Monday, July 12, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

This is a quality smackdown. Three supreme all beef patty choices. You know the drill. Bring it. Here’s your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #1: The Frogger and Leanne, aka Lily Pad Hott

About time we get some Kid Rock classic Southern Douchebag all up in this bisquit.

Froggy is classic roadkill chum.

Elvis glasses, hat tilt and ‘tude.

And lets not forget, The Frogger’s Lily Pad Pear Grab (aka “the day the music died”).

The opposition between quality female form and truck runover worthy Bawdiggaba da douchey douchey douchey is strong with this one.

But strong enough to be award winning shoe scrape?

Southern Kid Rock Trashbag types have rarely won a Weekly.

Could this be the tide turn? And by tide turn, I mean Lily’s lickable wallpaper?

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Tang and Shoshanna

Strange mutant camera angle that shrinks The Tang’s legs into stumpy twigs is complimented by a second pic of The Tang in which The Tang may or may not actually be The Tang.

This is just all sorts of weirdness.

For The Tang is not just spikey haired orangedouche. He’s also an important technological innovation.

You see, the Tang was famously invented by NASA in the 1970s to insure that astronauts wouldn’t fear death in the case of emergency. If the Shuttle was in trouble, all the astronauts had to do was realize that The Tang existed, and life would seem meaningless and death a welcome release.

And there’s two pics of sweet wholesome Polly Purebread boobie gnaw in the form of sorority pledging Shoshanna.

The dialectic is strong with this pairing. But enough to win the Weekly? What about:

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Mountinis and Kimberly

Bringing deep shame to Canada, the atrocious Mountinis continued to mug Kimberly until they gave up and went for Appletinis.

Add up the douchetributes:

Greased widow peak hair on Mountini Fred.

Roided up orangebag status.

And poor Kimberly. All she wanted to do was find a decent boy to make out with in the greater Trois-Rivières area.

(Dis)honorable mention to Boris, who brought Suzie’s perfect boobage but a bit too ironic dressup to make the Weekly, the creepy goth douche of Nick Preps for Brain Surgery, and the hotness of Paid to Pose Lisa who got snagged by The Spike Brothers.

But them’s your three HCwDB finalists, and all three are quality. Which will rise to the top (bottom) and earn our first slot in the next HCwDB of the Month?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

EDIT: And while you’re voting, take a moment to remember the unique voice and brilliance of Harvey Pekar.

# posted by douchebag1
7:12 am July, 12 saulgoode42 said...

Has to be The Mountinis – who else looks like they could kick your ass, and then polish it and put a little doilie on it afterwards to serve you breakfast and beg your forgiveness? Such is the clash in these ambi-sextrous dudes.

7:15 am July, 12 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

Even though The Tang makes me want to set defenseless woodland creatures on fire, and I would leap all over Lily Pad Hott, my vote must be for The Mountinis. They are, by all accounts, a perfect visual representation of the Greico virus.In the beginning there was probably only one Mountini, but because the other two “bro’s” were constantly exposed to the atrocity of the fauxhawk and tribal tatts, they are now infected.

Don’t worry, Kimberly, I’ll rescue you. And then serenade you with ancient Hawaiian lovesongs on my ukelele.

7:16 am July, 12 Bag Margera said...

While froggy is your classic winner(loser), my vote goes to Mountinis. Whether it’s Edmonton, Niagra, or the Trois-Rivières area, these poonises bring shame to my already G-20 shamed country.

7:21 am July, 12 The 'Bag Piper fae Edinburgh said...

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

SHOSHANNA FOR HALL OF HOTT!!

7:24 am July, 12 boatbutter said...

Tang. Mainly because of his stubby little midget legs. Shoshanna must’ve taken his femurs and stuffed them in her boobs. Which appear unmanageably huge. And awesome.

7:28 am July, 12 aceydouchey said...

Egads! What’s with the angle of Tang’s pic?? He looks like one of those disturbingly distorted “Lance in my pants” cracker photos. Come to think of it, he’d probably like to have Lance in his pants.

7:30 am July, 12 Anonymous said...

The Mountinis FTW. His hair is one of the most stupid arrangements I have seen in some time.

7:37 am July, 12 The Dude said...

I cast my vote for Tang, because Shoshanna has two of my favorite boobs!

7:46 am July, 12 Colossus of Choads said...

Mountinis (duh)

7:46 am July, 12 justadouchalo said...

In my dreams, just out of the frame to the left is a runaway BFI trash truck an instant before it smears the Mountinis into a giant puddle of goo. Forensic experts will have to use this photo and shreds of their idiotic tattoos to return the fetid remains to their largely indifferent families. Sadly, they will never know they won the coveted HCwDB weekly.

And Shoshanna, I’ll see you back at the dorm after Econ 101.

