Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Tendon Ted

Exploding Abs. Sleeve tatts. Nipples so horrific, babies just began crying in Bangledesh.

Tendon Ted is not an entertaining douchebag.

He’s depressing Vegas shlort.

Ass Pear Annie long ago gave up any pretenses and makes her money as she can, without judging the objectifications inherent in the unfettered market system.

# posted by douchebag1
1:23 pm August, 25 Merle Baggard said...

He’s some sort of Douche Cyborg, sent back in time to nauseate.

1:23 pm August, 25 Mr. White said...

I’d mock this dude and his chick’s not-completely-appealing bumper, but I just don’t care anymore. In case you missed it a few threads ago, I proclaimed Christina Hendricks of Mad Men to be outrageously fuccen hot. Even when she’s modeling homemade scarves for some friend’s Etsy store. I already ordered mine. And I’m going to do horrible, horrible things to it.

1:27 pm August, 25 Crucial Head said...

Disgusted by the incessant ribbing from his fascist IT staff over his frail frame, Pfah ordered a pallet load of Creatine and a BowFlex home system and set out to shock the world.

1:29 pm August, 25 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Mr. White,
.
I’ve personally taken up knitting in hopes Christina will model my line of cashmere nipple clamps and ankle restraints.
.
They come prewashed due to production “issues”.

1:30 pm August, 25 Eliza Douchecoo said...

His veiny groin tell the whole story. What that story is, I have no idea.

1:30 pm August, 25 Crucial Head said...

@Mr. White,
.
Agreed comrade.
.
In fact I ordered one as well, but I had it shipped to my cousin’s house. Just the thought of one of those scarves being shipped to someone with the same last name is enough to give me palm blisters and weenus callouse.

1:30 pm August, 25 mr.reeve said...

He looks like he’s gonna explode or he’s shittin in his pants. I am hardcore Rocky 4 style Dolph Lundgren. “I will break you.”
So does that azz on Ass Pear Annie!

1:34 pm August, 25 Troy Tempest said...

Wow. This choad’s been taking lessons from Gator. Look at the arrogant blankness in his stare. I’d say “check out the GSR” but that’s enough to induce projectile vomiting.

Annie’s a blow out dreary bleeth. Fuck – these two are weekly bound, IMHO. This is over the top douchebaggery of the first order.

1:40 pm August, 25 Fatness said...

Urp.
.
Hard to mock this overdone mid-life crisis when all he can pull is a grade-D off-strip hooker who would rather be back in Pittsburgh.
.
But the potential for a full-on colon blow is evident.

1:42 pm August, 25 Eliza Douchecoo said...

During his daily GSR last week, he knicked a vein and lost two quarts of blood, unfortunately for Ted the Bleeth had already sucked him dry.

1:47 pm August, 25 shit-stained underpants said...

What a fucking faggot ass faggot bitch. All roided out with wrinkly, shrunken, dehydrated wasabi peas for balls. This guy couldn’t knock up a hamster. Believe me, he’s tried.

1:52 pm August, 25 dbBen said...

This pic stresses me out to the point that it makes me want to just sit back and relax somewhere lest my brain hemorrage. Find a hammock and a preferred beverage and think about the sound the wind makes as it passes through the leaves of a summer maple tree.
.
Christina Hendricks in Firefly made me seriously consider taking up the life of a space cowboy despite its perils. But so does waking up in the morning.

2:00 pm August, 25 Sack O Douche said...

The mocking of Pear Ass Annie is not deserving. That is finer ass than most of us will ever see. Is she Bleethe? Yes, but not worth saying you wouldn’t want have her ride you bologne pony is complete BS.

2:16 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

This dude’s a laugh-a-minute. He probably has them in stitches at cocktail parties and charitable functions.

2:17 pm August, 25 Vin Douchal said...

See folks? Stop trimming the fat off of those rib-eyes, toss down a PB & J for breakfast when you’re runing late and for god’s sake it’s okay to use cream in your coffee.
.
This guy shits shotgun pellets . No thank you. I like my veins below the skin line and pumping blood around without my knowledge.
.
Trying too hard, gym rat.

2:17 pm August, 25 Thorax Hammersmith said...

