Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Reader Mail: Brisbane Has Brisbags

Aussie ‘Bag Hunter writes in from Australia:

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Dear bag hunters,

I’m a long time admirer of this site, but I have one small quibble.

You see, I live in a little place called Brisbane in Australia. It’s a great city in most ways. We have some sweet cultural capital going on down here. One of our problems though, is that we’re a long way from anywhere and with this country having a population that is small and spread far, the only time we get to see the really big music acts is at our music festivals.

Now I’m not complaining about that. I’m just saying, if we sent one ‘bag hunter to one of our festivals, you would see we have the greatest douche-per-hotte ratio on the planet, or at least outside of L.A. and Sydney, and so I feel we are sorely under-represented on HCwDB.

As evidence, please see just one of the many possible examples attached. She’s the kind of girl who has a smile that warms your cockles and a body that could revive even a corpse-bag’s knob. His level of baggery is exemplary of the summer festival going ‘bag and speaks for itself.

Regards,
Aussie ‘bag hunter

———

Ah, Australia. You give us actors and beer, and we give you mass marketed hair grease. You give us Aussie Rules Football, we give you David Beckham. Oh wait, that was England. Blame England for that one.

Mmm… Kylie Minogue.

# posted by douchebag1
11:26 am August, 10 jonezy said...

wow- white shirt hot is just….
.
well, hot.
.
I would koala her platypus

11:27 am August, 10 jonezy said...

I wonder if she has an accent?

11:31 am August, 10 Eliza Douchecoo said...

He appears to be smuggling small animals in his pants. If she keeps hanging out with him having sex with her will be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway.

11:33 am August, 10 scrotum pole said...

Wow, they have nacho stands in Australia?
Hell, now there’s nothing holding me back from moving there.

11:41 am August, 10 Wheezer said...

What’s Nick Swisher doing in Australia? (Sorry, Vin.)
.
Mmmmmm, I’d play connect the dots with Kylie Minogue’s moles all day long…..Dannii, too.

11:44 am August, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

They got some seriously advanced animal species down under. Thiscuscusis trying to work an iPhone. Jeez, what will they come up with next?

11:50 am August, 10 Bag A said...

Wow. Jorts have moved out of Florida straight to the Land Down Under. Sad.

11:54 am August, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

Hurry up, they’re trying to put a ban on cluster bombs. You can take care of the problem at the next fest if you move fast.

11:55 am August, 10 chaserofthehott said...

Thank you Aussie Bag Hunter, THANK YOU!

12:05 pm August, 10 Nancy Dreuche said...

You know who else loves Kylie Minogue? The gays. Just sayin’.

12:06 pm August, 10 DarkSock said...

Well, then give me a ticket to the Viking Yogurt Rodeo, cuz I loves me some Kylie.
.
.
.
Crucial loves Liza Minelli. Just sayin…

12:08 pm August, 10 DarkSock said...

He looks like a total tool wearing those shades and that smirk, but then he’d say something Aussie like “Chaze Froyz and a Bee-yih, Plaize” and then he’d be all cool and shit.
.
I’m perplexed.

12:13 pm August, 10 Mr. Biggs said...

ABH, this unfortunately has nothing to do with size of the town or distance from cultural hubs. This is the precise reason I don’t go to Burning Man.

12:22 pm August, 10 Crucial Head said...

I still jerk off to Minelli every time I watch Arthur. But I can only finish while looking at her right eye… not the left.
.
Strangest thing.

12:24 pm August, 10 Crucial Head said...

Speaking of Australia and masturbation, where has ‘baghuntress HyperSexualGirl been?

12:30 pm August, 10 smackdouche said...

Surrounded by water, strange deadly animals, populated by criminals, it’s the global Florida.

12:39 pm August, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Best thing to ever come out of Australia is Nikki Visser, IMTCO (In My Throbbing Cockk’s Opinion)

12:42 pm August, 10 tall guy said...

White shirt hott is an example of why I decentralized to Brisbane for a few years during my 20s. And the knobwrench with the pierced nipp, bandana, dumb shades and dumber facial expression remains true to most of the reasons why I decamped back to Sydders at the end of the halcyon 80s. Nice work, Brissy. On a recent trip North I found the level of available, age-matched and approachable females at the New Farm Saturday morning markets much to my liking.

12:44 pm August, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I would put my digideroo in Kylie’s Kangaroo Pouch any day since she started shaking her baby machine some decades ago.

