Monday, August 16, 2010

HCwDB of the Week

It may seem more an anhillation than a competition this week in the Weekly.

With Brothabag Edgar and Josslyn having piled up an epic run of blowout doucheyness and barely legal hottness, this seems an epic smackdown of unfair proportions. But until the votes are counted, nothing is done yet. Here are your finalists:

HCwDB of the Week Finalists #1: Brothabag Edgar and Josslyn

From bathroom iPhone pics to bathroom iPhone pics with blonde girls, from Ubiquitous Red Cups to self portraits with strippers in strange bathrooms, from purple kissy lips to… well, that’s enough, isn’t it?

And by enough, I mean ubercraptastitude.

Brothabag Edgar, while neither Brothabag nor Edgar, is all that is Chinstrap about Chinos.

Josslyn is all that is just reaching 18 and already making terrible life choices.

Together, they form a toxic cohabit of hottie/douchey disaster.

But have they peaked too early? Have they worn out their welcome and turned off the voters of HCwDB? Will they burn out in a flame of hairspray and lighter fluid?

The votes have yet to be counted. And they’ve won nothing yet.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #2: The Calibag and Paid-to-Pose Pamela

Yo. Keepin’ it 6th Grade Geography Educationamal, yo.

Standard wannabe “rapsta” wanksta crud and eye meltingly hott paid to pose greatness, the Calibag is a formidable single contender ready to take down the heavy favorite of B.E.

Featuring the most obnoxious bling this side of an Armani-Exchange Shroud of Turin Neil Diamond limited edition, The Calibag brings asstastic excess in the age of economic recession.

And PTP Pam will drain your bank account and make out with your boss. She is why wars are started and suicide rates rise in urban environments.

Is tasteful Most Expensive First Date Hott and strange Asian rapsta pud with offensive bling enough to take down the favorite?

Perhaps. But there’s one more finalist to go.

HCwDB of the Week Finalist #3: The Spud Douche

The Spud Douche is simple. Straightforward. Classic ‘bag. But maybe it’s a classic ‘bag with hott that’s enough to take down B.E. and a Calibag.

When not ignoring the uberhott Barbazons, Spud Douche is busy pointing out any and all nearby cameras.

And what of the Barbizons? Uberhott and Sapphos, two words that go together like horse and carriage.

It’s quality HCwDB any way you slice it. And by slice it, I mean mock with pensive aplomb.

The Barbizons made a second cameo appearance of sexy fondle in Joey Hoverbag’s presence, and then again when Joey Hoverbag couldn’t let lezbefriends be friends.

That’s a lotta hott. But enough to carry The Spud Douche to victory?

(Dis)honorable mention to Lake Crotchpuddle, The Boob Brothers, The Orangeman of Canceria, the real world beauty of Naomi and the toxic taint of The Hardpocalypse

Is this a coronation for Brothabag Edgar and Josslyn? or an upset in the making?

Vote, as always, in the comments thread.

# posted by douchebag1
7:07 am August, 16 Chris in 'Baghdad said...

Brothabag Edgar is so over the top. His hott is vaguely annoying, but Brothabag’s chin strap, weird ‘do and general go out just scream BAG!

7:14 am August, 16 Bag Margera said...

Brothabag’s hair is shinier than Calibag’s Cali necklace. Brothabag FTW.

7:19 am August, 16 MoeDouche said...

The Spud Douche FTW. Just ’cause the lesbo action is worth looking at over, and over, and over…

7:21 am August, 16 boatbutter said...

Coronate. And then maybe coroner-ate.

7:29 am August, 16 Wheezer said...

I guess the rancid bleethery brought these assholes down below even dishonorable mention…..that’s fuccen low, man.
.
Calibag got in only because of his Freeway Flav bling. Take it off of him, slap off that doucheface, tip him for the delivery and he’s gone. The Boob Bros and/or Orangeman would’ve put up a better fight.
.
Spud Douche is riding the coattails of the blonde wannabe lezbo hotts. Hey, did I say that was wrong? And they have boobies. But he’s another relatively innocuous chump with a douche shirt and hand signals – without those, we’d overlook him as well. Who’s not gonna win the Weekly? Spud Douche points two thumbs at himself and says, “This guy!”
.
Looks like Edgar and Josslyn in a landslide, and by landslide, I mean hair grease spill. BP hasn’t quite capped that leak, though another kind of “BP” is in Edgar’s nightstand…..it vibrates, and Josslyn usually has little to do with it. Just as long as it doesn’t muss his hair.

