Saturday, August 14, 2010

Ask DB1: Tatt ’em and Taboo

—–
Dear DB1

I would like to start this question off with a simple reminder to all readers that I will submit unconditionally to the rulings of my fellow Bag-Hunters and the omnipotent DB1 regarding this matter.

That being said I am concerned with one of your older posts not quite hitting the nail accurately enough on the proverbial head. When you say that tattoos involving “tasteful or artistic” things are not inherently bag I would tend to disagree.

Perhaps this is only in my personal experience, but I have noticed a trend up here in my hometown whereby many people I know I tend to mock for douchebaggery due to their excessive tribal or likewise, only to learn that they are in fact passable as nottadouches! The opposite is true as well. Many people I meet in my day to day douche-mockery have “tasteful” tattoos and yet when pressed for a story or explanation for the origins of said tattoos, give excessively douchey responses.

So my question to you, all knowing father DB1 is this: Are not those with tasteful tattoos just as susceptible to levels of inherent douchebaggery? In this case for being pseudo-intellectual douches? And if so, are not those with tattoos of things they like, no matter how pointless they may seem, able to be passable as more than steaming piles of douche with a side of chode fries?

Sincerely,
Admiral “It’s a Douche-Trap!” Ackdouche

—-

This is an interesting point Admiral Ackdouche, and it reminds us that douchebaggery, and Bleethery in the females, is, of course, made up of a complex formulation of numerous variables (faux, tatts, sneery face, hand gestures, Ed Hardy, Axe bodyspray, etc.) in relational discourse.

Each of these variables can be mitigated as part of a larger whole in terms of critical analysis of the hottie/douchey ratio. Just as some hotties can offer one single hottribute, or simply be a sexy greater than the sum total of objectifications, so too can our ‘bags be marked. Tatts alone do not always tell the whole scrotal story.

# posted by douchebag1
12:38 pm August, 14 creature said...

inversely, there are non-tatted septic vats of douche swill… therein lies the “douche as character” syndrome. those with generic uninspired tatts are sometimes unimaginative sheep or copycat douche… even in the steaming pile that is douche world, it takes all kinds

12:39 pm August, 14 creature said...

also, as pictured, are the live for today & leave an unattractive yet colorful corpse douche

12:45 pm August, 14 soy bomb said...

Urge to kill…growing…don’t fight it…embrace…let out inner terminator…unthinking…unyeilding…killing…machine….must…go to beach…must lust after hotties…hopefully no…scrotes will be there…for their sake…urge to brew coffee first…

12:51 pm August, 14 Wedgie said...

Future Farmers of America, Southeast San Diego Chapter.

12:52 pm August, 14 Baleen said...

Douche’s bling on the left completes the tatt on his stomach. It now says, “STD”.
.
I think I can actually smell this photo.
Vomits.

12:56 pm August, 14 Baleen said...

Seriously, this is one of the most rage inducing pics floating around here lately. Fuccen gross. Boss, can we get some Pear this afternoon?

1:25 pm August, 14 Douche Bigelow said...

I saw them in a fake e-thug psa on interweb tubes. Never have seen those aids victims they are standing with though.

2:45 pm August, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

My eyes need an injection of Cipro. These people are gonorrhific douche-punks. I hate tattoos. Must get back to my Canadian Club and Pepsi.

4:23 pm August, 14 Wheezer said...

Brothabag Edgar now has Weekly competition. The bleeths may do these chumps in, but the ‘baggery is epic here.
.
After all, SoftDick on the left tattooed himself a hairline. (OK, maybe it’s just a tight helmet, but it certainly looks too shiny for stubble….)

4:38 pm August, 14 clam fist said...

Lot of ink on douches and non douches. There is only one true mark of the scrote…… The name NED. I have never found this signifier to be wrong.

4:53 pm August, 14 Poo Vardis said...

One thing about the poo/ shite stain is that it will come off eventually – not this load of dog vomit – at least these guys are not familiar with the inside of a Gym and it shows.

6:53 pm August, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

All-time douchebag move is to have a sports team logo tatted on your torso. The fact that on the hideous excuse for human flesh in this picture the SD is bigger than it is on the actual uniform makes him a candidate for at least DBotW.

