Saturday, July 17, 2010

Mindy asks, "Who is the Douche Bag Now?!"

Friday’s Mindy responds to HCwDB in the comments thread:

—–

I dont date douchebags but I have many friends and if you want to call them douchebags without knowing them well I guess that makes you no better and actually a tool. I personally dont care what you post about me but pictures you are posting are of real people whom you know nothing about or what they’ve been through or like in real person or the context of the picture. I guess what I’m saying is that while some of this may be funny it is at the expense of other people who did nothing to you and rather pathetic that you take the time out of your day to creep online and then save pictures of people you do not know and make up stuff about them. Who is the douche bag now?!

—–

Who is the douchebag now?

Actually, today, it’s this guy.

Tomorrow? Probably someone else.

# posted by douchebag1
1:07 pm July, 17 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

Diagram those first three sentences.

I dare you.

1:13 pm July, 17 Douchble Helix said...

I think that’s one of them ‘trick’ questions.

1:26 pm July, 17 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Mindy, I just went back and looked and you know what? Right now those guys are still douchebags. And it’s quite obvious you are well on your way to being a bleethed out hag who sits in her double wide yearning for the good old days when you were kind of cute instead of the used up whore you’ve become.

1:34 pm July, 17 creature said...

Mindy, may I offer you one suggestion? Take the English Composition class at GED Valley College before pursuing an online blogging career…

K?

1:37 pm July, 17 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

I can’t believe I’m going to say this. She has her opinion and based on the “I don’t date d-bags” statement I’m not bothered by her. My girlfriend thinks it’s “childish” to come on here once or fifteen times a day too.

1:40 pm July, 17 creature said...

… that & nice bewbs. spank my face with them whilst reciting Chaucer, please.

2:08 pm July, 17 Troy Tempest said...

OK, Mindy, let’s examine what passes for though as it is passed from your brain to your fingers to the computer to the interweb thing-a-ma-jig.

.

I dont date douchebags but I have many friends and if you want to call them douchebags without knowing them well I guess that makes you no better and actually a tool.

.

This is so disingenuous and self-serving, the hypocrisy reeks like a Spiny Anteater’s cloaca after giving birth to a dozen little dopey critturs and then taking a good healthy dump in self-satisfaction.

.

Look, you and your silicone implants are a direct refutation of just what you’re saying – you manipulate your appearance to certain ends, thusly inviting a specific kind of response. The douchenozzles you hang out with do the same thing because they know that bleethy dimwits like you respond to the *appearances* they are providing. Let’s recontextualise (I know that’s a big word, but bear with me here…) and look at other groups of people.

.

There’s a group of people who wear white beadsheets and conical white headgear that covers their faces. They have a habit of burning crosses. They are called the KKK, and they are a bunch of racist shitbags from hell. So, if I see a crowd of people dressed that way, even ironically, one would be filled with a sense of disgust, and rightfully so. So, we Judge On Their Sartorial Appearance (the clothes they wear) as to what class, group, and (k)clan they are identifying with.

.

Same thing with your douchie buddies. They are very much attached to acting and looking like narcissistic fuckwits, so we deem them to be narcissitic fuckwits. And because this kind of behaviour is anathema to our collective will here, we mock them, Because they are douchenozzles.

.

I personally dont care what you post about me but pictures you are posting are of real people whom you know nothing about or what they’ve been through or like in real person or the context of the picture.

.

So fucking what? They choose to go out in public looking like douchenozzles. Pictures are taken and end up on the internets and there they are found and eventually find their way here, so we can mock them for being the denizens of the shallow end of the gene pool they are.

.

I guess what I’m saying is that while some of this may be funny it is at the expense of other people who did nothing to you and rather pathetic that you take the time out of your day to creep online and then save pictures of people you do not know and make up stuff about them.

.

Oh, so now you get to tell us what is funny? What kind of oppressive tool of the conspiracy are you?

.

Who is the douche bag now?!

.

You are.

2:34 pm July, 17 Steve L. said...

oooooh Playboy’s Fight Club Bunny, Jessica Leigh!

is that really her? if so, i’d like to get Ms. Suzie McCoppin to address the question of “Who is the Douchebag Now?!”

okay okay forget it. why am i always so mean? i blame the 190-proof i just downed.

so uh anyway, if you’re defending yourself by telling us that you “didn’t even kiss the kid”, then you probably already understand where we’re coming from, Jessica, regardless of whether or not you want to admit it openly. so as far as i’m concerned, i don’t want to be too hard on you.

