Friday, August 27, 2010

Friday Haiku

Phil Leopard bares spots,
Rubs up on Bartender Jen,
Makes lame cougar jokes.

L.A. weather gal
Throws it back to studio
Dry, with chance of douche

— Vin Douchal

Lost his job, his house
Then his wife. What’s Ned got left?
Why, his dignity.

— Mr. Scrotato Head

Ryan Seacrest asks
His token date, “Does this make
Me more or less gay?”

— Crucial Head

As cheetah nuzzles,
Gazelle screams through her smile,
“Animal control!”

— Condouchious

Leopard boy tells hott,
“You got some nice big hooters.”
He sure ain’t Lion!

— scrotum pole

Silver hammer shirt
Beatles reference? Spots are scars
Maxwell, swing harder!

— Count douchekevich

Faux leopard hair hawk
Whispers to Plastic Debbie
“Does my breath stink?”

— mr.reeve

# posted by douchebag1
7:11 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Visiting the zoo
should be lots of fun for you,
though it smells like poo.

7:12 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Him: “It’s Hammer Time!”
Well, he couldn’t be more right:
put it through his skull.

7:13 am August, 27 Thorax Hammersmith said...

I am bludgeoning
His douche heart repeatedly
Please disregard mess.

7:14 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Poo splotches on head?
Are choads using obvious
signatures these days?

7:15 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

Cheetah is fastest
Land mammal to blow hot air
Into hott’s ear drum.

7:15 am August, 27 scrotum pole said...

This dude has problems.
Heartbreak of psoriasis,
Or common ringworm

7:16 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

Douche whispers to hott:
“We can make out, just avoid
Ring worm on my scalp.”

7:16 am August, 27 Ed Hardouche said...

Crabs eating hair off!
I used to hump guys like that
When I was in jail.

7:16 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Boobies, oh boobies,
in black dress so appealing:
thou must show thyselves!

7:18 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

Hott maintains smile
While douche sucks her last brain cell
Now both retarded.

7:18 am August, 27 mr.reeve said...

Bobby the Hammered Cheetah
Is this taint’s wrestling name
Suzy likes silicone & botox

7:18 am August, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Let’s go to my place
Show you why I’m called “Hammer”
Dick’s thin as a nail

7:18 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Phil sports leopard spots
Says he’s the King of the Jungle
More like Pink Panther

7:19 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

Hott’s smile sours
When she finds out this douchebag
Is Horse Whisperer.

7:19 am August, 27 scrotum pole said...

Douche tells her secret.
“Do you want to know the truth?”
“My pubes match my head.”

7:19 am August, 27 mr.reeve said...

Faux leopard hair hawk
Whispers to Plastic Debbie
“Does my breath stink?”

7:20 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

“I love you,” he says
Hott knows he peers through her ears
At dude next to her.

7:21 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Phil’s new act: jumps on
“Tiger/Cheetah” jokes; says his
club can find the hole.
.
Bartender Jen just laughs,
for she will feed him drinks just
before macing him.

7:21 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Cheetah hit on Jane
Tarzan hit Cheetah in face
Jane take taxi home

7:22 am August, 27 scrotum pole said...

Wounds upon his head,
From repeated hammer blows.
They’re not leopard spots.

7:22 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

The Douche Whisperer
Hopes hott doesn’t notice his
Festering scalp herp’s.

7:22 am August, 27 mr.reeve said...

Hott’s thong matches
Chode’s leopard faux hawk
And his jelly dong

7:22 am August, 27 saulgoode42 said...

Wanna get hammered?
He said in spite of himself
Nervous smile says no

7:23 am August, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Y’know I’m wonderin’
Does his carpet match his drapes?
It could be egsma

7:23 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

I must learn to count!
I was distracted by boobs
can’t count syllables.

7:24 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

Douche sports cigarette
Burns on his scalp – torture for
Reading ‘The Dirty.’

7:25 am August, 27 saulgoode42 said...

Steve from ‘Make a Wish’
Was found out to be a fraud
Chemo sympathy

7:25 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Nervous smile of hott
has us both thinking same thing:
restraining order.

