Friday, July 2, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links

As we wind down the vacation week of July 4th here in the United States, your humble narrator heads for the beautiful rolling hills of rural New Hampshire. Which is newer than Old Hampshire. But not as new as New New Hampshire.

I’ll mostly be drinking, carving figures from birch wood, hiking the Appalachan trail of my mind and percolating on my inner glow.

I plan to meditate on gender normativity. Contemplate the perfection of boobal primacy. And eat a crapload of Twinkies.

Here’s your links:

The greatest invention of the 21st Century, by far: Poo Trap.

A “Duckface” montage for those who like mocking Bleeths.

HCwDB non-legend, Kettlehead, posts the classic iPhone Douchebag Self Portrait on his MySpace page.

My nomination for most underrated great comedy of the 1990s: Bill Murray’s brilliant “Quick Change”. “It’s bad luck just seeing a thing like that.”

More Quick Change genius: Whed-har-to?

Fat Chick Enters the Sandman.

Via Failblog, HCwDB legend Poo has a long lost twin sister, Princess Pooia. She was hidden so the Empire wouldn’t know of her affront to 19th Century minstrel shows.

And from a Star Wars reference, we come to the real crux of the situation. And it is this:

Cabana Pear.

Perfect, suckleable mounts of glutteous pristineous. Cabana Pear is not actually in a cabana. Or is it?

Mull this quantum question of the metaphysical, and rejoice. For the holiday weekend is here. And your humble narrator is drunk and lost in the rural.

# posted by douchebag1
12:54 pm July, 2 The Big LeBagski said...

More cabana pear please.

12:55 pm July, 2 Lämp said...

**clicks on**

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I Love Cabana Pear

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**clicks off**

1:02 pm July, 2 Sad Party Karaoke Robot said...

Oh my god, THIS is awesome

1:04 pm July, 2 Crucial Head said...

And then the camera panned

to the left.

1:07 pm July, 2 Crucial Head said...

Thanks for another good week, boss. You all have a safe and awesome weekend lighting shit on fiiiiyaaahh. I’m out of here for a few dayes but look forward to seeing all your comments and hopefully more pear next week.

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Peace and love.

.

Peace and love.

1:57 pm July, 2 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

What the blazes is Nancy Kerrigan doing with Princess Pooia? Some sort of dying wish thingy?

2:01 pm July, 2 tall guy said...

Agreed with Crucial Head: another totally readable and very viewable week. a much deserved thank you to all. Enjoy your holiday weekend everyone. I look forward to further douche mockery together with more salivating leers at pearage.

2:18 pm July, 2 massengill said...

Growing up, my friends and I LOVED Quick Change.

Flores…flores por los muertos. Los muertos!!!

2:47 pm July, 2 massengill said...

Hey baby! Up your butt with a coconut!

3:05 pm July, 2 DarkSock said...

Those cranes look familiar. That’s either Mobile bay or Miami. If there are tar balls then it’s Mobile. For now.

3:31 pm July, 2 Mr. Biggs said...

You dare bring up Quick Change and not bring up Flores para los Muertos?

Only thing wrong with Pool Cabana is the angle. And not enough photos.

3:39 pm July, 2 Mark it Eight, Douche said...

Is that chick in the pink hat Whitney Stevens?

4:28 pm July, 2 Anonymous said...

Where the fuck is Cindy Shehann?

Maybe she chained herself to the gates of one of Obammy’s Chicago mansions to protest his continued escalation in Iraq and Afghanistan.

Or maybe she can’t afford the bus fare because of socialist Obamanomics.

4:37 pm July, 2 doucheywallnuts said...

Cabana Pear has to get a better venue in which to tan.

4:44 pm July, 2 Ludacriss Axehandle McCockkwielder said...

@Anon 4:28pm

.

It’s alright dude, calm down. I sometimes make the same mistake when I try typing “FoxNewsForums” in my browser’s address bar and my fingers somehow enter “HotChickswithDouchebags.”

5:02 pm July, 2 Mr. Biggs said...

Top Gun meets punk rock meets MMA – how could a woman not swoon to that?

5:33 pm July, 2 soy bomb said...

I dunno…Kettlehead’s always been a full-blown legend in my mind.

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The guy is an absolute ass-clown.

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Have a great 3-day weekend everyone! Gonna go down to the pier and tag myself a ‘bag. That’s why America is great. That and Beach Bunny Hotties.

6:47 pm July, 2 notadouche said...

Silly DB1, Vermont >New Hampshire

8:06 pm July, 2 Jaques Doucheteau said...

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m starting to get bored of ass pear. How ’bout some tittays up in heah?!

8:07 pm July, 2 Jaques Doucheteau said...

Wait. Strike that. I’m totally down with ass pear again.

.

Whew!

8:10 pm July, 2 Jaques Doucheteau said...

Damnit. Now I gotta go feed the cats.

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And when I say “feed” I mean “violently throttle”.

.

And when I say “the cats” I mean “my penis”.

8:18 pm July, 2 Stephanie said...

Tar Balls

10:17 pm July, 2 Anonymous said...

Is the girl in the top photo Whitney Stevens?

Sure looks like it to me.

10:41 pm July, 2 August Derelict said...

Shoots, that is mos’ def’ Whitney Stevens. Could there be any doubt? I mean, it’s not like we didn’t ‘stablish that fact when the original picture was posted here…

.

.

Damnit. I get it now…

2:01 am July, 3 mr.reeve said...

Oh my Suelyn of pear. She is tanning near Long Beach. That ass is perfect. Enjoy and appreciate. I am hammered drunk so eat my arse if ya don’t know what I am talking about. More beer and more pear. Fuck off!

8:39 am July, 3 Wheezer said...

Do we really care

where to find Cabana Pear

As long as it’s there?

10:21 am July, 3 Steve L. said...

i can only hope that Cabana Pear will smite Princess Pooia with her righteous wrath.

10:22 am July, 3 Steve L. said...

it’s bad luck just seeing… douchebags and bleeths in general.

10:49 am July, 3 ObiChoad said...

Nice welcome to NH

12:46 pm July, 3 johnny dep douche said...

I shall have cabana pear digitally printed on My dinner plate.

3:00 pm July, 3 Mr. Biggs said...

Duckface montage was a bit too much shock for me … I had to stop at about 30 seconds in.

7:51 am July, 4 Guy LaDouche said...

Duckface is just growing evidence that the Greico virus has mutated and is now a quasi-homeopathic deformity passed on by osmosis. I fear the next stage of mutation would be at the genetic level….

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