Let’s not be too hard on this guy and his abdomen veins. After all, it’s tough to hide the effects of one’s obsessive compulsion to commit autofellatio every seventeen seconds.

2:19 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

I’m not sure but, I think that’s a map of the Amazon River basin on his stomach.

2:21 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

I really feel kind of sorry for this sad, miserable bastard, even his navel is frowning.

2:23 pm August, 25 Steve L. said...

since when had there been an entertaining douchebag?
… okay. no. don’t tell me.
and Annie, you want to at least end up in middle management. like Jessica one pic down.

2:40 pm August, 25 douche bagel said...

this is what happens when you feed a donkey penis viagra

2:45 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

Tendon Ted, Smoot and E-Blo had a roundtable discussion on the socio-political ramafications of the electronic media.
.
.
.
It lasted four seconds.

2:51 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

rami fications, numb nuts.^

3:43 pm August, 25 massengill said...

ASS SHE CAN! BUTT

3:47 pm August, 25 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Do I see multiple injection marks on this wanker’s boday?

3:55 pm August, 25 Ultra Bagnus said...

Annie shakes and gyrates much to the delight of Vegas wanks a’plenty.

Ted just says, “Duh.”

That and, “Who stole my Nair?”

4:09 pm August, 25 Crucial Head said...

There once was a ‘roided out chode
Who smelled like a rotten commode
His abs lined with veins
And asshole with cum stains
Made this bleeth beg for his STD load.

4:37 pm August, 25 Sack O Douche said...

Robochode thinks veins are cool. Robochode wants to look at himself in the mirror while masturbating. Robochode bones AP Annie and looks in the mirror thinking about himself. Robochode is poo.

4:38 pm August, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Heh heh heh…
.

4:48 pm August, 25 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That dude needs many of my late summer tomato and butchered, smoked, toasted pork sandwiches. And he is the longest living survivor of the Japanese holocaust in Hong Kong lo many years ago during the war which would not have been won if if it wasn’t for the Canadians. Inglorious Basterds.

What? Too soon?

4:55 pm August, 25 End the Haberdouchery said...

Her thighs and glutes could crush my skull. His abs crush my soul.

5:01 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

Wednesday?
.
.
.
While serving on the USS Nimitz,
Ted’s rectum was pushed to the limit.
But, while shaving his groin,
He put a small nick in his loin,
And bled out in less than a minute.

5:35 pm August, 25 scrotum pole said...

Your Swole Veins
.
by
Gnarly Simon
.
.
.

You walked into the Gay Bar, like Larry Craig walks into a stall,
Your sunglasses dipped to reveal your eyes,
blood rushing to your balls.
.
You had one eye in the mirror, as you watched yourself go by,
And all the boys wished that they’d pound your sphincter, they’d pound your sphincter, and…
.
.
Your swole veins, they’re poking right out of your stomach.
Your swole veins, they’re poking right out of your stomach,
aren’t they,
aren’t they?

5:44 pm August, 25 Battlescrote Galactica said...

The Douche Aura is strong with this one… He has the piercing stare of “The Gator” and the Grieco Virus has clearly attacked his circulatory system in never before seen ways. The Douchepocalypse is imminent !!!

6:49 pm August, 25 Turdacious said...

The amusement park balloon artist forgot to tie off the bottom abs.

6:51 pm August, 25 Turdacious said...

Her i would spoil and soil

7:06 pm August, 25 Stephanie said...

Down the road I feel Tendon Ted will be on the front page of a newspaper as Went Postal Ted.
Creepy
Vibe
Dude

7:29 pm August, 25 dB said...

wtf is he melting? And holy pear, Batman.

7:32 pm August, 25 doucheywallnuts said...

Troy is right on, Tendon Ted for the win (loss) for the next weekly. I cannot wait until he faces off with Brothabag Edgar. EPIC!

He’s an all-time Creepy Creeper and his nihilistic stare gives me the chills.

7:46 pm August, 25 Mr. White said...

I see your skanky Bleeth pear and raise you one slow-mo buns-of-steel spinning Lindy Hop pear.

8:31 pm August, 25 doucheyjewbeard said...

what the hell? bizzarre

9:02 pm August, 25 DarkSock said...