7:25 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

This is what happens
When partner ear fucks you with
Painted testicles.

7:26 am August, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Like our pals the chimps
Leopards also search for ticks
She found his head lice

7:27 am August, 27 saulgoode42 said...

Kelly’s pissed-off smile
Came out when Joe admitted
“Honey, I sharted.”

7:28 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

“Red wine tastes awesome,”
He whispers… but hott knows he
Drank menstrual blood.

7:28 am August, 27 scrotum pole said...

As the saying goes,
“Leopard doesn’t change his spots.”
Or his underwear.

7:28 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

He’s “Phil Leopard,” eh?
Still has left arm; lost his mind,
dignity years ago.

7:29 am August, 27 Vin Douchal said...

Phil is test subject
Combined tattoo/barber school
See ya next week, pud

7:29 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

“Nice Pradas” Tad snears
“Better than yours” Jen hisses
Cat fight! Cat Fight Wooooo!

7:31 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

Ryan Seacrest asks
His token date, “Does this make
Me more or less gay?”

7:33 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Beauty is skin deep,
but douche goes right to the bone
(Grieco to the scalp)

7:33 am August, 27 Vin Douchal said...

How’s my breath smell babe?
Like an ape shit in your mouth
Wrong, it was a dog

7:33 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

We must not mock douche
For he is the lead singer
For band: Deaf Leppard.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
{{crickets}}

7:35 am August, 27 Crucial Head said...

The paint balling king
Distraughtly whispers to queen
“Paint balls filled with cum.”

7:35 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Tad thought Jen was hot
Did what only a cat could
Sticks butt in her face

7:35 am August, 27 Vin Douchal said...

L.A. weather gal
Throws it back to studio
Dry, with chance of douche

7:36 am August, 27 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Hammer on Douche shirt
Use magic to make it real
Hit him in head now

7:39 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Must be Jacksonville;
this Jag’s end zone scored upon
more than hers has been.

7:40 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Neb brings Hammer tee
Stacy brings mace and tazer
Ned runs like pussy

7:42 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Football season here;
that means Jeff Reed is out there
looking like an ass

7:43 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Shaved head reveals boob
Yet long hair covers boobie
Damn the injustice!

7:48 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Jags like to eat meat;
it’s not boobie flesh he wants,
but bro’s turgid cockk.

7:49 am August, 27 Bag Margera said...

Rare footage of wild
gazelle letting hyena
maul her with a smile.

7:52 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

British accent fake,
though this spotted dick is real;
not dessert at all.

7:53 am August, 27 scrotum pole said...

Leopard boy tells hott,
“You got some nice big hooters.”
He sure ain’t Lion!

7:55 am August, 27 DarkSock said...

Hey! It’s cat fight:
POOma versus a Cougar
But they both will lose

7:56 am August, 27 Condouchious said...

Animal cruelty?
A hammer to leopard skull,
PETA’s cool with it

7:56 am August, 27 Bag Margera said...

When told to dress nice
Bob gets designer punk clothes
to keep it classy.

7:57 am August, 27 Count douchekevich said...

Silver hammer shirt
Beatles reference? Spots are scars
Maxwell, swing harder!

7:58 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

The Jungle Jagoff
spots his prey in the bar; won’t
get to club ‘er tang.

7:58 am August, 27 Condouchious said...

As cheetah nuzzles,
Gazelle screams through her smile,
“Animal control!”

7:58 am August, 27 scrotum pole said...

Woke up this morning
With those unexplained lesions.
Outbreak of small pox?

7:58 am August, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Peter slams his nose
into Kelly’s skull as she
tracks picture taker

7:58 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Lost his job, his house
Then his wife. What’s Ned got left?
Why, his dignity.

7:59 am August, 27 DarkSock said...

Drunk spotted douchebag
Leans, says to her, “Hamma time…”
She says “c’aint touch dis”

8:01 am August, 27 DarkSock said...

Herpe C on his scalp?
How did the virus get there?
Ball-to-Skull Action.

