Thursday, August 5, 2010

Hardpocalypse Now

“I was going to the worst place in the world and I didn’t even know it yet.

Weeks away and hundreds of feet into a club that snaked through suburbia like a main circuit cable plugged straight into douchebaggery.

It was no accident that I got to be the caretaker of Ed Hardy memory any more than being back in douche land was an accident.

There is no way to mock Ed Hardy without mocking my own. And if his story really is a about overpriced and ridiculous t-shirts, then so is mine.”

— Col. Willard Putz

# posted by douchebag1
11:49 am August, 5 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

To the gas chamber.

11:49 am August, 5 Mr. Biggs said...

Wow. That’s quite a reference.

11:49 am August, 5 Douche Ellington said...

This is either some sort of alternate douchiverse, or an HCwDB-themed Ed Hardy Party making light of the douche. So the douchosity may be staged. Either way, the damages to the retina are real.

11:50 am August, 5 doucheywallnuts said...

A new trend in the world of douches is to have parties in elevators.

11:57 am August, 5 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I would like to set fire to the gentlemen with the hat on in the left of the picture.
In closing I would like to set fire to the taint of the chick in the orange using my genitals as a match.

11:58 am August, 5 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Haha that one beer is going to get colder than the others, dumbass.

11:58 am August, 5 tall guy said...

Douche on the left reminds me, somehow, of Keith Richards. I must be quite unwell this morning.

11:59 am August, 5 Eliza Douchecoo said...

**warmer, who’s the dumbass now?

12:05 pm August, 5 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Eliza^
.
You’re cracking me up.

12:09 pm August, 5 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

You have to have men who are swole… and at the same time who are able to crush pussy without feeling… without passion… without an erection… without an erection! Because it’s erections that defeat us.

12:12 pm August, 5 Ariscrotle said...

@ Douche Ellington

To stage douche is ever bit as bad as the real thing.

As stated by the late Mockma Gandhi:

“All compromise is based on give and take, but there can be no give and take on mocking the douchebag. Any compromise on mere mock is a surrender. For it is all give and no take. “

12:13 pm August, 5 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Nah, drop some napalm on ’em. I love the smell of napalm, it’s the smell of victory!

12:15 pm August, 5 Claude Douchenburg said...

I favor the girl in the orange T not wearing any pants.

12:18 pm August, 5 Claude Douchenburg said...

The little person is a celebrity right?

12:26 pm August, 5 Troy Tempest said...

Captain Skidmark and the Bleeth Patrol defending our FREEDOM with his sidekick, Zanzibar Buck Buck McFate.

12:26 pm August, 5 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Hardy? Hardy don’t douche.

12:37 pm August, 5 JDSoCal said...

Of all the shocking douchebaggery on this site, the one thing that never ceases to amaze me is the consistent bad taste in beer these douches exhibit.

That, and the fact that hot chicks gravitate to them.

12:38 pm August, 5 JDSoCal said...

The horror. The horror.

12:40 pm August, 5 DarkSock said...

“The whorers…the whorers….”

12:41 pm August, 5 DarkSock said...

“Schlubs in an Elevator” by Aerodouche

12:44 pm August, 5 tall guy said...

I am surprised at the lack of commentary on that most douche of head wear, the pork pie hat. Usually seen in a colour that luridly clashes with the rest of the douche ensemble – and considering that same ensemble is often Ed Hardy that’s a clash of the most lurid – not to mention it’s mostly worn indoors.

12:46 pm August, 5 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Are those Ed Hardy beer coozies?
.
The End really is neigh.

12:50 pm August, 5 Deltus said...

We need to find the most ridiculous Ed Hardy decorated item in the world, so we know what the bottom of the barrel is. Ed Hardy beer cozies has to be right up there.

1:01 pm August, 5 Eliza Douchecoo said...

…on another note, some dude just got elected to the Supreme Court.

1:08 pm August, 5 soy bomb said...

All I see are easy targets.

-Nail Bomb

1:12 pm August, 5 Justin said...

“I love the smell of AXE body spray in the morning…it smells like…taint.”

1:12 pm August, 5 DarkSock said...

Deltus: I saw an Ed Hardy washable cotton feminine napkin once but damned if I can find it on teh interwebs now…

1:15 pm August, 5 Jaan Kanellis said...

Ed Hardy cooleeze? I must be living under a rock, now I shall crush my head with it.

1:38 pm August, 5 scrotum pole said...

My first ex- wife used surplus industrial strength oil skimmers for feminine napkins.

And I use the term “feminine” loosely.

1:50 pm August, 5 Captain Garanichode said...

Somebody’s been hitting the clearance bin at Ross & TJ Maxx

1:53 pm August, 5 Captain Garanichode said...

Taint on left looks like Andy Dick in a Harpo wig..

1:58 pm August, 5 Et Tu Douche? said...

Into the Heart of Douchness indeed!! This looks staged and by a group of hipsters trying to be ironic.
.
Yes there are such things as Ed hardy beer coozies.

http://www.amazon.com/Hardy-Tattoo-Coozie-Koozie-Cooler/dp/B002NN6SRQ
.
@Claude Douchenburg said…

“I favor the girl in the orange T not wearing any pants.” I couldn’t agree more.
.
@Claude Douchenburg said…

The little person is a celebrity right? Looks like a mini Ron Jeremy

2:15 pm August, 5 ice-9 said...

I don’t know if it has to do with being laid up for a week with a sprained ankle or what, but this picture makes me want to give up … everything. Going to start drinking now. Fuck this world.

3:54 pm August, 5 ToddJerad said...

People like this are the reason we smoke weed.

4:01 pm August, 5 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

My horse agrees with Amerigo Vesdouchey, the end really is “neigh.”

4:05 pm August, 5 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Ed Hardy feminine napkins aside, hows about cotton Hardy-designed diapers….or even yet,a real hot-water bottle douchebag decorated with Hardy dragons and skulls…for those days the ass is draggin’ and the migraine headaches are outta control…from observing extreme site douchery here.

4:06 pm August, 5 captain shit on your face said...

WTF are those Ed Hardy tall can drink huggies?! This is the apocalypse.

7:17 pm August, 5 Douche Springsteen said...

“Newark…shit I’m still only in Newark.”

7:17 pm August, 5 Steve L. said...

if puke comes out of those cans, you wouldn’t be able to separate the puke from the cans.

7:38 pm August, 5 Red Cup Down said...

“Your mission is to doucheinate Colonel Putz.”
“Doucheinate?”
“With extreme Hardyness.”

9:19 pm August, 5 Stephanie said...

They sure are proud of their stupid beer coolers. I’m so glad they have their priorities in order.

3:46 pm August, 6 Abdouchah the Butcher said...

Oh yeah… The f%#ktard on the left is really pushing pretty much all the douchebuttons in one beautifully captured fraction of a second. And from what I can see of the Hotts, I could easily be persuaded to ‘go thither,’ as they say. I’m hoping to get in on the ground floor of the Ed Hardy doilies & lobster bibs.

4:42 pm August, 10 Lovekraft said...

Midget? Black Lodge!! Get out, Cooper!!!

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