Wednesday, July 7, 2010

We Are the Sum of the Choices We Make

A friend of mine once said this to me while we were in college.

We were at a party, witnessing the spectacle of a drunk hottie we both desired to gnaw upon, who stumbled into some bushes. Fell down. And then peed herself.

“We are the sum of the choices we make.”

When the early Christian gnostics began repackaging Judaism for the masses, they understood this simple concept. That the Hebraic ambiguity of a God of indeterminacy could never pack ’em in like the Bruckheimer spectacle of epic battle between good and evil.

Sin and redemption.

Boobies and pink speedos.

Dragon tatts and spikey hair in a club that resembles a red satin insane asylum.

We are the sum of the choices we make.

# posted by douchebag1
11:12 am July, 7 creature said...

that’s why my head hurts every morning

11:31 am July, 7 Mr. White said...

Laura struggled all of her life with her superfluous third leg, but she eventually decided her deformity wouldn’t keep her down. She threw one of her one-legged jeans onto her crotch-leg and a kicky skirt on top and went out to the clubs anyway, damn it. Let them stare if they must!

11:31 am July, 7 Crucial Head said...

They are actually lounging on Plinky’s mom’s sofa armrest. They won’t last long once she sits down to eat a herd of bison.

11:36 am July, 7 doucheintheheartoftexas said...

I just saw him last night on Netflix — The Douche With The Dragon Tattoo.

Can’t wait to see the next two parts of the Douche-lenium Trilogy: The Douche Who Played With Fire and the The Douche Who Kicked the Hardy Nest.

11:37 am July, 7 Anonymous said...

those poor girls, cheap club, cheap booze and huge douche. those girls look infected, perhaps a chaser of vicodin, valtrex and penecilin could help, could’nt hurt

11:47 am July, 7 jcdouchey said...

Now that’s a douchebag!

11:54 am July, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Gayest.Tatt.Reveal.EVER.

12:01 pm July, 7 Vin Douchal said...

I’m no math wizz but the sum of this equation looks like zero

12:16 pm July, 7 Turdacious said...

Snakeskins ballet moves and body odor really attracted the ladys and his real target, the guys

12:18 pm July, 7 Turdacious said...

Snakeskin had a problem, how do i get my chainlink underwear back on the inside without anybody noticing

12:20 pm July, 7 Baleen said...

They seem to be frolicking in Xenu’s underground Lair of the Red Anus.

12:22 pm July, 7 Turdacious said...

when Ulez yanked on snakeskins manpurse it seperated his ball sack in a very painful manner, at least now he can answer the question for certain, am i a righty or a lefty

12:34 pm July, 7 Jaques Doucheteau said...

Jean-Paul Sartre stated, “Man is not the sum of what he has already, but rather the sum of what he does not yet have, of what he could have.”

.

Sartre also said, “As far as men go, it is not what they are that interests me, but the douchebags they can become.”

12:38 pm July, 7 Douchble Helix said...

You both fucked her, right? That’s the ‘choice’ in the moral of the story, isn’t it?

And as Satchel Paige said, “Don’t look back. Something might be gaining on you.”

12:39 pm July, 7 Cybele said...

OMG! Mr White + Heart of texas… I’m crying I’m laughing so hard! Best comments ever! Wipes eyes. Wow!

2:57 pm July, 7 Stephanie said...

They truly belong in the rubber room.

3:42 pm July, 7 DarkSock said...

It was all fun and games until Plinky’s Mom’s sneeze cause her vagina to involuntarily clamp shut.

3:44 pm July, 7 DarkSock said...

The gang was appalled; not at the sheer volume of Sir Elton John’s butthole but rather at the hideous end table they found at the entrance.

3:45 pm July, 7 DarkSock said...

The Jolly Green Giant grew steadily frustrated as his BB’s again missed their targets and imbedded in the side of beef behind them.

6:42 pm July, 7 Steve L. said...

whatever happened to the adage “the whole is greater than the some of its parts”?

yep. douchebags and bleeths killed the adage.

10:35 pm July, 7 armydouche said...

now these are some great examples of ‘bag. hope to see them in the weekly.

11:28 pm July, 7 Whoop-di-douche said...

I independently discovered this same maxim while dining on dim sum in San Francisco recently.

California, the bellwether state…

11:29 pm July, 7 Whoop-di-douche said...

And speaking of wethers, perhaps Crucial still has his little goat tied out back.

11:35 pm July, 7 Whoop-di-douche said...

I had a friend who once owned a Pontiac convertible with upholstery like that. Bought it used in Hoboken, back in the late 60’s.

I’m thinking that the scale of these Douchettes and Wads to the red leather button-downs is evidence enough that they’ve been hangin’ with

a) Alice in Wonderland’s “Drink Me” and “Eat Me” team

b) The Incredible Shrinking Man

c) Munchkins

d) Fairies

11:36 pm July, 7 Whoop-di-douche said...

I’m thinking that the scale of these Douchettes and Wads to the red leather button-downs is evidence enough that they’ve been hangin’ with

a) Alice in Wonderland’s “Drink Me” and “Eat Me” team

b) The Incredible Shrinking Man

c) Munchkins

d) Fairies

11:38 pm July, 7 Whoop-di-douche said...

Whaaaatttt???

11:46 pm July, 7 Whoop-di-douche said...

The tatt-reveal dancin’ with the stars pose here is as extreme douche as any I can remember on this site. And that is saying a LOT.

It’s even worse than Mooby in his moobs-reveal shirt.

I’m in a state of ongoing recovery from viewing THAT photo, which was permanently etch-a-sketched onto my retinas, and from which my diaphragm is still scarred from laughing uncontrollably.

11:50 pm July, 7 Whoop-di-douche said...

Hottie in Black on the right believes that ” ridin’ the pony” will relieve the itch that otherwise a douchebag full of medicated liquid might soothe.

I say give her the Hott Water Bottle Award for sneaky trickery.

7:17 am July, 8 MarcusDoucherelius said...

“When the early Christian gnostics began repackaging Judaism for the masses, they understood this simple concept. That the Hebraic ambiguity of a God of indeterminacy could never pack ‘em in like the Bruckheimer spectacle of epic battle between good and evil. ”

I think that’s one of the best lines I’ve ever read on here.

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