Friday, July 23, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links

Today’s Friday Thoughts and Links pic comes to us all the way from New Zealand, reminding us that while douches are the same the world over, the Kiwi Hotts are delectable middle earth sunflowers.

Your humble narrator is hard at work as Season #3 of Is She Really Going Out With Him? gears up for production, and also on developing two new shows which will bring the HCwDB aesthetics of comedy to new places. And by places, I mean boobies.

Times is good. And HoHos are chocolatey.

Here’s your links:

HCwDB’s own Mr. Biggs has created an amazing new comic book which he’ll be promoting at ComicCon this weekend, Inferno 2010. Douchebag mocking will be well repesented, so kick your fellow ‘bag hunter some cash to help make his art project happen.

Corey Feldman. Still out there. All alone now.

I’ll take Things You Can’t Unsee for $500, Alex.

Eagle-eyed reader Robin discovers the important historical origins of the Douchebag Yankee Cap Tilt.

Ass if.

Douchebags on Facebook make the news.

Bros.

From the United Kingdom comes some “celebrity” I’ve never heard of who keeps getting sent to me as an example of a stage 4 Douchebaguette. Her name is Jordan Marsh or something. I’m pretty sure my mom bought a couch from her in Boston in 1983.

Hedonist Rick is into “The Rippin’ and the Tearin’.” (With eye gouging dance moves)

But you are not here for Hedonist Rick’s hyphy dance moves. You are here to celebrate your week of successful douchemock with Pear.

First up: Ass Pear: The Movie.

And if that don’t get ya goin’, I offer thee:

Double Pear.

For those hot summer days when one pear simply will not do.

# posted by douchebag1
12:52 pm July, 23 Lämp said...

**clicks on**

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.

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I Love Ass Pear Movies and Double Pear

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**clicks off**

1:02 pm July, 23 Deltus said...

Double Pear. It’s like two *click* two *click* two premature ejaculations in one!

1:04 pm July, 23 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I am truly amazed and astounded by Hedonism Rick. How can de do all those dance moves like that? He should really think about taking up dance as a profession, hell he probably already is a professional dancer. The only problem is that now I want to pour acid in my eyes and stab at them with little pointy objects. That still won’t take away the permanent damage its done to my soul. Such a short video, but everlasting pain and distress. Thanks.

1:11 pm July, 23 Mr. White said...

I’m almost loathe to admit it, but I’m the one who brought Hedonism Rick to DB1’s attention. If you want me to never do that again, please arrange for Medusa and Dicy to show up my home for some “aversion therapy.”

1:12 pm July, 23 the motley douche said...

I’d like to nominate Ass Pear: The Movie for a 2010 Douchie. Not sure an existing category fits, so there may be a reason to create the Most Inspiring Ass Pear award.

1:16 pm July, 23 OMFUG said...

Re Hedonism Rick: Cialis is a hellava drug!!

1:16 pm July, 23 Eliza Douchecoo said...

That’s cool Mr. White. I think it does us all a service to realize that people like that exist in real life. If for no other reason than to make fun of from a distance because what he has may be contagious.

1:18 pm July, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Please God, DB1, anyone, let me unsee that!

1:25 pm July, 23 Bagnonymous said...

What the hell is the Kiwi chick in this photo holding up on display? Is that her NuvaRing?

.

Put it back in! PUT IT THE F*CK BACK IN!!!

1:26 pm July, 23 Vin Douchal said...

If I didn’t know any better , Hedonism Rick” could have been an “In Living Color” skit with Damon Wayans and Jim Carrey

1:37 pm July, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Mr. White 1:11

I’m on it. Being forced to wear my panties like a ski mask while Dicy whips your ass with her bra and we chant, “Bad dog! No, No!” for a few hours oughta do the trick. then we can all have ice cream!

.

Hedonism Rick caused a sandstorm in my snatch. But Ass Pear: The Movie turned it into paradise falls. I’d carve every one of those hams with my schozz-dagger.

1:38 pm July, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Mr. Biggs–That’s my favorite book and I’d love to see your take on it. Info, please?

1:56 pm July, 23 Dicy said...

@Mr. White/Medusa

Sounds like a typical Friday night to me. Be right over!

But yeah, Hedo Rick was really really gross, I mean I thought your yellow submarine was gross, but no THIS is gross. I can’t believe you would do that to us, Mr White, bad bad dog!

But there was Movie Pear to make it all better. Mmmm movie pear.

2:00 pm July, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Even if Mr. White hadn’t committed his own sin against nature with his Mr. Hedo link, there were others who sent in a link, too.

Things that horrible just can’t be ignored easily.

2:07 pm July, 23 marsh said...

