Sunday, July 18, 2010

Sixteen Seconds of Douchebag Frolic

New rule: Holding the camera sideways while videotaping a scrote renders you autoscrote.

# posted by douchebag1
9:11 am July, 18 soy bomb said...

Ok I’ll bite, after all, it’s only 16 seconds…

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…could only make it through 3, but if nothing else, these dance movements have encouraged my bowel movements this hungover Sunday morn, so at least this scrote was good for something.

9:12 am July, 18 Douches Wild said...

Hmmmmm my age betrays me- pop music seems to be pitch corrected nattering accompanied by toy department rhythms, contemporary art is pitched to irony drench conn-o-sewers who hate their bodies, and “dancing” has been relegated to frenetic asymmetrical spasms that look like a rectal itch on steroids. Thank God for the enduring verity of gape-worthy BAZONGAS.

9:17 am July, 18 Wheezer said...

@Soy Bomb, 9:11 a.m. –

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You and I were affected similarly, though I deserve it more for sitting through its entirety.

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Now I have to take a dump, and I sure hope that relieves the pain.

9:19 am July, 18 Steve L. said...

shortly thereafter, the cameraman and the dancer enjoyed a horizontal mambo. or horizontal tango. tango is, after all, the vertical expression of horizontal desire.

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meh i’m just going by the book right now.

9:20 am July, 18 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Where’s an angry drunken step dad when you need one?

9:23 am July, 18 Steve L. said...

and what “book” am i reading right now?

Unverifiable Euphemisms of Sex 101

9:36 am July, 18 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

My brother-in-law is dating a lady with two young boys, both riddled with ADD (the kids…I think). The older boy, 13, often breaks out into spontaneous dance, which looks exactly like what I witnessed in this video except that after the first couple seconds he begins moving backwards and can’t seem to figure out how to dance either in place or forwards. Makes me wish my house was located on the top of bluff with cliffs on all sides.

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Or near the freeway.

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Note, I felt that way before watching the video. Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m off to browse realtor.com.

10:08 am July, 18 Et Tu Douche? said...

The frolic dance makes me ill, thank goodness I don’t hang out in clubs or Burger King parking lots

10:24 am July, 18 The Blogs Rocket said...

Very nice article, thanks! I’ve subscribed to your RSS feed. Please keep up posting.

10:50 am July, 18 Baleen said...

An Alpaca grazing the Patagonian foot hills just shed a tear and farted in the chilly wind.

10:53 am July, 18 Mr. White said...

@douches wild

To be fair, I don’t think this is really “pop music” as much as it is the droney, hyper, pointless computer-composed crap they play exclusively in modern day dance clubs. The “music” has no ups or downs or any emotional investment whatsoever–it just chugs along at 180 bpm to satisfy the Ecstasy-riddled audience members and create enough white noise to muffle the cries of 16-year-old girls being date raped by douchebags.

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I remember watching a clip of some douche (I wish I remembered where it was) “writing” some of this sh!t on his Dell laptop and then shopping it to either a radio guy or record industry rep, and their response was, “Yeah, that sounds like the crap they play at the (now defunct NYC club) Sound Factory at 3 in the morning. We’ll pass.”

10:54 am July, 18 Sir Boo said...

That is not a dance. Call 911 – the kid is having a convulsion.

10:55 am July, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

It’s always a tad fun to see scrotes in action because it reminds me of

a) African tribal dancing

b) teeny-boppers bopping around

c) ADHD set to music

d) gay mating rituals

I saw a mug shot of Jesse Thornhill posted on AOL and even though a still, it has plenty of excess douche action going on, such as implanted devil horns, tatts, piercings, etc…raising the eternal question, WHY???? To which a douchewad always replies, “Why NOT?”

12:03 pm July, 18 creature said...

do they make ‘Raid’ for humans… just askin

12:16 pm July, 18 Dicy said...

For the love of SFM and whoever your favorite deity is.. why do people dance like this!?! I really need to get to work on my submarine…

12:52 pm July, 18 tall guy said...

Although the water is somewhat cloudy from a moral point of view, I support this new rule. It is the sheer weight of expectation so apparent in the angles of the camera-working dude that clinched it. God bless that fundamental cornerstone of democracy.

1:12 pm July, 18 Army of Douche-ness said...

So we must asusme a guy does this to impress the ladies and with the internet being a big fucking place, it won’t just be the girl next door or one that can make a literal physical impact in his life…all i’m saying is that preening over the internet for girls in far away places is what leads to sex like we saw in Demolition Man. “I still jerk off manually” like the Dude said…

AoD

1:34 pm July, 18 G said...

Looks like a self-induced orgasm to me…camera guy couldn’t resist, hence only 16 seconds of torture.

2:40 pm July, 18 MILLS said...

i love how frolicing videos provide a very unique insight into the body language of douche and how they attract their female..(or male) counterparts..after all christ knows how many of these dances on the dancefloor in the natural habitat of douche has led to douche and douchette mating..this shit should b on the douchscovery channel!..

2:47 pm July, 18 DarkSock said...

Dicy: a word of warning – if Mr. White offers you a “yellow submarine”, politely decline.

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Trust me on this one.

