Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Neo Primitive

One of the academic terms of discourse regarding scrotepuddery that I’ve been recently developing is the concept of “The Neo Primitive.”

By this, I mean a hybridized and schizophrenic inscription of the body as simultaneously both contemporary, postmodern and intertextually aligned with a broad media landscape (brand-name identification, logos, pop culture iconography, etc.) and yet a highly primitive marking of the body to echo that of ancestral cultural masculinity.

This concept breaks down along two competing, seemingly paradoxical axes of dissonance in terms of identity:

1. The overwhelm of virtual life in the mass media age has led some to attempt to reclaim their bodies through extensive markings, piercings, tattoos, etc. This is an effort to reinscribe the flesh as fully real by confirming its uncontestable reality outside the virtual realm. In other words, in the age of existence as defined by an image shared on Facebook or a comment published on Twitter, the body itself must be marked/scarred (via tattoos, piercings) to re-experience the incontestable realm of sensorial experience.

2. The paradoxical tension between a highly advanced society informed by the fetishization of gadgetry (iphones, droids, etc.) versus the collective hallucination of primitive tribes sold to us through that society as representative of the ancient and primal past of myth and legend. This emerges as Maori tattoos, nose piercings and other assorted signifiers of cliche tribal “primitivity,” and gender roles grounded purely in the biology of the physical.

The use of the body as an irreducible object via the rites-of-passage signifiers of pain, inscription and mutilation (piercings, cuts, implants, tans, dyes, etc.) renders the body as uncanny. The body becomes the site of an active response to the privileging of the virtual, the technological, and the creation of identity in the abstract realms of the online and mediated. The body markings cannot be undone. They reassert “the real” as well as the agency of the inscriptor to “take control” of his body in an age where the body is removed by technology and society. It is an active response towards one’s “self” as a space for contested sites of power.

If society overwhelms the individual through the cacaphony of the virtual, the individual responds by invoking the primitivity of the nostalgic pre-industrial past. On his own skin and muscles. It is both a callback to the primal mythic past at the same paradoxical moment it fully acknowledges the schizophrenia of the modern experience.

# posted by douchebag1
1:19 pm August, 24 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Dude what?? Show us your tits!!!! whoooooooo!!!! Party!!!!!!!!!

1:25 pm August, 24 Crucial Head said...

Need more pictures to go with all those words, boss. But I pretty much have to concur with any post that uses the word: “Scrotepuddery.”

1:26 pm August, 24 Crucial Head said...

Then Lars proceeded to unzip his pants and recreate the cover for Load.

1:28 pm August, 24 Giant Douche said...

Vest Guy?

1:30 pm August, 24 Crucial Head said...

After the concert, Lars proceded to yodel his favorite Justin Beiber songs in a glass shattering soprano.

1:42 pm August, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Boss,
I pretty much achieve the same results but with bacon cheeseburgers.

1:46 pm August, 24 DarkSock said...

I skimmed over the Boss’s soliloquy just enough to catch the gist: MULLETS ARE BACK, BAYBEE!
.
.
.
Much like the return of Beavis and Butthead, it was forewritten.

1:48 pm August, 24 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Reminds of what my wife said to me the other day when I asked her if she wanted to read the paper…”I don’t want to read all those words”.

1:48 pm August, 24 mister! said...

So impressed you got through this post without bringing up McLuhan’s theories of ‘retribalization”!

1:50 pm August, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Beth’s first try at ventriloquism went horribly wrong as her “dummy” would only utter “WOOOO!”, “UNGH!”, and “COORS LIGHT!” no matter how hard she tried to keep her lips from moving.

1:54 pm August, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Patty’s first try at making designer handbags out of douches came to a screeching halt when she forgot to kill and skin them first.

1:55 pm August, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Imagine Holly’s surprise when she found out that cyst on Mongo’s back contained her pocket rocket and a tube of AstroGlide.

1:57 pm August, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Imbued with her newfound superpower, Cathy attempts the first-ever clean and jerk of a choad into the toalet.

1:59 pm August, 24 Eliza Douchecoo said...

“I come from the land down under,
I bring mullets and alot of Herpes, ya ya”

2:03 pm August, 24 justadouchalo said...

Boss, you failed to mention a seemingly genetically programmed urge to wallow in the primordial ooze. If we are indeed descendant from the simple amphibians that crept from the swamps and seas your retribalization theory might explain why emergent choad stains are pulled unrelentingly to tepid and foul bodies of water. It doesn’t however explain why they are compelled to frolic in parking lots.

2:06 pm August, 24 justadouchalo said...

…and what the hell is wrong with that chick’s right boob?

2:07 pm August, 24 Eliza Douchecoo said...

^it’s not in my mouth

2:13 pm August, 24 Turdacious said...

I think I just farted…Yup..damn i better go wipe

2:16 pm August, 24 Et Tu Douche? said...

WELL SAID DB1, WELL SAID. Your Cultural Anthropological discourse is spot on. You just might be the Franz Boas of our generation.
.
Crucial Head @ 1:26
FTW.
.
Is it me or has the past 2 days been a cornucopia of content & subsequent quality mock? and let’s not forget the emergence of the illiterate, almost Stackhousian like, wordplay of Steamrolla G.