Marsh 🙂

[URL=http://img189.imageshack.us/i/jodiemarshpics17.jpg/][IMG]http://img189.imageshack.us/img189/511/jodiemarshpics17.jpg[/IMG][/URL]

2:09 pm July, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ass pear was well worth the wait after a long week of mocking, thanks DB1!!!

.

As for “things you can’t unsee” reminds me of this black dude who hung out at a popular bar in Boston called Daisy Buchanans the late 80’s early to mid 90’s working the same theme, not in tights though, as this old bag. He was there all the time standing at the bar. It was a small place so you couldn’t miss him. Very disturbing.

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As for Jordan Marsh I’ve never seen or heard of her there is however there is Katie Price aka Jordan who is a so called “celeb” in the UK with “stolen sex tape” and douche husband.

2:12 pm July, 23 Mr. Biggs said...

Medusa –

Simple concept really. New characters, new conflicts, same torments. I think the true power of the original is kinda doused in the obscurity of 13th century Italian politics. So if we have the same timeless landscape, except with people we know from our time, Dante’s insights will be better understood. And the story would be much more immediate.

Our main site is at inferno2010.com, but db1’s main link can get you all the details.

Ok gotta hit the con now.

2:14 pm July, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

@ Medussa & Dicy

You two crack me up, anyway have a great weekend everyone it was fun mocking with you this week now it’s time to brave the 100 degree weather and head out to Happy Hour.

2:28 pm July, 23 Doucherama said...

what does Mr. Hedo mean when he says “the ripping and tearing”?

2:29 pm July, 23 Doucherama said...

And I ask that with some trepidation …not to mention nausea at the possibilities

2:31 pm July, 23 Douchble Helix said...

This person reminds me of Jordan Marsh:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/07/16/barely-dressed-niurka-mar_n_649121.html

2:47 pm July, 23 mr.reeve said...

My Lord! The Pear makes up for Speedo Rick dancing like a stripper. If I was there I would have made it rain pee all over that fucktard!

Ass Pear the movie was awesome. Watched 4 times already. The weekend is off to a great start.

2:50 pm July, 23 mr.reeve said...

And thank you DB1 & Mr. White. In your own different ways you have made my day.

2:53 pm July, 23 mr.reeve said...

Forgot about the Things unseen, what is that? It looks like an apple in his tights. Which part was the beans and where’s the frank? Oh forget it.

2:59 pm July, 23 massengill said...

Among the many things I learned from the “Bros” pic is that Italians and Japanese people can get along in a non-Axis powers situation and that a can of Diet Mountain Dew makes even Mr. Clean look like pretty wimpy.

3:13 pm July, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Kiwi hawt, threatened by three nazdoûche.

Nazdoûche were they, the Hardy-wraiths, the Tapout, the Enemy’s most terrible servants; darkness went with them, and they cried with the voices of Axe.

Too much ass pear. Yes, you read that right. I didn’t even make it to my bunk. How sad is that?

3:24 pm July, 23 tall guy said...

Very nice end of week post, DB1. Australians and New Zealanders have an historical sporting rivalry based on mock. My favourite Kiwi putdown is: New Zealand: where the men are men are the sheep are nervous.

English “Jordon” was married to Peter Andre, who is, possibly, one of Australia’s most shameful examples of exported douche. Loved the movie, especially the first bit of arse. Sadly, Kate Perry’s “Hot and Cold” is used to soundtrack a very douche cooking TV program shown on Australian TV. Otherwise, it’s all good. Enjoy you weekend, douchebag hunters. It appears you are having excellent summer weather. What’s also clear is the awakening of several unseen strains of douche from their winter hibernation.

4:52 pm July, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

You may as well add Hedonist Rick to “Things You Can’t Unsee.” Mine eyes are still uvulating to the sound of a vuvuzela.

4:58 pm July, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

“Things You Can’t Unsee” reminds me of the fellow who used to live across the street and a few houses up from us. Every Sunday morning he’d get out the hose and wash his car on the street, wearing next to nothing and plenty of bulge, going so far as to letting it hang out. My wife would always schedule her dog walking then and come back and grinningly report to me what she saw. I knew I’d never “unsee” it if I looked, but I did anyway. Sorry it was before the age of cell-phone cameras…

5:14 pm July, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

That must be a sponge bobber in “Things You Can’t Unsee” s square pants. Er, uh, um, tighty-tights.

5:16 pm July, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Ass Pear links beget more ass pear links which beget more and more…ass pears. What is this a Ponzi Pear scheme?

5:54 pm July, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Mr. White.

.

.

.

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I don’t usually hate people…but.

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.

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I hate you.

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Please explain how you find things like that. Were you looking up “He done jism” and got redirected?

