Monday, July 19, 2010

Patel Pwns Freshman Year at Rutgers

And the dorms were never the same again.

In fact, I like Patel. He’s got a bit of ‘tude and a metallic suit, but I’m gonna hand out a nottadouche and a get back to physics studying, the midterm is in two days.

Good on you, Patel. The girls from neighboring Jersey State are properly liquefied and at least brief boob fondle is a distinct possibility in the witching hour.

# posted by douchebag1
3:06 pm July, 19 jonezy said...

does girl on the left have her head on backwards?

3:11 pm July, 19 mr.reeve said...

The chick in the white dress has no face and Patel will turn into a bag if he keeps hanging out in clubs with young American skanks. Beware of the evils of American club life Patel. You will be smelling like Axe and Red Bull if you don’t.

3:18 pm July, 19 Horace Dangleballs said...

Max Headroom called. He wants his suit back.

3:22 pm July, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Have you seen Kumar? He said he was going to brings these girls some sliders. What is this White Castle?

3:29 pm July, 19 soy bomb said...

I like Patel. He’s not only a nottadouche, but he’s elevated to Wicked Awesome in mine eyes.

3:29 pm July, 19 Douchble Helix said...

I have done a careful and thorough examination of my life to this point.

I’ll trade Patel even up. No questions asked.

3:37 pm July, 19 Steve L. said...

i don’t care how many nottadouche passes Patel gets, he does not deserve to use the word “pwn”.

there. i said it.

3:50 pm July, 19 Crucial Head said...

Cumdawg Millionaire.

3:51 pm July, 19 Sack O Douche said...

The pink shirt makes me wanna hit my head against a brick wall! Good God! I say Patel is on his way to Doucheville.

3:54 pm July, 19 chaserofthehott said...

Van Wilder the rise of Taj

4:06 pm July, 19 Casey said...

>the midterm is in two days

Those summer midterms are murder.

4:07 pm July, 19 Vin Douchal said...

He’s a rugged guy. And by rugged I mean I can smell his feet from here.

4:13 pm July, 19 Vin Douchal said...

I’m kinda digging Bridgette Bardot blondie with the Catwoman makeup job and the red laser beam eyes .

.

And by digging I mean propping her up on her Masters Degree in Internet Social Networking and licking her slime factory

4:14 pm July, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

A notta on Patel there. Because this kid probably has an IQ higher than mine plus my waist size plus mortgage plus pounds of pressure it takes to remove a human eyeball. This kid whipped my ass in every class through school without opening both eyes. Damn you, Patel. Enjoy the taste of success. As I tattoo cutesy phrases on the cracked, smelly hooves of fat sorority pigs and you are a brain surgeon, I wish I smoked way less weed in school.

4:42 pm July, 19 massengill said...

Nottadouche.

The girl drinking her drink with the floral shirt and hot pants reminds me of Bib Fortuna. Probably a camera with red-eye reduction would have fixed that, though.

5:04 pm July, 19 Mr. White said...

No notta for Patel. You guys are missing the subtle signs. Look at his right hand–he’s just about ready to flash a sign, or if nothing else, he’s saying to the camera, “Yeah, I’m a bad ass. Look at this flock of irregular semi-hotts surrounding me. I’m so swole I can even get the backward head chick to hang out.” In fact, I’ll go so far as to say someone wanted to take a picture of backward head chick, and Patel crawled under a table and popped up in the picture just to make it look like these chicks are with him.

.

I say douche.

5:33 pm July, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I have some good Christians over for a farewell evening before my move is complete and I am out of Toronto forever. They need some entertainment. Anyone have any valid links to tubgirl, goatse, and 2 girls one cup so I can twist their minds.

5:50 pm July, 19 soy bomb said...

It’s Patel’s first night out all semester and he can’t believe the quality of tail that’s wafting about. Methinks this won’t be Patel’s last night out either. He can kiss that 4.0 goodbye. Sorry dad!

6:08 pm July, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Notta, and who invited Regan McNeil to the party?

