Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Danny the Scrub

Sometimes we forget what an average, real world, Midwestern choadscrub looks like.

Appendix tatts, unjustified shirtlessness, stupid glasses, hand gestures, and a giant crotchstain. Danny is scrub.

Jessica is perky, slightly dull, and faces a long future in middle management. But, for now, her perfectly youthful body of youthful joy, and her strange desire to take her pants off at a concert, deserves applause and gnaw.

And a happy 80th to Sean Connery, who forever earns a permanent nottadouche simply for starring in Zardoz.

# posted by douchebag1
11:37 am August, 25 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Whoever’s playing on stage must be good, they’re standing 3-deep in the front.
Put a bag on her head and she’s smokin’ hot.
Put a bag on his head and hit him with a car battery.

11:43 am August, 25 scrotum pole said...

Why would a sweaty Midwestern choadscrub tattoo this on his side?

11:44 am August, 25 Vin Douchal said...

C’mon, scrub. If there’s one thing Darksock has taught us it’s to shake it off good after peeing in that horse.
.
That and alcohol, heroin , midget hookers, Tibetan Shamen, cigars, sandbars and boats don’t mix.

11:47 am August, 25 Toby Jenkem said...

Alfred E. Neuman was so excited he wet his pants. She’s not that hot.

11:47 am August, 25 tall guy said...

Danny Le Scrub provides us with a good example of the douche attempting understatement. I notice this regularly even in Sydney: my little, far flung backwater of a home town. They never pull it off because they always seem to overcompensate for this massive restraint by exaggerating some other equally hideous area of douchery i.e. hand gesture, snarky leer, upside down shades worn indoors, etc. Douche is what douche does. Plus, I suspect Danny semi-disguised his ink because of the grief he’d cop if he’d worn it on his sleeve.

11:49 am August, 25 Tom Douchery said...

I think he’s what’s more popularly known as trailer douche. And Jessica will no doubt look less perky in a few years after she’s squeezed a few out and been hooked on crystal meth while Danny serves out his 5 to 10 for soliciting minors on the internet and writing hot checks.

11:56 am August, 25 tall guy said...

@ Tom Douchery: well, there is that too. Especially the bit about his stint in the big house.

11:57 am August, 25 Et Tu Douche? said...

The only redeeming part of this pic is Jessicas’ panty reveal

12:06 pm August, 25 DC said...

Where exactly are the hot chicks on this site?

12:24 pm August, 25 Douchie Arnaz said...

Zardoz: when you absolutely, positively, must make a movie on acid. Great call-out.

12:25 pm August, 25 DarkSock said...

Line at the PortaPotty – 1
Scrub – 0
.
She’s got a Lea Thompson thing going in, which I dig.

12:25 pm August, 25 DarkSock said...

Red Diaper = Immortality

12:27 pm August, 25 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I dunno. I’m Jessica is a downright sweet and tasty helping of mid-Western small city hotness. Lean and tight. Natural breasts. Pretty with no make-up. Certainly life as an administrative assistant for an Indonesian Orthodontist is no picnic, but it pays the bills and buys soccer cleats for little Jesse. Which is more than she can say for that f*cking bastard of a father Danny. God if she didn’t just love him so much. The way he makes her feel right after he tucks a dip behind his lower lip, wipes the tabacco crumbs off his chin with the back of his hand, and looks at her through his droopy pot-baked eyelids. God, why does she keep giving him another chance? Why? WHY? WHY?
.
I’d pull her hair back until she went “Unk-h-h! Unk-gh-hhk!”

12:28 pm August, 25 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Me^
“I’m Jessica…” Really? “I’m Jessica”
.
How about “I’m thinking Jessica…” gunt swaddler.

12:32 pm August, 25 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

He must have taken off the “I pissed my pants at the Warped Tour and all I got is this crappy t-shirt” shirt.

12:41 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

Wearing a cool, colorful belt doesn’t make up for using the shop rag from the auto repair shop you work in, as clothing.
.
BTW I am Jessica.

12:42 pm August, 25 DarkSock said...

I am Jessica’s Pancreas

12:44 pm August, 25 Deltus said...

Back in the day, we used to consider pissing yourself a badge of shame. Too bad shame doesn’t sit well with douchebags with narcissistic personality disorder.

12:45 pm August, 25 Deltus said...

If we’re picking places, I’m Jessica’s panties.

12:48 pm August, 25 Dr. Remulak said...

I am Doctor Remulak.

12:50 pm August, 25 Crucial Head said...

@DC,
.
Scroll down the left column of this page to the Hall of Hott and the Hall of Pear. Bring lotion and Kleenex unless you want a messy keyboard and calloused hands.

12:50 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

Bladder control was never Danny’s strong suit.

12:52 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

Dark Sock 12:42,
.
.
Nice Reader’s Digest reference.

12:58 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

@ DC,
.
.
You’d be wise however, to keep the door closed to The Closet of Poo.

12:58 pm August, 25 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@scrotum pole^
.
How the hell would you know that?

1:04 pm August, 25 mr.reeve said...

I’m Jessica’s ass cheek hanging out on the other side of the picture.

1:04 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

@ Scrotato,
.
.
I’ve opened that door, and still regret it.

1:07 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

@ Scrotato,
.
.
If you’re refering to <Reader's Digest, my Grandma had stacks of those things in her Brooklyn apartment.

1:08 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

^ Along with dead cats and moth balls.

1:14 pm August, 25 douche bagel said...

she’s holding on too tight. he’s leaking.
damnit danny, now go clean yourself

1:17 pm August, 25 douche bagel said...

danny’s so scrubby pans scour him

1:26 pm August, 25 Eliza Douchecoo said...