7:47 am July, 12 ElderDouch said...

My vote goes to The Tang and Shoshanna

Shoshanna is HOT!!!

and her grandfather is NOT

7:56 am July, 12 Douchelips said...

I have to swim against the tide and vote for The Frogger Lily Pad Hott. She is all sorts of greased up water pond delicious. Lithe and smooth, ready to shimmy over to my side of the pond for some slime wrestling.

The Frogger on the other hand has watched too may Kid Rock videos and obviously thinks that’s what passes for cool. Nobody wants to be your “homie” Frogger. Now take that wife-beater, athletic pants, ironic glasses and hat-tilt out out to the cow pasture and pick up the dung. Becuase that’s where you belong.

While the Tang is certainly a douchebag, he is not redneck rage inspiring like Frogger. He only half-tries with faux hawk and Hardy-esq t-shirts. Shoshanna is not as hot as people think. Just a run of the mill sorority pledge from Vassar who fully plans on living off mommy and daddy until she can set up her hair and nails place in upstate New York.

The Mountinis bring a strong odor of doche, but like primped peakcocks the originality is lacking. Tatts and sucky-ass hairdoos are weak and if Kimberly is the hottest hott they can find, their game is D level at best. (D is for douchebag.)

So take it home for us Frogger and get skippin’ on the lilly pad. I’m going to steal your hott and leave you to be electrocuted by lizards and a weasel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UkuWyL9748U

8:01 am July, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down. Tang crashes silently like a thin trunked maple in the forest.

8:07 am July, 12 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Gotta go with Shoshanna, trailer trash Lily Pad and Kimberly don’t add up to a HC, they may be with DB’s but that’s only half of the equation.

8:12 am July, 12 Deltus said...

All three bring strong douche traits to the table, but the Mountinis bring it the strongest. However, I have to vote with the greatest contrast of choadwank versus hott, and that’s Tang and Shoshanna. We have roided up tattbag, age inappropriateness, and Shoshanna is all kinds of innocent looking super built uber hottness omigod fap fap fap fap fap.

Tang and Shoshanna FTW.

8:14 am July, 12 Anthony LaBaglia said...

This is easy. Leanne is a coupla shelves higher than these other two. I love the way she’s ever-so-subtly rolling that string bottom down her hip. She looks so cool, and self-aware.

Maybe it’s because she finally got a pic with Skweezy Jibbs- Skweezy was PTP I’m sure

I’d love to buttfuck her.

Is 11:14 to soon to have a Modelo?

8:15 am July, 12 Anthony LaBaglia said...

That means Froggy and Long Limbs Leanne FTW

8:25 am July, 12 smackdouche said...

The Tang and Shoshanna

With a win, Tang will show that childhood polio hasn’t kept him from being a winner–and a douche.

8:27 am July, 12 angrypirate said...

It has to be Tang, for his comedy Daffy-Duck legs and Shoshanna’s awesome boobage. Tang FTW

8:30 am July, 12 Blake said...

The Tang and Shoshanna

8:36 am July, 12 creature said...

Shoshanna & scrumptiously round boobies decide this one, her rack could be my earmuffs in Antartica… Tang is the hole in the ozone ftw

8:39 am July, 12 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Mountinis for the win.

The larger, douchier (if that’s possible) version of Squiggy from LaVerne and Shirley put it over the edge for me?

His hair looks like the top of my sister’s doll’s head after she pulled most of it out, and wtf is that little squiggle of hair? Alfalfa, Squiggy, Mary Gross from SNL…it is the antithesis of cool.

And he is the antithesis of heterosexual–he’s hoping his bro will strike out, so later, after the Appletinis he can say, “C’mon bro, you don’t have to do anything to me, just let me suck it…”

8:39 am July, 12 Doucherama said...

Mountinis.

They’re all wrong.

8:43 am July, 12 End the Haberdouchery said...

The Tang. Only an asshole like this guy would hire Yao Ming to be his photographer. Although it is kinda funny when you have to pay your tab and Yao says “Can I write check?”

8:43 am July, 12 mr.reeve said...

Shoshanna and Lily Pad are hotter than Kimberly but the Mountinis are just too much douche and Axe for me to pass up. Girly martinis, roids, fucked up hair and bad cloths are how the Mountinis roll with a Canadian twist. What a Canadian twist is I do not know, but Canada is our neighbor and it appears the douche flu lives there as well. Sorry Canada.

8:44 am July, 12 F. said...

Jeez… this is totally down the dogs.

All of them have medicorish hotts and their douchyness is still below the average sports scholarship. This week must have been really low on quality douche.

I VOTE NONE!!

8:44 am July, 12 MoeDouche said...