7:33 am August, 16 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

As much as I’d like to make the Calibag eat that fuccin geography bling and pass it through his digestive tract and out his taint kicker, I’ll have to vote for Edgar.
.
I was just getting over a hangover the first time I saw Edgar and his nauseating visage brought it back. For that he must pay. I hate being hung over (but not enough to quit drinking).
.
Edgar and the sweet but rapidly descending Josslyn FTW.

7:36 am August, 16 mr.reeve said...

The Calibag and Paid-to-Pose Pamela FTW. They have no shot and neither does Calibag with Pamela. This taintful bling wearing bag nearly ruins the hottness of P-T-P Pamela. But her hottness shines brighter than the fake diamond that is L.A. I can picture Calibag at a local bowling alley karaoke night “spitten some lyrics” while rapping “California Love”, dawg.

7:39 am August, 16 Webalot said...

he can count!

7:47 am August, 16 Charles Nelson Douchely said...

I’m a sucker for the classics. Brothabag Edgar.

7:51 am August, 16 Ohio FJ said...

Brothabag Edgar FTW – he brings it all to the table

8:00 am August, 16 boondoggle said...

Josslyn is Pedobear approved and therefore out of the running.

Calibag is punchable and PTP Pam delicious, but…

Spud FTW if for nothing else, for showing us what it would look like if Ali Larter gained a few poinds in all the right places and made out with other hotts.

8:02 am August, 16 Douche Boyardee's Cheese and Bagaroni said...

You know what I hate? I hate having to take a shit right after getting out of the shower. You were the cleanest you will be all day and no matter now much you wipe you will never be that clean until tomorrow.

You know what I hate more than that? Having to take a shit while you are IN the shower. Do you run out all wet into the cold, risking slipping on the bathroom floor or take your chances and drop one while in the shower and hope that you can stomp it down the drain?

You know what I hate more than that? Knowing that smug Brothabag Edgar is running around tainting up Barely-legals! The hair, the lips, the self-pics, the chin strap. All point to this guy is a huge Douche and someone remind me to pick up some Draino after work.

8:04 am August, 16 the douche is alright said...

I can’t help but believe that this vote was forced upon me, but Brothabag FTW

8:12 am August, 16 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

Edgar FTW. Caause he brings the old school Joey Porch classic douchery.. And by bringing it old school, I mean bring the vomit up the esophagus.

8:14 am August, 16 SonnyChibaChoad said...

Brothabag Edgar FTW
And by win I mean run away and hide like Secretariat in the 1973 Belmont.

8:17 am August, 16 Troy Tempest said...

Brothabag Edgar. He is so rank and vile, he makes sweet and fluffy little kittens commit suicide by skewering their little kitty brains on the nearest sharp object. Someone has to answer for all the little dead kittens.

8:17 am August, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Brotherbag FT16W20. And by FT16W20 I mean if he gets caught with Josslyn 16 will get him 20 in the statey.

8:17 am August, 16 One for the Choad said...

Negro please. Brothabag Edgar FTW.

8:23 am August, 16 Justin said...

No contest. Brothabag Edgar. Next.

8:23 am August, 16 Douchey Lewis and the News said...

Brothabag Edgar FTW. He’s the kind of retro douche that never looses his poo scent.

8:35 am August, 16 End the Haberdouchery said...

My brain says Edgar, but my heart says Spud. His alpha-male facade cannot hide the fact that he’s 19 with a receding hairline. Melissa and Clarissa would fulfill my barely legal fantasies by being horribly awkward in bed and then asking me to make them Easy Mac afterward.

8:35 am August, 16 Maxim Kovalenko said...

Brothabag Edgar FTW.

Because we hold this truth to be self-evident, Edgar is the douchier douche.

8:42 am August, 16 Douchelips said...

Brothabag Edgar FTW!!!
.
Edgar is EPIC. He does not hold back.
.
I look forward to seeing him in the yearly.

8:50 am August, 16 mojowrkn said...

Edgar FTW

8:55 am August, 16 justadouchalo said...

While douche indicators are many and varied, ignoring the smoking hot girl, or in this case two girls gone lesbo, sitting next to you to stare stupidly at the camera is the the litmus test of douchebaggery.
Spud ftw.

9:03 am August, 16 ehcuodouche said...

