Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Calibag

Los Angeles is a diamond pimple on the ass of a blinged out California, a metaphor that works on so many levels I just sharted a euphemism for San Diego.

Paid-to-Pose Pamela is lickable sweatable most expensive first date hottness. I would buy her an Audi. She would smile wanly. Then ignore me to use her Blackberry to schedule a mani-pedi.

# posted by douchebag1
1:25 pm August, 12 mr.reeve said...

Now that is HoH material…..in my opinion. YYYIIKKEESSS!!!!
Asian bling want to sing “California Love” at the local bowling alley karaoke dawg!!!

1:26 pm August, 12 mr.reeve said...

Boss,
Please tell me you have some pear pictures of paid to pose Pamela. Please.

1:29 pm August, 12 ToddJerad said...

If you are going to consider below for HOH, how can you ignore pamela. Although we must see entire body.

1:33 pm August, 12 chaserofthehott said...

It’s paid to pose Pamela for the win Boss…
.
.
.
Good God I hope you have more photos of that… WOW!

1:34 pm August, 12 DoucheyWallnuts said...

He also looks like a Fu Man Douche.

1:46 pm August, 12 Ludacris Axehandle McCockkwielder said...

Let’s hope Ho Chi Minh doesn’t shoot a load on her chin.

1:49 pm August, 12 smackdouche said...

if she is “paid to pose”, after I pay can I pick the pose?

1:54 pm August, 12 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Since when did Wal-Mart start carrying jewelry like that? His $14 accessory has no doubt been jacked off his pencil neck already by the Southwest high Karate Marching Band.
Pamela oh sweet Pamela…..

1:58 pm August, 12 Crucial Head said...

Bran was startled when, halfway through his freestyle, a groupie jumped on stage and shoved three full bamboo shutes into his hemmorhoid-lined sphincter.

1:59 pm August, 12 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Wu Tang Clan ain’t nuttin’ to fucc with!!!

2:01 pm August, 12 Et Tu Douche? said...

Boss you nailed it with you’re narrative skills with regards to PtP Pamela. She’s sultry, I’m not sure I have a shot, but would give it a try Hott.
.
As for Hong Kong Douchey he looks like he’s “blinded by the blight revved up like a douche, another bummer in the night”.
.
My apologies to Manfred Mann

2:03 pm August, 12 Troy Tempest said...

Calibag. Yarf. And people wonder why I hate LA. Sure, SF has an infestation of hipsterbags like Tarzan had fleas, but seriously: fuck LA. What a horrible place. I always thought it was funny when I lived in California how snooty SF would look down on LA and LA was too oblivious to care why. Then I spent time in LA, and the longer I was there, the more I would dream of it being destroyed for the sake of all that is good and kind in this world.

LA
Las Vegas
Jerz Shore

Make it all go away.

2:04 pm August, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

In need of a late night snack, Buffalo Beast yanked the sugar coated cookie from around Ling’s neck and then, realizing that it was in fact only glitter coated styrofoam, proceded to hang the cheap ass muthafu*ker by his own braided ass hairs.

2:20 pm August, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

Good gravy. If that thing has any weight or substance to it, I would like to bludgeon him with it. And then I would like to bludgeon my tongue with her nipples.

2:22 pm August, 12 Claude Douchenburg said...

Wait a minute… wait a freakin minute!!! I want to take back my vote for Tina for Hall of Hot. What say ewe farmer Brown?

2:25 pm August, 12 Claude Douchenburg said...

I vote for Hott Damn Pam for HOH. Can I vote more than once?

2:27 pm August, 12 ehcuodouche said...

I just find it amusing that somebody went to the trouble to make that bling. I doubt that comes from an assembly line, so it was probably custom, which means the conversation probably went something like this.

“I’d like to get some bling made.”
“Sure, what do you want?”
“I got a drawing here (pulls out paper)”
“This looks like the state of California.”
“Yeah, make it out of a platinum frame, and fill it with crushed emeralds and then crushed diamonds on the side to give it a 3-D effect. Make the necklace out of braided gold.”
“Im gonna have to make the necklace about an inch thick, because the frame’s gonna be so heavy you’ll have to hold it up with one hand to keep the thing from ripping your head off.”
“Just shut up and make it. Here’s the money I earned from stealing hub…I mean my paper route.”

2:29 pm August, 12 DarkSock said...

Above all other possessions, Chun Li prized his mother’s battered sterling silver gravy boat, filled with the crystallized remains of his own pus-streaked amniotic fluid that cost his mom her life during his birth on the ruined and dripping ottoman.

2:30 pm August, 12 DarkSock said...

Chun Li’s so cool he bedazzled his own right kidney to wear as bling.

2:30 pm August, 12 ehcuodouche said...

And is it just me or does PTPP look like she has a gap between her front teeth about a half inch wide?

2:31 pm August, 12 DarkSock said...

Feeling the sticky warmth starting to run down his tunic, Chun Li realized it was past time to empty his neck goiter’s drip-pan.

2:51 pm August, 12 mr.reeve said...

@Et Tu Douche?, you technically need to be apologizing to Bruce Springsteen.

3:07 pm August, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

“F*ck City Hall,” Chun Li thought, “I ain’t returnin their restroom key, no matter how heavy this f*ckin keychain is.”

3:08 pm August, 12 Sack O Douche said...