8:38 pm July, 23 creature said...

ass pear movie=el burro es hambre

9:01 pm July, 23 Ed Hardouche said...

I am going to be “Rippin and a tearin'” my eyeballs out after cleanse with tequila. Thanks DB for the nightmares.

9:52 pm July, 23 Steve L. said...

oh yeah. hot summer days, lots of ass pears, and… Hedonism Rick.

… do you realize what you’ve done to what could have been the greatest Friday T&L, Mr. White?

yes, of course you do.

11:07 pm July, 23 Sir David Douchenborough said...

I am not going to lie, I vomited in my mouth…..twice.

Hedo Rick, Creepy Leprechaun Guy and HIs Dropped Lucky Charms, and I think I got a wee bit nauseous from that sensory overload that was Feldman’s Suit made out of old NBC Logo posters or Polkaroo on acid. Take your pick.

11:32 pm July, 23 Wheezer said...

@Mr. White, 1:11 p.m. –

.

Hey, no problem on the “Hedo Rick” stuff – he needed to be brought here for the mocking he truly deserves. Not only did he borrow Kevin Nealon’s vocal mannerisms, but those moves were vomit-inducing. And hell, I admitted to last week’s “Mantyhose” thing, sooooo…..

.

.

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Then again, I made up for it with this week’s ass pear treats. Yes, both of them. I am awesome.

8:39 am July, 24 mr.reeve said...

High speed pear the movie.

10:41 am July, 24 Wheezer said...

@Mr. Reeve, 8:39 a.m. –

.

If I could move me hand that fast, I’d watch that clip on ‘repeat’ and never leave the house.

10:41 am July, 24 Wheezer said...

“…..my* hand…..”

10:49 am July, 24 Mr. White said...

@Scrotato Head

I was actually searching for the latest hermaphrodite amputee porn, and the search engine recommended Hedonism Rick as something I might also enjoy.

11:38 am July, 24 Al Anon said...

Love is:

Never having to tell a hermaphrodite amputee you’re sorry

1:47 pm July, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Mr. White^

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Why didn’t you say so? Try http://www.skippythehappyheshe.com

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@the Boss^

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Congrats on all the projects. Can’t wait for season 3. I’m wondering though if your new ventures are going to write themselves? Haven’t seen anything in the e-mail in-box…I’m sure you’ve just been really busy.

2:26 pm July, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Mr. Biggs,

.

Good luck with project. The artwork looks solid and it is a great story. Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle did their old take on the classic with Mussolini as Virgil and possessed classic Corvettes among the tormentors.

.

It’s a timeless tale many can relate to.

3:19 pm July, 24 Doucheland Uber Alles said...

Link #8, Jordan Marsh, is really a pic taken 40 years ago of House of Representatives Speaker Nancy Pelosi. She was dying to get into one of the San Francisco gay bathhouses so she got her gay neighbor Bruce to escort her as her beard or whatever while she was on her taxpayer-funded fag-hag inspection tour.

I mean c’mon – racoon eyes, unnaturally shiny skin, deer-in-the-headlights stare, vapid smile – that’s her all right.

3:47 pm July, 24 Toaster said...

first time poster long time reader

well done NZ on getting a post, though the douche factor is very low by NZ standards. they are just average Joes. check out NZ’s ed hardy site and ALL the kiwi celebs are on it.

funnily enough kiwi chick may be an acquaintance.

Cambridge University held its annual HCwDB comp

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fcambridgetab.co.uk%2Fmain-feature%2Ffit-college-final-fittest-college-2009-10%2F&h=5f019

3:09 am July, 25 Mad o'Douchivan said...

The pear movie are the American Apparel Bottom of the Year winners. I immediately spotted some of my favourites which made me all warm inside… amongst other things.

Those lovely bums and the double pear (which was just a single pear, but with the enticing promise that strict mistress Emily might just relent and show you hers if you behaved), just about made up for the eye-gore fest that was Rick.

Please lock him up somewhere where his bum is actually appreciated. By the looks of it, it will be a mutually beneficial arrangement.

11:33 am July, 25 DarkSock said...

It’s a pooper cornucopia! A cornhole-poop-you-la!

3:06 am July, 27 Samir Handanovic said...

I think that guy in the tie is eyeing up the guy in the hat’s package.

3:12 am July, 27 Diego Benaglio said...

^^

Agree with Samir.

8:32 pm July, 27 Rags Saxena said...

Samir is an idiot, These guys are sexy, they dont even look that douchy.

11:23 pm July, 27 Samir Handanovic said...

I only speak the truth my friend.

11:25 pm July, 27 BlaBla said...

She has a black eye, so shes obviously also a douche 🙂

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