Ima vote for Edgar. It takes a special kind of douche training to make the chin fung completely encircle one’s face. And Josslyn is just a special kind of barely legal multicultural innocence…

9:10 am August, 16 uscrascal said...

Sorry, but the douche force is strong with Brothabag Edgar. The hottness of the other two ladies definitely outweighs the barely legal Josslyn… and for that I am most grateful. But no one can deny Edgar his title this week… no one!

9:17 am August, 16 mehoff said...

Edgar because all of the money he spends on products for his hair could save the lives of an entire African village during drought season.

9:20 am August, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Going against he grain here, but I do not find Josslyn to be good looking.
However, I do find Edgar just the right amount of , ” I want to kick your teeth in” and “You , sir, are a fucking moron” douchebag without equal in the past week …
.
Brothabag Edgar and Josslyn FW

9:20 am August, 16 Crucial Head said...

This vote was the easiest thing since writing the script for The Expendables.

I have a feeling Brothabag Edgar will soon be joining that infamous blockbuster cast of ass-tongue stars in the Hall o’ Scrote.

9:22 am August, 16 Dr. Jocelyn Elders said...

Ouiiiiyyyyyyiyiyi! I haven’t had to mastabate so much since I saw Mario Van Pebbles for da first time . Brothabag Edgar is da bomb niggas. He is all kinds of chocolat tunder and oriental spice with a tiny bit of me stuck up his sweet ass licking his turd piper. I needs the B. Edgar to bang my old wrinkled ash colored ass with his jism pole. Dr. has to go get her fry on, and by fry on I mean BBQ and mascabasttin.

9:22 am August, 16 Dolph Douchegren said...

Brothabag Edgar FTW i guess. It’s a predictable vote, but anything else would be going against the principle of what seems to be the general consensus of douche signifiers. It’s as if there was a secret military program devoted to the destruction of humanity, and this douchbag (with hot chick) is the Mk1 model. Somewhere in a underground laboratory they intentionally constructed a “super-bag” from all available parts to once and for all make us lose our will to live.

9:26 am August, 16 Baron Von Goolo said...

The only upset I foresee here is my stomach upsetting its Sausage Croissanwich all over my keyboard. The inevitable win for Brothabag Edgar and his androgynous, FutureWorld troll-face is just a speedbump on his rocket ride to the Hall of Scrote.

9:28 am August, 16 RAPETIME said...

Brothabag Edgar, just for his hair, which I’ll christen “Ride Like The Wind” in honor of Christopher Cross. Ride on, Edgar, ride on. Let your exquisitely sculpted facial hair be an inspiration for the ages, like a Michaelangelo’s David that causes non-stop vomiting.

(for the guitarists, “Ride Like The Wind” marks the first appearance of guitar lord Eric Johnson to the national audience)

9:29 am August, 16 Mr. Biggs said...

Wow, strong week. Any of these guys could win another week. But alas, they all have to contend with brothabag. And I’m calling him out out of respect for all brothers out there, and as a warning. This is what happens when you blindly follow the latest trends. You become a mockery of a human being. A greasy, punchworthy (heck, batworthy) mockery of a human being.

9:35 am August, 16 Condouchious say said...

As much as I’d like to see more of Paid-to-pose Pamela, I have to vote for “Brothabag” Edgar. I use the quotes because are we even sure that he’s a brotha? Hell are we even sure he’s a dude and not a chick with some drawn on facial hair? His ambiguity should lead to a TV special hosted by Maury Povich where he reads the genetic background results to representatives of various ethinic/racial groups.

9:46 am August, 16 Et Tu Douche? said...

I would go with Calibag Fung-Chin & PtP Pamela because they have HCwDB down to a science but B-Bag Edgar’s overwhelming narcissism and tons o signifiers take the cake for the win

9:47 am August, 16 Baron Von Goolo said...

…I will say this though, P2P Pamela did actually cause me to pause before casting my vote for Brothabag Edgar. For her hotness is deep and profound.
.
And believe it or not, that hotness is just the appetizer. You should see what’s on her myspace page.

9:55 am August, 16 Wheezer said...

@RAPETIME, 9:28 a.m. –
.
(for the guitarists, “Ride Like The Wind” marks the first appearance of guitar lord Eric Johnson to the national audience)
.
“High Landrons” for your (and all the regs’) pleasure…..

10:13 am August, 16 dbBen said...

