Friday, August 13, 2010

Naomi’s First Date With A Subtlebagger

Collar buttoned up, James just looks like another preening Wall Street asspud. But when the night cuts loose, the douchebag within releases.

Naomi’s first date just took a dark turn towards forced groping in the parking lot followed by fourteen text messages the next morning about how she has “daddy issues.”

Get out now, Naomi!! There’s still time to ditch James, text your BFF Lisa and see if that gallery opening is still going on.

# posted by douchebag1
9:25 am August, 13 boatbutter said...

Naomi is out-fucking-standing.

9:26 am August, 13 Wheezer said...

We need to start a list of taglines for douchebaggery, sort of like the mullet has. You know, kinda like “business in the front, party in the back,” because that’s sort of what this guy’s doing. It’s a douche mullet without the hair issue.

9:29 am August, 13 Claude Douchenburg said...

I can understand some douche and hott couplings. But this one truly has me perplexed. This guy reminds me of a 5th grade punk. Pickings must be slim to none in Naomi’s neighborhood. By the look in her eye I am hoping that the photographer and Naomi have a plan to get rid of this douche.

9:31 am August, 13 Claude Douchenburg said...

I am going to have to link over to the Hall of Pair to get over this pic.

9:32 am August, 13 Wheezer said...

Maybe James is a cardplayer. Is there an ‘A’ above that spade on his left wrist? That’s so he can say “Hey baby, I have an Ace up my sleeve” because he’s quite clever.
.
(rolls eyes)

9:34 am August, 13 Crucial Head said...

Roger that Boatbutter.
.
I would fly to Alaska with Ted Stevens just on the off chance I would crash into the mountain whose springs led to the aquaduct that fed the bottling plant that ships to the convenience store that’s located 6 miles from her grandmother’s house.

9:39 am August, 13 Douchecrusher9000 said...

The subtlebagger curiously has a punchable Vince Vaughn face. Also, while looking at Naomi too long I started to hear Bon Jovi’s Bad medicine in my head. Shes so hot it makes me wanna kick puppies.

9:39 am August, 13 Crucial Head said...

For the douche, I would gladly design him a shoddy dwelling situated in the hip of a loosely fortified hillside in China during monsoon season.
.
Because I’m giving like that.

9:59 am August, 13 creature said...

yes Boatbutter, Naomi is indeed smoking hot!

…& that’s not a neck tatt on Jeebs, just the festering scab from a pencil attack by Johnny Quid

9:59 am August, 13 mr.reeve said...

Yes, Hall of Hott material? The Neck Tatt isn’t very Wall Street of you Jimmy. He’s probably a “producer” which explains the sports coat.
Naomi is all natural and hott. We need more of Naomi.

10:01 am August, 13 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’ve been looking at this pic for awhile now trying to think of some mock for the subtlebagger but Naomis’ latina hott aura and come hither eyes keeps me from concentrating. She is classic Hott!!!

10:15 am August, 13 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I’m not sure he’s so subtle. Any douche that would locate his clavicle tatts exactly RIGHT by the vee-line of an open-neck shirt, and just one-button-open, mind you, is a studied choad.

Naomi, she may continue to open her bustline as far as she wishes, clear down beyond the navel for all I care, although that black satin ruffly detail on her tuxedo-inspired dress does a fine job simulating happy thoughts of what exactly lies behind that tactile textile.

10:19 am August, 13 dbBen said...

Oh how I would like to give Naomi a boring life in suburbia.
.
And buy Wall Street asspud, I assume you mean, “Waits tables at Chili’s and helps out at his brother’s motorcycle shop when he can but tells Naomi that he owns it.”

10:28 am August, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

He is a nerdouche. I would like to have her for high tea some sunny afternoon around Labor day. And by high tea on a sunny afternoon around Labor Day I mean rough, bound, bareback anal sex while watching Jerry Lewis die in HD.

10:50 am August, 13 SonnyChibaChoad said...

