Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Jebus Doesn't Shave

(With Biblical citation written by original Jebrovah’s Witness, Prophet Burt):

———

And they looked down upon this man with great confusion. Who is this man of questionable clothes and exotic hots? Is he the one they would call Jebus? The wise man DB1 must proclaim it to be so.

– First Letter to the Scrotinthians 6:49

———

Gaybag? Or European technobag? Mere technicalities. Jebus is beyond mortal douchescrotewankery. Jebus crosses over into the realm of the choadal sublime.

# posted by douchebag1
9:29 am July, 21 ButterSauce said...

Totally gay. Has to be.

9:29 am July, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

Gay is the new straight. So decreed Jebus from on high, flanked by savory suckle-thigh.

9:36 am July, 21 Don't_squeeze_The _Douche said...

I see a future Hall of scrote inductee

9:36 am July, 21 dbBen said...

In his next pic he’ll be wearing grills and smashing a bad guitar into a worse amp.

.

After that we’ll see him with a pink shirt collar pop at a club in Miami.

.

For Jebus is All Douches.

9:43 am July, 21 creature said...

wearing a smock blind women would be ashamed of… Jeebus is my copilot!

9:43 am July, 21 Justin said...

Jebus defected from the Israeli Defense Force because he thinks he’s Lady Gaga. Gay? Straight? Jebus doesn’t care about labels! He is the ONE!

9:44 am July, 21 Vin Douchal said...

He plays the Juliette Lewis part in the Broadway musical of “Cape Fear”.

9:49 am July, 21 Justin said...

I’m going to spend the rest of the day making my decisions based on What Would Jebus Do?

9:51 am July, 21 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

when the elderly woman in Sarasota realizes that this gaybag stole her beach cover-up, oohh will she be pissed.

9:53 am July, 21 Wheezer said...

We will soon see the Shavior bearing spiked/gelled hair and Brothabag Leon facial fung. Then he will point at his abs.

.

Look at this not as heresy, but as fact.

9:55 am July, 21 Vin Douchal said...

That broad just laid a yellow egg

9:55 am July, 21 Crucial Head said...

@Justin 9:49am

.

I’m going to spend the rest of the day making my decisions based on What Would Jebus Do?

.

I am fairly certain that will lead to a sore butthole tomorrow.

.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

9:59 am July, 21 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Jebus has nicer legs than his asian skank-ho…oh crap now I think I’m gay!

9:59 am July, 21 DB the BD said...

are there really so few good douche pics that you have to poach from 2009?

http://www.latfh.com/post/99256755/laaaaaadies-niiiiiiiight

10:03 am July, 21 End the Haberdouchery said...

I can’t look away from this train wreck of humanity.

10:04 am July, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

Hell, I’d do him. I mean with a sawzall.

10:12 am July, 21 Wheezer said...

I haven’t seen any of these movies in great detail, so I couldn’t give an objective opinion. I just found it odd that it was featured on Spike.com:

.

Top 10 Movies Douchebags Love

10:16 am July, 21 douchebag1 said...

Wasn’t aware it was from LATFH, but Jebus transcends all comedy blog specificity.

– management

10:16 am July, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Jebus and the Amazing Technicolor Cum Drain was a great show. The tights were to die for.

Smote Jebus and bring back Old Bag Bernie Schwartz or the Wanky Hipsterbag for fuccks sake.

10:28 am July, 21 Eliza Douchecoo said...

you weren’t aware of LATFH? Who is?

10:33 am July, 21 Mr. White said...

Jebus Built My Hotrod…

.

….it’s a magenta Honda Civic hatchback with glass packs installed.

10:36 am July, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Jebus was the enemy in Iwo Jima.

10:43 am July, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Jebus Crass Superstar takes Des Moines by storm.

10:50 am July, 21 Bagnonymous said...

Gaybag? Not even close! Try “George Michaelbag.”

.

I can’t take much more of this creepiness. You know, when the legions of regs were calling for an end to the 4Prong ridiculousness, I just didn’t get it. Why stop in the middle of a good–albeit smelly and of questionable sexual orientation–run. But Jeebus has made me seen the light. And that light is thine of everlasting poo, Amen.

10:51 am July, 21 Pontius Poolate said...

I wash my hands of this f*cking hipsterbag. With urine, no less…

10:54 am July, 21 Troy Tempest said...

Jebus is a tranny into BOTH sexes.

10:55 am July, 21 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Jebus Shittlesworth likes dribbling balls into his hole.

10:56 am July, 21 Bagnonymous said...

“You come and gooooooo…

You come and gooooooo….Oh!”

10:57 am July, 21 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Right here, right now

There is no other place he wants to pee.

.

-Jebus Jones

11:01 am July, 21 Walrus Whisker said...

“Then Verily saith Jebus unto the other thief on the cross… do not despair, do not be afraid… be proud – be brave, times will change… for today wilt you be with me and a pair of guys.”

11:04 am July, 21 mr.reeve said...

Jebus is a gaybag or 80sbag…….Dead or Alive style……..

You spins me right round baby right round

Like a record player right round right round

11:07 am July, 21 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

He’s as queer as a three dollar bill.

.

And as gay as the day is long.

.

May Yahweh smite him with a lightning bolt for impersonating his only begotten son.