Edgar
.
If at some distant date we travel to the center of the galaxy and find one of these. We won’t give it a new name, it’ll still just be the biggest gd black hole we’ve ever seen (not seen).
.
Although he is just getting started, Edgar is the black hole at the center of the douche universe and he will one day absorb all light and cause the destruction of all that is good. Unless we mock. Chin-strap fung head.
.
I have no doubt in my mind that Pamela and the Barbizons are in complete control of those situations. May Pamela turn up in my Battlestar Galactica and Vanilla Coke infused dreams to come.

10:16 am August, 16 Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang said...

Edgar makes me ill. Josyln, hanging out with that pud, clearly thinks he’s cool, and that just makes me sad. Edgar FTW all the way.

10:17 am August, 16 Blinded by the Shite said...

While I hope that Calibag releases that six-kilo neck-bling so that we can move on from this ‘bag that is the herp on the scrotum of California and goggle P2P Pammy, and deign to drive Spud’s half-scissor-sister sign through those Mr Potato-esque misplaced eyes, I reserve my vote for the cutie/douchie coupling of Josslyn and Edgar Allen Poo.

See you in HoH, Paid-to-Pose Pamela.

10:19 am August, 16 Blinded by the Shite said...

I’ll negate my vote for more of Pam’s yams.

10:22 am August, 16 Baleen said...

Brothabag Edgar ftw because if you sprayed him with a flame thrower, the smell would be reminiscent of charred styrofoam and burnt bacon.

10:30 am August, 16 Vin Douchal said...

@ Wheezer
.
That weather girl page the other day was great. Also, the Eric Johnson “Austin City Limits” was one the best ones they ever produced. Tied with the Jayhawks & Shelby Lynne.

10:33 am August, 16 Shish_kebag said...

Brothabag edgar for the win, because He is a subtle mix of Fung, Joey Porsche downright orange tan doucheness.
– Brothabag is the reason you should not get too much tan
– Brothabag is the best example that there is no god !
– Brothabag is the main cause of cancer as of 2010
– Brothabag is the main cause of teen suicide as of 2010
– Brothabag is the main reason why we hate douchebags !

The only questions i have for this pic is : Is brothabag’s hott at least 16 ?

10:43 am August, 16 Anthony LaBaglia said...

Brothabag is douchy enough to cause me to break my sacred vow, circa 2008, to never again vote for an African-American.

I hereby re-nig.

BBE FTW.

10:47 am August, 16 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Brothabag Edgar. No contest. He is more than stream of warm vinegar water flowing from a douchebag, he is the Niagara Falls of douchebags. He blows the stopper off the bottle and the hose off the connector.

10:49 am August, 16 DarkSock said...

Somebody go wake up Stackhouse; his competition is finally here.
.
Edgar FTW, as he slides past the others; an Olestra-drenched sausage and biscuit that bullet-trains past salad and bran and well-chewed celery in the Colon of Fate, evermore towards that desperately clenched starfish we call….Destiny.
.
I’m going ahead and casting my vote for PTPP as Most Expensive First Date, BTW.

10:54 am August, 16 Dr. Jocelyn Elders said...

massabate, massabate, massabate

11:31 am August, 16 Mr. White said...

Edgar just bores me. I don’t know why. I just can’t raise any ire for an ambiguously gendered teen taking cell phone pics in the bathroom during the Saide Hawkins dance.
.
My vote goes for Calibag. He clearly has no idea of the irony behind wearing gaudy bling in the shape of a state with budgetary problems so severe that they will only be resolved when the whole wasteland slides into the ocean. Plus he’s very near to some bountiful, lace-encrusted, caramel-colored bosoms.
.
And saying it that way makes me kind of hungry.

11:34 am August, 16 anonymous said...

Edgar. I still get physically sick when looking at him. Edgar is a strong contender for the Yearly, if you ask me.

11:40 am August, 16 ElderDouch said...

I feel like I’m pissing upwind in Katarina but my puny vote goes to the Spud for the Lesbo kiss. Edgar is trying to hard and I just can’t do it.

12:04 pm August, 16 tall guy said...

At first I didn’t want to cast my vote for BrotherBag Edgar. But then I took another look at his photo and reminded myself of just how detailed his chin pubes were. He’s really trying. He’s really succeeding. Edgar for the win. I predict a landslide.

12:04 pm August, 16 Bonez said...

Without a doubt it’s brothabag Edgar FTW. He’s on a whole other douche level.

12:11 pm August, 16 Wheezer said...