Tang & Shoshanna…Frogger has a puffed up stripper as his accompanying ‘HOT” and that counts as a double negative for me. Shoshanna on the other hand is just too innocent to know that a midget & a DB are her dates for the day, all in one package!

8:45 am July, 12 mr.reeve said...

Whoops, The Mountinis and Kimberly FTW

8:46 am July, 12 Doucheasaurus Rex said...

Froggy and LeAnn. Try in vain as I may, i would always inevitably lose if the game was called Hot chicks with Froggers. I want to seem him squished

9:00 am July, 12 Bob the Bag Hunter said...

I say Mountinis FTW even though they may have bi or gay tendencies.

9:06 am July, 12 Bag Margera said...

I’d also just like to say that I’m appalled by the fact that brain surgery nick is not up for voting. He puts all these guys to shame with his mongolian/lobotomy head, and his perfect, perfect hott.

9:09 am July, 12 Ted said...

The hott power of Leanne puts the Frogger over the top. Frogger might actually be a fakey pretender in pure costume bagginess, but Leanne causes me to forget all this and… I’m sorry, what was I saying? I lost my train of thought.

9:09 am July, 12 Doucheanon said...

Is there a website where we can see more of Dicy?

9:13 am July, 12 Tony Ventresca said...

Although the Mountinis make me embarassed to be a Crazy Canuck, their uber-doucheness is so strong that it is causing passersbys in the background to stare and laugh in amusement at this vignette of horror. I’m assuming this photo was taken somewhere in Quebec. If it was Alberta – our other totally useless province – these douches would be in cowboy hats.

.

PS: Full marks to Lily Pad Hott for being so smooth, shiny, and loaded with sin (thank you, Raymond Chander).

9:18 am July, 12 Paul Muad'douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach said...

OK, let’s just for the moment forget about how wonderfully perfect Leanne is, and concentrate on the douche signifyers of the Frogger. Jeebus, people, he’s got track suit pants, a wife beater, orange aviators and a red and white polka dotted hat with oversized bill. Really? And just a minority of us posting here find this Weekly-worthy douchery? Hell, I haven’t even spent any time thinking about the “Todd from Beavis and Butthead” mustache, and I already want to run over this chump with a steamroller. And back up to do it again.

OK, now, we can return to Leanne, who is a bit oily, a bit bleethy, quite possibly paid to pose, and yet she is homemade chocolate chip cookies fresh out of grandma’s oven delicious. It’s absolutely infuriating to see her, thumb strategically hooked upon the string of her bikini bottom, looking like the Etruscan goddess of temptation, yet with an arm wrapped around a mostly human version of something I’d scrape off the bottom of my shoe after a day spent wandering the parking lot at a gun show in some hellhole deep in Alabama where the locals are unemployed, incomprehensible, and probably not all that specific about the species with which they make sexy time. If there’s any justice in this universe, the Frogger will perish in a meth lab fire, and soon, and Leanne will move north of the Mason-Dixon line, or at least to a place where Deliverance is thought of as a work of fiction and not a documentary. If the universe is benign, she will seek me out, and I can teach her all about things she has yet to experience from her home town, such as art, the printed word, and food that wasn’t killed running across a highway.

Frogger and Lily Pad Leanne for the weekly.

9:21 am July, 12 dbBen said...

The Tang and Shoshanna

.

She smiles now, but she won’t be smiling once she finds out that Insurance Fraud is a felony.

9:34 am July, 12 Dicy said...

Hmm. While the Tang is all that is wrong and the world and Shoshana is all that is right in the world.. I do have a personal vendetta against Kid Rock trashy douches so its gotta be Frogger, he’s the kind of taint that makes my blood boil and even more so for being so close to a lovely lily pad!

9:36 am July, 12 Guns-N-Douches said...

Not the best pickin’s this week..,.

Froggy shouldn’t even be in this contest. He’s just a dipshit who happened upon a bikini brunette. NOthing exceptionally douchey about him.

The moutinis are as douchey as they come, but Kimberlee (that’s how she spells it, I bet) just ain’t that hot of a hott. The Moutinis are douche x 3, but minus a lot for lack of hott.

That brings us to Tang and Shoshannah… Tanger brings a much douche as any of the Moutinis… he’s got the picked-some-flash-off-the-wall ink, the almost Khan-ish chest reveal and his orangy glow screams melanoma in his future. Step away from the tanning bed fucker… those things will kill you. As for Shoshanna. She’s the hawtest hott by a long shot. Tank and Sooshawna FTW.

9:37 am July, 12 Et Tu Douche? said...

