:32 pm July, 20 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

..no worries, five kids, and five child support payments later…he won’t be able to afford a phone…let alone an earleech.

1:51 pm July, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I like wireless. But those Bluetooth ear-bots are fuccking way poser autodouche queer.

2:23 pm July, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This dick emission is wearing this because he paid in full to have “Mystery” is on the other end telling him what to do.

.

Mystery: “Throw a neg now.”

Choad: “What?”

Mystery: “Tell her she kisses like your sister.”

Bleeth: “Bobby, take that thing out of your ear.”

Choad: “Mystery says you kiss like my sister. Aww fucck, I wasn’t supposed to say that.”

Mystery: “Ya fuccen dimwit. Don’t tell her I’m here.”

Bleeth: “You make out with your sister???? EEWWWWWWW!”

2:46 pm July, 20 DarkSock said...

He’s a douche for being in Death Cab For Cutie.

3:03 pm July, 20 soy bomb said...

Much like the ever popular people-watching game “Gay or European?”, the new craze “Crazy or Bluetooth?” has been sweeping the nation. Other acceptable synonyms for “Bluetooth” are “Douchebag, Assh*le, F*cking Pr*ck” and so on and so on.

6:06 pm July, 20 Whoop-di-douche said...

Wearing your bluetooth while kissing is another way of showing you have a little prick and it’s growing out yer EAR, fer chrissakes.

The really hot accessory now is not the bluetooth, but the newest innovation in hearing aids. So if yer goin’ deaf after years of ear-abuse from rock concerts, parties, etc, see an audiologist, and she’ll fit ‘ya with an ear bug.

8:15 pm July, 20 Stephanie said...

He’s sucking her soul or what’s left of it out of her through his mouth. He’s an alien.

9:03 pm July, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

Mr. Biscotti got me a Blutooth as a gift. I cringed in horror and then quickly tried to look pleased. I have to/hate to admit, it’s not bad. I have a BlackBerry and the phone on that thing ain’t worth a shit. The anguished screams of visitors to the playpen has damaged my hearing, so the tinny sound from a cell phone has always given me trouble. The BlackBerry is the worst offender. Not to mention that I’m often making the nearly 3-hour drive from here to Chicago, droning along the open road is a good time to squeeze in a few calls. However, I hate holding a phone to my ear, in any circumstance, but particularly while driving. I can’t hear, I hate a greasy phone pressed against the side of my face and I second Deltus’ motion about radiation being piped right into your brain. However, Bluetooth lives in my car. It never comes to work with me, it’s rarely in the house and I sure the fuck don’t wear it around like I’m the goddamned Terminator or something.

.

Unless you’re talking on the phone, having that thing in your ear is the ultimate in Douche. Bluetooth earpieces are like sunglassesike sunglasses–they serve a useful function, but are totally fucktarded when you’re wearing them in a club. Bluetool, Bluedouche, Douchetooth, fuck this guy in the ear with a masonry bit and then use his braineating status symbol to plug the ragged, bleeding hole.

9:41 pm July, 20 DJ TooDouche said...

I think the guy is “Titties” Schoonover from season 10 of The Ultimate Fighter. Look him up

3:07 am July, 21 Webalot said...

that guy looks like he could fix a broken playstation …

good for him, beauty and the geek

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