@Vin, 10:30 a.m. –
.
You’re welcome – I thought you of all the ‘hunters might appreciate that the most, seeing as how you have the LA weather hotties catalogued for our pleasure. 😉
.
Speaking of Eric Johnson, I had the pleasure of seeing him (with Tony Furtado opening) in an acoustic-only show back in 2004 or so. No “High Landrons,” much to my chagrin, but the show was phenomenal nonetheless. There was some occasional banter with the crowd, and at one point Eric asked if we noticed the mistake he’d just made. One guy said something like “No, we wouldn’t be able to pick up on that, but it makes us feel good to know you’re not perfect.” (I’m paraphrasing, of course.) Eric’s reply of “Well I aim to please” elicited a friendly chuckle from the crowd of a few hundred.
.
It was in a fairly small joint – the “20th Century Theater,” if I recall. Massengill will back me up on that if he’s been there.

12:18 pm August, 16 Sack O Douche said...

I have to go with “The Calibag and Paid-to-Pose Pamela” only because Pamela makes me wanna motor boat the shit out of my computer screen or do something else to ripe melons that would need some lube and goggles for Pamela’s face. Was that too much detail?
Calibag is a true L.A. douche who deserves a good karate chop to throat. FUCKA YOU CARIBAG!!!!!

12:27 pm August, 16 Anonymous said...

Brothabag Edgar FTW. Hell, just give that piece of shit Douchebag of the Year right now.

12:34 pm August, 16 Red Headed Woman said...

Edgar, duh.

12:34 pm August, 16 Battlescrote Galactica said...

“Good Golly Miss Molly” raise a fist and pump it for the nearly-aborted love child of Little Richard and Pauly D! The one and only Brothabag Edgar for the win!!!

12:37 pm August, 16 massengill said...

I’d be a Grade A moron if I didn’t vote for a classic Jerz scrote when presented with one. Edgar FTW

12:59 pm August, 16 skrag2112 said...

Brothabag Edgar FTW. Why are you even bothering with a contest? Just…just look at him!

1:12 pm August, 16 creature said...

Edgar is poo chia-pet

brothabag ftw

1:27 pm August, 16 creature said...

BvG @ 9:47 plays the role of bcs… well done sir! I will never click on another of your links (lying to myself)

1:31 pm August, 16 Bob Mcadouche said...

Edgar, no contest. His epic run will not be stopped by these other second rate ‘bags.

1:41 pm August, 16 Baron Von Goolo said...

@ creature
.
BAH! That was intended as the overture of my vengeance against you all for not giving Tina her due in the HOH, but since it’s been 4 hours and only you have even acknowledged my feeble attempt, I call do-over and obviously must up my game. Something in a tubgirl 2.0 feel, perhaps…

1:44 pm August, 16 DarkSock said...

O Lord

1:49 pm August, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The Calibag and Paid-to-Pose Pamela FTW! Why? Calibag still thinks that chicks dig the model of the state of Californeeya he made for his eighth-grade book report about Toluca Lake being the porn capital of the world. The kids on the short bus worship him as some kind of minor deity but PTP Pamela knows that he still has $20 bucks in his pocket and she’s about to get it with this last pic.

1:51 pm August, 16 Steve L. said...

if this was a vote to elect a douchebag to the House of Pud in the government of the Douche Republic, Brothabag Edgar would be the guy getting caught with gerrymandering and bribery of constituents and election officials alike.
should i be voting for such an unscrupulous weekly contestant?
yes. yes i should. fire a bullet into your kissy lips, BB Edgar.

1:57 pm August, 16 Medusa Oblongata said...

^ Not so fast, BVG, I’m definitely going to get my revenge. How, I don’t know, but remember that it’s a dish best served cold….
.
In the amount of time spent sculpting his chin pubes, blowing out that anime villain hair, razoring his eyebrows into the shape of little dried earthworms, fumbling with colored contacts and pressing his dandy little outfit, he could have read part of a book. For the intense effort in de-evolving, Edgar FTW.

2:39 pm August, 16 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Oooo…a tough choice. I’m going to give the nod to Edgarbag, ’cause I’ve been riding his ass like a $5 hooker. Calibag is a worth candidate, and deserves to have an unfortunate accident with the state of California and Pamela is TEH HOTT. Spud Douche is mock worth ’cause he ruins an otherwise mesmirizing photo some fine, fine faux (real?) lesbians.

2:46 pm August, 16 Dicy said...

I’m going to have to vote the Spud Douche. Clearly he’s the biggest idiot on the ballot for ignoring the kissy hotts.

