Friday, August 27, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links

Your humble narrator stares pensively at the summer Los Angeles heatwave. And sips his Night Train in quiet repose.

The days of $2,000 bottles of Grey Goose and “pimpin'” by everyone from Wall Street asswipes to suburban parking lot frolic choads may have transmutated into comedic or ironic douchery. But the virus remains just strong.

With the success of The Jersey Shore’s archetypes breaking through into the mainstream, the power of the mock has been altered. Like Skynet before it, The Douche has become self-aware.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: Shut yer stinkin’ trap!

HCwDB ripoff site “The Dirty” and uberdouche Nik Richie got whacked with an 11 million dollar injunction for smearing people rather than being funny. Massive props to Barstool Sports for summing it up as best as it can be summed.

Speaking of The Dirty, republican congressional nominee and all around entitled fratdouche, Ben Quayle, contributed to The Dirty for years as “Brock Landers,” still wins his primary. Stay classy, Arizona.

Head Strap.

Perverted cat appreciates ass pear.

French Canadian rapper Pellep Pellep Pellep is the latest to “borrow” heavily from HCwDB’s picture database to make a douchebag tribute video. Is this crap mocking ‘bags? Supporting ‘bags? Who cares. Make that horrible shite stop.

Don’t get the Shut Yer Stinkin’ Trap reference? Check out episode 1 of Skank. Because something on Fox smells funny.

Booty Clappin’. Ghetto Preacher does not approve.

Hardpocalypse 2010: Ed Hardy Baby Skeleton Pirate Hat. The kids aren’t all right.

Asshole.

Twitter sensation and underage female model Justin Bieber has a dad who’s a Stage douche.

Panda Dogs. Oh so cruel, yet oh so hilarious.

Rocky III may be one of the great literary masterpieces of the 1980s, but Rocky Bagboa is a saggyscrote.

And finally, here’s your reward:

Pool Pear

Use it well. Use it wisely. For the weekend is upon. And cherries are in season.

# posted by douchebag1
1:13 pm August, 27 numbskull72 said...

yeah!

1:18 pm August, 27 Captain Garanichode said...

I really enjoy hating this choadmunch
.
ohh mah damnit, that pear is a contender for Hall Of Hottness!
.
at least a DBotW?

1:22 pm August, 27 The Know said...

I’m afraid “The Dirty” may get off the hook with the help of some dumb ass laywers and a clerical error… http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/cheerleader-may-lose-11-mil-judgment-082610

1:23 pm August, 27 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Make that horrible shite stop.

We could try another War Measures Act, but then again, Quebec may try to separate (for the third time).

And exactly how old is Bieber’s dad? He must have impregnated Justin’s mother at a young age.

Anyway, I am disheartened that the Great White North is becoming spray tanned with all this douchosity. Pierre Berton would probably rise from his grave and beat down these douches with a canoe.

Thank God for pool pear.

1:32 pm August, 27 Blinded by the Shite said...

I got flushed.

1:35 pm August, 27 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hmmm Pool Pear!!!!!! and I have to agree with DB1 about
.
“With the success of The Jersey Shore’s archetypes breaking through into the mainstream, the power of the mock has been altered. Like Skynet before it, The Douche has become self-aware.”
.
It makes me weep for society along with all the other ill’s we are currently facing.
.

1:55 pm August, 27 Deltus said...

Pool Pear. OMNOMNOMNOMNOM!

1:57 pm August, 27 Lämp said...

**belatedly clicks on**
.
.
.
I Love Pool Pear
.
.
.
**clicks off**

2:08 pm August, 27 Governor George Wallace and David Duke said...

Justin Bieber must die. We heard that he is going to do Edward Furlong’s role in a remake of Terminator 3. David Duke is succking out my menstrual fluids like some sweet salsa. Edward Furlong is so stoned he makes Ron Wood look like Hannah Montana.

2:17 pm August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

There doesn’t appear to be one natural skin pigment left on Stalone’s body.
.
Pool Pear made my swimsuit wet and I’m not even wearing it. And as a conservative Ben Quayle gives me hope that I may one day grow up to rape this country to the bewildered dismay of slightly more than half the voting public. Are you now, or have you ever been, one Mr. Scrotato Head?!?!?
.
And then, after a scandal involving Francine, an $8,000 toilet intended for the Pentagon, and funds diverted from AIDS relief in the lower Congo, get a pension for going away.

