Friday, July 23, 2010

Larry The Claims Processor Holds On to 45 As Long As He Can

Who says stupid shoulder tatts, body shaving, chin pubes and douching it up in Vegas are just for the youth?

Elizabeth’s Quartasian body hottness cries out to rubbed with lemon tartar sauce and topped with a sprig of celery garnish dipped in salt water to honor her ancestors.

# posted by douchebag1
9:14 am July, 23 Douche Ellington said...

She may be one of the hottest girls posted here in a long time.

9:15 am July, 23 chaserofthehott said...

For that body hotness Larry, I can’t hardly blame a guy. I do though Larry, I fucking blame you, and you should be fucking ashamed of yourself. By the way nice catch there Larry!

9:15 am July, 23 jonezy said...

Have we used the term Mammarific yet?

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Mammtastic!

9:17 am July, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Larry: The greatest man I have ever seen. Says a 50+ douchebag-mocker.

9:17 am July, 23 jonezy said...

I’m willing to give him a notta.

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He’s smiling and she is delectable.

9:18 am July, 23 mr.reeve said...

Elizabeth is truly a hottie. Not looking at all bleethy either.

Larry’s a tool. I am sure she’s just a friend or his friend’s girlfriend. Larry can’t pull that kind of tail. Or can he?

9:18 am July, 23 Douchble Helix said...

Elizabeth: very, very hott.

9:20 am July, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

When did John Daley shave his head?

9:22 am July, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I’ll bet his pick up line went something like this: “I’m not bald baby. I shave it so the solar panel for the sex machine is always charged and ready to go yo!”

9:23 am July, 23 The 'Bag Piper fae Edinburgh said...

at first glance I thought that was a dishtowel wrapped around his waist.

she is boobalicious, but there’s something unsettling about those eyebrows that screams ‘post-op transsexual’ in my mind…

…not from experience of course.

9:24 am July, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So, is he slipping Benjamins into the back of her bikini bottoms for this pic?

9:25 am July, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This dude is doughier than bread made from the yeast in Plinky’s mother’s cooter.

9:26 am July, 23 mr.reeve said...

Larry isn’t really that bad. He just looks a bit douchie but is he really a douche? He’s a bit out of shape and has his pants pulled up high like an old man.

9:28 am July, 23 Darksock said...

Damned Harkonnens…

9:28 am July, 23 Farthuffer McDoofus said...

She is spectacular from the neck down. Above the shoulders she kinda has that Fran Drescher look goin’ on. Not a big fan of that.

9:30 am July, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Holy shit she has two right ears. Run!

9:33 am July, 23 Crucial Head said...

I have to say, notta and fuccen hotta.

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I would vote for being in the Hall of Hott. Which is the less crass way of saying I’ll be maturbating to the thoughts of her this evening.

9:33 am July, 23 Medusa Oblongata said...

DarkSock 9:28 FTW.

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It’s cute how she’s trying not to cry.

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I’d give him a pass were it not for the carefully sculpted peach fuzz on his upper lip. Pencil Moustache? Only if you’re Vincent Price. For that, Larry, I’m going to take her to the changing rooms. I’ll let you have her back in an hour, though. But I promise you, she’ll never smile at you again.

9:42 am July, 23 douche bagel said...

@ Dr. bunsen

i just threw up a little in my mouth. thanks for that

larry gets a notta except for that silver chain and the trying too hard factor. elizabeth is quality hott.

i would lick her reflection off larry’s head

9:42 am July, 23 Et Tu Douche? said...

I find these two to be benign, she’s not bleethy and he just seems happy to be there. I’m gonna say Notta for Larry

9:48 am July, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

He’s a gooshy guy, which is bad enough, let alone tatting himself with color doodles.

She’s the most tasteful hott to grace this site in many a moon. What a remedy for having to look at Starry Blight photos. She should go immediately to HOH, pronto. Like, WOW.

9:50 am July, 23 Douchble Helix said...

That ‘transsexual’ thing is way too prevalent on the interpipes. I just can’t see that it applies here.

9:53 am July, 23 Bagnonymous said...

H-O-f*cking-H!!! For reals, yo.

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There, I’ve said it. I’ll admit it.. I have no shame. She is amazing. And short of some overactive eyebrow shaping, she shows no signs of the ‘virus.

9:56 am July, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Really, she appears to have a perfect figure, no implants, no “over” anything about her, and a classic female shape. Take it from me the living model artist, she is worth drawing again and again and again in all manner of poses.

Of course, if you’re rude and crude like 90% of the regulars here, she’s worth a lot more in other applicable areas of endeavour. That said, I’d take her to my fave masseur to loosen her up and get her relaxed to pose any and every way I can devise for a thrilling studio rendering. And then some.

9:58 am July, 23 Sack O Douche said...