3:09 pm August, 16 Mr. Bungle said...

There is no doubt in my mind that Brothabag Edgar is the clear winner this week. I also move to induct him into the hall of scrote immediately. Never have I seen such a specimen of asexual bagness. It’s as if Beyonce and Dave Navarro somehow fused into one being. Send Josslyn to me immediately so I may brush her raven bangs aside as I butter her shoulders with Country Crock. She deserves better than I can’t believe its not butter.

3:12 pm August, 16 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Brothabag FTW in what should be the most lopsided margin of victory in the history of the competition. Just as the Chicago Bears defeated the Washington Redskins 73-0 in the 1940 NFL Championship game, Brothabag should romp to the winners circle. Any analysis of the whys and hows are as meaningless as they would have been 70 years ago trying to explain how one team beat another by more than 10 touchdowns in a match-up between the two best teams.

Brothabag’s existence also serves to answer this question for once and for all.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_color_did_you_get_when_you_mix_brown_and_orange

3:19 pm August, 16 Alex said...

Spud Douche

3:35 pm August, 16 Horace Dangleballs said...

While the Barbizons almost grabbed my vote for Spud, their (staged, I suspect) antics were unable to overcome Edgar’s ooze. His hair looks like the Bermuda grass rough on the golf courses in Florida. I would gladly try and hit out of it with my 3 iron… with big divots.

4:41 pm August, 16 tballou said...

Talk about a weak lineup! None of them really deserve DBOTW, and I doubt any of them will come close to end of year awards. However, if pressed, I have to vote for Brothabag!

5:22 pm August, 16 Peter Ilyich Doucheovsky said...

Ya know, everytime I go to one of my favorite restaurants I’m tempted to branch out and try one of the other delicious items on the menu. But I always find my way beack to the obvious choice. Why?
Because… it’s, uh, obvious.
Brothabag FTW.
With the caveat that PTP Pamela is all kinds of supercalafragilisticexpealidocious. Yeah. I went there.

5:32 pm August, 16 Dex said...

Calibag is utterly harmless. Sure, he had to eat a lot of Crackerjacks to earn that bling, but we all know full well that when the lights go off and Pamela’s shift is over, he goes home and spends the remainder of his night playing Star Craft 2, and feeling guilty that he has been neglecting his Night Elf Mage in World of Warcraft.
And Spud? He just doesn’t have his heart in it. It’s like Adam Carolla said when he did his podcast with DB1. When there’s a real douche, you don’t need the outward signs. You can see it in the eyes. Spud’s eyes are broken, defeated, and devoid of confidence. He is trying to ham it up with the shirt and hand sign, but the Barbizons were so unimpressed with his half-assed mating ritual that they decided they’d rather just make out while people took pictures. And that is awesome.
With those two shot down, how can you possibly deny this week’s glory to Edgar?? He brings a smorgasbord of high-end TnA to the table, and you will notice that in four of the six pictures attributed to him, four of them take place in a bathroom. That’s where girls are most vulnerable! You go poop in there!
Edgar brings the classic douchebag hallmarks to the table. His mastery is in his ambiguity. He has meshed his douchebag elements together in such a way that determining his race is impossible. Is that his natural skin tone or does he spray-tan? Do his lips really look like that, or is he the master at a subtle kissy-face? Just how much gel is in his hair? And look at the shape of his eyes and eyebrows? Could it be that he’s a gaybag?
Edgar is the master of mysteries. And what’s more, he brings to table the quality, quantity, and voraciousness to take a weekly, monthly, and yes, even a yearly.
Keep it up Edgar. Your look is so calculated and well-maintained that I can’t even say that I want to punch you. Onward to Yearly glory!

5:35 pm August, 16 Manimal said...

FTW? Calibaggling-a-bling and his rented Mediterranean Suckle…

Why? Because B.E. is clearly trying too hard… Too commercial. Bla’ach. So, Cali shall suffice (luv the ‘Tude!)’

But then there is Pamela… Oh, Pamela.

For, I must confess: I would spend a long, dessicated summer digging for pottery sherds, on Crete, with 11 angry lesbians, and no beer; just for the chance to pluck a single ripe olive from her sumptuous groves…

5:47 pm August, 16 opie sardonicus said...

@ darksock ‘Olestra-drenched sausage and biscuit’. A wizard, a true star. Chapeau doffed.