Holy Asian testicle hairs! I am in love with Pamela. I have to go for a quick bathroom break now. Hopefully theres no co-workers in the other stalls.

3:10 pm August, 12 Steve L. said...

you have to carry ~ me back from Cali
the angel’s city where the devils play
you have to carry ~ me back to where i belong


er, thank god that’s the only good song to come out of an album with an Ed Hardy-style album cover.

3:38 pm August, 12 Just Sayin said...

If she pooped on your chest, you wouldn’t stand up for fear of losing it.

3:47 pm August, 12 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Calibag needs to be beaten. With an object that looks like California. Thoroughly.

4:03 pm August, 12 DarkSock said...

When I steal the Oxycontin from her purse, I’d actually bite one in half and leave it for her.

4:09 pm August, 12 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Who wears a fake peridot-green-studded plastic California neck charm the size of a dump with a cubic zirconia “L.A.” spiking it up for good measure?

Who even cares when Hottie Pamela steals its limelight?

4:09 pm August, 12 DarkSock said...

Chun Li cherished the last remaining artifact of his dear departed grandfather: His severely impacted colon.

4:11 pm August, 12 scrotum pole said...

LA is a venereal wart that valtrex can’t cure.


In the immortal words of Townes Van Zandt, (R.I.P.)


Well, there’s a whole lot of vain, pathetic people in Los Angeles.
Probably the most superficial place I’d ever seen.
Yeah, they say that one day it’s gonna’ fall off in the sea, and I think that’d be a damn good start.
But, I know the Lord’ll protect Joliene.

4:12 pm August, 12 clam fist said...

It is ok to douche it up for a chance with her. She is so fine. I give him a pass.

4:20 pm August, 12 scrotum pole said...

David Carradine’s last moments are captured as he succumbs to sweet, autoerotic asphyxiation.
Pamela smiles wanly, then uses her Blackberry to schedule a mani-pedi.

4:21 pm August, 12 Wedgie said...

No pass for him, and the Governator wants his paperweight back.

4:39 pm August, 12 Douchble Helix said...

More Pamela!

5:10 pm August, 12 Hankybobspanky said...

He owns a jewelry business. Here’s his myspace:

http://www.myspace.com/benballer

5:36 pm August, 12 dbBen said...

I’m going to comfort myself and say that she has Alfred E. Neuman teeth.

6:12 pm August, 12 ehcuodouche said...

He’s asian…and Jewish…


…ok

6:13 pm August, 12 ehcuodouche said...

I’m definitely going to subscribe to his blog, because I can just tell from his bling he has thoughtful and intelligent insights into life.

And he rides with Drake.

7:23 pm August, 12 spc said...

she’s perfect

8:04 pm August, 12 nailit said...

You think cool breeze got to hit that? maybe if she’s got a chick prick lurking in there somewhere!

8:39 pm August, 12 Battlescrote Galactica said...

Nice one DoucheyWallnuts!!! Fu Man Douche!!! HA!

I bet that dude has his entire life savings from bussing tables at theTragic Dragon Chinese Restaurant into that boat anchor around his neck…

Probably lives with his mom and drives a buckled Honda with a cracked-to-Hell, unpainted body kit on it that’s barely hangin onto the car and a wing on the back capable of getting lift-off on a Boeing 747.

Or maybe Four Prong just got a haircut?!?!

8:48 pm August, 12 Stephanie said...

I’d slap him around so his own bling would bang him in the head.

9:59 pm August, 12 Mr. Biggs said...

You know what, buddhabag almost makes it work.

That’s right. I said buddhabag. Feel free to use it in casual conversation.

10:25 pm August, 12 Baleen said...

I’m pretty shure that most of the planet wouldn’t recognize his bling as a geographical area. If I didn’t know that was Cali, I would swear it was a bejeweled colostomy bag.Also, I think his blunt was dipped in ammonia. “Ah, the path of Affliction is at once teeming with Red Bull and anal discharge, young grasshoppa.”
.
I can’t hate on LA too much because I’m from H-Town, Texas (home of the “Town and Country Bag” )and our state can be as fuccen backwards as they get. And we have lots and lots of guns.

12:51 am August, 13 The Pukes of Spazzard said...

MC Fishheads and Rice: Yo Yo I stole this necklace from DJ Eric B?
Bleethelvira:Just put the money on the table assflap.

6:35 am August, 13 Phil said...

Definitely contender for Most Expensive First Date Hott

11:33 am August, 13 Joel said...

Pam is the only HoH material I’ve seen in a while.

11:34 am August, 13 Blinded by the Shite said...

HoH for Pam and her Mamms. Amen.

3:19 pm August, 13 A to the B said...

HoH for Pamela. She makes me play with my handala in the bano!

8:55 pm August, 13 spledouche said...

oh, cmon! who bedazzels the pillsbury dough boy? i mean unless that was his wish to be buried like that and that is indeed his coffin…i always thought he wanted to be baked to nice rising lightly brown crust and then possibly glazed with his patented cinamon roll frosting…it is what his will states right?

9:46 pm August, 14 Lou said...

I’m on my way out to find me some mamacitas and I needed some inspiration, so I came back to see if Pamela was just as good as I recalled. Not since April and Quartasian Mia Sara Hot has a girl so captivated me, and by that I mean in my pants, and by that I mean in my penis!

10:57 am August, 17 Trolls said...

Pro tip of the day: Go grab a pair of balls and step your game up peasants. http://makemoniesonline.com

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