Thursday, August 19, 2010

Ask DB1: Tribal Tatt = Autodouche?

—–
DB1,

First off, I love the site, and I’m still holding a slim candle of hope that we might be able to stem the tide of douche water flooding our country.

However, I have one quick question. Is the equation “tribal tat=autodouche” a hard rule?

I only ask because of this. I have had a few friends who have had tattoos as a cover-up for scars after surgery, pregnancy, etc., and it got me to thinking. Scar tissue and skin tissue are two different things, and change and age differently. It occurs to me that a thick black line, such as a tribal or other similar fare might work better than something more detailed, which might mar and warp as scar and skin begin to age.

While I still believe that armbands should still be a one-way autodouche ticket, do you believe that there might be something of a gray area in the tribal tat zone for those used as coverups?

Best regards,
Fellow Douche Fighter.

—–

I’m not sure what friends you’re hanging out with, FDF, but using tribal tatts to cover up scars from surgery or pregnancy is troubling and vaguely scary.

If you’re not in a tribe, a tribal tatt is autodouche. On its own, with no other ‘bag signifiers, it’s a stage-1 violation.

# posted by douchebag1
11:49 am August, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

The thought of a young mother using a tatt to cover up her epesiotomy scar has me vomiting in my coffee cup.
.
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And reaching into my khakis.

11:54 am August, 19 scrotum pole said...

Meanwhile, Buffalo Beast mocks incognito, cleverly disguising himself with the Flying Nun’s headgear.

12:04 pm August, 19 Stephanie said...

I don’t think armbands are autodouche,I have a friend who has an armband with little “!”!”!”!”!”!” which mean nothing as written down, but look ironic and funny on the arm,and also even make an interesting pattern. Doesn’t that count for creativity, and non douche? Lemmings that saw Pamela Anderson’s barbed wire arm band are just copycats.

But this boy in the picture above sadly is striving to be a model…which is autodouche for sure. (and yucky looking)

12:08 pm August, 19 douche bagel said...

posing this question is practically the same as asking if a mandana would be an acceptable cover up in place of a triage bandage

12:10 pm August, 19 douche bagel said...

fauxhawk…. you’re doing it wrong

12:12 pm August, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Archibald wrapped his arm tightly around his Winnefred, staring down the camera with a look that simultaniously said “I lack self confidence and will attack you to prove I’m not a pussy” and “Why do my nuts burn when I pee?”

12:16 pm August, 19 Crucial Head said...

Similarly, comb overs are also auto-douche. Unless you’re Ernie McCracken.

12:18 pm August, 19 Eliza Douchecoo said...

the “guy” in this picture needs to be “cock”-punched in his vagina.

12:18 pm August, 19 Vin Douchal said...

@ FDD
.
Dude, I am anticipating some very gnarly scars on my surgically repaired arm .
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Trust me, I’m not shopping for ink patterns for when the physical therapy is over.
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However I am partial to this if I ever do it

12:23 pm August, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Mr. White is on a roll today. I see that he has introduced his new line of home lighting fixtures as evident by the soft golden glow of the background. He’s like the Martha Stewart of urinary products. Bravo good sir!
.
As for Elmer here, it appears he found that spider nest in Pamela’s father’s garage. It looks like he even took the time to train them to remain on his head under a variety of conditions(Code Yellow!). With subtle facial twitches he can get them to go from “the Sharkbag” to “the ‘Bra” AND “the E-Blo”. Unfortunately he doesn’t realize they are really crabs from Plinky’s mom.

12:25 pm August, 19 scrotum pole said...

douche bagel,
.
How the hell would you do a faux-hawk “right?”
.
.
.
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Thanks DB1 for your blessings. I’m scheduling my tribal tatoo for tommorow.

12:28 pm August, 19 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Agree heartily with the boss. Also: you should wear your scars proudly. They are signs of a life lived.

12:29 pm August, 19 Mr. White said...

@Doc Bunsen
As the bulb heats up the surrounding urine, the lights also act as aromatherapy units, giving off a tart fragrance with just a hint of asparagus.

12:29 pm August, 19 Wheezer said...

If you’re not in a tribe, a tribal tatt is autodouche.
.
Exactly. ‘Bags do this because they see Maori, etc. warriors and think “That would make me look badass!” They have no idea of the significance of tribal tatts to the actual tribe, and as the Boss has mentioned here so many times, it’s just the scrote’s way of co-opting cultural items as a means to an end (“gettin’ some”).
.
I’d think the scar itself would be a better conversation piece – after all, Fellow Douche Fighter, it is exclusively yours (or those of your friends, in this case). It was clearly something gained out of necessity and not for any kind of Q-rating at the clubs.

12:36 pm August, 19 scrotum pole said...

My beloved wife hides her C-section scar with an ’86 Buick LeSabre.