11:11 am July, 21 Bagnonymous said...

What would Jebus do?

.

Well, for one, he wouldn’t simply rise from the dead by floating from his grave in a ray of white light. No sir! He’d come flying out of that bitch wearing a technicolor ruffle-collar silk shirt, outstretched arms with jazz-hands ablaze, singing, “Helloooooo Dolly!”

11:14 am July, 21 Bagnonymous said...

@ Amerigo Vesdouchey, 11:07am

.

“…as gay as the day is long…”

.

Careful with those adjectives, man–you’re giving BostonDB a raging boner.

11:23 am July, 21 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

“Careful with those adjectives, man–you’re giving BostonDB a raging boner.

.

No clue what that means.

11:31 am July, 21 Captain Obvious said...

Justin = Crucial Head

11:33 am July, 21 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

So that’s what happened to Richard Alpert.

11:47 am July, 21 smackdouche said...

I have this gut feeling that he enters a room with his female sidekick and never makes eye contact. He looks at the ground and quietly says something like, “I’m thirsty”. Female side kick relays his message to the rest of the by screaming, “HE NEEDS A DRINK!”

The second picture in the Jeebus collection provoked this suspicion.

11:50 am July, 21 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“The plan has worked so far. There’s no turning back now” thought Buffalo Beast as he crept up on the unsuspecting Jeebus to finish what the doctors in Sweden had only partially achieved.

12:27 pm July, 21 Deltus said...

Yup, he gets off on making people around him uncomfortable. I would seriously enjoy kicking the shit out of him.

12:28 pm July, 21 tall guy said...

Jebus appears to attract a wide variety of transcontinental semi-hott. Though firm of thigh, I don’t mind this Asian bit of fluff. It’s not as if Jebes is going to be servicing her. Although hang on, it wouldn’t be a lady boy from Thailand would it? If that is the case, I retract everything.

12:44 pm July, 21 Ritz said...

How do you keep getting more pictures on this guy?

12:57 pm July, 21 Burt said...

Jebus does not buy drinks. He turns water into Grey Goose.

12:59 pm July, 21 Whoop-di-douche said...

I’d say it’s time to introduce the Lord Jebus to Lord Xenu.

1:02 pm July, 21 Whoop-di-douche said...

When Jebus and Herod switched roles in JCSuperstar, Jebus never could get back to acting his original part again, but Mary Magdalene was as loyal as ever to her man.

1:45 pm July, 21 Steve L. said...

in order to ascend mortal douchewankery, Jebus must produce a hott-less pic and still make HCwDB viewers vomit.

.

actually, never mind. OF COURSE he is capable of such a feat.

2:04 pm July, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

Scrotato 10:43 FTW. Or is this the stage production of The Last Tan-tation Of Christ? That must be Mary Hagdalene on the right, there.

2:05 pm July, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

The Passion Of The Creep.

2:05 pm July, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

The Douchest Story Ever Told

2:13 pm July, 21 Medusa Oblongata said...

The Ten Douchemandments.

.

Hey, I think I’ll list ’em while I’m trying hard to shirk. Roman Catholic version. We’re the douchiest of all Christians, methinks.

1. I am Samurai Scrote, thy God. Thou shalt have no other Douche before me.

2. Thou shalt not take the name of Ed Hardy in vain.

3. Remember to keep holy the clubbing day.

4. Honour thy bros and thy personal trainer.

5. Thou shalt not ill, yo.

6. Thou shalt not commit bad moves on the dance floor.

7. Thou shalt not be pale.

8. Thou shalt not bear chest hair, pit hair or groin hair.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ride.

10. Thou shalt not covet they neighbor’s Goose.

4:27 pm July, 21 Horace Dangleballs said...

@ 11:11 am Bagnonymous said…

Well, for one, he wouldn’t simply rise from the dead by floating from his grave in a ray of white light. No sir! He’d come flying out of that bitch wearing a technicolor ruffle-collar silk shirt, outstretched arms with jazz-hands ablaze, singing, “Helloooooo Dolly!”

Go easy on smearing an artist like Satchmo, brother. Now, Kon Kan’s “I Beg Your Pardon” or Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”? No argument here.

4:28 pm July, 21 Horace Dangleballs said...

What did Jebus say when he was crucified?

“Hey, I can see my Camaro form here!”

4:29 pm July, 21 Horace Dangleballs said...

“FROM!” DAMNIT a drunk like me needs an edit feature!

5:36 pm July, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

I believe teh operative phrase here is “TWO SNAPS UP IN JEEBUS FORMATION!”

Finally. Figured it out.

6:12 pm July, 21 Guns-N-Douches said...

Jeebus is really gay, which in my mind, puts him in the gaybag category, which will never reach full douchebag status. Why? Because any hott they are photographed with will not be bumping uglies with the Gaybag.

I still think he shouldn’t have won the weekly.

8:52 pm July, 21 Darksock said...

All due respect to Vin, He plays the Juliette Lewis part in the Broadway musical of “Gaped Queer”.

9:00 pm July, 21 Stephanie said...

You give this guy too much time on here,next.

3:23 am July, 22 jez said...

Tell her to ask him how to avoid getting those unsightly runs in tights.

11:51 am July, 22 Sorta Damocles said...

I wonder if the pantyhose chaff his balls.

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