From the thousand yard stare and turgid vein stalks I would have dubbed him Branless Brad, or perhaps Mid-Shit Mike. Hey, we’ve all been there.

9:06 pm August, 25 DarkSock said...

Oh and by all means troll keep up the 500 word essays; once get to work in the morning it takes about 1.5 seconds each to erase your ramblings. At least you’re learning to type.

9:43 pm August, 25 Vin Douchal said...

Just So You Know Dept. :
.
Little band out of Austin, TX. , The Mother Truckers consist of the zaftig yet sexy Teal Collins

.

..and her bad assed guitar pickin’ hubby, Josh Zee
.
Here’s their tune, Dynamite. Hang in ’til at least 2:20 for Zee’s manic guitar solo. It’s as if someone melted down Albert Lee and Johnny Winters and then squished them into a Pabst Blue Ribbon can.

10:06 pm August, 25 the big greasy jewbeard said...

“…and after i raped you and when im burying you alive you can admire my big greasy jew beard…”

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Vvahwo9bWz0/SmqJZB9xQNI/AAAAAAAACgI/fmhlP2ndV9M/s400/the_big_lebowski32.jpg

12:42 am August, 26 Baleen said...

Tendon Ted’s nipple can sense a GNC from sixty five miles away. And her clitoris may be a battered piece of stink meat but it’s probably bigger than his junk.
.
I hope that in the future, history textbooks will discuss the Nevada desert as one giant bone yard where buzzards pick the last remains of zombie meatheads like this guy.

12:44 am August, 26 Baleen said...

Tendon Ted can open a bottle of Belvedere and text with his nipple at the same time.

12:49 am August, 26 Baleen said...

Tendon Ted’s nipple is a convienent aneurysm safety valve.

12:51 am August, 26 Baleen said...

Tendon Ted’s nipple Doubles as a sybian attachment for spider monkeys.

12:55 am August, 26 Baleen said...

The many phases of Tendon Ted’s nipple indicate the triclylic rotation of gym workouts, Xbox, and electric butt plugging.

12:57 am August, 26 Baleen said...

Tendon Ted’s nipple grows erect in antique stores.

1:03 am August, 26 Baleen said...

OnTendon Ted’s areola, the follicles have formed a labor union.

1:05 am August, 26 Baleen said...

One of Tendon Ted’s nipples is reatrded but can do menial tasks with relative acumen.

1:08 am August, 26 Baleen said...

Tendon Ted only licks his nipples immediately after eating Thai curry and rubbing them with 00 sand paper.

1:09 am August, 26 Baleen said...

Enough…

1:22 am August, 26 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

A workout doofus like Ted, with varicose veins in his groin and lower abdomen, is just too creepy. By the looks of her thighs and bum, Tendon’ Ted’s gal-pal is equally adept with the workout machines. It’s clear the term “musclehead” applies to such folken by the stare alone, for there can be no more brains in that skull…they all fled south, as made abundantly clear by the venation supplying them with the blood it takes to think…in his case, apparently his cock does the cerebral thinking, and the testosterone-challenged shrunken balls mimic what wasonce a fine cerebellum and medulla.
All his gal-pal seems to care about is ass-pear, so we’ll just leave her on the tree for now.

2:09 am August, 26 tall guy said...

The highlight, by which I mean the greatest achievement that Ted aspires to, is to be the subject matter of a photo such as this one. Nothing compares to it. Deep down, he’s very shallow.

3:00 am August, 26 PHA-Q said...

You’ll have to turn on verify DB1 the trolls are crawling out of the ruptured sewer pipe at the GW Bush memorial sewage treatment plant.

6:31 am August, 26 Turdacious said...

Hell no!!!
Let the trolls and anybody else post, funny shit.
Some of it cracks me up for various reasons

6:54 am August, 26 Battlescrote Galactica said...

Alriteythenimherenow is a true thespian indeed…

His literary wizardry is unparalleled in the dark arts of spelling, grammar and spellbinding poetic genius…

I vote for a Hall of Fame as a shrine to all the reponses like his so we can all relish in their glory at a later date!

Alriteythenimherenow needs to get his fat asses a bike!!!

7:42 am August, 26 DarkSock said...

Who is this “Alriteythenimherenow” of which you speak?

7:43 am August, 26 DarkSock said...

