Friday, August 6, 2010

Ask DB1: Is George Hamilton a Historical ‘Bag?


—-
Dear DB1,

Seeing that tanning, real and in most cases fake, is a major signifier of douchiness can we surmise that George Hamilton is douche?

Let’s face it he does pull Hotts is always a weird hue of orange. I wanna say no because other then then the tan he really has no other signifiers.

— Et Tu Douche?
—-

This is a tough call and a good question, E.T.D., as other than the extreme orangeness, George Hamilton has a pretty good sense of humor and doesn’t take himself seriously.

I’m gonna rule nottadouche under a performative leniency exemption (aka “Rockstar Leniency Rule”) since orangeness is so clearly part of his shtick.

That being said, Hamilton did play a role for introducing unhealthy skin tone into the larger discourse, and so must be judged historically accordingly.

# posted by douchebag1
9:33 am August, 6 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Yeah, Notta.
.
MC 900 Foot Douchebag in 2016!!!

9:36 am August, 6 doucheywallnuts said...

Notta…Very cool guy…

9:42 am August, 6 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

George signs autographs with fake tan spray through an airbrush nozzle inserted in his finger tip.
.
His sperm is also alarmingly rusty in hue.
.
True story.
.
And Notta.

9:43 am August, 6 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

And he should kick Dane Cook there right square in the nutsack.

9:46 am August, 6 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I say notta, as orange as they come, but he seems like a pretty cool guy.

9:56 am August, 6 DarkSock said...

History will judge him as being the photo negative answer to Michael Jackson in terms of lifetime skin hue change, but notta.
And, he’s a snazzy dresser too.

10:00 am August, 6 Captain Garanichode said...

antique jaundice poo

10:09 am August, 6 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Notta. And the reason he doesn’t kick Dane Cook in the nutsack? because he senses a lack of said sack, and realizes it is a worthless effort.

10:26 am August, 6 creature said...

played Evel Knievel in a movie, nuff said, notta!

10:28 am August, 6 Deltus said...

Notta, but does deserve a little scorn for introducing the world, and therefore also douchedom, to over-tanning in pop culture. Not even a wrist slap. More of a finger wagging.

10:36 am August, 6 Crucial Head said...

Notta.
.
He’s got a wicked torqued mulebrow.

10:56 am August, 6 Tony Ventresca said...

Historically it was Cary Grant who was famous for having a deep, dark tan 12 months of the year and it was Grant who George Hamilton probably copied. It’s worth noting that Hamilton had almost no tan in “Eight Heads in a Duffel Bag”, which by the way is a funny film. And in an age of Gollywood actors wearing flip flops with suits, I’m glad Hamilton still finds the time to put on a suit before leaving the house. Who knows? Maybe he’s a real son-of-a-bitch in his private life, but in public he’s a gentleman. He gets a nottadouche pass from me.

11:00 am August, 6 DarkSock said...

George Hamilton showed me that “sauve and debonair” was not pronounced “swaive and d’boner”. Thank you, George.

11:01 am August, 6 DarkSock said...

George Hamilton showed me that gentlemen part their pubic hair to match the coif on their pate. Thank you, George.

11:01 am August, 6 DarkSock said...

George Hamilton showed me how to properly use salad fork, dinner fork, spoon and knife whilst urinating. Thank you, George.

11:03 am August, 6 DarkSock said...

George Hamilton showed me the proper “akimbo” stance to employ whilst titty-fuccen. And also that gentlemen only titty-sex mammals (since, technically, they alone bear mammaries), and preferably within one’s own genus, and NEVER before labor day. Thank you, George.

11:04 am August, 6 DarkSock said...

George Hamilton showed me how to download melanoma from iTunes. Thank you, George.

11:04 am August, 6 McLeery said...

Notta; He is slick, but no greasy hand gestures, no duckface, no handling a bottle of Grey Goose like it is an extension of his member….Mr Hamilton is ok in my book

11:05 am August, 6 DarkSock said...

I would also like to point out that while Mr. Hamilton is quite tan, mine is decidedly darker in hue.

11:17 am August, 6 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ MC 900
.
Can I be science advisor AND Secretary of Defense? Just askin’.

11:29 am August, 6 Et Tu Douche? said...

Thanks DB1 for publishing my question and based on the responses George gets a pass. I doubt they had fake tanning back in his heyday so he earned his “hue” the old fashioned way, lazing by his pool in Beverly Hills or Palm Springs or on the beaches in St Tropez, Portofino, Marbella, etc.

11:31 am August, 6 The Dude said...

George Hamilton is about 95 years old. Does the douche virus wear off after a while?

11:35 am August, 6 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Notta. He’a a clown. I think he was married to Rod Stewart’s ex-wife Alanna before Rod married her to stop the rumors of his semen and gin filled stomach adventures. It didn’t work Rod. So George also gets the transitive rock star nod for banging her first.

@Mr.Scrotato Head

I love you man.

11:39 am August, 6 Wheezer said...

I think we had once discussed him here, sometime back when the Boss was looking for ideas on tweaking the site. I suggested that he was sort of a grandfather figure to douchebags based on the perpetual tan (something like that), though he seems likable enough and not a total scrotewank.
.
I have to wonder if he’s in any way related to our own Admiral Hamilton Mantitty, though.

12:30 pm August, 6 doucheywallnuts said...

Something about GH reminds me of the Dos Equs “Most Interesting Man in the World” dude.

1:40 pm August, 6 Stephanie said...

Notta,he has a sense of irony and actually knows what that means,too. Unlike the others…

2:57 pm August, 6 Steve L. said...

i’m not old enough to know anything about George Hamilton’s career and works.
but he does look pretty orange.

3:56 pm August, 6 Wedgie said...

George gets a big notta. First, he likes a very dry vodka martini, which happens to be one of my favorites (especially with jalapeno stuffed olives).

Second, and more importantly, he is the maker of Hamilton Reserve Torpedoes, one of the best smokes ever created.

I hope I look that good at 71. Hell, I hope I’m still alive at 71.

6:53 pm August, 6 Medusa Oblongata said...

Yeah, notta. He parodies himself pretty well, these days he appears more in films as ‘Himself’ than as a character, and has lampooned his toasty tan in a few print ads as well for some rather un-glam products. He’s never in clubs with this shirt off humping on Hotts, he dresses so goddamned snappy that I wanna hump the leg of his impeccably tailored trousers. Gray in the hair like that makes me so fuccen hot besides, he better scotch-gard his trou if we’re ever in the same room. George for the notta and me for the ‘bate with the’ rich daddy-man giving me a spanking’ fantasy.

12:07 pm August, 8 boatbutter said...

He’s notta a “Notta,” he’s a fuckin’ bag.

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