Right off the bat Tang & Shoshanna are eliminated as she is posing with 2 different guys, while she is very juggalicious the skirt hiked up to her navel is disturbing. the 2 “Tangs” are run of the mill poo who elicit a mere chuckle upon being sighted. On to Frogger & Lilypad Hott, this dynamic puo causes me extreme internal rage because I’ve seen this time and again where chicks like her are attracted to garbage like him. He’s in the back of the restaurant washing dishs, per his parole obligation, while she’s out front serving customers food & drinks garnering great tips because of her physical traits. I can see her giving him rides home after their shifts as he doesn’t have a car. I’m willing to bet that as long as it’s not interfering with him “kicking it with his homies, chugging 40’s and playing Xbox at the crib” that when they go out she picks up the tab for his drinks & meals. She gives him money for bus fare when he’s not bumming a ride of off her and “loans” him a “fiddy” that he claims he’ll pay back at end of next week to buy his weekly bag of schwag weed. The icing on the cake is he gets to bone the shit out of her. If you’ve ever have worked in a bar or restaurant you’ll know what I’m talking about. These two don’t correlate to the HCWDB ethos they are merely a plague/blight that has long infested back of house bar/restaurant culture. They are not deserved of a win this week or any week in my book

The Mountinis & Kimberly FTW. Kimberly is Hott in the non-slutty way with her curvaicious legs & bum I bet she’s very enthusiastic in the art of guilt free fornicating which, Canadian girls like their European sisters, take very serious and more importantly enjoy on a regular basis. The Mountinis encapsulate all that is D-Baggery and earn the win with classic/clowny DB signifiers, narcissistic attitudes and lack of individuality. These clowns are what this forum was founded on. They deservedly are worthy of our mock and out votes for we must adhere to the founding principles put forth by the founder of this forum.

9:47 am July, 12 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Tang and Shoshanna ftw. I’m using this photo as the main argument of my senior thesis that states the deeper the V the shorter the legs, and the douchier the brochacho. I expect a C-, but that’s ok, C’s get degrees!

She’s all kinds of bouncy goodness…and that’s always appreciated.

9:48 am July, 12 Douchè said...

Shoshanna poses with everyone (I’m convinced that other guy is not the same), rendering the Tang no threat to anyone.

Froggy was very close, but the second picture (sharing fruity beverages) definitely puts the Mountinis over the top

It must be the Mountinis.

9:54 am July, 12 melvil duchi said...

The Mountinis and Kimberly

Kimberly in lemon

The Mountinis is poo

10:13 am July, 12 Mr. White said...

I’m going with Frogger and Leanne. He’s the 21-year-old who calls everybody “son.” Until that fateful evening when he goes slumming in some redneck bar somewhere in backwoods Georgia, and upon returning from the can, he finds some good old boy sitting on his stool. He says, “That’s my seat, son.” At which point Frogger learns the true meaning of “Deliverance.”

.

And then Leanne comes to live with me.

10:13 am July, 12 Whoop-di-douche said...

Shoshanna, she is ONE HOT CHICK and ought to be considered for the Hall of Hott, a-RUM-ba!!

Now, down to business. The Mountinis and Kimberly FTWeekly. They’re like a bad souvenir of DB1’s New Hampshire vacation.. In a place where Mohawks were indigenous and a douchebag might rightfully get away with it, Righty Mountini wears his hair in a slicky wicket. First Nations tatts remind us that we stole it from the natives, and douchebags, in turn, have stolen our visual peaceof-mind (and if in Joisey, our aural peace as well.)

10:16 am July, 12 scrotum pole said...

Tang looks like Woody Harrelson, if he managed to lose his lower legs in a railroad incident.

.

Shoshanna looks like the Jewish-American-Princess my strict Sunni Muslim upringing forbade me to lust after. (But, I did anyway.)

10:19 am July, 12 Crucial Head said...

My vote goes to The Tang and Shoshonna.

.

Bird legged Tang needs to make like an ostrich and bury his fowl head back in the sand… preferably quicksand.

.

Shoshonna makes me want to choke my own chicken until it coughs up some egg white.

10:26 am July, 12 Crazed Aborigine said...

Just on the strength of oily, slightly bleethy, bikini clad brunette perfection, it must be Frogger. He needs to be the guest of honor at the roadkill cafe, she needs to be my next executive office assistant, AKA the plaintiff in my NEXT harrassment suit. The six digit payout would be worth it, I tell you.

10:33 am July, 12 Jaques Doucheteau said...

I’m not even going to consider the ‘bags this week, and vote based on the quality of the hott through process of elimination (and masturbation).

.

Kimberly probably has diseases for which the doctor’s that they’re named after are still in their residency. Thank God for Provincially based Medicare systems. As for Shoshanna, I’m not a doctor nor a lawyer and neither are any of you, so none of us have a chance with her. Moving on.

.