How can they sleep when their beds are burning?

7:43 am August, 26 Wheezer said...

Did I miss a troll post? Damn.
.
Life goes on.

7:45 am August, 26 Wheezer said...

Tendon Ted’s pet crustacean looks a little…..oh, I dunno…..”retarded”? Being built “like a brick shithouse” isn’t supposed to be that literal, is it?

7:47 am August, 26 Wheezer said...

Note to self^^: Tendon Ted is poo, and Vegas is his septic tank.

8:04 am August, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Tendon Ted has done so many ‘roids that he can detach his junk and keep it in his left-hand pocket. (Said in your best McBain voice): “No, my pocket is not happy to see you.” Why the hell was I looking anywhere near his groin, you may ask? Let your eyes travel scant centimeters to the left.

8:34 am August, 26 Battlescrote Galactica said...

Alriteythenimherenow must have deleted his toolshed posts… Hopefully mocked into submission as that was epic! I still say he needs to get his fat asses a bike!

8:48 am August, 26 Deltus said...

It looks like his heart is in his groinal area. That, or a fuccen IVY PLANT is rooted down there and growing up his abdomen. Yoish!

9:53 am August, 26 Magnum Douche P.I. said...

Robodouche – this guys not even close to human

10:06 am August, 26 Blinded by the Shite said...

He looks like Iggy Pop out of that Swift Cover advert.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhBnEV3ElvY
The little puppet, not the living legend.

10:07 am August, 26 Fatness said...

In a disturbing mutation believed caused by extreme Axe body spray concentrations in the Las Vegas water supply, Audrey IX has grown to resemble human form.
.
This time, however, it feeds on semen, not blood.

10:28 am August, 26 Douchelips said...

Scary-bag and ass pear in the same photo FTW!

11:20 am August, 26 Wheezer said...

That’s Preparation H overdose – but hey, it does shrink hemorrhoidal tissue.

12:20 pm August, 26 alriteythenimherenow said...

oh no look whos here its like the return of the mack
like the terminator im back, wats that?

my last post was deleted by some mock called dark sock? no doubt he must like suckin cock

the only thing worse thn a pretentious mock is one tht
brown noses someone by calling them “boss”

ill bet the highest position hes ever has in his shit life
is bein administrator on this shit site!

ohhh low blow!, but shouldnt hurt too much cos down ther thers probly nothin to show, he kno’s

but movin on now cos i got a lot of things to talk about
seems like a lot of nerds on here r desperate for recognition of their worthless shit opinions

but hidin behind ur college degree u cant hide from the reality ur jus bunch of losers with only the t.v and a set of star trek dvds for company

knock knock whos there? its me alriteythenimherenow makin haters bow down i wear a condom like its a crown

who am i i hear u ask? im like zeus a god, but instead or lightnenin, words r my weapon of wrath, like a predator missile destroyin hostiles in my path

who am i? im like bret mazur from the land of shakespeare

combinin the intelligence of nerd and the coolness of douche with the arrogance of youth who woulda known wat such a concoction could do

im like seth binzer a wordsmith, with a penchant for hot chicks

with rhymes so sikk ull need an aspirin to get ur head round it

so fuckk stackhouse tht son of a bitch is playd out he aint got nothin on me hes past it now hes pushin 30

cos im like lord byron a poet n a pimp n im sealin legendary status, flirtin with girls on a regular basis

evn on social networkin im a bit of a pimp king n i kno how much u hate arrogance so heres a little sentence for ya
oh im so cool im so cool i make chicks pussies drip with juice n drool

cos i got it made like john gotti, livin a stylish life of mediocrity,

jus spendin these lazy days away let the playas play n the haters hate thts wat i say n we’ll see whos happier at the end of the day nothin more to say
powwww rest in pieces bitchs!

12:25 pm August, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

^ This same skit got old on “In Living Color” when the Wayans brothers did after a while. Looks like it’s still not funny.

1:22 pm August, 26 mr.reeve said...

Yeah, nice lyrical assassination, home skillet! Your rhymes are like herpes, no one likes em but they keep coming back. BOO-YAH!!!!!