7:12 pm August, 14 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

There is one thing that DOES tell the whole scrotal story: tatts on the scrotum. I wince at the thought, and so did he during the act of submission.

7:15 pm August, 14 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

There is such an overload of tatts in this photo that the leopard print top appears to be tatted onto the boobies in an act of comraderie.

In a similar move, the sunglasses are welded onto the heads of the comrades in an act of skullduggery.

7:17 pm August, 14 Mr. White said...

I wonder if leopard print bleeth got a discount because the surgeon mistakenly (?) put her fake boobs in her armpits.

7:17 pm August, 14 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Where is Rod Steiger in “The Illustrated man” when we really need him?

7:51 pm August, 14 Dex said...

I think what I learned when I submitted my query about tattoos is that the actual tattoo itself is superficial, and is not a make-or-break when it comes to the douchebag label. Someone with the most convoluted motivation in history for a tattoo can go to an extremely talented tattoo artist to get it done, and end up with a piece that looks like there is a lot of thought and meaning behind it. Similarly, someone can get a tattoo of something downright noble, such as the name of their newborn daughter, and take it to a tattoo artist so profoundly stupid and untalented that they do it upside-down (that actually happened to a friend of mine).
You can’t go around labeling people douche or nottadouche purely based on the appearance of their tattoos. It’s the story and meaning behind a tattoo that will make or break a douchebag.

8:37 pm August, 14 skrag2112 said...

To paraphrase Pink Floyd-The Trial…

“The evidence before the court is…
incontrivertible!
There’s no need for the jury to retire!
In all my years of mocking I have never heard before
of two douches more deserving the full penalty of scorn!
The way you made me suffer you two scrotal motherfuckers,
fills me with the urge to DEFICATE!
(go on Skrag! Shit on ’em!)
Since, you chodes have revealed your gayest tatts
I sentence you to be neutered by an angry lumberjack!”

“TEAR OFF THEIR BALLS!”
“Tear off their balls!”
“Tear off their balls!”
“Tear off their balls…”

9:02 pm August, 14 Troy Tempest said...

I think the douche in the blue trunks is missing his nads. I see no evidence of pudenda. He is scrote.

10:06 pm August, 14 Wheezer said...

Lots of classic scrotes here!
.
And by “classic,” I mean “Hall of Scrote” classic, if you get my meaning. The Boss has been informed. It looks as if Three Rings Blogs has decided to jump on the bandwagon. Joey Porsche, Fung, Cheeto Man, Smoot – they’re all over there with a few other second-tier choads from the roll.

10:19 pm August, 14 Fatness said...

Wow…the Spice Girls are really slumming it these days.

10:27 pm August, 14 Steve L. said...

if i see tatted beings with hot chicks, i usually mock and before asking questions.

10:28 pm August, 14 CarpenterJewell said...

It’s understandable that cash makes people autonomous. But how to act if one has no money? The one way is to try to get the home loans or small business loan.

11:54 pm August, 14 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Fuck it. I’m going with the theory that everyone with a tattoo is an absolute fucking douchebag. The reason being I believe anyone with a tattoo has succumbed to the peer pressure of getting one. Fucking tools.

3:22 am August, 15 Scroteophobic said...

Thanks MC900. Glad to know I am just another douchebag sheep without the brains or guts to avoid peer pressure. Being the only one of my mates with any for ages obviously wasn’t important – it was a form of peer pressure induced by them becoming much more mainstream several years after my first two were done. It was a lack of courage projected backward through time to make me into the douche I am today.
.
It is all suddenly so clear! I should have guessed that in the future every asstool would want ink and avoided having the tattoos done. In fact maybe I should avoid more stuff just in case it becomes douche later on. Maybe I should live my life in perpetual fear that something I have done will suddenly be deemed douchey. That’d show the world that I don’t give in to peer pressure…

3:48 am August, 15 tall guy said...

Admiral: rule of thumb # 1: douche is what douche does. Your interrogation of douches in order to ascertain the reasoning behind what they do is, nevertheless, admirable.
Also, what the fuck are those dudes drinking in those repulsive blue bottles. I mean, that alone looks douche.