And I think our mate Aussie BH is the only non douche that lives in Australia. They put on a good Olympics few years back but my dog one the gold in Booremang disposal.

Fuck Crocodile Dundee, Fosters, and Steve Irwin’s daughter Bindee.

12:45 pm August, 10 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^boomerang. fucking everclear again.

12:58 pm August, 10 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I was going to say that Parkway Drive was the best thing to come out of Australia until I saw Nikki Visser, my mind has been changed.

1:12 pm August, 10 tall guy said...

Also, not wanting to contradict my Northern countryman, I confirm Sydney’s epic bag levels. To wander down memory lane once again I remember back in the day during an industrial dispute between the City and sewerage treatment workers. Every day for months I’d look at the horizon from one of our excellent beaches only to see a layer of brown effluent hovering upon it. In similar ways, every time I now walk out my front door I am met with the same shitty proposition.

1:52 pm August, 10 mr.reeve said...

We did you Aussies a favor by letting Meltdown Gibson live here and pollute our shore so blame England on this one.
Them Aussie gals sure looked yummy and so did Nikki Visser.

3:30 pm August, 10 Sack O Douche said...

Sometimes the chicks are so hot in these pictures I have nothing to say about the douchebags with them. Except for the picture with the short cut off jean shorts. Not even that hot made me forget about that homo!

3:47 pm August, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Arent’ there like boatloads of dangerous critters in the land downunder? so feed the ‘bags to the critters. Takes care of two problems.

4:43 pm August, 10 Douchemungus said...

Tall Guy, you must live in or around Bondi, a contender for the centre of the forthcoming douchepocalypse.
And Mr Reeve, for your edification, here’s how it works with our ‘Aussie’ global icons – when Mel Gibson gets caught in a mysoginist or racial rant, he was born in New York and moved to Sydney when he was 12. When he makes Braveheart, he is ‘Aussie Mel’. When Rusty Crowe throws a phone at a hotel bellhop, he is ‘NZ-born’. When he wins an Oscar, he is ‘True Blue Rusty’.

6:09 pm August, 10 Kevin said...

its worse in Sydney, and as summer and the music festival season approaches, they all come out to play, and pose, and douche it up.

6:40 pm August, 10 Guid is Good said...

Brisbane’s biggest problem is too many Queenslanders.

8:37 pm August, 10 James said...

There is hope for Australia!

Ed Hardy is going bust Down under!

http://www.news.com.au/breaking-news/ed-hardy-operations-calls-in-voluntary-administrators/story-e6frfku0-1225903914012

8:42 pm August, 10 The Observation Specialist said...

I have a friend who was infected by the Greico virus. He partook of a “Groove Cruise” recently.

Should I mock publicly via a variety of social media outlets, or gently in private, respecting of his privatesImean privacy?

9:28 pm August, 10 ehcuodouche said...

You call that a douche? THIS is a douche.

10:19 pm August, 10 Steve L. said...

never forget: fearless tattoo guy and Maria. Australia’s presence in the global douche-hott travesty had been cemented.
.
and yeah i need to learn more about Aussie hotts these days.

10:55 pm August, 10 Snoop Douchey Douche said...

Kylie Minogue, indeed

11:57 pm August, 10 spc said...

woooooooooohooooooooooooo
ED HARDY IS DEAD IN AUS

WOOOOOOP

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOP

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP

http://www.news.com.au/business/ed-hardy-operations-calls-in-voluntary-administrators/story-e6frfm1i-1225903914012

6:21 am August, 11 Ross Isaacs said...

Imma move to Australia.

6:43 am August, 11 Sack O Douche said...

Thank you Aussie ‘bag hunter for all the hottie pictures. F the Aussie with the cut off Levis and the mandana.

6:59 am August, 11 Wheezer said...

@Nancy Dreuche, 12:05 p.m. –
.
I guess the gays have taste, eh?
.
If this makes me gay, then I’ll be moving to Fire Island to cuddle with Kylie afterwards.

11:14 am August, 11 Jacob said...

I also live in Brisbane and can testify to this. Festivals are a douche breeding ground. Especially a festival called Parklife. Avoid at all costs!

11:58 am August, 11 Troy Tempest said...

Unless her eyes resemble weeping pustules, she has a very pretty face.

7:07 pm August, 11 Stephanie said...

Actually Aussie’s seem to be just very party happy animals…and they love the beaches…they don’t as a whole seem like douche bags,just really into drinking,partying,being crazy, and being outside a lot. They like to live life to the fullest, at least the ones I met….

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