1:33 pm August, 26 alriteythenimherenow said...

yes quite mr reeve i flatter to decieve u see, quite ironic u mention herpes as im sure ur parents contracted it after u were concieved,
u say no one likes my rhymes but they keep comin back yes an unwelcome presence u might say but isnt that how the ladies feel wen u walk their way?
ouch no doubt, dont worry im sure ur mid life crisis will end soon now.
jus take a couple of pills with some jack daniels, and ull b dead with no hassle.

1:45 pm August, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Mr. Reeve
.
You’re dealing with a douche like this. Where are the mods?

2:07 pm August, 26 mr.reeve said...

@Dr. BHD,
Yeah I know. Clicked on his name and saw his sweet “performance” pictures. He is a lyrical genious and all around wanna be. Word to ya mutha!

3:27 pm August, 26 alriteythenimherenow said...

fear not mocks im just here restorin universal balance, cos in life evrythin is part of the food chain and to every predator theres a prey and to every action theres a consequence or price to pay
and so if a douche is mockd by a mocker who mocks the mocker?
so im here to back an empty corner and the fill the void so evryone has a voice. peace out.

3:33 pm August, 26 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

So alriteythenimherenow what are your views on intelligent design vs. evolution? Surely a lyrical “genius” as yourself must be here to enlighten us “hatters” in some other way as well.

3:53 pm August, 26 alriteythenimherenow said...

well dr bunsen havent the tables turned?
id say intelligent design is something that evolves
so u could say u answered ur question urself
like a monkey using a rock to open a coconut
and to add relevence id say a douche is part of evoloution
and as every douche changes so does its mocker providin another generation of cannon fodder
cos everythin has an opposite like the north and the south pole and to every half theres a whole

so in conclusion to ur question, there really is no official definition or answer jus a bunch of pretentious bullshit to shoot the shit with

5:53 pm August, 26 mr.reeve said...

^you are still the ultimate chodely wank taint sperm bank. SSSHHHIIITTT!!! Lrns hw 2 spel yall!

12:33 am August, 27 Wheezer said...

So “alriteythenimherenow” is the troll in question? I guess if it keeps talking about itself, it’s making itself famous in its own mind.
.
>FART!<
.
Bedtime. Haiku beckons!

5:58 am August, 27 jakester said...

I think he’s hot. Does that make me a bed person? Or gay?

5:59 am August, 27 jakester said...

‘bad’ person. Jesus. Paging Dr Freud.

8:10 am August, 27 Sir Mockington Douchenozzle III said...

What will explode first, his head or his abs?

1:22 pm August, 27 alriteythenimherenow said...

mr reeve please, spelling is of no concern to me,
im a lyrical king so wat does it matter about grammar? does eminem care about perfectly spelt lyrics after multi million dollar record sales?
no cos money talks louder thn words n to say otherwise is absurd,
who earns more an english teacher at harvard or a superstar rapper? i think ull find its quite easily the latter.
plus think of the context this is the internet, n its called shorthand writing n it saves time to type
but i dont expect u to kno as ur jus a middle aged technophobe
u obviously hav an overconcern for spelling jus cos ur so pretentious over such a trivial matter, dont shit urself over some improper grammar
so thank u very much but ill do wat i like n u can stick to ur miserable worthless life. cos i kno wat im good at and thts SUCKING TURGID MAN-COCK BY THE DOZEN.
peace.

9:02 am August, 31 Webalot said...

If you wouldn’t feel confident about calling the guy a douche to his face, then I think he transcends douche into category of what they call ‘a hard basterd’ in England.

Since veining mc-ripped looks like he might partake in the next UFC i think he qualifies as a hard basterd – and not necessarily a douche.

Just my opinion, but I think a genuinely scrotal douche is someone trying to be a hard basterd in order to exploit a bleeth’s daddy issues.

1:00 pm August, 31 alriteythenimherenow said...

@admin
oh look u try n edit my post wen its quite obvious ur attempts leave nothin to show
other thn once again provin me right tht ur a bunch of sad losers with no life other thn this site
so stubborn and naive thinkin u can change the way people live
so stop complainin cos if u cant beat someone u may as well join them
cos if u were more socially aware u wouldnt care as youd see ur in the minority and as long as theres people like you and your band of geeks therell be people like me and everyone else gettin all the hot chicks.

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