BUT your lawyer threats are douchey. and so are at least half the guys you’ve dated. i mean, come on, you’re a hot chick paid to mill around the UFC establishment and you want me to believe you don’t date douchebags? HA!

if it makes you feel better, though, i’m downing another shot of 190-proof as a tribute to your hotness and the despair it inspires when i see a pic of you rubbing your luscious boobies against some douchebag with a douchey “BEAUTIFUL” tatt.

2:36 pm July, 17 Steve L. said...

interesting fact: Alberta is the only province in Canada where 190-proof is legal. where else am i gonna get this stuff once i’m outta here?

*sob*

2:43 pm July, 17 Mr. White said...

I took a bullet for the team and watched about a minute of one of the vids on Mindy’s website. You might be surprised to learn she’s from New Jersey.

.

Or maybe not.

2:45 pm July, 17 Mr. White said...

Also, the question “Who’s the douche bag now?” kept reminding me of something, but I couldn’t figure out what. It just dawned on me:

.

Who’s laughing now?”

3:04 pm July, 17 Douches Wild said...

The poor child is still living in a Scrotocentric Universe, someone besides a marginal pud needs to realign her cosmos for her

3:05 pm July, 17 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Having done more research like…well reading the rest of the post, I need to take back my previous response. I mean really…what was I thinking?

3:06 pm July, 17 DarkSock said...

Mindy’s right.

.

.

When I do log on to teh interwebs, I do it with a creeping stance.

.

How did she know…?

3:09 pm July, 17 Horace Dangleballs said...

Whobag says “wah wah wah.”

At least she had the guts to not whine for her pics to be taken down. Points for that… which means she’s only 300 or so behind the leader.

3:09 pm July, 17 Jaan Kanellis said...

Defensive Douchette

3:20 pm July, 17 Guns-N-Douches said...

Mindy, let me offer you some advice: Write with your audience in mind. If you tap away and write a bunch of poorly structured, run-on sentences and post it to a site full of grammar Nazis who will rip you mercilessly for poor sentence composition, you should expect to be ridiculed and laughed at.

You see, though we (the loyal “hatters” at HCWDB) revel in childish humor, ripping on DBs and the dumb skanks that go for them, we are also an intelligent bunch who appreciate a good post that fires our zany criticism right back at us. Honestly, if you put together a well-written post rife with humor and wit, we would probably respect you in the morning… but your essay would have a 6th grader headed straight for summer school English class. The odds of us not ripping on your weak tirade are worse than the odds at a Vegas sportsbook on Bristol and Levi making it to their first anniversary.

Trade on your good looks for as long as you can because if this awful prose is evidence of the strength of your intellect, then falling back on the power of your gray matter just isn’t an option.

3:23 pm July, 17 DarkSock said...

I think the guy in the photo is as about as rich as a bass player could ever hope to be. Just a random thought there.

3:23 pm July, 17 doucheywallnuts said...

She’s a slightly better looking/lower earning/lower profile J-Woww who is better seen from certain angles and not heard or read.

4:16 pm July, 17 Bag A said...

Blondie’s gut looks sort of like mine. And…….I like it!

5:36 pm July, 17 Baleen said...

Noam Chomsky calls it Deep Structure.

.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deep_structure

.

I guess the subtext of her rant is poo.

5:42 pm July, 17 tall guy said...

Mindy, here’s the thing: as you are so clearly obsessed with appearance allow me to make a suggestion. Prior to your next “photo shoot”, try a 3 day carb fast. It’ll give the appearance of a flattened stomach. Otherwise OK.

6:11 pm July, 17 come up for air, Mindy. said...

Dearest Mindy-

I can only think that either you wrote into the site after a drunken girls’-night-out bender or after listening to morning radio talk shows because seriously, I think you need to take a breath or at least put a period in somewhere my fifth grade teacher would weep after viewing your almost criminal use of run-on sentences but then you were probably twirling a lock of your hair around your finger while typing or possibly dictating to someone else since you probably? say every third word? in the form of a sentence? exceptattheendwhenyoutalkreallyfast.

Also, please keep your spelling of “douchebag” the same throughout or you leave us no recourse but to mock you.

Once you’re done reading this, please pick your Old Navy flip flops up off the floor. Your parents wouldn’t be happy to return from their vacation to Montana and see their house in such shambles.

6:13 pm July, 17 Mr. Biggs said...

