Friday, July 30, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links

If there’s one thing Ted knows, it’s that, whether you have abs or not, no time is the wrong time for ab reveal.

Your humble narrator finds himself once again in New York, staring at the quality urbane Cityhotts in minidresses. This follows the classic formula that works like so:

Winter Climate City + Dense Urban Population + Global Warming + late July + Excessive Humidity = Ubersexy Minidress Boobie and Leg Reveal.

And betwixt their swishy thighs as they walk to the subway lies an endless hope of dreamland opportunity and alternate lives well lived in service of the imagination of possibility and dreamscape humpty hump.

Here’s your links:

Lets take a moment and welcome the latest sponsor of HCwDB, Sportsbook Review. Any of you online gamers who read the site, check it out. Remember, frequenting HCwDB’s sponsors helps keep the site going.

If corporations can be people according to the Supreme Court, then cars can be douchebags according to HCwDB.

Rick Pitinobag. Because raping the Celtics in the 1990s wasn’t enough satisfaction.

Epic Duckface.

Katy Perry and Russell Brand continue their push for a 2010 Celebrity HCwDB of the Year Douchie Award.

Pro hockey player Paul Bissonnette of the Phoenix Coyotes lets out his inner Vegas ‘Bag.

From way back in 2006, Howard Stern and Spike created a montage of one of the tastiest Ass Pears to ever fall off the Pear Tree.

Douchebaguette Cam.

President Obama: What is a ‘Snooki’?. As much good as I feel that I’ve done fighting the douchebag plague here at HCwDB, I face a lifetime of penance for giving the world Snooki.

Even the Legos are turning into douchebags.

Okay, that’s enough links for a Friday. You know what time it is. It’s time for Pear:

Porch Pear.

Enjoy. Gnaw. And in the immortal words of both Kool, but not his Gang: Yaah Heeww. Or was that the Gang, and not Kool? It’s Friday. Be sure to sow your wild Oates.

# posted by douchebag1
1:02 pm July, 30 Lämp said...

**clicks on**

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.

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I Love Porch Pear… and Porch Beef

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**clicks off**

1:06 pm July, 30 Crucial Head said...

I’m not a gambling man, but once I figure out the last number to DarkSock’s savings account, I’ll be right over to Sportsbook Review.

1:15 pm July, 30 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Two things I never, ever expected to read in one paragraph: “SmartCar” and “performance goodies”.

1:16 pm July, 30 Fatness said...

Porch pear is delicious.

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And thank you for reminding me why I don’t watch MTV.

1:20 pm July, 30 Musicman said...

1:22 pm July, 30 douche bagel said...

douchebaguette cam…

i achieved 2 things from watching that video

1 was a drop in IQ

the other was a boner

1:30 pm July, 30 jonezy said...

.

One thing comes to mind when I see that Oates pic:

.

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“Just let your SOOOOOOUUUUUL Gloooo!!!”

1:35 pm July, 30 douche bagel said...

ed cardy in mass production, snooki on the stockmarket, pres on the view…what the fuck is happening

1:39 pm July, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I’m getting drunk and freebasing the new mansion with the Mrs. and the kids while the end of days arrives this weekend. Thank you for your kind donations and prayers.

1:42 pm July, 30 The Know said...

At what point did the boss have a “What have I done?” moment when Snooki came lurking out of the shadows?

1:44 pm July, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ok now we’re talking, Kyra Argentinian pear was awesome!!!, Latin women are sexy as hell!!!.

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Porch Pear was nice too

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Hockey bag/fag was disturbing as was douchebaggette cam.

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Don Ed Hardy + Christian Audigier = corporate, sell out, greed at its worst.

1:46 pm July, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

DB1, what was that last pic of Babba Booey, from the Stern show, for?

1:51 pm July, 30 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Dreamscape humpty-hump…..

Well-spoken, DB1, well-spoken….and far more pleasant to conjure than its territorial twin, pooscape dumpty-dump.

2:01 pm July, 30 Fa Fa Fo-Hi said...

@Et Tu Douche?,

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It’s because I’m only the second smartest guy on the show…

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… get the poison out!