Gotta be Brothabag Edgar ftw. Stand him up against a bullet-pocked wall next to the competition and see where the rounds fly. As I comfort Joslynn with crayons and a Humpty’s place-mat.

5:55 pm August, 16 objext said...

Brothabag Edgar. How did this even come to a vote?

6:37 pm August, 16 soy bomb said...

I tried to play devil’s advocate and think of any way that the other clowns could steal the win from Edgar, but gave pause when confronted with such egregious intellectual dishonesty. A mighty douche indeed, and his destiny is to compete for the yearly. If Obama can be Prez, surely a brothabag could be HCwDB of the year, no?
.
.
.
.
Plus, I want to bang Josslyn with my clam hammer.

6:38 pm August, 16 Sir David Douchenborough said...

The true sign of real douchebag is the extent at which they tend to refine meticulously their image. It is a high mark of vanity and narcissism to engage in over charged metrosexuality, for it betrays their quintessential insecurity.

Cali bag is just wearing a cheap neck piece, he probably gave very little thought other than, cool, it looks like Cali and it’s shiny! That woman who is with him looks like she has more collagen in her lips than an entire pod of whales.

The spud douche is just giving a douchey hand sign, but like Calibag, he probably didn’t go too far into his clothing and aesthetic selection other than, whoa! This will make me look tough. Also, the hotts in that pic have had their boobs done. I think I have seen more petroleum in those boobs than the Gulf Oil Spill.

No, it is definitely Brothabag. The great irony with this man is that his narcissism and insecurity has compelled to seek out virtually every permutation of “product” that will supposedly render appealing to the opposite sex. It is hard to see if Brothabag was maintaining a gangsta credibility or not, but that is irrelevant.

The key irony here is that in his mind, he believes he is the paragon of the modern man without realizing that his overzealous has made his appearance so confusing, you cannot decide if he was a pre-op or post op transexual. The careful geled hair, the detailed chin strap, and the lip ring—All of this screams form without substance with the added embarrassment that it makes him more effeminate than the Hott with whom he is trying to court. To boot, the Hott displays very little by way of bleethiness, which means she is still untouched yet beginning to descend into the plastic and constructed world of the Bleeth.

This is a unholy union of the highest, and for that, Brothabag should be condemned the DB of the week.

7:05 pm August, 16 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Edgar in the biggest landslide since Reagan in ’84.

7:27 pm August, 16 scrotum pole said...

Brothabag Edgar is an obvious shoe-in for the weekly.
And by “shoe-in”, I mean I’d put my foot so far up his ass, I could untie my boot through his teeth.
.
I don’t even know if Josslyn is old enough to drive, but when she goes for her learner’s permit, I’d gladly act as her driver’s education instructor, patiently teaching her the time-honored technique involved in parrallel parking. Guiding a responsive, high-performance stick shift into a tight, sticky slot.

7:39 pm August, 16 Guns-N-Douches said...

Normally I go through each nominee and critique their particular douchetributes and break down the competition to a logical equation. This time I need no such analysis.

Brothabag Edgar for the weekly and certainly a good shot for the monthly. Let’s break it down: the blowout, the facial hair grooming, tweezing, douchie garments, douche expressions, self-portraits, vanity, purple kissylips and mankup. That’s right, makeup on a guy = mankup and I pose that Edgar uses it.

Also, Edgar pulls off a very difficult trick: taking a self portrait while throwing a douchie hand gesture with the same hand (see pic with skanky bikini stripper). Oh and every time I look at Josslyn, I get a tingle in my naughty bits. Winner winner, chicken dinner.

9:11 pm August, 16 Wedgie said...

One salty vote for the Brothabag.
Because he has a dream.
And he’s fuccen pissed that Cali stole his necklace.

9:18 pm August, 16 Anon1219 said...

It’s all about the brothabag. That hair and chinstrap are classic douche-signals if I’ve ever seen them.

9:40 pm August, 16 the motley douche said...

My vote goes to Spud Douche. On the surface, he’s probably the least scrote of the three. But hear me out. BE and Calibag are born and raised douche. There is simply no hope. On the other hand, Spud looks like he could have been a regular nottadouche at one point. But then he took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and started buying those craptastic MMA shirts. Bottom line, he should just know better. For that, he deserves the weekly and all the dishonor that goes with it.

11:04 pm August, 16 Cheesesock said...

The Brothabag has this…easy. He hasn’t just shamed one race, but ALL of them. He’s an abomination. Rumor has it, his penis shoots concentrated acid.

