Friday, July 30, 2010

Mandana Morrie

Here’s a classic case of a late stage-1 or early stage-2 ‘bag. Don’t get me wrong, Morrie’s a pudz, to be sure. Wearing the adouchetributes because he thinks it’ll help him get some quality pear, but his heart just isn’t into it.

Shave the chin pubes, take off the Mandana, lose the bling, and go back to trying (and failing) to get a summer job at Carl’s Jr, Morrie, and all will be forgiven.

As to Vanessa, her heaving bosoms and pale lickable Cleavite reveal require a deep and cleansing Windex scrub using only the softest of imported Tuscan toilet paper.

# posted by douchebag1
9:17 am July, 30 Wheezer said...

Mmmmmm, Vanessa…..she could pass for Helen Hunt’s younger, tanner sister. Kinda bordering on orange, though.

9:37 am July, 30 Bagnonymous said...

I want to see morrie–of Vanessa’s boobie.

9:39 am July, 30 Tony Ventresca said...

I think we may have an early winner for next week’s Weekly. She’s indisputably hot (even those who post here who only date supermodels will have to admit this hott is hot) and he’s clearly a douche (all the tick boxes have been ticked except the one that reads “exterminate”) so they’re looking like finalists

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Oh wait, I just realized she’s probably a waitress. Forget what I just posted.

9:42 am July, 30 Fatness said...

Uh, boss…even without the chin pubes, Mandana and bling, he still has the waxhawk, which is automatic stage-3.

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Vanessa, however, is just right.

9:48 am July, 30 Crucial Head said...

Sorry Boss. But I can’t forgive this twerp unless he dons an oral surgeon’s gag and bear-crawls through the leech field that’s connected to Precious’ latrine with writhing beetle larvae embedded in his bare back while under the careful scrutiny of several hungry vultures.

9:48 am July, 30 Captain Garanichode said...

Mandanna on a 5-head kiwi haircut, red ants, catfish piercing, choad chains and (mmmmmm) leather hott.

9:55 am July, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

I personally would rather clean her cleavite with my saliva and this toilet paper. Nice frackin’ Mardi Gras beads, Morrie. You know, those are given to girls for showing their tits, right? I’m afraid you got it all wrong.

9:56 am July, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

That little leather biker top of hers is giving me some spanktacular ideas.

9:59 am July, 30 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Douche and natural tan hott. Do you have a picture of her derriere? Just to check for target tatts and tan lines. And then imagine grasping her firm tanned buttocks and smothering my face into her holes before I started to give her a violent shocker and…..oops. Mrs. Kroeger is looking over my shoulder.

10:00 am July, 30 Mr. Biggs said...

Again, if we use the inner scrote and compare this to the Jr. DJ guy, we see this guy’s actually less of a douchebag. Why? HE’S SMILING. I.e. he’s happy to be around the hott, he’s not pulling some punchface maneuver.

10:03 am July, 30 End the Haberdouchery said...

The mandana and the sweatband says “I’m ready to run somewhere if needed.” The cigarette hanging from the mandana says “I just hope I don’t have to run very far.”

10:08 am July, 30 Vin Douchal said...

She’s got a nice rack but I detect some of the lazy eyelid action associated with woman that like Powerpuff Girls car stickers, Kenny Chesney music, dudes that say “dude” at the beginning and end of every sentence and jello shooters.

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Also, that array of talent in the background makes this look like a Roller Derby practice…Just sayin’

10:10 am July, 30 Vin Douchal said...

Morrie’s the kind of guy that get’s beaten with a phone book so as not to leave bruises. However the brain damage is plainly visible

10:15 am July, 30 The Last Douchefighter said...

Wasn’t that db on the last season of Tool Academy? That makes him a pro Douchebag, right?

10:17 am July, 30 The Last Douchefighter said...

Yup, I think that could definitely be Stew, the “Hillbilly Tool”. Check it out:

http://www.poptower.com/stew-tool-academy.htm

10:21 am July, 30 I douche, therefore I am said...

Is he wearing that Mandana so low in order to hide the fact that his right eyelid is droopy?