Hm ok. I can see the logic in this. I had an abusive father who beat me and my mom before kicking me to the curb at age 13, where I had to struggle my way through minimum wage jobs and foster homes, barely avoiding gangs and male prositiution.

I’ve survived it all a better person, but it’s left its toll. It compels me to shave and oil everything below the neck, carve out a perfect fung from my facial pubes, make renaissance sculpture out of my hair and wear more bling than Mt. T.

Yes, the causality from hard life to douchebaggery is pefectly clear to me now. It has nothing to do with bullshit looks and stories guys pull on the ladies so they can touch their naughty bits.

6:54 pm July, 17 scrotum pole said...

As I sit here wearing nothing but a pair of athletic socks and a studded dog collar, my only observation is that the dude in this photo has had his shoelaces removed.

.

.

Suicide risk at the county lockup, I guess.

.

.

.

Good Night.

10:26 pm July, 17 Whoop-di-douche said...

Yup. Mindy’s semantics are less than sharp, and her surface structure use of American English puts her in a poo dialect class.

She needs a lecture in English transformational grammar, but alas, it would go right by her puddy head, and she’d stumble over alliteration if she ran into it. Mindy, you lacka da style AND da substance.

When it comes to douchebaggery and Bleethettery, the only transformation is a one-way decline into POO, which, thank GOD( also a short and to-the-point word) is a veritable visual stinkbomb.

11:05 pm July, 17 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

Jeez – ya confused the hell outta me with this photo next to the Mindy/Jessica quote. I thought DB1 had taken leave of his senses and thought this blonde was her and I started to itch and get a headache but I’m OK now. Mostly.

6:19 am July, 18 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

Mindy – if you truly “don’t date douchebags” (also, it sounds very defensive when you write that first), then the least you can do is to tell them to quit wearing apparel designed by coked up monkeys in a Mongolian sweatshop. And tell them to stop spray tanning because it’s turning them into Oompa-Loompas. We make fun and chastise because we care.

Sort of.

6:49 am July, 18 Mr. White said...

@peter

To be fair, the apparel is designed by coked up douchebags in L.A., then manufactured by 7-year-olds in a Mongolian sweatshop. I’m nit-picking, but I think the distinction might be important.

7:48 am July, 18 massengill said...

“Gut?”

Y’all crazy.

8:17 am July, 18 Wedgie said...

I never liked the name Mindy. Today, I like it a little bit less.

Thanks for stopping by. C U Next Tuesday.

8:18 am July, 18 Wedgie said...

Can’t Understand Normal Thinking

8:19 am July, 18 Wedgie said...

for you military guys:

charlie uniform november tango

8:20 am July, 18 massengill said...

Who is it that is the douchebag, presently?

12:10 pm July, 18 Dicy said...

I don’t feel like responding too much to Mindy. She’s just defending her lifestyle as anyone would do, and because I think said lifestyle is douchey I’m not going to reason with her. She’s too far gone if she is this offended.

But this Blondie here, alright DB, you’ve been trying to make me like girls and you’ve been doing a good job of it, but with this one, I’ve switched teams. She’s porn star hot and not bleethy. Dunno how she managed it. I’m in love. Plus liek we have the some phone omgzzz! We’re so meant to be.

12:44 pm July, 18 Wedgie said...

^Dicy wins.

Again.

1:09 pm July, 18 Army of Douche-ness said...

I’ve always loved the “what they’ve been through” comment we see surface on occasion. To avoid all the possible interpretations from growing up in a broken home to being abused by alcoholic father to the economy and other un-controllables, let’s use the late 60’s-70’s military and today’s (though i am saying that this is NOT the case and completely fucking absurb).

Serving in ‘Nam lead to heroine addiction, shell-shock, a disintegration of the belief in the American Dream, general disenfranchisement , no less for whatever stupid reason, less opportunities to thrive professionally upon return.

in our era, serving in Iraq or Afghanistan just leads to affliction and ed hardy shirts, MMA poseury, and far too much manscaping.

yeah, i mean, you dont know what they’ve been through to end up this way.

1:19 pm July, 18 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Okay, so it may be because I find her so pretty, but I recommend going easy on Mindy. Reasons:

1) She did not request the pictures be taken down. That is a security in herself, that we generally do not see, when people write in to talk about/take down the pictures they’re in.

2) She is really pretty.

3) Her rant is far more coherent than: http://hotchickswithdouchebags.com/2010/05/reader-mail-the-unisex-yaz-dangler/ as a case in point.

4) She is really pretty.