5:11 am August, 15 scrotum pole said...

Let’s not stereotype those with tatoos. A person’s worth should be measured by their deeds, not their outward appearance.
For instance, having serves several stints in the state prison system, my beloved wife’s body is covered with crudely-drawn tatoos.

Yet, she’s kind and considerate enough to roll over and direct her flatulence away from me while we spend those precious pre-dawn moments in bed.

(Unless she’s still passed out.)

5:12 am August, 15 Anonymous said...

“serves” = “served”

Fuck wordpress

5:37 am August, 15 replica hermes said...

As replica hermes handbags, when go with different top brand logo, you know, seems so out of ordinary at this moment.

5:41 am August, 15 all bagged out said...

These 2 nozzles are drinking f#%king BUD LIGHT ! ” They’re so cool they’re so counterculture ,they’re just rebels and they’ll never change. ”
Bud Light .Wow .Yeah,that’s real Bad- Ass, guys. Bad – Ass.
How about some pink milk instead ?
GSR + tattoo of the BVM on neck + Bud Light = irredeemable stage 5 BAG . These 2 make my eyes hurt ,and I puked in my mouth a little.

Yuck.

6:56 am August, 15 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Scroteophobic…

Glad to see you’ve seen the error of your ways. Have you looked into the cost associated with having them removed by a qualified dermatologist?

7:29 am August, 15 DarkSock said...

Tatts are not autoscrote; hell, a lot of regs here sport tatts, and a couple of them are tattoo artists. A tattoo in and of itself is no more douchy than a shirt.
.
But
.
Some shirts are Ed Hardy shirts, no? Imagine putting on an Ed Hardy shirt for the rest of your life. Then fast forward 20 years.
.
Bad tatts are just one more line item on the typical litany of PLC (Poor Life Choices) in the course of the typical lives of Scrotary Club members.

7:31 am August, 15 Blinded by the Shite said...

The ‘T’ in CHRIST is substitute cross for ‘Transmitted’.

7:35 am August, 15 Blinded by the Shite said...

@ Whoop-di-Douche 7.17pm

Perhaps more befitting would be Rod Steiger in ‘The Last Tattoo’

8:22 am August, 15 Scroteophobic said...

@MC900
Funnily enough no. I rather like them, even the bad one.
.
I’ve thought about it and have decided I am going to get more done. As I am already apparently damned as a douchebag then what the fuck. Might even go to town and get some Audigier and a nice walnut coloured bronzer. Hit the gym, grease my hair into a six pronged head fork and then take photos of myself in the mirror while GSRing. Then submit the pictures here as a warning about what happens when ‘hunter turns against ‘hunter.

9:15 am August, 15 Mr. Biggs said...

First off, I will continue to happily stereotype guys with tattoos. Are there people with tattoos who aren’t douchebags? Probably. But if you aren’t a douchebag you have the insight to know that this is the world you know live in, and have to go the extra mile to prove your non-punchworthiness.
And if you react by bitching and moaning, maybe it’s time to take a closer look at yourself and say “maybe I AM that self-denying douchebag.”
that being said – tattoos are only signifiers. Ultimately, baggery is a zen experience that we can all sniff out like so much pungent taint. The signifiers exist only to help the initiates develop their insights.

11:04 am August, 15 G said...

I tag a tatted ‘bag by looking at the tattoo – if it could be relevant 30 years from now, then I can accept it as a form of personal expression – otherwise, auto ‘bag, at which stage, it doesn’t matter.

11:16 am August, 15 Fatness said...

It’s pretty easy, actually. Commercial logos or other such tripe: Douche. Tribal tatts when you belong to no tribe: Douche. “Mom” and other personal, non-conspicuous-consumption, non-MTV-promoted, non-frat-boy designs: Not.
.
Also, I smell spam. Oh wait…the dog farted. Nevermind.