12:44 pm August, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Scrotum pole^
.
Plinky’s Mom hides her C-section scar with an actual ’98 Peterbilt long-nose semi-tractor trailor truck.

12:45 pm August, 19 douche bagel said...

scrotum pole

i whole heartedly agree.

but it poses the question…

which is worse, the full scrote douche or the wanna be trying to be the full scrote douche?

i give the win to the full scrote. at least he has found his identity no matter how pooey it is. if you’re gonna be a poser for something at least reach for the stars, not into the toilet

12:47 pm August, 19 Ludacris Axehandle McCockkwielder said...

Plinky’s mom hides her C-section scar with a full scale tattoo of the state of Texas.

12:47 pm August, 19 jonezy said...

A Mohawk is acceptable if you are an actual native American.
.
otherwise, you better be one truly anti-establishment punk ass mother fucker

12:48 pm August, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Plinky’s mom hides her C-section scar behind another C-section scar.

12:53 pm August, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Plinky’s mom hides her C-section scar behind the bruises caused by a herd of migrating wildebeast.

12:54 pm August, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Dude’s hair is fuccked up because his mother scooged her red monthly flow on him while he was inserting her tampon with his ear. He has some screwed up mother. I should know.

12:57 pm August, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Plinky’s Mom hides her C-section scar behind a full scale model of Mount Rushmore carved from a mixture of fat fold yeast and armadillo vomit.

12:58 pm August, 19 Anthony Scrodouchee, Esquire said...

How many Stage’s of Doucheness are there? Is there an official record of this?

1:01 pm August, 19 Anonymous 3:16 said...

FDF – completely autodouche. You have even validated it by pointing ouit the obvious fact that skin and scar tissue do not take ink the same, stretch the same, etc, in either the short term or long term, so anyone using that as a stupid excuse to cover up a wonderful scar is essentially admitting they are doing something stupid – after all, it clearly will not age well, unless the scar is the exact shape of whatever tribal tattoo they get…

I would allow certain mohawks outside of Native Americans (as a partial native american myself), but it becomes a matter of reason – the early stage paratroops – okay. Some douchenozzle using hair product to create one for the sake of social status? Never. True anti establ;ishment punks frm the Sex Pistols era – okay.

1:18 pm August, 19 douche bagel said...

wheezer come in wheezer… i need a historian. i humbly ask your referal to the last comment on snow bleeth and the 4 dwarts post

1:22 pm August, 19 tall guy said...

FDF:
I, too concur with DB1: if you’re not in a tribe, a tribal tatt is autodouche. To which I will ad: a tribe of 1 does not constitute a tribe. No matter how many tribes ‘of one’ are seen wandering around them greater douchiverse.

1:26 pm August, 19 DarkSock said...

Thanks to the charity of “Pubes of Love”, Gary once again could walk proudly with a hirsute pate.

1:41 pm August, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Plinky’s mom hide her C-section scars with Jupiter. The actual planet. She has that much gravitational pull. Saturn is in her belly button. Does that all mean Plinky’s mom IS the universe? Aw shit, I think my head is going to explode. brb.

1:42 pm August, 19 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Holy shit, he’s got a grip on her the likes of which I haven’t seen since the Vore in The Beastmaster.

1:47 pm August, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

As many douchebags that get tribal, there are dorks who want some badass cred. Fails. At the height of tribal popularity, I used to live it when some swoll-up asswipe in tight jeans would walk in the shop. I would whisper “tribal armband” to a co-worker. Sure enough, I was never wrong. Tattoos do follow trends. There was the primitive traditional style through the 50s and 60s, which gave way to the fineline biker style in the 70s and 80s, then the horrid surge in blackwork in the 90s, tribal, kanjis, big ugly Olde English letters. A lot of those people who got bit by the bug are remorseful that they’ve wasted valuable real estate before the astounding realism movement of today.
.
Either way, I get several hundred dollars from pudwanks like this kid in the pic. I get even more to fix the shit-ass tribals they got in their friend’s basement, also like the pudwank in this pic. It’s already pretty stupid to get a tattoo. At least get something interesting.

2:22 pm August, 19 DarkSock said...

He’s all sensitive. Like a sanded frog.

2:48 pm August, 19 G said...

Not getting a warm fuzzy feeling these days (besides the fact that my liver lined fur glove is out of commission), but it seems to me that douchebaggery is starting to tempt even mockers…how many more of these “what ifs?” and douche parties are going to be had by said ‘baghunters? Tribal tats are autodouche. I can’t wait for someone wanting an exemption for the SPW, because they got it as a gift from their girlfriend.

2:57 pm August, 19 chaserofthehott said...

@ Medusa,

I love the post as always my sweet. Speaking of the Kanjis
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http://hanzismatter.blogspot.com/
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I thought of you and our conversation awhile back, as I laughed my ass off for hours on this blog.
.
🙂

4:12 pm August, 19 Anonymous said...