The Closet of Poo had me crying laughing the first time I perused through, I may have peed myself much like Danny.

1:33 pm August, 25 Jessica's Self-respect said...

I am Jessica’s Self-respect.
.
What, you can’t see me?

1:44 pm August, 25 Troy Tempest said...

Jessica is actually just slumming for the summer. She met Douchenozzle here at a party a week earlier. She thought he was “funny”. In September she’s moving out of town to start dental hygiene school in Austin Texas. She’ll never see Danny Boy here again. In Austin she will discover the works of Howard Zinn, the ELF, the ALF, and Derrick Jensen. She will turn Dark Green, and while she works on people’s teeth during the day, she’s setting fire to shopping malls at night. She will be arrested and jailed, and write a series of prison diaries that will be published after her untimely death in 2032 during the second American Civil War.

1:50 pm August, 25 wonderdouche twin said...

O.k. so I’m aware of a guy getting wood and having, um….I think I’ll call it “seepage”, when next to a hot chick. Danny however has blown his wad right outta the gate, you gotta relax Danny and take it slow, she’ll touch it someday.

2:26 pm August, 25 Steve L. said...

Sean Connery’s 80th birthday is like Ron Jeremy’s 50th birthday.
i probably shouldn’t have compared Sean Connery and Ron Jeremy side by side, but my knowledge of respectable celebrities is limited.

2:31 pm August, 25 Steve L. said...

wait when did Ron Jeremy become a respectable celebrity?
… i dunno. it’s just that i’ve always thought of him as a folk hero of sorts. fat and ugly schmuck banging an endless stream of hot chicks and so on and so forth.

2:35 pm August, 25 Sack O Douche said...

He also has banged endless streams of skanks, old hags and trannies.

2:37 pm August, 25 Steve L. said...

if Jessica becomes a single mother, i would have this huge unhealthy crush on her. because i love hearing about single mothers coping with the trials and tribulations of a botched up relationship and raising a child all by herself.
and if she becomes a single mother, i hope by god that her kid’s father is not Danny the Scrub.

2:39 pm August, 25 Steve L. said...

@ Sack O Douche 2:35 PM,
oh really? he takes one for the team. he does.

2:46 pm August, 25 Captain Garanichode said...

Danny’s lactating from the naval!!!!!

2:49 pm August, 25 Sack O Douche said...

@Steve L,
I am just saying he has his moments with hotties and nasties. That’s the life of a porn star I suppose.
I like Jessica’s dull ways and hot perky everything by the way. She will grow up and realize Danny and his wet crotch were just a phase.

3:38 pm August, 25 wonderdouche twin said...

I’m all about supporting single moms.
.
.
http://www.tshirthell.com/funny-shirts/i-support-single-moms/

4:39 pm August, 25 skrag2112 said...

“If pissing your pants is cool, then I’m Miles Davis.”
This does not apply to Danny.

6:04 pm August, 25 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Recently I was reminded of who the politicians are talking about when they say “Real Americans.” You know, those good corn fed Mid Westerners who look like this and are OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS on meth. Yes, if there is one thing you must do before Election Season kicks into full swing it’s watch the documentary American Meth and remember it every time you hear some asshole G.O.P. jerkoff say “Real Americans.”

6:54 pm August, 25 Douchble Helix said...

How did they Photoshop Burt Reynolds into the 3 minute Zardoz trailer?

7:00 pm August, 25 Stephanie said...

They have pills for this Jessica,and gee,I wouldn’t put my hand near that…

7:27 pm August, 25 doucheywallnuts said...

I will call him Piss Stain Pete.

9:33 pm August, 25 anon1233 said...

My everlasting respect goes to you, DB1, for knowledge of Zardoz.

12:57 am August, 26 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Looks like this Douchenozzle’s hose got stuck on “spray.”

2:58 am August, 26 Darth Doucheous said...

Zardoz must be a great movie, I read http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/1913/zardoz/ and it has all the markings of greatness

5:31 am August, 26 Anonymous said...

@MC 900 Foot DB,
Way to generalize people with your stupid lame ass post.

10:09 am August, 26 Fatness said...

^ Precisely. Everyone knows that Pacific Northwesterners are the ones OUT OF THEIR FUCKING MINDS on meth.

6:12 pm August, 26 Sarah said...

I know these people. They are the biggest fucking idiots in the world. The “hot chick” thinks America once had a civil war with Hawaii. She is also one of the most conceited and self-absorbed dumbasses I have ever met. Middle-management is way too good for this loser. They deserve to be on this site – only they should both be the “douchebags”

10:46 pm August, 26 Lil' Fartknocker said...

Mr. Connery is wise beyond his…um…well, beyond my years anyway.

3:54 am August, 27 Ted said...

Danny=nottadouche

6:06 am August, 27 Dood said...

Kid needs a major head kick. Chick looks like Lindsey Lohan’s sister.

12:29 pm August, 30 Anonymous said...

well actually his name is thomas and her name is erin ….. and he is a douche

9:51 pm September, 7 A Person Who Really Knows Them...Both said...

I actually know these people too. His name is Thomas and her’s is Erin. Thomas is a COMPLETE dumbass. I’m sure he actually takes pride in the fact that his picture is posted on here. As for Erin, she’s not really that big of a dumbass….other than she’s with Thomas. She is very self-obsorbed and is very very loud, annoying, and attention starved. O, and Thomas is an awful kisser and has a certain “cruse”. If you’ve been with him you’ll know it.

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