Leanne has Herbal Essences silky soft hair, and delectably smooth skin. That, and she appears to cruise through life wearing a skimpy bikini at all times, which is a huge plus (and huge subsequent stiffy) in my opinion. I would apply lavender scented almond oil to the callouses on her feet with my face, recite Walt Whitman and sign gently to her, then break off my left pinky finger and cower in the closet while she is savagely molested by an obscenely obese and sweaty Cajun man with two teeth and more matted body hair then a Tibetan yak. And I would enjoy every rapturous minute.

11:00 am July, 12 Mr. Biggs said...

I don’t care for Mountinis. This pic swings way too far in the douchebag direction to qualify for a weekly. Unless this site were called Fag Hags with Douchebags. Which it’s not.

Frogger and Leanne are worthy contenders for sure, and I wouldn’t mind if they won, but Leanne seems a bit tipped over into the Bleeth point of no return for this to be an eye-gouging HCwDB sent moment. We get it, Leanne, you’re looking for shock value. I think the shock happened 5 years ago when you got gang-banged at the prom night sleepover. Now it’s just frustrating and annoying.

The true HCwDB moment requires not only a rank looking douchebag, but the innocent, happy, intelligent hott who has no idea of the horrors in store for her. And in this, Tang and Shoshanna get the gold. Tang’s douchey pedosmile, Shoshanna’s eternally youthful beam, it’s a moment for the annals of HCwDB.

11:02 am July, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Pekar had been suffering from prostate cancer, asthma, high blood pressure and depression . These are the same maladies I wish for the starting nine of the Yankees each night.

.

Except A-Rod. I ask for a career ending scrotum injury for that purple lipped pussy self-loving narcissist

11:03 am July, 12 Sack O Douche said...

I say Mountinis are the winner. Shirts off with pants is rad and bag in my opinion! Plus, slutty Kimberly and her tight dress can bend over for me anytime.

11:09 am July, 12 Fatness said...

Meh. None of the girls are that hott this week, and I suspect Leanne is on the clock. You could find any or all of them at any bar in any college town, and they’d all spend your money and leave with the Mountinis at last call.

Which is why it’s Mountinis for the weekly.

11:17 am July, 12 Vin Douchal said...

Shoshanna is instant Hall of Hott material. I think the word “love” is floating around in my pants somewhere, but …

.

The Mountinis are the faggiest douchebags that ever sucked another man’s cock outside of a prison wall. Fred Mountini is Hall of Scote potential.

.

Honestly WTF is going on with this guy? Put Fred Mountini , E-Blo and Fish Slap in a room with ten unlocked doors and they couldn’t find their way out. They’d spend the first 2 hours comparing ab workouts and end up flexing so much they have a spontanious group brain aneurysm.

.

The Mountinis and Kimberly FTW .

11:30 am July, 12 uscrascal said...

greatest hott to douche ratio is Shoshanna to Tang… the others bring big doucheosity, but Shoshanna murders all other hott-wannabe’s.

motorboat, FTW (i mean Shoshanna and Tang).

11:35 am July, 12 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Mountinis win it. Tang may be douchier, but quantity over quality this time.

11:45 am July, 12 Wheezer said...

I’m going with The Mountinis FTW. I know the broheims just wanna have fun, but when your leader does his hair like the side of Cyndi Lauper’s 1983 head yet combines that with his “manly” tribals…..oh screw it, you’re just a douche.

12:07 pm July, 12 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I considered my initial vote for Shoshanna based on her hottness but thought about it over lunch. The Mountinis would have to be the winners here. The guys hair ensemble is incredibly ridiculous. While Shoshanna is sexy, the Mountinis are complete and total douchebags, the appletini pic is the icing on the ‘bag.

12:17 pm July, 12 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Tang and Shoshanna FTW! Why? Because Tang dares to dream big. He dreams of a time when he’ll no longer have the legs of a five year-old girl stricken with polio. He dreams of a time when other douches will stop using him as a human drink coaster. More importantly he dreams of a time when people stop asking him “Are you the father on ‘Little People, Big World’?” Yes, he’ll show them. He’ll show them. Shoshanna is girl-next-door hottness unlike the other options of trainwreck (The Mountinis) and PTP (Leanne) which should win out.

12:59 pm July, 12 Doucheasorus Maximus said...

Leanne (aka Lily Pad Hott) is smoking, possible HoH material. However, the HCwDB ratio is much higher with Tang & Shoshanna. Tang & Sho FTW.

1:42 pm July, 12 Don't_queeze_The _Douche said...

Out of these three examples of sub-human waste, I just can’t find the right douche/hott balance to name a winner using the default method..so its on to method two..

Laughter and rage…ladies and gents, we have a winner..

