Saturday, August 28, 2010

Helmut Von Baggus

When foreign exchange grad student Helmut Von Baggus asked Irene if he could “show her ‘mit racing stripes?'” Irene assumed he’d meant on his car.

# posted by douchebag1
12:45 pm August, 28 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Gardens are clean and trim is painted. I saw this guy and nearly sharted. Back to my Bloody Mary Saturday. Cheers.

12:49 pm August, 28 Douchie Arnaz said...

After about a weeklong run of skanks, we’re back to (mostly) doe-eyed cuties. I tip my hat, sir.

12:54 pm August, 28 DarkSock said...

Eminem rebuilds
His image with desk supplies:
White-Out Hair Piping

12:54 pm August, 28 DarkSock said...

Colonel Klink: The College Years

12:59 pm August, 28 Anonymous said...

Helmut von Tron Helmet

1:02 pm August, 28 G said...

My GI Joe from the 60s has the same head. The hott can play with my roman helmut instead.

1:31 pm August, 28 Blinded by the Shite said...

Kraftwerk’s Karl Bartos.
Jim Morrison spins in grave,
Sings ‘Goodnight Irene’

1:38 pm August, 28 creature said...

someone lopped off the top of his scull & crapped a shadow init

1:40 pm August, 28 Deltus said...

In days of yore, this douche would’ve gotten his ass beat down for looking so stupid. And we think our society is evolving??

1:48 pm August, 28 Troy Tempest said...

WTF? He wants to live in TRON when he grows up? What an idiot. I don’t know if he’s a true douchebag, as he may just be a dope. But he’s obviously getting attention from Glenda the Good Hott, so something’s wrong here.

His face is made of wax.

Maybe he’s actually a wax figure of some obscure early 80s no-hit no-wonder new wave band from Lichtenstein, Johann and the Scheisskopfen.

1:49 pm August, 28 Blinded by the Shite said...

@ Deltus,

Now we’d just stick him in a Target storefront dressed in Edward Hardy.

1:53 pm August, 28 Baron Von Goolo said...

This cat’s creepin’ me out.

2:02 pm August, 28 DarkSock said...

^That is like Shane MacGowan saying “That cat’s got a drinking problem”…dayum.

3:06 pm August, 28 Douchelips said...

That is seriously the douchiest haircut I’ve ever seen.

3:09 pm August, 28 scrotum pole said...

I don’t recall if there’s a “Stupidest Hair Style” category for the Douchies, but if so, this guy and Four Prong could go head to head.
.
.
.
.
So to speak.

3:13 pm August, 28 MILLS said...

He looks like a robotic gigalo or more specifically jude laws robotic character gigalo joe from the film a.i – artificial intelligence

3:40 pm August, 28 Wheezer said...

I was going to say that his skin did not have a natural sheen to it, but you guys are naturally on the ball with that.
.
I think we need to rename him Bra!!ndon Fraser.

3:58 pm August, 28 doucheywallnuts said...

Wow, what a combo. Half the Van Halen logo colored into his hair and a lot of foundation make-up. Scary. EuroDouche Supreme.

4:23 pm August, 28 tall guy said...

Yeah, he’s a threat to Four Prongs domination of the worst haircut category – amongst other things. Irene appears semi-wholesome, however her delinquency in being photographed with this dude deserves no indulgence and, in a perfect world, would earn her a bloody good seeing to (from no less an idiot than me) for the breach.

4:28 pm August, 28 Battlescrote Galactica said...

Max Headroom’s little bro can really pull some quality tail!!!

4:29 pm August, 28 Sir Boo said...

Perfectly waxed eyebrows coupled with the douchie hair-do should definitely get him some attention.

5:31 pm August, 28 Sir David Douchenborough said...

So when the Hott tries to sit on his face, will she just slip off like she is riding down a Slip N’ Slide?

6:27 pm August, 28 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

This pic belongs in a newly-minted "Hall of Huh?!?"

6:39 pm August, 28 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Pee-Wee says bring it, F*ck Face.
.

6:56 pm August, 28 Steve L. said...

nice semen stripes there, Helmut.

7:00 pm August, 28 Steve L. said...

and now that i look at it, Douchie Arnaz is kinda right. Friday was full of unfuckable skanks and fuckable but likely brainless Woo girls.
but Irene is great. oh Irene.

7:30 pm August, 28 DarkSock said...