6:37 pm July, 19 Troy Tempest said...

If this is Rutgers, there is no “neighbouring Jersey State” school neighbouring it. It doesn’t need it – it’s built into the structure.

.

The Art Geeks go to Mason Gross School of the Arts at Rutgers.

The Medical and Math Geeks go to class on Busch Campus.

The Aggies and transgenic Pot Wizards go to Cook.

The Humanties and Women’sStudies people go to Douglass.

The Soft Science dorks go to Rutgers Campus.

The legal parasites go to Rutgers Law school in Newark NJ.

The Stoner retards go to Livington Campus.

And the kids who can’t get in to any of the above because they are

1. too ADD

2. have fetal alcohol syndrome

3. crack babies

4. have tourettes syndrome or are moderately autistic

go to Rutgers at Camden.

.

These chicks? Look pretty low rent. Definitely studying Psychology at Livingston or “fashion design” at MGSA.

6:47 pm July, 19 Douchble Helix said...

It’s mainly the blond that makes me willing to trade lives even up with Patel.

As for ‘backwards head’, maybe she’s not facing the way y’all think she is?

8:20 pm July, 19 Jacques Doucheteau said...

He knows all of those girls’ first names, and half their last names. The blonde in the foregroud vaguely remembers seeing him in her Gen Chem class, but the rest of them don’t know who he is.

.

They’re all drinking Sex on the Beach and Mai Thais, because those are the only drink names they know. He’s having a Monopolova Moscow Mule, becuase the taste of Ginger Ale and lime juice reminds him of childhood and a summer trip to San Diego with the parents. That was the first, and last time, he will ever visit Sea World; yet he will remember it with fondness for the rest of his days.

.

They’re all dressed up because Spring term is almost over. He’s all dressed up because a friend of his ensures him that dressing up in a suit will get him “guaranteed sorority snatch” if he goes to the Ferry St. Lounge on a Saturday night.

.

The girls are in the picture because that’s what the cameraman was taking a picture of. This is one of over 500 similar pictures, of different girls, at different clubs and parties. The cameraman is in his late 30’s, single, quiet, and will be convicted of sexual assault and child pornography in 2011. Patel is in the very center of photo and in focus, despite the fact that the camerman didn’t notice him there when he took the picture, or even after masturbating to it for the fifth time.

.

Patel’s looking cool for the camera, because the last time his picture was taken was for the family Christmas card. He was wearing an ugly sweaty, and holding the family Boston Terrier, Pudgey.

.

(sigh)

.

The story of my life…

8:28 pm July, 19 Douchble Helix said...

And why is Patel so short? Are these girls all getting crazy, dancing on tables and shit?

9:20 pm July, 19 creature said...

I’ve got no problem with Patel, save for the fruity rum drink he’s totin’… sack up, Patel & sip your grog straight with a cube or 2 for the proper chill… If you keep slurping those sugary fruit quaffs, you’ll get buzzed alright, then ralph all over that pretty suit your pappa bought you for acing advanced placement calculus senior year

9:22 pm July, 19 Troy Tempest said...

And Patel grew up in North Edison, NJ, which has one of the largest Indian communities outside India. If you are ever in the area, go to the restaurant “Moghul” on Oak Tree Rd. It’s on the south side at the far end of an ugly Mall. Best Indian Food EVER. Local nick name for that area has changed from the Oak Tree neighbourhood to “Little Dehli”.

9:26 pm July, 19 creature said...

& Patel has no legs… he lost them in Pashtun knife fight

9:51 pm July, 19 Whoop-di-douche said...

Patel is merely a Bollywood wannbe agent lurking at an American campus known for doucheitude, and about to drown in Bleethery.

11:30 pm July, 19 Lord McBaggin said...

Notta.

But, the chick with no face kinda scares me. It reminds me of when i was young and first saw a Great Horned Owl look backwards. i was convinced it was the devil coming to take my soul for stealing my sisters candy.

5:44 am July, 20 Mr. White said...