The Mountinis FTW

When I can imagine beating them senseless with business end of a louisville slugger (in honor of the MLB all-star game) while at the same laughing as hard as I did the first time I watched the Dumb and Dumber broken toilet scene, that’s proof enough for me.

1:59 pm July, 12 G said...

Gotta go with the Frogger and Leanne…how much douchier can you get, and still be a gweeb. He’s a major douchebag, and she is a major Hott…what I would like to run through her hair, and by run through her hair, I mean play with those gorgeous funbags – they are almost as nice as Dicy’s…

2:13 pm July, 12 Scooby Douche said...

On September 5, 1977 NASA launched the Voyager 1 spacecraft on a mission to photograph various planets. Eventually Voyager 1 became the first man-made object to leave our solar system, never to be seen again. Too bad Tang wasn’t on that mission.

Shoshanna has incredible breasts. I would watch those like a CIA spy satellite in geosynchronous orbit over Russia. And take photos too. And masturbate to them in the darkroom.

Tang and Shoshanna FTW.

2:13 pm July, 12 Mr. Biggs said...

I must acknowledge Fogger needs to be in the 2010 douchies for most punchable. I agree with Dicy that the redneck-chic douche ranks particularly high in rank foulness. Except that these douchebags generally have no actual relation with rednecks.

2:22 pm July, 12 Mock Turtle said...

I must patriotically vote Mountini.

The others have better hotts, but damn, we got the most amazing collection of douchbags there. They win in terms of sheer poundage, as well. Megadouches, as it were.

2:41 pm July, 12 DarkSock said...

I’m voting the Poon/Tang ticket.

2:49 pm July, 12 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Shoshanna FTW. And by win, I mean sending Tang into space. That said, I believe that Tang could win an arm wrestling contest against any of the douche’s in this weekly stanza of choad. Just don’t ask him to run a race, ’cause he’s got really small legs.

3:33 pm July, 12 tall guy said...

Three extremely worthy contenders. Alas one prize, so my vote for da win goes to The Tang. Why? While exhibit Mountinis displays a noticeably repellent shade of orange, TheTang’s fabulous hue is somehow made more disgusting when contrasted by the chocolate milky goodness of the fair Shoshanna’s lovely complexion. Also, I reckon he pulls the waist of his ill-fitting pants down so far that a much unwanted glimpse of his repulsive arsecrack is on permanent display. Pierced ear (I thought the right ear signified gay – oh, I see, hence the fabulousness of his tan…) & scrote necklace too. The Tang is a national disgrace. Fortunately, Shoshanna has the common sense & sense of decency to pull back slightly from The Tang. Oh, Shoshanna, come to me.

3:38 pm July, 12 Turdfodder said...

Tang and Shoshanna FTW.

She’s untainted.

He’s taint.

3:42 pm July, 12 Cokk Lover said...

Mountinis are the gayest straight bags ever. They win! Kimberly is too far away to say too many good nor bad things about. She does look nice in that tight dress and sticking her ass out though.

4:12 pm July, 12 Troy Tempest said...

Leanne’s on a break from her job of smearing her pussy on a pole. She’s a pro and Frogger stuffed a benjamin in her bikini strap for the photo op.

Shoshanna – women like her make me itch. They’re all up front and nothing behind. In her case, huge boobs for all to view and a butt you’ll NEVER poke in a million years – just mention it and her colon makes a fist. As noted, she’s waiting for her doctor / lawyer / dentist / stockbroker to come sweep her off her feet for 30 years of her mediocre sex followed by a retirement in Boca Raton.

And that leaves us with the Canadian Club of Duh. The girl is actually about 5’10, which is why her knees are so so bent – she would tower over two of these walking talking boli of poo. And the big one with the fwippy hair? His only reason for living is his own narcissism, which he can’t spell, so he has no reason for living. He is just the living breathing singing angel of shit here to make the world behave like a two yer old with crap in his pants and all the personal charm of a dead rotting twat.

4:15 pm July, 12 anonymous said...

Frogger. There is no competition this week. By the way, 90% of my vote is based on the Hott.

4:22 pm July, 12 Steve L. said...

statistically, i think hospice patients would have a better use for Tang than astronauts. but when a space crew dies from an accident, it’s all over the fuccen news. i guess that’s why NASA really needed Tang. besides, if you’ve heroically managed to survive the initial disintegration of the Challenger but realized that you’re still not gonna live when the crew compartment hits the ocean, you’d REALLY need Tang. no ifs or buts about it.

and for doing a disservice to astronauts (and possibly hospice patients?) around the world, i vote for Tang and Shoshanna.

4:25 pm July, 12 Architeuthis Douche said...

Tang.

5:02 pm July, 12 opie sardonicus said...