Having said that, her ‘friends’ are undoubtedly douchebags, and deserve to be mocked. Forget mocked, I want to remove the ‘Beautiful’ tattoo with a hot iron.

Did I mention I would carry a camel on my back across the same desert (Syrian) that Khalid bin Walid led his army across in 600 AD because he didn’t feel like going around, just to lick the sweat out of the small hollow formed underneath Mindy’s right breast?

5:34 pm July, 18 Anonymous said...

Mindy if i say im a douche bag can i bang you?

if a tree falls in the forest,,,ahhh crap nvr mind

5:49 pm July, 18 Anonymous said...

I love when the bags send a hottie to the front lines, its one less shitbag to look at and one more gift from god to look art

5:56 pm July, 18 Jongo Gurmola said...

Uh, this is a nominative vs. dative fail on the who:whom dichotomy, Mindy.

I recommend you stick to venues in which the audience are your intellectual equal (possibly puppet shows).

7:19 pm July, 18 Medusa Oblongata said...

Dear Mindy aka Jessica aka Douchebag Parking Garage:

I no longer wanna tongue punch you in the fart box. In fact, I’ve turned quite in the opposite direction, repelled by your words. I’ve been absent from here for the last few days. As usual, I return to be disappointed at the genuine lack of coherent thought and writing ability of your ilk. As to be expected, you perpetuate the stereotype of the ultra-beautiful woman as being dense, insipid and immature. I have long lusted over women like you and wished I were one myself. But, I realize what I have in exchange and I am truly, truly grateful. For I never have to validate myself by going out in public in a bikini and dry-humping some knuckle-dragging, steroid-crazed troglodyte. I never have to worry about my skillset being limited to my appearance, which will fade in time, unlike real talent or brilliance. As is to be expected, you are the perfect object of desire–until you speak, and the dry wind that swirls in your empty skull is heard. Please shut up now, your question has been answered. For you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, are the douchebag.

7:48 pm July, 18 Dicy said...

Screw Blondie, I love Medusa. Though I’m pretty sure Ive professed my devotion before. If not, well there it was.

8:22 pm July, 18 Stephanie said...

Mindy Mindy Mindy….you poor idiot. Run on sentences,but you don’t care,you’re a bleeth,and dumb blonde waiting for a bus load of douchebags to boink you. That guy next to you,what does he actually do for a living,other than breathe my air? He can’t even even afford to buy a pair of shoelaces.

8:23 pm July, 18 Stephanie said...

Did someone shoot a load on his head, or a pigeon drop by?

8:51 pm July, 18 curbyourendouchiasm said...

Medusa?

:

you just brought a tear to my eye.

10:05 pm July, 18 Bag Margera said...

Bottom line is Mindy, your friend is going shirtless in a club. And I guess if pointing that out, with disapproval makes me a tool, then I’m perfectly comfortable with that.

6:25 am July, 19 DarkSock said...

And…I want to thank curbyourendouchiasm for linking us back to HER…
asdf

6:26 am July, 19 DarkSock said...

Damn, that Pfah gets all the hot ones…no wonder he never has time to comment anymore.

9:18 am July, 19 boatbutter said...

My brain is out of breath.

9:30 am July, 19 Deltus said...

I absolutely LOVE the “you don’t know what they’ve been through” argument against disliking someone. People use it all the time when describing their favorite band or musician. What they’ve been through. Their hard knock life. Yadda yadda. None of which matters. Music is rhetorical noise which makes it’s way into my ear holes, and I either like it or not. Same with judging douchewanks and boobie hottie suckle thigh on this here website. The image (and occasional text) goes in my eye holes, and I go from there. There’s nothing dishonest about it. There’s nothing unfair about it. That’s the way it is.

9:47 am July, 19 Anon said...

for some reason I think that people SHOULD be judged by their intentional outward douche signifiers and the fact that they are in a club in the first place, frollicking shirtlessly and drunkenly with dumb bimbos who will probably leave them with a rash of some sort.

I actually thought this chick was semi attractive until she posted replies and I saw her softcore pron pics.

to Mindy: Woo you’ve got boobs. Maybe they’ll draw the attention away from your white chick ass, your chubbo gunt, and your relative inability to form a paragraph.

now stfu and go back to being paid to look like a slut

11:05 am July, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Dicy–If you really loved me, you’d get your tits off the internet. Those are mine. Maybe I’ll have to paint an avatar for you as well.

6:27 pm July, 19 nathan said...

is this the same dude? maybe a more recent photo of him: http://peoplewtf.com/?p=277

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