@wheezer…I had the same hit on this pic… Looks like James finally came off the last Warped tour to start Law school, and join dad’s land development firm…show some tatt pride, yo!

10:51 am August, 13 Dicy said...

I’m veiwing this on my phone and I really can’t tell if that’s a neck tat or a neck beard. The comments seem to suggest a next tat which is just as gross. I guess I should be glad though that I don’t have to see this bag in hi resolution. Now the Hott… I would like some hi res Naomi.

11:03 am August, 13 Bag Margera said...

There’s nothing subtle about giant artistic self inflicted neck wounds.

11:06 am August, 13 Bag Margera said...

Naomi for HOH!!!!!

11:07 am August, 13 anonymous said...

Holy Hall of Hott! Yowza!

11:44 am August, 13 Douchble Helix said...

Ain’t nothing wrong with that which is called ‘Naomi’.

“Naomi, sex at noon taxes, I moan!”

11:45 am August, 13 Douchble Helix said...

Ace of spades tattoo, that gross earlobe thing? Pure Pud Puller.

11:56 am August, 13 Stephanie said...

Neck tattoos=not classy enough for this chick, She’ll most likely move on soon… she’s a 10 dating a 4,it does not add up.

12:08 pm August, 13 Gold'bag said...

Naomi = one of the most beautiful women on this site in a long time. Puts that redhead recent Hall of hott candidate to SHAME.

12:43 pm August, 13 tall guy said...

As a testimony to Naomi’s elegant hottness, it remains unsullied by this primo, neck tatted douche. That’s a HoH material I’d gladly cast my ballot for.

1:56 pm August, 13 Sack O Douche said...

Wow. Winner! Naomi is 100% hottness. Dude 1,000% douchebag.
They have to be friends. No way this dick is pulling this kinda tail. HEH. I just said dick and pulling in the same sentence.

3:00 pm August, 13 Chixdiggit said...

Naomi for Hall of Hott.

3:18 pm August, 13 A to the B said...

YEP! Naomi must be in NOW!!!

9:25 pm August, 13 Douchble Helix said...

You guys act like you’ve never seen a virgin before. Calm down.

12:56 am August, 14 Thadeus Bellfard said...

@Douchble Helix,
.
You sound like someone who awkwardly stares at underage girls a split second too long.

4:47 am August, 14 Douchble Helix said...

@Thaseus Bellfard,

That’s fucked up, man. And has no place on this page. You’re way out of line.

10:06 pm August, 14 Steve L. said...

gallery openings? is that where unbleethy hotts congregate?
fuck. i don’t think i know enough about famous painters to make thinly veiled pickup lines at art galleries.
but nevertheless, i’ve learned something new today.

6:01 pm August, 15 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Steve–It’s true. However, 99% of the chicks at art openings are/have more than one of the following things wrong with them:
1. They’re really shitty artists themselves and will spend all day boasting about the deep meaning behind their crayon scribblings on butcher paper.
2. They’re man-hating harpies who will constantly shriek about how oppressed they are and listen to Tori Amos 24-7
3. They’re vegans and will berate you if you are not.
4. They’re drug addicts and/or alcoholics. Not the fun kind, the Emergency Room kind.
5. They’re sexual deviants with borderline personality disorders. They start out fun and you end up having to leave the state and change your name.
Good luck and Godspeed, my friend.

5:51 am August, 16 Istandouche said...

Naomi for the hall of hott indeed.

6:10 am August, 16 Webalot said...

I sense a self loathing sadness in James’ gaze. Sadness that he does manage to overcome (no girl likes a slobbish loser afterall) in his pursuit not to be defeated and to experience life’s great joy of getting incredible looking women to fall for him.

I don’t think he has the absurb alpha male douchey ego or kissy face to go with his tats. His dress is otherwise smart and unoffensive, well chosen to make the most of his slight genetic shortcomings, which, when he pulls hall of hotts like Naomi, should be met with encouragement and not hate.

I think he’s alright personally, but hate on if it makes you feel better about things.

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