5:21 pm August, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

Fuck that shit. I helped an old lady at the laundromat last week, I lecture the local bratlings about the importance of staying in school and I make banana bread for my mom. I don’t tan, I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs. I drive an 8 year old PT Cruiser with a stock stereo. I own no gold jewelry and the most expensive pair of shoes I have cost 100 bucks. My jeans are Levi’s, I love Star Wars and I’m rehabbing my old house for my own amusement. My hair is my natural color, more gray than anything these days, and my nails are little broken-off stubs from working a sander three days a week. Farts are funny, I hate Red Bull, and I’m in love with a really skinny guy with a super hairy chest. I’m a tattoo artist and I have a shit-ton of tattoos. If that alone makes me a douche/bleeth, then get my ass to the spray-tan booth stat.

5:38 pm August, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

…Might I add, I look at guys like this and go, “What a fucking choad.” There’s a right way and a wrong way to get full coverage.
.
Ur doin it rite
.
ur doin it rong
.
Ur doin it rite (Authentic Maori, not LA poserbag)
.
Ur doin it rong

8:04 pm August, 15 Stephanie said...

Well isn’t the SIZE of the tattoo that has most folks up in arms? If you tat is as large as your head,maybe rethink that asshole? Unless it’s something where it’s your back and the design fits together like the real islanders of Samoa or the tats of Japanese,where the whole back is incorporated into a thoughtful work of art.

(I’ve been into tattoos for a long time-I’ve seen the best ones on people who put some thought into it)

It appears these choads can’t decide on size or art or anything…I can hear them in the tattoo parlor right now…”yeah,that one on the wall, or this book, that giant snake or my name in script,but across my whole chest”.
Hmm…did you forget your name or what city you live in or why does the snake have to be 2 feet long?
Plus they’ve got 30 tattoos that don’t relate at all.
Or how about a neck tattoo and then you’re really not some gang banger,you look like a pud! FAKE!

8:41 pm August, 15 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Medusa…don’t apologize for the way you make your living. You’re just taking advantage of the propensity of humans to tatt. Even Jebus loves tatted folks, the douches that they are.

You might try taking up henna “tatts” from India…they are wash-offable and in constant need of repeat application…the hair-color of tatts. Now THAT would expand your business and allow you to provide a non-douche service to customers, helping the campaign to wipe out douchebaggery.

That IS our mission here, n’est’ce pas?

11:55 pm August, 15 Crucial Head said...

Seems as though this subject has been beaten nearly as deep into the ground as Plinky’s parole requests. To borrow from the ever-clever Jeff Foxworthy, “If you hear someone say that everyone with a tattoo is a douche, that person may, in fact, be a douche.” Simplistic logic for simplistic folks.
.
Juxtapose the clowns pictured here with Mike Ness, Jay Adams, or any member of the Hell’s Angels during the 60’s and 70’s and reality is distilled.
.
If it’s easier for you to pass off anyone with a tattoo as a douche, then go right ahead. The easy bus will pick you up tomorrow at 8am and take you off to simple school where your parents will pray your helmet doesn’t get scuffed by the heels of the wide-stanced Republican that enjoys whittling his lap flute into the ass of any ne’r do well on his campus.
.
Sometimes, ‘baghunting takes applied thought.
.
As does publishing a comment on these hallowed pages.
.
Once again, that’s all I have to say about this tired subject.

3:00 am August, 16 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Crucial…
.
And sometimes there are guys like me who like to throw out the simplistic to stir the pot. It’s a lot of fun to sit back and watch everyone, pro or con, have at it.
.
Jesus, I really am a douchebag!

6:10 am August, 16 Claude Douchenburg said...

There is no such thing as an artful tattoo. If Leonardo Da Vinci tattooed the Mona Lisa onto the skin of the human body it would not be an artistic tattoo. For it would detract from the natural beauty of of the human body.

6:39 am August, 16 mr.reeve said...

These two are douche and I love the hardcore pose of the right testicle head chode wank. I guess San Diego really means whale’s testicle head in these two taint stains case.
Having a tattoo is not douche. A lot of bags use tattoos to further their douche aura or as another way to say “look at me!”.

8:39 am August, 16 Captain Garanichode said...

Yow Tanya is HAWTT!

7:17 am August, 27 Anonymous said...

Funny thing is knew the guy on the right back in high school. Acted like he was a little gangbanger selling dime bags and after HS he left and headed out to Cali. He had a couple shitty tattoos and I guess the only way for him to fit in was roll with the big bad tat guys. I agree, total douche.

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