Thursday, July 8, 2010

Breaking: Area Man Realizes The Onion Sucks Alpaca Testes

The Onion’s “The Chive” once again finds “inspiration” from other sites on the internets.

Not even a link, Onionites? Really?

EDIT: The Chive is apparently not affiliated with The Onion, so apologies to Area Man. Carry on.

# posted by douchebag1
3:21 pm July, 8 Dr. Richard Goesinyou said...

That’s a handful of ass!

3:23 pm July, 8 Dr. Richard Goesinyou said...

Twisty-face has a Chinese tattoo that reads “I fuck holes in the ground”.

3:34 pm July, 8 DarkSock said...

Onionite admins apparently don’t cotton to folks posting stuff about menfolk peein’ inside of horses either.

3:35 pm July, 8 DarkSock said...

That’s when Lenny felt the warm wet dangling sticky cotton string.

3:36 pm July, 8 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

Roughly 95% of The Onion’s humor is provided in about 1% of the article — namely, in the title.

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(I admit, though, that like a battered spouse, I keep going back.)

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When I scrolled to the comments section of the page linked to by Our Great Leader, I was reminded of the inverse correlation between the intelligence of a site’s readers and the frequency with which they post “FIRST!”

3:42 pm July, 8 mr.reeve said...

I wrote something on the Chive post but they won’t run it. F you Chive!! Posting pictures from the past 3 years from HCwDB and calling them new??? Good job!

Sun and Asian writing tattoo = Choad Stain

Hot ass and bad hair = Tasty Skank

3:59 pm July, 8 Fatness said...

Darksock, they apparently don’t think much of peeing in onions, either…

4:05 pm July, 8 End the Haberdouchery said...

I wonder what Jack in the Box will have the pleasure of serving these two Nobel laureates at 2 in the morning.

4:06 pm July, 8 I R A Darth Aggie said...

No, doffus, I said you couldn’t find your ass with both hands. EPIC FAIL.

4:14 pm July, 8 Crucial Head said...

@Doc B,

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Bingo. I still bring up The Onion’s front page from time to time so I can skim the titles and the first few lines of their articles. Some chuckles can be found here and there.

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Considering the content of some of their articles, the irony of them censoring someone who wants to say “I peed in a horse once” is quite amusing, actually.

4:16 pm July, 8 Crucial Head said...

… and by ‘Doc B,’ I meant Douchie Howser. Damn doctors are just like architects, we all look and sound the same.

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Heh heh.

4:27 pm July, 8 Troy Tempest said...

I posted a comment mentioning this site.

5:28 pm July, 8 tall guy said...

Even without a full frontal of blondie’s face i’ll take a punt and declare her hott (her arse told me so). However the completely unnecessary shot of Chinese character tatt guy’s obnoxious scone, induces that now familiar nameless dread coupled with a strong desire to knock him out.

But her arse…

5:43 pm July, 8 Mr. Biggs said...

Nope. Get used to it.

5:46 pm July, 8 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

@ Crucial Head

Agreed. The Onion would only permit stuff regarding urination and equines were it an opinion piece entitled:

.

“I Peed in a Horse in View of a Busload of Schoolchildren, and it Taught Them a Valuable Lesson”

5:51 pm July, 8 Buzzkill77 said...

“thechive.com is in no way affiliated with theonion.com” says the chive’s disclaimer….

6:01 pm July, 8 vothski said...

DB1 reminds me of Howard Stern. What else did you invent?

7:31 pm July, 8 Ludacriss Axehandle McCockkwielder said...

@Vothski,

.

What else did DB1 invent?

.

DB1 invented the Flowbee® mütherfucker! Additionally, Boss was the first American male to circumcise a walrus with his uncut toenails while driving a boat over a sandbar in Chandeleur Sound. And lastly, he invented… *gasp*… §ąжuræ ScröЋe for chissakes.

.

What have yooooouuuu invented lately???

7:33 pm July, 8 Pömmelhorse Pümmelfister said...

DB1 reminds me of Howard Stern…

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You mean the one who changed the face of radio and helped introduce some of the funniest minds in comedy to the general public?

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Hmmmm…

7:36 pm July, 8 Crucial Head said...

Re: Lebron James

.

Poor BCS, Plinky, Wheezer, Massengill, et al. Cleveland has now gone from a shithole town to a shittier hole town.

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But relax boys, the next round of Cleveland Steamer’s is on me.

.

.

.

.

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.

.

.

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Wait.

11:17 pm July, 8 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

Bats baby! Mr. Maru is rocking that grill like nobody’s business. Only a select scrotewang can be one-hundred percent 2002 Douchebag in a land of 2010 Douchebags.

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No.

.

Wait.

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The Onion just jacked an old HCwDB pic.

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Well f**k you guys, Bats still cracks me up.

12:26 am July, 9 The Blogs Rocket said...

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6:03 am July, 9 Hugh Manatee said...

RE: Lebron James

This is just one more reason I no longer watch the NBA.

6:06 am July, 9 James said...

That’s from CHIVE.com, not THEONION.com.

6:36 am July, 9 DarkSock said...

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ______. _____ _________

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . /CHIVES IS ONIONS, JAMES!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _,,,–~~~~~~~~–,___. _________/

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. . . ./¯ 😐 | : |/ :: ::—-, :/ :|/ :: :: ,-‘’ : :,-‘ : : : : : : ‘’-,,_ . . . .

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: : : : : : :¯’’~~~~~~’’’ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : | : : : : : : : : :

6:36 am July, 9 DarkSock said...

^Admiral Ackbar semi-fail

6:40 am July, 9 creature said...

he, “this is the face you’ll be starin’ at laterbabe. don’t it make ya wet?”

she, “no, it’s the fantasy that my box is a sausage grinder that really gets me off!”

7:01 am July, 9 Wheezer said...

Shamelessness from the Onion/Chive…..wow, roughly half of those photos can be found here, if not more! Unbelievable…..

7:35 am July, 9 bort said...

Is the Chive actually related to the Onion in ways other than trying to look like it? It doesn’t seem to link to the Onion anywhere -and at the bottom it has a disclaimer:

“theCHIVE.com is the best 6-60 minutes of your day. theCHIVE will make you happy. theCHIVE.com is in no way affiliated with TheOnion.com. theCHIVE is not…”

8:58 am July, 9 DarkSock said...

but…chives is onions…so, you’re saying http://www.TheScallion.com isn’t affiliated with The Onion either? You’ve shaken my entire belief system, dawg.

8:58 am July, 9 DarkSock said...

AREA MAN CONFUSED BY ONION/CHIVES AFFILIATION.

9:10 am July, 9 ugtvdotorg said...

Who’s the douchebag now?

9:22 am July, 9 Walrus Whisker said...

@ugtvdotorg,

.

Ummm, the douchenozzle with the ridiculous tattoo, backwards hat, and retard sneer in this picture. Is he so hard to spot?

10:36 am July, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

It stands to reasons that TheLeeks.com is the most suitable place for posts about peeing in a horse’s ass.

10:39 am July, 9 Whoop-di-douche said...

Choad makes the mouth pose that inspired his shoulder tatt while grabbing ass that inspires Hott to make the horns signal.

Sort of a Rube Goldberg machine of douchery…

2:09 pm July, 9 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Chazz becomes gripped with terror as he realizes Buffalo Beast will not be pleased that the “blonde” has distracted him from his bukkake duties.

4:05 pm July, 9 Buzzkill77 said...

not even a shout-out, DB1, really?

-Captain Buzzkill

8:47 am July, 10 Steve L. said...

botched plastic facial surgeries never had it so good.

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