And what is it with these stupid sweatbands somewhere on the middle of the arm, anyway? I don’t even wear those things when I go running, and here are all these douches using them as accessories. I don’t get it…

10:27 am July, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

She’s country girl Hott which is good, Morrie is a mess and I don’t know where to begin with him at last count 9 signifiers of douche with this guy. I’m gonna wait for pear and i think I’m falling for Medussa and her way with words.

10:28 am July, 30 Troy Tempest said...

What a fucking tool. He has the company tag that says “70% polyester 30% cotton. Machine Washable” sticking out in front of his ear.

What a fucking idiot.

Vanessa is very lovely. I like her solid smile.

10:35 am July, 30 Claude Douchenburg said...

I think the mandanna is to hide the lobotemy scare and I imagine that Vanessa is wearing a short black leather skirt to match that top and by short I mean with cheek expose.

10:35 am July, 30 Claude Douchenburg said...

scuse me scar

10:54 am July, 30 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

If you had “Fight or Dye” tattooed on your forehead you’d wear a mandana too.

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And Venessa makes me blush and shuffle my feet nervously when I think of her standing topless in her room, buttoning up that tight leather top, her small hands gently but firmly positioning her breasts, fingers pulling at her stiffening nip…oh crap. Mrs. Reverend Kroeger is looking over my shoulder.

11:00 am July, 30 DarkSock said...

They use toilet paper in Tuscany?

11:31 am July, 30 Baleen said...

I counted six douche signifiers so divide that by two doses of Valtrex and the result is a solid stage three.

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She looks like she’s sucked a few dicks in her day. I bet she loves Jim Beam shots at last call. Vrrrrrooom.

11:48 am July, 30 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

He’s trying to be a douche but he’s even failing (badly I might add) at it. I was always told “If you’re gonna do something, do it right.” Somebody send him the Bra home study guide to douchebaggery. Or Bucky’s DVD series on proper hat titling. Don’t be afraid to jump in with both feet son.

12:20 pm July, 30 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

During the run up to last year’s Douchies I commented that what made Smoot the uncontested grand master crapheap was that he didn’t wear douche; he embodied douche. He and douche are one. It wasn’t the clothes, tatts, or stooped shoulders that set him apart from all the other taint scabs, it was his overall attitude. He could have donned lederhosen, a ball gag, and fairy wings and people still would have said, “God, he is a total douchebag”. Why? Because it’s in him, not on him.

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Don’t get me wrong. Morrie’s still a douche, if only because he’s trying so hard to be one. But in the important words of Yoda, who knew a douchebag when he saw one, “Douche or douche not. There is no try.”

12:28 pm July, 30 Et Tu Douche? said...

Baleen said…

“I counted six douche signifier’s.”

1) Forefinger ring

.

2) Mandana

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3) Chin Pube

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4) Fauxhawk

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5) Wrist band pulled up below his elbow

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6) Lower lip piercings

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7) Goofy anal beads around neck

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8) Cigarette tuck-in dangle from mandana

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9) T-shirt with gibberish

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Not trying to out do you Ballen but that is what I cam up with. Man I need some pear!!!!!!!!!!

12:31 pm July, 30 Jimmy said...

Hall of Hott.

12:36 pm July, 30 Stephanie said...

Yeah,he’s a tard and a douchebag. The mandana hides his head surgery,they stopped wearing those around 1980,like Van Halen time…he just does not want to grow up…

Plus what’s with the black armband? Is that more pretend rocker bling? Really,it’s like he’s hugging his Mom.

5:24 pm July, 30 Deltus said...

I offer Vanessa, or rather her beautiful cleavage, my very special 21 Tug Salute.

6:18 pm July, 30 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

Vanessa. Yeah. Time for a fwappity-fwap break.

8:47 pm July, 30 Steve L. said...

Vanessa is just glad that she’s not gonna be featured AGAIN in the weekly.

11:17 am July, 31 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I give him points for matching black and white ensemble with mandana and tee with design.

I give her points for cleavite and rounds.

Things that stick out should alwyays be rewarded with points.

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