I’m disappointed in your scholastic research skills, Boss. After consulting with a bona fide information source (Dikipediophile) it turns out that this man is none other than Helmut Von Douchenberg, the famed World War I Zeppelin pilot who perished whilst attempting to firebomb London; he erroneously navigated his lighter-than-aircraft into the main atrium of the Royal Museum Of Sharp and Pointy Objects.
.
There is a memorial to him in the form of a giant hair-encrusted purple jelly dong with embedded sparkly glitter impaled in the forecourt of St. Peter’s and bent by will into the shape of a question mark.
.
O what could have been, Helmut.

7:31 pm August, 28 DarkSock said...

Ghetto Preacher: Don’t Jeez me Bro

7:44 pm August, 28 Fatness said...

Fucch. He’s got 10 times more makeup on than she does.
.
He’s notta douche, but I think we need a new category…

7:45 pm August, 28 Deltus said...

@Douchie Howser MD: “Hall of Huh?!”!!! That is goddamned brilliant! Boss, consider this carefully. A gallery for pictures of douchebags or bleethwanks that just send the mind reeling at the non sequitur strangeness of them.

7:51 pm August, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Greetings from the depths of Middlesex county, New Jersey fellow ‘bag hunters! If you can believe it, I’m here on vacation from the badlands of rural Oregon. Serious culture shock, I’ll tell you what. Especially when I saw this in a liquor store:

I’m ready to go home now.

7:53 pm August, 28 Jacques Doucheteau said...

*this

7:56 pm August, 28 shelbyville douche said...

umm….

ya know if your goin to have a haircut like a football helmet at least add a design, like the san diego chargers lightning bolt logo or something..

also his shadow looks like the new orleans superdome…

and he has a strange smile like a creepy garbage man.

8:15 pm August, 28 Wheezer said...

From the “ur doin it rong” files…..
.
I think Tim TeBra!! should’ve stuck with the friar cut.

9:34 pm August, 28 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Isn’t “helmet hair” what all the ladies who shampoo, set with curls, and spray with lacquer do?

Thought so.

9:37 pm August, 28 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

This dude uses a helluva LOT of styptic pencil on his scalp cuts.

9:38 pm August, 28 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

When architectural and engineering draftsmen go douche, the parallel line effects make great hair design.

9:39 pm August, 28 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Irene is a contempo sweetie..
Tron here is way out-of-date.

10:08 pm August, 28 Guid is Good said...

Helmut Von Baggus would like to thank Lego for the inspiration for his new do.

And Adidas, the brand with the three stripes.

And Pepe Le Pew.

And …

10:39 pm August, 28 Vin Douchal said...

Looks like twinkle toes here fashioned a hat out of wall paneling.

10:41 pm August, 28 scrotum pole said...

When I find myself loaded on Ny-quil, weed and Wild Turkey, I’ll oftentimes sob uncontrollably as I open the boxes containing my vast collection of Barbie dolls. Sure, other boys would tease, but throughout a difficult childhood I found comfort in Barbie’s flowing hair, cheerful smile and nipple-less boobs.
.
Anyways, while going through my 1980’s Edition Malibu Barbie Dream house I found an old friend and I thought I’d share.
.
.
.
Please don’t judge me.

5:59 am August, 29 Troy Tempest said...

@JD:
I like your goatse/BP avatar. Nice.
The link was depressing. Ed Hardy BEER? The artwork says, “DEATH OR GLORY” the box says “light beer”.

Looks like Death to me…

6:12 am August, 29 Troy Tempest said...

@JD – I grew up in Middlesex County. Edison NJ. Right where Interstate 287 / 440 meets the NJ Turnpike at Exit 10. Depressing industrial HELLHOLE. There used to be nice farms and stuff in south county. Now it’s all built up and vile.

For that special New Jersey Feeling (no, not the urgent need to take a screaming shit), go to Metuchen and have breakfast at the Duchess Diner. Bad coffee, greasy eggs and pork roll. Yum.

If you’re in New Brunswick, have a sammich at Tumulty’s. The original Mr Tumulty was my history teacher in (I think) 8th grade. (or ninth? I don’t remember – it was almost 40 years ago…) He kept a bottle of Jim Beam in his desk. He quit the teachin’ gig and opened up Tumulty’s bar and grill in New Brunswick just as the city went into “renewal” (aka, kick all the poor black people out of downtown. bulldoze the public housing and turn it into condos) and made a small fortune. Now his sons run the place.

My dad still lives there – out near Somerville.