2:02 pm July, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Alright! Early day today as we take off to beat the shitty Friday L.A. traffic and head out to Get Drunk And Be Somebody at the Toby Keith concert tonight at the awesome Gibson Ampitheater.

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Say what you will but I have everyone of his cd’s and am a Warrior in good standing of the TK Fan Club.

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Once, I saw Willie Nelson after a Toby Keith show in Vegas. I was headed up the escalator to Toby’s restaurant and Willie was coming the other way. I was wearing an “OU” hat and Willie says’ “Nice hat.”

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So I tossed it to him. He’s holding it at the bottom of the escalator calling me back down so I go down to him..

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First of all, let me say, I know he’s 75 years old , but that was one unkempt hillbilly. His denim shirt was filthy with grease and food stains and he smelled like the mouth of hell. His assistant handed him a Sharpie and he signed the bill, “Peace, Willie Nelson”.

.

Cool, huh?

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Anyway, some fat guy was watching the whole thing and he offered me $100 for the hat. I countered $200. He returned, $150.

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So the deal ended up $150 and a cigar. Win-win

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This video looks like Terry Gilliam got high with Willie and Toby:

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2:15 pm July, 30 Wedgie said...

How’d you get Taylor Swift to drop her shorts?

2:26 pm July, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

Girl in daisy dukes with thick thighs and cowboy boots is Hott, Douche/Clown with swim trunks under his Capri’s is just wrong. I did that when I was 10 but at least I was wearing jeans.

2:37 pm July, 30 Douchble Helix said...

Kyra’s video was the fastest 4:59 of my life.

3:14 pm July, 30 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

To the dude in the photo: You need to talk to Brodie. If you’re going to show off your abs you really should have more than one.

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Outstanding week of mock. Hope your weekends will all be better than what’s planned for me. Yours truly gets to move his brother-in-law and his live-in for the 4th f*cking time in two years. Good thing the liquor store is on the way home. Bad thing they’re all state run. Fresca is not a California Vodka dumb asses!

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Stay out of the sun.

3:38 pm July, 30 horncusker said...

WTF? She has MAN HANDS…ick

4:05 pm July, 30 tall guy said...

re. The ab-reveal (along with the groin shave reveal): in the whole gamut of douche behaviour is there a more stratospherically annoying and hate inducing gesture than these two moves? Maybe performing poodles or French street mimes could outdo them, but no, they aren’t remotely as frightful as performing douches. Every ab/groin revealing photo I’ve seen consists of three facial expressions: a publicity-shot smile (for their Facebook page); a smouldering blue-steel look; and a “Duh, whatever”, that has to make do for all other emotional eventualities. As actors, most of them couldn’t walk through a door believably…

4:24 pm July, 30 Anonymous said...

Obama, a few other phrases you don’t seem to understand.

Listen closely asshole:

“economic recovery”

“national debt”

“troop withdrawal”

4:41 pm July, 30 Memphis Bleeth said...

The Daisy Dukes chick should be on smokinghotchickswithfuckingidiots.com. He’s really not even that douchey he’s just stupid.. showing non-exsisting abs. He needs to take douche clasees, because he’s doing it WRONG.

4:49 pm July, 30 doucheywallnuts said...

Regarding the ass montage, I have been in a masterbatory frenzy and am quite dizzy.

5:20 pm July, 30 massengill said...

It’s too bad for the Barbie ‘baguette that tits are brains. If they were she might be able to discern talking and writing.

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I think the tatooed Legos are fucking badass. I wish I had them for my pirate sets when I was younger.

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RUSSELL BRAND IS NOT THAT FUNNY. Katy is no Zooey.

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The guys in my company’s shipping department gave me their latest gift from the supply company, Uline: A compact disc of Hall & Oates’s greatest hits. Live. I know, I know. I will burn you all a copy if you’d like.

5:21 pm July, 30 massengill said...

that’ is supposed to say “tits aren’t brains.”

5:39 pm July, 30 clam fist said...

Porch pear makes my porch beef turgid

5:41 pm July, 30 clam fist said...

Daryl Hall is a musical genius.

5:42 pm July, 30 Deltus said...

Keyra Pear made me want to go upstairs and slap my wife.