3:28 pm July, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

If Mr White offers you a “yellow submarine”, politely offer him a colonosco….er, uh, a periscope.

3:33 pm July, 18 Whoop-di-douche said...

Why can’t these douchedudes just sign up for dancing lessons at the local Arthur Murray studio?

They might discover that “ball room” dancing has a whole new meaning,especially if they go jock-strapless and wear saggies.

3:51 pm July, 18 DarkSock said...

It has been said that writing about music is like dancing about architecture. Given that, my comments about this lad would best be convey by perpetrating a bowel movement over my keyboard, but this is a shiny new maxed out Studio XPS so instead I’ll crap on my Mom’s old IBM Selectric and snail mail it to The Boss.

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In the meantime: This kid has distilled mental retardation into dance. If he’d be still his IQ would double. It would still fall shy of room temperature, but he wouldn’t be “shit ‘n fall back in it” stupid.

3:52 pm July, 18 DarkSock said...

Don’t let Mr. White offer a “Red October” either. It involves a ball gag and a potato peeler.

3:52 pm July, 18 DarkSock said...

Or so I’m told.

5:49 pm July, 18 doucheywallnuts said...

Many phrases come to mine…spastic colon, kill him, white people can’t dance, and people thought disco was bad?, i feel like vomiting, this country is doomed, i’m glad i don’t have a daughter, whoever came up with the backward hat tilt should get stomach cancer, etc…

5:50 pm July, 18 creature said...

beware of his ‘Crimson Tide’!

5:52 pm July, 18 creature said...

it involves a bathtub, V8 & a vacuum hose

5:53 pm July, 18 creature said...

as well as a hovering Medusa Oblongata

6:39 pm July, 18 08ArmyDoc said...

This babydouche is, what, 16? Maybe, just maybe, we can stop his breeding if we snip his nadstrings now.

Hand me the rusty scissors. Thanks

6:42 pm July, 18 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Where have I seen this before? .

I was hoping this ridiculous cultural excrement that evacuated the Parisbags or Frenchbags skinny jeans would never jump the pond. I mocked long and hard when this started to come out because Québec or the east coast would have been the likely vector for this type of wankery infection. It appears that this some sort of mutant form. Man, I had no idea it could adapt this fast. My dear hunters, I have failed.

6:55 pm July, 18 scrotum pole said...

For the love of God, don’t be enticed by the “Handyman Special.”

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It involves a bottle of Drano, a pipe wrench and a plumbing snake.

7:01 pm July, 18 scrotum pole said...

^ ^ You’ll be thinking, “Damn, I coulda’ had a V8.”

7:24 pm July, 18 Medusa Oblongata said...

BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

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I’d love to contribute to that but I got nothin’.

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But if that video made you ill, here’s one that will cure you. My apologies if this is old news. I’ve been way out of the loop for a while, here. I don’t know who that guy is, but he should be canonized a saint, immediately. And then he should come over and do the same thing to the kid in this video.

7:28 pm July, 18 Crucial Head said...

Oh Medusa… where to begin?

7:37 pm July, 18 creature said...

uhm, Crucial… if I had to start, it would be with a 12 volt battery charger & a wet sponge!

7:44 pm July, 18 MoeDouche said...

Last night I went to a private club and witnessed the complete opposite of what this DB is attempting to do: dance.

We watched an elderly couple perform a rumba, cha-cha-cha, and a waltz with ease and class. They inspired me to take my old lady for a waltz on the dance floor. I guess the classics never go out of style after all.

7:45 pm July, 18 Dicy said...

I like potato peelers.

7:47 pm July, 18 Mr. White said...

I’ve never had any complaints about the Red October. Especially when I engage the caterpillar drive and sing patriotic Russian songs.

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Right, Medusa?

8:25 pm July, 18 Stephanie said...

Do you really think you look cool dancing like that?

Wow,just wow.

8:32 pm July, 18 scrotum pole said...

There are several variations of a game they call, “Duct, Duct, Goose,” but they all require two rolls of duct tape and a half-gallon of vodka.

6:23 am July, 19 DarkSock said...

And then there’s the “Ball Peein’ Ham ‘er”, involving a ball gag, a cured ham and chronic incontinence.

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sorry…

9:44 am July, 19 Deltus said...

@Medusa: thanks for the link to watching Snooki get punched in the face! The commentators have it all wrong, though: that was glorious.

10:21 am July, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

This “dance” is not the result of a spastic colon or IBS. No, it has all the earmarkings of one too many gerbils in his ass. For you see, there is always one “alpha” gerbil in the pack and the others usually follow along. What we are witnessing in this video however, is a battle between two male gerbils for dominance. Now if only we could find a way to breed gerbils with huge antler racks on them…

11:11 am July, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Mr. White 7:47

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Nyet. покажите мне вашу субмарину.

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@ Deltus 9:44–I know. I turned the sound off and instead imagined the sound of a stadium full of people cheering.

3:57 pm July, 19 mr.reeve said...

“frolic dance mergie rippin it”? is all I needed to see.

2:31 pm July, 20 Anonymous said...

I frolic with my dick when my wife is out of town. River dancing for douchebags? I don’t get it.

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