Mountinis and Kimberlee ftw. Pure mathematics makes this easy. No way any one mortal douche can hold up against a menage a Trois Rivieres. The pure gang-banginess trumps whatever the other ‘bags bring. And as a Canadian, I am ashamed.

5:11 pm July, 12 Horace Dangleballs said...

While Leanne/Lily Pad Hott would ordinarily carry my vote her GSR, no tan line, glistening funbags and vacant smile (whoa, Nelly…) cannot compete with the oozing, filthy douche that are the Mountinis…

White belts with jeans. Virtual reality sungoggles. Shaved chests. Belt buckles the size of hubcaps. Steroid-induced muscles that would prohibit them from slapping a mosquito that landed on top of their heads. “Look at me!” tattoos. Whatever little purses / bags two of the three seem to be sporting. And that completely leaves out one of them drinking what appears to be a COSMOPOLITAN in the second photo. Congratulations, latent homos. It appears the ‘roids have finally shrunken your testicles to the point you are now women… to the shame and horror of women everywhere.

5:22 pm July, 12 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Just outside of the photo frame a Native American stands stoically with a tear running down his cheek, because Kimberly brought three big bags of trash to a public park.

Mountinis FTW.

5:23 pm July, 12 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

And R.I.P. Harvey Pekar, the greatest guest in ‘Late Night with David Letterman’ history.

5:36 pm July, 12 Anonymous said...

Gotta be Frogger FTW

5:50 pm July, 12 Joseph and the Technicolor DoucheScrote said...

I vote Tang. He looks like a poorly drawn cartoon character with a giant head and upper body unfortunately and inappropriately mounted on top of tiny chicken legs. Do some squats, bra.

5:51 pm July, 12 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Leanne gives me a boner, so her and Froggy FTW.

5:58 pm July, 12 doucheywallnuts said...

Frogger FTW. I’ve agonized over this one, but I decided to cast my vote for the guy who is channeling both Vanilla Ice and Eminem and is a complete and utter douchebag based on a few simple accessories. Certainly I harbor some doubts with regards to Leanne’s bleeth cred – no clear full body shot and in the original photo her right leg troubles me – and while Shoshanna is Hall Of Hott material and uber nuzzly, gnawey, this is all about the douchebag.

Tang creeps me out with the V neck, DB paraphernalia and pederast vibe, but loses out by thismuch.

The Mountinis are heaps of poo stuffed with HGH and Winstrol-V, and are so what-was.

6:18 pm July, 12 massengill said...

TANG

6:24 pm July, 12 massengill said...

Tang because his bench-press is more than his leg-press.

6:46 pm July, 12 soy bomb said...

This is a toughie, no classics in this bunch, but we’ll make do with what’s presented before us.

.

The Frogger and Leanne FTWeekly.

.

The Frogger comes off as a somewhat unremarkable douche, but after substantial viewing, the winning traits emerge. First you notice the ‘beater, qualifying Frogger as a piece of pure white trash. Then you notice the children’s hat and sunglasses. Then you notice the smug look on his face. Then you realize why he’s sporting a smug look on his face; ie the presence of Leanne. Then you notice Leanne’s tight, fat-free body. Then you notice that she looks exactly like a chick that you went to high school with who was friendly to everyone, lusted after by everyone, and obtained by no one. Then you click on the link to the second pic where Leanne is backing her awesome ass into his crotch. Then you sigh, because you realize that the only thing you can do about it is vote for The Frogger and Leanne for the Weekly as you cry into your bowl of Ralphs® knock-off brand Corn Flakes.

11:25 pm July, 12 Crocodile Dun Douche said...

Why is the tang not smiling… Shoshanna looks perkier than a ferret on ecstasy, how dies that not rub off. Speaking of rubbing off… erh no anyway Shoshanna and the tang, the stumpy looking fecker doesn’t deserve to come first or even a capital ‘t’.

11:36 pm July, 12 Lord McBaggin said...

Mountinis For Sure.

That is one trio of society’s demise.

they should all be impaled rectally on a very long pike witch is planted in the ground, and left as a totem in the great white north. so that future civilizations may heed the warning of the douchtitude.

11:41 pm July, 12 Lord McBaggin said...

which not witch, i even read my post that time, i think just looking at these DB’s is causing the gray matter to turn to mush.

11:46 pm July, 12 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

I cast my vote for Mountinis. Kimberly is very very fine, and the scrote density of right-hand Mountini, as proven conclusively in the Appletini shot, is far greater than that of lead. I’m generally not prone to violence, but I need to hit his face with things. Once you throw in the other two crotch crickets, you have black douchehole potential. And by the entire last sentence + the comma in the one before that I mean boil them in vomit.

6:57 am July, 13 ehcuodouche said...

Great quality douche this week. Froggy’s got a ridiculous, oversized hat, tilted at a 90 degree angle, 70’s too-gay-for-Elton John goggles, wife-beater and jogging pants. No tatts though, and no bling.