Patel once defeated Samurai Scrote in a staring contest, using the power of his mysterious, unblinking stare.

5:45 am July, 20 Mr. White said...

The girl in the white dress displeased Patel, so he twisted her head around 180 degrees so that her visage would no longer offend him.

5:46 am July, 20 Mr. White said...

Creature is correct about Patel losing his legs. Now he uses his cast iron balls to walk on.

5:46 am July, 20 Mr. White said...

Patel once fucked Rutgers. The entire university.

5:47 am July, 20 Mr. White said...

Patel peed in a sacred cow once.

6:19 am July, 20 Condouchious say... said...

Definitely notta…no excessive bling, no punchworthy facial expressions, no stupid hair, and frankly not a single douche signifier. Considering the overabundance of Affliction, Ed Hardy, and the like I want commend Patel for rocking the suit. He’s like a Bollywood version of Neil Patrick Harris’ character from ‘How I Met Your Mother.’ Btw I believe the Bollywood version would ‘How I Met Your Mother Through an Arranged Marriage Deetrmined by Your Grandparents when She and I Were About Your Age.’

6:52 am July, 20 Bagnonymous said...

Timmy! My good man.. take the pink-dressed brunette directly behind you. (You’ll know which one I’m talking about because she’s the only one who doesn’t look like a space-invader alien femme-bot.) She’s got an empty drink glass and looks ripe for the picking. So put down your glass o’ piss, stop mugging for the camera, and go bring her a new drink!

7:11 am July, 20 Bag Margera said...

I would say that’s a bag hand gesture. A subtle one but douchey none-the-less. It screams “Look at me. Am I not in a club drinking beer from a straw, with lots of beautiful western women? Am I not all that is man?” Yes Patel. You are a shiny Example.

8:45 am July, 20 Webalot said...

Kumar? What is that, like 4 O’s and 5 U’s?

9:03 am July, 20 Deltus said...

I’m bordering on not giving a notta. He’s not Stage 1 yet, but he’s Stage 0.83. One dumb hand gesture, one dumb kissy lips, just one piece of chin fung or stupid design in his head, and that notta will disappear faster than a pro-Obama story on the Fox News editor desk.

9:55 am July, 20 Love Fat and Ugly said...

Drinking with a straw = AutoDouche

Must be practicing for his feltching session with the girls later, or then again maybe his drink is a result of his feltching session

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=feltching

10:10 am July, 20 DarkSock said...

I have no truck with the legless; so notta. Unless he gets up on stilts.

10:44 am July, 20 tall guy said...

Most, if not all, the socio-geographical comments have been lost on this Australian, but I’ll play Devil’s advocate and call Patel a douche of the highest order. For me, it’s his open armed expressiveness that does it. Plus there’s the bloody dinner suit, the wearing of which can make even the most hideous oxygen thief look like James Bond.

2:40 pm July, 20 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hey Patel buddy. You need to score some HGH to be able to touch the hotts. Unless your arms are seven feet long and then that just makes you a freak.

8:27 pm July, 20 Stephanie said...

He must think that’s his harem….He’s so short…no legs huh? he must be one of those guys who rides around on a skateboard in little Delhi,get it?

8:46 pm July, 20 Mr. Biggs said...

You know what, I like this picture. It’s the promise of America to all immigrants, that one day they too can pose gangsta style in front of a gaggle of woo hotties.

10:25 pm July, 20 Douchble Helix said...

Patel is known is his homeland as “The Punjabi Joey Bishop”. I’ll be a sonofagun.

3:04 pm July, 26 Aaron said...

Which way is that girl facing? Her body is all kinds of backwards. It’s kinda freaking me out a little.

And this guy is pretty close. I’m guessing if you catch him daily he’s a shoe in 4 of them.

9:23 pm July, 26 Larry A said...

You guys amaze me!! Stop the hate, try to get laid and be more open-minded as the country you live in is just one of hundreds in this world!! Peace out and greets from Tdot

Leave a Reply

What is 13 + 4 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)