Not that douchie. Elizabeth is very HOT! Agree about the fatty status on Larry. I am new and not sure what HoH is but if it has to do with her hottness I vote yes on that too.

10:00 am July, 23 Whoop-di-douche said...

Seriously, She’d make the charcoal crumble in my hands, and all the other artists gathered ’round would be digging into their stashes for more sticks, only to find the charcoal paper had wrinkled from the heat generated by her mere presence in the studio.

Then she’d laugh at the whole thing.

Damned exasperating.

10:03 am July, 23 mr.reeve said...

Tranny? Are you f-ing kidding me? Some of you need glasses. She is hot and all natural. Try again.

10:05 am July, 23 mr.reeve said...

and I am ready for PEAR already. Friday, pear & beer is how I start my week.

10:05 am July, 23 mr.reeve said...

weekend not week. TARD! whoops

10:06 am July, 23 Peahoal Douchemacher said...

I almost gave Larry a notta, simply for appearing to appreciate the hott proximity. I was willing to forgive the the tatt and 4 o’clock chinpube shadow.

But that moustache? AUTO-douche. Case closed.

10:07 am July, 23 Tony Ventresca said...

“Dune” reference? Nicely done, although he looks like he was in the 5 hour television adaptation, not the creepy David Lynch version (yes, I recognize putting the word creepy with the name David Lynch together is unnecessary).

10:15 am July, 23 jonezy said...

Larry might be related to the Droopster

10:15 am July, 23 Wheezer said...

I must concur with the Hall of Hott nominations. She is a delight. :D

10:15 am July, 23 saulgoode42 said...

That dude better be clockin’ millions. This is the essence of HCWDB’s…chicks that are way too fine for their mates. And although he’s pretty run-of-the-mill, she needs a whole gallery to herself.

10:18 am July, 23 Southern Scrotic said...

She has nice breastisies.

10:19 am July, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Boss, when you said 42 did you mean waist size?

.

Elizabeth is exquisite. I would strap myself to the soul of an Asian Elephant’s foot as it frolliced through the Toledo Water Authority’s sewage reclamation ponds before stampeding across the Salt Flats just for the chance to be there when Jumbo’s leg is made into her next umbrella stand.

10:22 am July, 23 Eliza Douchecoo said...

OK…she’s very delectable, however I couldn’t help but notice it appears as if she has something shoved in her bikini bottom. That’s a bit scary. I would need more pictures of her shaved soggy cut to make certain of my observation. I’m cool with Larry, I’m down with him, he doesn’t bother me at all.

10:24 am July, 23 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

The only thing that could make sense with this pic is that Loser Larry just picked up this gorgeous babe from the airport after paying $20k for her from the Russian mail-order bride service. She will flee his pasty grip very soon.

10:25 am July, 23 numbskull72 said...

What do we want?

H-O-H!!!!

When do we want it?

NOW!!!!!!!

10:25 am July, 23 Tony Ventresca said...

Elizabeth might be all natural, but she’s adopted a professional pose (chin down to hide the neck and make her face look slimmer, plus the slight twist from the shoulders to the waist to give her torso some definition and eliminate any belly that might stick out).

10:31 am July, 23 Douchble Helix said...

This is like one of those ‘personality test':

Who do you prefer, Elizabeth here, or the MILF/model from earlier this week?

10:33 am July, 23 Teddy Tendergass said...

I would savagely rape a sack full of poison dart frogs just for the chance to drink her diarrhea.

10:35 am July, 23 Scrötinger’s Cat said...

Her torqued mulebrow is making me antsy in my pantsy region.

10:36 am July, 23 kush said...

I think the real douche is the photographer. I know the sideways videographer has been handed the (long in coming) auto-scrote designation. So should the leaning tower of pisa photogs.

10:36 am July, 23 tall guy said...

Larry’s a try-hard. The style of boardshorts he choses combined with the shoulder tatt, neck chain, shaven head and all round flabbiness are strong indicators. He’s lucky to be so near such a well rounded body, although an earlier comment re/ her Fran Drescher appearance is spot on. I’ll give him a douche and credit her with a rootable.

10:37 am July, 23 kush said...

Oh yeah, and she’s smokin’.

10:38 am July, 23 G. Gorgeous Clitty said...

I would gladly floss with the scat that was freshly expunged from her gardner’s dog.

10:45 am July, 23 Bagnonymous said...

@ kush, 10:36am:

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I concur–the tilted photos make it even harder to crop out the fat, pasty douche using the “crop” rectangle in all basic image-editing software.

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(And for the record, I concur with your 10:37am statement, as well.)

10:53 am July, 23 Baron Von Goolo said...

DB1, you are so coy. Making us wait for Elizabeth’s induction into the HOH like that. As if one man could stop the tides, or the sun from setting, or Darksock from peeing in a horse’s butt.