That’s okay, cause the tang brings tatts, stupid shirt, shaved chest, yellow, dog tags and blowout. And he drinks his honey right out of the jar.

The mounties bring tatts, overpumped pumpitude, white belts (or two, obviously unsuccessful, belts), and thick-legged Canadian bacon.

They’re all quality, but I’m voting for the mountinis because Data from the Goonies is bag-tagging them. I always liked slick shoes. And Kimberly is way cute.

7:49 am July, 13 Paul Muad'douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach said...

I’ve seen a lot of commentary on Frogger. And believe me, I agree with the vast majority of it, except for the one post that claimed Frogger might be a douche cosplay enthusiast. But still, no one has seen fit to remark on his ‘stache? This is the clearest douche signifyer he’s sporting (and incidentally, it disqualifies the cosplay argument; you don’t grow a patchy red caterpillar on your upper lip for one night’s event-too much of a commitment). Seriously, think about every single person you’ve ever encountered who had the mustache. Go on, take a moment, and really test your recall. All of them were gigantic douches, right? Oh sure, I’d trust anyone with that kind of facial hair mistake to repair the catalytic converter in a ’74 El Camino, and probably to get a bitchin’ dragon painted on the hood to boot, but that doesn’t make them less douchey.

8:06 am July, 13 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Tough call between the Mountinis and Tang but I’m going with Tang. Because you have to be a huge douche to have your shins removed to get attention from the ladies.

.

Tang FTW.

8:24 am July, 13 One for the Choad said...

The Tang, because he looks like some frankendouche of body parts sewn together that don’t fit, and Shoshanna makes me want to switch religions.

12:58 pm July, 13 Douche Springsteen said...

I was gonna go with the Frogger but his oversize hat / shaved head combo is taken from kids with leukemia which is utterly tasteless and should be condemned, the less publicity that guy gets, the better. The Tang however, saw that old “How Much Ya Bench?” skit on SNL and decided “that’s the look for me”. He should be put on a pedestal and mocked for not getting the joke. It would also be worth sitting next to Shoshanna’s uncle Morty and listening to his stories at Seder dinner in order to get a peek at her burning bush.

1:01 pm July, 13 Douche Springsteen said...

just for the uninitiated, here’s a link to a “How Much Ya Bench?” skit where they zing the one and only Grieco.

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7ttvq_how-much-ya-bench_fun

2:41 pm July, 13 I douche, therefore I am said...

I’m with The Tang on this one.

The Frogger just looks far too similar to Skweezy, who is in fact rather funny, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

The Mountinis look so vile (especially that ‘dude’ with the channels on his head, that allow the excess hair gel to ooze off the side of his horrible mug) that I never want to see them again.

The Tang sports super-douchey V-neck, CSR, spiky hair, stumpy legs, something strange hanging around his neck, tatts, vacant stare… and if all that isn’t enough, the hottest hott of the lott. Amen.

5:29 pm July, 13 Jean Luc said...

Lets just make it clear, Quebec is definitely not part of Canda!!!!

7:50 pm July, 13 Manimal said...

Gotta give it to Tang ünt Shosanna wanna-wacka…

If only because of the surreal effect the pic has on me – I feel like I’m getting sucked into a sick Ed-Hardly-ized copy of one of those campy 4th Grade Art Class Perspective Drawings we all did.

Drawing me down, down, down…

Thankfully Shoshanna gets me right back up.

11:38 pm July, 13 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

With a healthy sampling of garden variety pud, the question that we must ask ourselves as semi-responsible bagmockers, is, “For which one of these lovely females would I murder a herd of defenseless koala bears?” The answer?… Shoshanna’s left breast. Throw in the right one and I’ll lay waste to the entire species. Shoshanna’s picturesque flesh mountains for the win… Oh yeah. F**k Tang.

1:52 am July, 14 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Time out from holiday on the beach in Penang (Malaysia) to vote…mom said it is a citizen’s duty to vote and so I shall…for Froggy! Lily is nothing to shout about but Froggy has shown in multiple scenes that he is a card carrying, hard core Douchebag!

5:40 am July, 14 Froggy with Lily said...

I can’t vote for myself so I say Mountinis FTW!

Why? Because they are bigger choadly taint wanks than I am and at least I don’t drink girly martinis while thinking I am cool. In true TT fashion I rock the OE or Mickey’s son!

6:14 am July, 14 Istandouche said...

One of the best Weekly articles in a while, laughed my ass off, thank you DB1. As for the weekly winner, it’s an easy one. With their ginormous bodies completed with their ass-clown hair styles, yet sipping femininely elegant drinks, Mountinis deserve the title.

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