Middlesex county is emblematic of all that is utterly fucked with the USA.

If you want a moment of surrealism go to Roosevelt Park and check out the sculpture in the south end. Totally ugly and bizarre. Welcome to my childhood.

Urp.

6:38 am August, 29 Wheezer said...

For those who dread today’s “Sunday Video Convulsions,” I present a better (yet NSFW) option:
.
Rodney Carrington’s “Show Them To Me”
.
Whether or not you can tolerate the “country” feel of the song, there are clearly other items of interest here. And by that, as the song title suggests, I mean “boobies.”
.
So, when the latest frolicking trainwreck makes you want to go all Odin on your eyeballs, come on back here and thank your buddy Wheezer (at least for some parts).

6:39 am August, 29 Doucheywallnuts said...

@JD. Wow, vacation in Middlesex County,NJ?!? What kind of fresh Hell you are in, my son? In addition to Troy’s suggestions, look up the Grease Trucks in New Brunswick on the campus of Rutgers U.

I had cousins who lived rightnwhere Troy did and echo hhis words. Great place to fly over.

7:12 am August, 29 Edvis said...

Rob Schneider tooks like he is made out of PLASTIC. He sure has fallen far after Duece Bigelow.

8:42 am August, 29 DarkSock said...

“Jah, mein Hoffen; vee poopen shitzen der weinerschnitzel, no? JAH-BUHLL!”

9:04 am August, 29 clam fist said...

Ed Hardy beer is the best beer I have ever tasted.

11:28 am August, 29 Ol' Dirty Douchebag said...

I haven’t been freaked out this bad since Millenium Bag had his epic run to the Hall.

12:42 pm August, 29 Wedgie said...

Looks like a character from “Toys”.

1:21 pm August, 29 Troy Tempest said...

@Doucheywalnuts-

I used to WORK on one of those grease trucks.

I was the junior officer of the bunch, but it was me, Jeanne and Darryl. Jeanne was sweeeet. Tall, lanky LONG hair. Darryl was the single funniest person I’d ever met at that point in my life. We used to TOTALLY fuck with the frat douche marmalade fuckwits at 3 AM when they’d eat all the crap in the dorms and frats and go looking for food.

That’s where I learned to never trust anyone who was ever in a frat. And if you come across one and he’s not too bad, then just be careful.

But the truck – MAN that was a trippy existence. Worked it for a summer.

FratDouche: Hey (hic) man, I uhh… shit I want some FUCKIN FOOD MAN.
Me: What kind of food would you like.
FD: Fuck, I dunno, just some fuckin food, like a sammich MOTHERFUCKER!!! huh ha huh.
Jeanne: Yo – Darryl – I’m gonna go get some beers, right?
Daryl: Later, baby. So frat fuck, you want some BOOMAFISH??? With WANG???
FD: sounds fuckin awesome, gimme some a that BOOMAFISH!
Me: With WANG???
FD: fuckin eh – LOTSA WANG!!!

So I sell him a tunafish sandwich (the tunafish was one can of cheap oily tunafish, fake mayonnaise, and half a loaf of white bread and some pickle relish) smothered in ketchup.

The FD is like FUCKIN KETCHUP? On TUNA?

Darryl: NO man – dat’s fuckin’ BOOMAFISH wit WANG!!! LOTSA WANG just like ya ordered it mofo! Take a bite – I’m sure it’s fuckin AWESOME.

He takes a bite, “YEAH – this boomafish it’s da BOMB!”

Darryl: Another satisfied customer, now GET DA FUCK OUTA HERE.

It went like that ALL NIGHT LONG. All Summer Long.

Yeeesh.

3:21 pm August, 29 Mr. Biggs said...

Is that hair or a helmet?

4:45 pm August, 29 Hans Peter said...

Helmut has all the rare Kraftwerk vinyls she is going to jack the sealed one with the decal and sell it on fleabay.

9:37 pm August, 29 Stephanie said...

Looks like a chipmunk pasted on the side of his plastic kraut head (they have little racing stripes).
Is that Ralf Florian of Kraftwerk…computer world…

6:26 am August, 30 [KFH]ROY said...

Why would anyone, at anytime, anywhere ever think this look is OK???!!!???!!!!

8:22 am August, 30 End the Haberdouchery said...

Und now, we dance!

12:18 pm August, 30 Blinded by the Shite said...

Addidas will sue.

12:05 pm August, 31 anonymous said...

That has got to be a costume of some sort.

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