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Succumb. SUCCUMB, I SAY!!!

11:08 am July, 23 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Holy wombat-fucking Christopher Hewett, she is effing S-M-O-K-I-N-G hot! I’m glad I checked out the interwebs today.

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I’d pierce my tongue with lawn darts and give a rim job to an angry bull who’s colon is packed with lemon juice and rubbing alcohol for the mere chance to have my face sat on and smothered to death by the 400 lb. naked guest of a “I cheated on you with a 80-year-old Polynesian leper who doesn’t believe in bathing” episode of Jerry Springer that Elizabeth’s sister’s dental hygienist watched 4 minutes of in passing curiosity.

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Yup, she’s a tasty womanly treat indeed.

11:09 am July, 23 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Larry makes me want to poo at little. BRB.

11:10 am July, 23 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

I’d cagefight a cracked up rabid mountain goat with no athletic supporter just for the chance to tame a wild stallion empty handed and barefoot so I could ride it to her house at 3am to rummage through her garbage so I could hump her discarded ice cream sandwich wrappers.

11:17 am July, 23 smackdouche said...

Oh, he looks stupid now, but in 1993, he was a GOD!

11:20 am July, 23 mocamarc said...

These days, tats = douche. He’s guilty.

She’s amazing.

11:40 am July, 23 Fatness said...

It looks like Ol’ Lar might be sporting a wedding ring, which simultaneously gives old farts like me hope as well as a feeling that the world is in fact doomed if he is indeed married to this goddess.

12:16 pm July, 23 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Given that I’m slight older than Larry, and while I wouldn’t put on a tat or grow chin pubes, I don’t blame him an iota for being in Bleethy Beth’s orbit.

Me, personally, I’d put the tartar sauce some where else. Wait…are you talking about actual tartar sauce and not code for youknowwhat? Whoops.

12:34 pm July, 23 Al Anon said...

I would honor Eliza Q’s ancestors by pulling the note from her fortune nookie with my teeth.

12:47 pm July, 23 Deltus said...

She is definite HOH material. Sweet damn, she fine! And as has been said, besides the overzealous eyebrow shaping, flawless. No bleething at all. I can’t give him a notta, though. Scruffy chin fung and dumb mustache, and the shoulder tatt, clear douche signifiers. He’s Stage 1.

5:23 pm July, 23 MoeDouche said...

Oh my! Now we are talking: A bald-headed guy with a colored tat…Wait. Is there a hottie in the picture? Elizabeth, you are SSSSMOKING!

5:47 pm July, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

She will carry our future children nestled in her belly button.

.

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.And earlobes.

.

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.And between her toes.

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.

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And behind her right contact lense.

8:18 pm July, 23 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

I’m giving the guy a notta. I think the hall of hott may await this gem of a lady. By that I mean I would lurk down the hallway waiting for her emerge from the bathroom so I could rub my chin on the still-warm seat.

8:54 pm July, 23 Stephanie said...

Uh..he’s just happy to be breathing. He had to start shaving his head,because it’s getting too thin on top,so might as well cut it all off. He’s got some shame left,so he’s notta douche.

9:38 pm July, 23 UFO Destroyers said...

Cal Ripken, Jr., sure let himself go after baseball.

10:04 pm July, 23 Steve L. said...

Larry processed all the claims of the entire US population just so he can be photographed next to Elizabeth. and that speaks fucking volumes about his doucheosity.

10:32 pm July, 23 Steve L. said...

oh and Liz doesn’t look Quartasian to me at all. but on the off chance that she is quart-Chinese, i hope she can appreciate the following lines:

雲想衣裳花想容

the clouds desire her clothes and the flowers desire her face

春風拂檻露滑濃

the spring breeze caresses the sills and the morning dew is dense

.

stupid Chinese poems. so hard to translate. but she really deserves these 2 lines, even if she doesn’t comprehend them. which i’m guessing she doesn’t. she looks more European to me.

11:11 pm July, 23 Sir David Douchenborough said...

I think she is posing against her will, or perhaps, he lied and said he was a record producer or a director.

2:05 pm July, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

My apologies to the blonde in the background. My aim’s been off a bit lately. I’ll slow down the final strokes next time.

9:20 pm July, 25 John Cougar Mellencamp said...

Oh yeah, life goes on…Long after the thrill of livin’ it is gone.

…but with some tats and a really obnoxiously loud Harley I’ll be 25 FOREVER! Ha ha ha ha ha…FUCK YOU Father Time!

12:01 pm July, 26 duchemaster said...

Notta all the way. He has chosen wisely, wearing a carpenters chain and an “on sale” from Target Billabong swim trunks. Larry is bald and did his push ups so that his man boobs didn’t scare all the children away. Let a dog have his day!

10:36 pm July, 26 Jaf said...

I love how any woman that squints in a photo is instantly quartasian

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