1:27 am August, 17 Colossus of Choads said...

Edgar

3:55 am August, 17 Istandouche said...

Brothabag Edgar ftw

6:38 am August, 17 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Somewhere in a suburban Trenton hospital lies Joey Porsche, his paper gown all scrunched up and sticky in front, tubes poking out of his fist pumping arm, fresh bandages wrapped around the top of his head where his scalp used to be. Doctors expect they can successfully transplant the hairs from his butt to the top of his head though a couple of them keep getting confused as to which end is which.
.
Meanwhile in another New Jersey town, in a dank and filthy basement beneath a decaying rambler, Edgar stands naked in front of a full length mirror, his new Joey-skin wig stapled firmly to his head. He looks closely at his face in the mirror, running his hand in disgust over his cheeks, his nose, his lips. Behind him on the wall are dozens, perhaps hundreds of close up, grainy photos of Fish Slap.
.
F*ck Fish Slap. Edgar needs a new face.
.
Edgar FTW.

6:53 am August, 17 Ultra Bagnus said...

Brothabag Edgar FTW. The kissylips, pencil-drawn facial pubes, and jersey shore blowout all bring the pain that Calibag and Spud could never withstand. Yes it’s a virtual douche smackdown this week with Edgar emerging as the dominant bag. Besides, there’s something about Josslyn’s quickly fading innocence that paid-to-pose and paid-to-lez just don’t have.

9:56 am August, 17 Paul Muad'douche, the Kwisatz Scroterach said...

I have to go off book and write in a vote for Naomi and the Subtlebag. 2 reasons:

1. Naomi is ridiculously gorgeous, the kind of tasty slice that provides a reasonable pretext for spending ten years at war with a high-walled city state.

2. Subtlebag is subtle only in his tattoos. There is absolutely no doubt that he was the blow hookup for the TKE chapter at George Mason (legacy admittee),compiled a sterling 2.6 GPA, majored in business, and then walked into a job with one of the sleazier mortgage-pushers thanks to his uncle’s intercession. Everything about this choad exudes punchable scion of privilege who will eventually be convicted of fraud and tax evasion.

10:10 am August, 17 Baron Von Goolo said...

@ Mr. Scrotato Head
.
Tell me another story, daddy.

11:15 am August, 17 SauceOfTheDouche said...

Every time I look at BB Edgar’s hair, I expect to see Nemo’s lifeless body falling out of it, coated in oil and other douchal excretions. Dora can’t help you now, pal! For making me want to punch sharks, and for tearing up over Nemo (again), I have to go with BB Edgar.

1:30 pm August, 17 Architeuthis Douche said...

EDGAR OH SWEET JESUS MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP

2:15 pm August, 17 scrotum pole said...

100 bitches

3:02 pm August, 17 Captain Lame said...

I gotta make some noise for the Brotha’s this week! And by noise I mean the sound of my projectile puking into an empty Subway bag that was on the seat next to me, while stuck in traffic on the 405 Southbound. Never look at the weekly noms whilst driving, on your “fancy” new mobile. If this thing really was a “smart” phone, it wouldn’t let me go this site while in hazardous situations. No but seriously this guys face annoys me more than the stupid glitchy antenna design and proximity sensor on the piece of spud poo device that I’m writing this on. At the moment I have more animosity towards Edgar than Steve Jobs. And thats saying A LOT.

Looking down at my barf filled Subway bag right now, I see a striking resemblance to Edgar’s kissy face. Who the hell do you think I’m voting for?

4:05 pm August, 17 G said...

Gotta go with Brothabag Edgar…in fact, he should be leading for the yearly.

5:28 pm August, 17 Douche Assassin said...

Brothabag Egads takes the cake on douche. I thought E-blo was bad. This f*uckhead makes me want to mow my lawn with a cluster bomb. I’m not sure what flavor of brotha he is, but then again I am also sure neither do his parents, God, or Godiva Chocolates. For that racial ambiguity and his terrible annoying aura, I give him teh winz.

7:13 am August, 18 Douche Springsteen said...

Obviously, Brothabag Edgar & Joslyn will reign supreme this week. He’s a douche. She’s a hott. Why not? They deserve it. If this was purely based on the hott though, it would be Pamela. I think she is definitely Hall of Hott material. And I’d like to thank Baron von Goolo for the link to her myspace page. I just shut the door to my office and turned out the lights so I can have some private time with her digitized images.

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