If the tribal tattoo does not containing meaningful significance for you and the history of your people, and if you don’t understand what i means without having to be told by the tattoo artist, a tribal tattoo is auto-douche.

Besides, who the hell wants to cover up a scar? When someone asks you about it, you get to tell the story.
“What, this? Oh, I got attacked by a shark a few years back. Still alive though, no big deal.”
Compared to:
“Oh I had this really ugly scar so I got this tribal tatt to cover it up, it means ‘everlasting fertility’ in the native language of the Kalinga people. I mean my family is Irish/Italian, so I thought this would be way cooler.”

4:12 pm August, 19 Harry Palmer said...

Blondies are so wonderful, choads with Blink 182 haircuts and wal-mart goth shirts not so much.

5:21 pm August, 19 Sack O Douche said...

If you wanna be cool get the tribal tattoo on your dick. You know us circumsised guys all have “scars”.
At least you would be original.

5:43 pm August, 19 tballou said...

Tribal tatts + URC = Autodouche

8:21 pm August, 19 doucheywallnuts said...

Anyone who submits a question dealing with an autodouche issue, who then goes on to defend the issue in question, however subtly, is autodouche.

9:05 pm August, 19 mr.reeve said...

^ Good point. I have often thought that the folks who ask if something is douche or worry about their possible douchness may have more douche than they want to admit. Huh? I am drunk. F off!

9:24 pm August, 19 Steve L. said...

Fellow Douche Hunter, meet skin graft. skin graft, meet FDF.

9:25 pm August, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

Aw, fuck, my link went wrong. What I meant to say was, “At least get something interesting, like a huge titted brunette hottie in a schoolgirl outfit and librarian glasses.”
.
@ Chaser 2:57–that blog is made of win and smothered in awesome sauce.

9:48 pm August, 19 Mr. Biggs said...

I think it helps to ask, would you do this yourself? I mean if you had a scar you wanted to cover up, would you do so with a tribal tatt? Or would you rack your brains to think of something better, and for the love of god, not so douchey?

I mean off the top of my head I’d think a Black Flag logo would be kinda cool…

10:15 pm August, 19 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

By tribal tatts you must be meaning Maori, because I’ve seen some tribal tatts made by Northwest coastal natives Americans that will take your breath away…hidden at the base of the spine…most gorgeous tribal art of the Seattle to Canada swoop.
However, I am not in favor of tatts in general because they are so douchey, the tribal tatt being the douchiest of them. But, the tackiest of them all is certainly not the tribal tatts. To be both douchey AND tacky is the biggest violation of the skins game. Poorly rendered art abounds in the tatt world..

10:21 pm August, 19 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Oh, and uh, em, er, this ” Mohawk” would look a lot more believeable with curly rams’s horns on a mandana and a Valkyrie on his arm.

He should quit attempting to look like Buffalo Beast right here and NOW.

10:35 pm August, 19 backseat douche said...

love the commentary – however, no one has even made mention of the supreme douchosity of his Sharpie ™ tattoo. sucker aint real.

11:02 pm August, 19 Steve L. said...

@ myself 9:24 PM,
eh. that’s Fellow Douche Fighter to me.

11:16 pm August, 19 mudd claypool said...

A Black Flag tattoo hells yeah.

8:33 am August, 20 Captain Garanichode said...

only Half-a-douche, this thing was stenciled in with a Sharpie…
.
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Ohh what the hell, give him that Douchie title he deserves. If you’re gonna be enough of a douche-mop to have your little sister crayola some BS tribal on your arm you are douche enough for me.
.
Maybe next time she can trace some hot EdHardy graphix..

9:39 am August, 20 Vin Douchel said...

I feel like there should be an age disclaimer for tribal tattoos. For example, I would not consider Anthony Kiedis, Max Cavalera of Sepultura or Kerry King of Slayer to be ouchey in anyway. Seeing as they got said tattoos in the 80’s, they had know crystal ball insight into knowing that 20 years later it would become “mark of douche.”

9:40 am August, 20 Vin Douchel said...

Obivously I meant douchey instead of ouchey, I should spellcheck more. I pretty much riddled that post with grammar and spelling errors, I feel ashamed!

9:54 am August, 20 Captain Garanichode said...

I forgot to discuss his pube-hawk…
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Slobs with curly hair mopped it with 10-40 Wal-Mart Super Tech Motor Oil while pointing his mewes-gob into the camera lens should not share the same oxygen as the gentle pastel blonde that he is so shamelessly dry-spooning.

6:00 am August, 21 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

That Chinese character blog reminds me of a plan I came up with many years ago… I have a need to one day get get the kanji symbols for “Beef & Broccoli” onto a tattoo parlor’s wall. Of course, it’ll say something like “Death Before Dishonor” beneath it.

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