5:43 pm July, 30 clam fist said...

I respect John Oates for his awesome 80’s mustache.

6:31 pm July, 30 clam fist said...

I respect Buffalo Beast for his ability to enter and exit a hammock gracefully.

8:37 pm July, 30 Douchelips said...

That is truly hilarious. Let’s end it early and just give Perry and Brand the Celebrity Douchie Award right now.

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HCwDB sees the hockey player simply for what he is, douchebag. While the debate rages in the NHL whether or not he’s gay.

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Thank the lord for the pear tree!

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Doucebagette cam cannot be for real?! (Can it?)

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Porch pear is perfect

8:39 pm July, 30 Steve L. said...

what’s the difference between bleethy Douchebaguette cam and tasty Keyra ass pear video?

… i’m not good at sorting out these nuances, goddamnit.

but OMG KEYRA ASS PEAR DROOL DROOL SLOBBER SLOBBER KHDFBKW&^*@&$YFEHJR*$@Y~

9:27 pm July, 30 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Apparently Epic Duckface girl didn’t believe her mom when she told her if she kept making that face it was going to freeze like that.

10:14 pm July, 30 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

It was nice to hear about Snooki of Jersey Shore being arrested today for disorderly conduct., which is what they all do anyway on that show.

Ted here is posing as if he is about to do an ab-flesh roll, a throwback to sea-creatures undulating their fleshy boneless bodies, which proves just how primitive he is.

Thera in the cowgirl boots has truly some of the hottest thighs this side of the Rockies. You get to guess which side. A nice little ass pear and wasp waist make her top gun…er, make him gun….uh, make the mark…ummmm….Maker’s Mark.

‘I’m outta here.

10:47 pm July, 30 Wheezer said...

Daisy Dukes, Keyra, and Porch Pear…..my my my…..

.

Once again, I face a Friday night pitching a tent while sleeping….. 😀

11:56 pm July, 30 Donnie Carmelo said...

Brother and sister demonstrate their net worth.

12:23 am July, 31 Baleen said...

While watching the ass video, my cockk had a gran mal siezure, a series of small strokes and a ruptured testicle. That ass literally commands your attention, will power, and lotion preferences.

1:06 am July, 31 Baron Von Goolo said...

Boss –

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This responsibility you keep taking for Snooki…explain please.

1:13 am July, 31 Baron Von Goolo said...

ah – the link. I see now.

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You couldn’t have known. No jury would convict you.

3:42 am July, 31 The Dude said...

@Ted in the pic — pull your pants up, you look like a fuckking idiot!

8:18 am July, 31 Wheezer said...

My hope is that Daisy Duke hott in the top pic decides to do some ass pear modeling.

.

Oh yeah.

3:50 pm July, 31 Medusa Oblongata said...

I can only address one thing this week, and it’s Douchebaguette Cam. Seriously. I have not been this enraged since they canceled The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. For the love of God, never let me meet this girl face to face. For I will embed a crowbar in her skull, then drag her over cobblestone streets for miles until her limbs break off.

.

And I mean that.

4:03 pm July, 31 Wheezer said...

Snooki News!!!!!

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OH JOY

5:18 pm July, 31 Stephanie said...

Ted,put your shirt back down, no abs,that we need to see. And pull your pants up…you look like 10 million other idiots this summer…yawn.

8:16 pm July, 31 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Was this idiot in the photo trying to show off his new underwear he got from Audiger’s “St. Tropez Shop” on a side street in Miami or something? It looks like he is yearning to get down to the beach show off his new fashion tips from the gay the French waiter he talked up when he was handing in his resume as a dishwasher for the Provence Grill.

8:41 pm July, 31 Sir David Douchenborough said...

By the way, that link with Paul Bissonnbag is from Zack Taylor. He has been trying to become the Canadian Perez Hilton, and he is failing hard. Ergo, autodouche.

11:03 pm July, 31 Baleen said...

Ted here is pimpin skanks in a Best Buy parking lot. Mad skillz, Ted.

11:29 am August, 1 Anonymous said...

She looks like Raven Riley

3:59 pm August, 1 Wheezer said...

Raven Riley ass pear (sort of)

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