2:30 pm August, 27 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Attention all planets of the Solar Federation. We have assumed control. Rush is awesome. And I am pleased to announce that I will be pimp slapping Bristol Palin like Black Dynamite when I begin my tenure on the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars. Fucck you Kirsty Alley.

2:47 pm August, 27 Vin Douchal said...

@ GW & DD
.
Justin Bieber is bad for Canada. We do not want young ‘Nucks to aspire to pop stardom. We need them to play puck on ponds. We need them to bonk each other over the head with hockey sticks, dropping the gloves and smashing teeth.
.
What would happen if Gordie Howe’s kids came up to him and said, “Dad, can I have piano and voice lessons?” We need fresh young faces in the NHL not on Disney radio

.
Fuck Justin Bieber, indeed. Get ready for an unusually soft generation coming from America’s toupee up there.

2:54 pm August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Heard on sports radio (of all places) yesterday that a “major talent scout” is going to be in SLC soon and they’re looking for kids ages 9 to 17 who would like to be on shows like those on the Disney Channel or in movies like those produced by the Disney Channel. It’s a good thing my two boys don’t have any musical or theatrical talent.
.
.
Wait a minute…

2:57 pm August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Sir DD^
.
I emptied a few beers with Steve L. a few weeks back in Vancouver. Not all Great Whiters have given up the fight.

3:00 pm August, 27 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Who else hit the Ed Hardy Baby Skeleton Pirate Hat link expecting to see a pirate hat with a baby skeleton on it? I imagine the good Baron had credit card in hand. I for one was sorely disappointed.

3:53 pm August, 27 scrotum pole said...

Speaking of babies and skeletons, could this be Medusa’s first grade class picture?

4:38 pm August, 27 Mr. Biggs said...

Correction – PERFECT Pool Pear. Perhaps I’ve lived in LA too long and my standards are high, but everything about that is perfection. Perfect camera angle, shape, heat, wetness … mmm …

4:40 pm August, 27 Mr. Biggs said...

I wanna have intimate discussions on Dostoevsky with the woman on her bikini bottom …

6:15 pm August, 27 Arbitrary Name said...

Do my eyes decieve me, or is Pool Pear wearing an Ed Hardy (or Hardy-esque) bikini? I know we can appreciate the suckleness of a Hott even if she has been bleethed, but isn’t offering a douchebagette as some sort of reward for our mocking efforts somewhat counterproductive? And confusing?

6:39 pm August, 27 Deltus said...

I see nothing Ed Hardy-esque about Pool Pear’s suit. Just a face with a set of lips right where mine want to be: placed squarely over the action area. If I died of suffocation between the semi-globes of her butt cheeks, I would die a happy man.

8:47 pm August, 27 Sir David Douchenborough said...

@ Vin Douchal

Indeed, if in my music filled youth, it was a given you had to go out and play pickup street and ice hockey with little or no equipment (the big snowbanks cushioned a lot of body checking).

The problem is that Canada is shedding its rustic outdoors persona due to people like Bieber and Les Sacs de Douches like Pepe le Peu or quiconque le fuck he is called. Great Canadian authours used to talk about nature and the hardened soul Canada. While it may not be sophisticated as other forms national zeitgeist, it reflected Canada’s heritage, which was full of gritty people overcoming a fairly unforgiving landscape with a population sparsely distributed over it. This was a mark of pride for many people and many authours.

The likes of Bieber and probably, Drake, with his hardcore cred from living in one of the most affluent neighbourhoods in Toronto, would think the Gold Rush is another Gaga song or that Juan De Fuca is a tequila bar. In this highly connected world, Canada is hardly immune to the douche virus, but fear not, there will always be hockey loving Canucks, especially from the country who can drink the Biebers under the table and come out of a bar fight still standing.

The catch is, they really, really, like Nickelback, so I don’t know what to do.

@ Mr. Scrotato Head

Vancouver, eh? I have been there a number of times. Gastown was sort of fun, but man, I drank many of times in very nice vantage spots there to enjoy the scenery. Also, not bad looking people. It could be the year round jogging they can do without having to worry about the crazy winters.

That is good that Steve L. has the west coast covered. Given the other Great White North baghunters, we might be able to cover this land from sea to shining sea, just need to get the Prairies and the Maritimes, I suppose.

8:52 pm August, 27 Sir David Douchenborough said...

P.S.

I am thinking Pepe le Peu may be a greater symptom of the infection in La Belle Province because Montreal managed to even give the pick up artist “Mystery” an audience.

500 dollars per person? That is Doucheway Robbery!