8:01 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Dean gets in close, sniffs
He smells jasmine and rose dew
She smells car wash soap

8:02 am August, 27 DarkSock said...

He’d have less skull spots
If his boyfriend would just wipe
Or bleach his asshole.

8:02 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Wish I could read shirt;
tough to mock, though I know it’s
stupid brand name shit

8:03 am August, 27 Condouchious said...

Serengeti’s changed;
Jaguars gone, jag-offs remain;
Where are the poachers?

(yes I do relaize jaguars are found in South America and not Africa)

8:03 am August, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

Yes, surprisingly
I would hammer both of them
Jus’ choose diff’rent tools!

8:04 am August, 27 DarkSock said...

Nose to ear rapist
Hen-Pecks her like a Hellish
Woody Woodpecker

8:05 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Brad leaps on his prey
She never saw him coming
Up from the carpet

8:07 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Condouchious, a real
jaguar would have this choadwank
changing his Pampas.

8:07 am August, 27 Franklyn DealorNo Doucheifelt said...

She has the chest of
kilimanjaro. He has
the head of Newark.

8:07 am August, 27 Colossus of Choads said...

Is he man or cat?
even Dr. Moreau would
euthanise this pet.

8:08 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Shirt reminds me
Of DarkSock line: Claw hammers
at clitoris. Haaaaaaaaa!

8:08 am August, 27 dknutty said...

Leopard douche hunts prey
at desert watering hole
run like a gazelle

8:08 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

She is seeing spots,
but she can’t tell if it’s just
him or the roofies.

8:10 am August, 27 End the Haberdouchery said...

The angels doth weep,
One of theirs was made mortal
By Cat-Hammer-Douche

8:11 am August, 27 dknutty said...

Grimace on hott’s face
sends signal to leopard choad
it’s not “Hammer Time”

8:11 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

See Dick. See Dick douche.
See Dick and Spot. Jane Spots Dick.
Dick leaves Spot on Jane.

8:14 am August, 27 End the Haberdouchery said...

Stem cell ban upheld.
No more jungle cats mating
With thirtysomethings.

8:14 am August, 27 Deltus said...

Almost sad for him
Most douches can take off shirt
He’s stuck with his hair

8:20 am August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Wheezer, nice haikus
On the Brothabag Clive thread
How’s the hangover?

8:21 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Look on her face says:
“Is this what I really want?”
Jen is not so sure.
.
At last, it seems the
truth is starting to hit home:
hotts must avoid scrotes.

8:24 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Thank you, Scrotato;
no hangover for me, just
waiting for real stuff.
.
Maybe hangover
would’ve helped me get front page;
must drink Thursday nights!

8:29 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Thundercats cartoon
turned into real-life poo; now
Sheetara or Barf.

8:29 am August, 27 DarkSock said...

“Why am I lonely?”
Thinks the douche. One word answer:
Alopecia.

8:37 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

Great stuff, baghunters!
I have errands to run now;
enjoy the Ass Pear!

8:48 am August, 27 Captain Garanichode said...

She Wanted some Tiger
But sir duchee is much too pale
Jen still got her Cheetah

9:06 am August, 27 Mr. Biggs said...

Leopard does his mack
Kimberly smiles politely
Considers grad school

9:53 am August, 27 douche bagel said...

infected head attempts transmission
hammer moves in for the kill

10:41 am August, 27 Stephanie said...

A
Leopard
Hammerhead

11:59 am August, 27 DarkSock said...

Mikey brags to her
Survived lamprey skull attacks
In Lake Michigan

10:51 pm August, 27 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Ball peen claw hammers
make great scalp enhancers with
black henna stamp-pad.

10:54 pm August, 27 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Douchebags in dorkwear
and dotty headed leopard
spots are spot on choads.

7:40 pm August, 28 Steve L. said...

ten more years until
Dan gets his pension. wait. he
doesn’t have pension.

3:21 pm August, 30 Anonymous said...

text

Leave a Reply

What is 15 + 10 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)