9:25 pm August, 27 Douchelips said...

I almost died laughing at Ghetto Preacher.

10:49 pm August, 27 Steve said...

I don’t care for the Stallone mocking. How many 64 year old’s look like that? If I have to choose between being a fat blob or being ripped like Sly when I retire, I’ll take the latter, thanks.

11:04 pm August, 27 Wheezer said...

Re: The Know’s 1:22 p.m. link…..
.
I’m surprised DarkSock hasn’t yet been over there to pee in a horse. Hmmmmm, maybe he’s stuck in traffic.

12:40 am August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@ Sir DD

I live in Ontario and Quebec all the time and do not know anybody who likes Nickleback. It is a western thang. Except for welfare cases and the City of Hamilton. And people with extremely large heads.

7:26 am August, 28 DarkSock said...

Arizona is the new Mississippi.

8:51 am August, 28 Del Monte - corrupt Federali said...

its intresting that you mention justin bieber db1, because, i want to kill him, i would take him to a disused warehouse, skin him using barbed wire, throw him in a bath of salt and bleach, and then attempt to cut his head of in a meat slicer será muy bueno! 🙂

8:58 am August, 28 Troy Tempest said...

I live in Toronto, and I don’t know anyone who listens to Nickleback. Ever. And anyone who does is a nincomfuckingpoop, so says da preacherman. I’d heard of him years ago when I lived in SF, but never saw him. I thought assclowns like Dr Gene Scott, because he was transparent bullshit.

9:56 am August, 28 Anonymous said...

im from brookyln, im jewish, i like shopping and grey goose, i pretend to be italian, some people think im dead, i now live in miami who am i?

10:03 am August, 28 Teddy Tendergass said...

^Plinky?

10:14 am August, 28 shelbyville douche said...

@ anon 9:56

a garbage man

10:21 am August, 28 shelbyville douche said...

and another thing why do black rappers say when they’re in brooklyn “wer brooklyn at! wer brooklyn at!” like they dont know were the place they are is

11:09 am August, 28 Good Will Douching said...

Wait… Isn’t pool pear wearing an Ed Hardy swimsuit? The artwork looks like some type of Geisha, consistent with a Hardy-esque design… Big SNAFU…

12:07 pm August, 28 DarkSock said...

@ anon 9:56 –
.
ABE VIGODA!
.
.
I WIN!! Gimme my motherfuckin weed, Gimme my motherfuckin weed!
It’s alright, baby!
Gimme my weed, gimme my 35 dollars to go to the motherfuckin swap meet! Biittch! Uhh, uhh, uhh, uhh …
I’m in the money, I’m in the money, I’m in the money, I’m in the money!!!!

12:13 pm August, 28 Abe Vigoda said...

I live in Jersey, you assholes. And I’m STILL not dead.
asdfdsa

12:18 pm August, 28 Filet o' Misery said...

ABE VIGODA STOLE MY SPINE. YOU FUCKER.
HGH

5:16 pm August, 28 Sir David Douchenborough said...

@ Chad and @ Troy

I forgot to leave out a little qualifier in my statement. Indeed, in some areas, nobody listens to Nickelback. Sadly though, he still attracts a following, even in Ottawa. However, this is mostly because NIckelback fans are more from the smaller towns and rural areas. It coincides quite well with the post-grunge alt country fusion atmosphere that pervaded my little hometown.

It has been firmly established though that The Prime Minister of Canada (or his son anyway) is a douchebag by extension, and I think that can be safely said without even going into the politics.

7:01 pm August, 28 Steve L. said...

a lot of douchey news this Friday. but surprisingly enough i’m not convulsing as much as i used to be. is this an indication of me toughening up or becoming depressingly desnsitized to the douchie media?
well, i know i’m notdesensitized to Pool Pear. no definitely not.

7:02 pm August, 28 Steve L. said...

@ myself right above,
not desensitized
whobag jumpoff.

7:48 pm August, 28 Anonymous said...

no the correct answer to the who am i? question is Joey Porsche aka Joey Carrera aka Joey Ohayon aka “Mario” why does he have so many aliases? i dont know..

you guys said Plinky , Garbage man and Abe Vigoda pfff you were all way off you bunch of fuckin herbs

4:42 am August, 29 choad mcfungus said...

Who is ed hardy and justine bieber?

11:25 am August, 30 Mucky Fingers said...

Stallone gets a pass simply for keeping in shape at 64. How many of you are still going to be pumping the iron at that age?

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