2:20 pm August, 24 Jaan Kanellis said...

Where the shit did his pee-pee go? Looks like a taco down there.

2:26 pm August, 24 jonezy said...

EDIT: someone is peeing in this guy’s butt

2:27 pm August, 24 Et Tu Douche? said...

Seeing that there was a Lars Ulrich reference, I’m gonna crank some “Seek & Destroy” and then “Search & Destroy” by Iggy.

2:29 pm August, 24 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That is me in university in Canada. Give the dude a break on this one. I have lost the abs but this guy is Jeff Spicoli of the 00’s. Excuse me Mr. Hand.

2:49 pm August, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Et Tu Douche? ^2:16
.
I hypothesize that the increase in quality mock is inversely preportional to the shittyness of the overall economy. Ergo, when the world is peeing in our butts instead of the other way around, we tend to have a bit more free time on our hands.
.
That said, these past couple days have indeed been over the top. And by over the top I mean my boss is not going to be happy with my lack of productivity.

3:05 pm August, 24 dbBen said...

Totally lifted from the chive.
.
But in all honesty, well done good sir. I’ve been thinking lately on the exhibited douche behaviors with varying degrees of spectators, derived from all possible combinations of the following elements:
.
solo
.
few friendly hotts;few hostile hotts
.
many friendly hotts;many hostile hotts
.
few friendly bros;few hostile men
.
many friendly bros;many hostile men
.
C(9,2) combinations + 1. But possibly far fewer variations in reaction: standard narcissism, frolick, hostility, appeal to weakly understood legalese, perhaps depression or a bathroom photo. But I believe that no matter the path taken or circumstances supposed, the end result or base formula will always be “nutshot^2”

3:07 pm August, 24 dbBen said...

err C(8,2) + 1 iir

3:18 pm August, 24 Steve L. said...

i saw the word “postmodern” and i said to myself, “do not touch with a 20-foot pole.”
sorry. i’m a quitter like that.

3:20 pm August, 24 Steve L. said...

in unrelated news, though, Neo Primitive bag (don’t know what else to call him) looks like he’s about ready to bend over.

3:26 pm August, 24 douche bagel said...

interesting theory there boss…
it’s like lars here went on a journey with these guys
http://www.retrojunk.com/img/movies/bill_and_teds_excellent_adventure_557.jpg (RIP george carlin)
and picked up a douchetribute from every cultural movement along the way

3:27 pm August, 24 DarkSock said...

And with a keening sputtering flatus of 123 decibels in C sharp, Lars won the 2010 MudHorn Competition, at the expense of his designer underwear.

3:39 pm August, 24 Deltus said...

Boss, you’re overthinking it. These douches do it because they’ve been told it looks boss, and the skanks they desire appear to respond to it. Plain and simple.

3:41 pm August, 24 Nancy Dreuche said...

What I gleaned from DB1’s essay and corresponding picture is this: Old people sunglasses (or those ones you get from after having your eyes dialated) are back in style. With a vengence.

5:07 pm August, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Boy I feel dumb and inadequate…

5:55 pm August, 24 Troy Tempest said...

Boss –
You’re assuming informed agency. These people have agency (they prove it in their tatts, grooming, etc.) but it is uninformed agency. The particulars, the signifiers, of their douchery are of secondary consequence to the primacy of the exigencies of commodity fetishism under capitalism. The urge for male display is organic, and likely genetic, but the expression of it at any given time is conditioned by the prevailing contradictions at the time.

Powdered Wigs in the XVIIIe, zoot suits in the 40s, DAs in the 50s, long hair and blue jeans in the 60s, white suits and gold chains in the 70s, etc. etc. It’s a Grand Parade of Lifeless Packaging, an endless cavalcade of noise in the mating ritual.

The difference between the previous examples of male display and douchebaggery is the attitude behind it – the sense of entitlement, the complete lack of compassion for others, the utter narcissism, all of that comes not from the formal presentation, but is, and I emphasise this, *inherent to douchebaggery*. Which is why I came ot the defence of a man with ear hoops several weeks ago. His demeanor suggested that he was a fair and gentle person. Compared to Mr NeoPrimitive above, he’s Roshi Rinzai.

It isn’t just the outward appearance, even as the outward appearance is the medium. It’s the inner workings of the mind, and the kinds of (or lack of, in this case) thoughts that matter – the content of the person’s character rather than their appearance or colour of skin, even if it is orange.

This view, of course, runs counter to most postmodern discourse. But I find most postmodern discourse hopelessly flawed and pointless, as an antifoundational response to oppression is incapable of action, as any action must come from an exclusionary position – something is chosen while something else is not. Since oppression is continuous, resistance must also be continuous. Antifoundationalism would require all positions be granted equal weight, and this only serves the oppressor.

Therefore, the only real position is one of skeptical foundationalism – some things MUST be done, and negative consequences of action can only be mitigated (as there is no solution – the world is always broken).

I hope this helps.

6:04 pm August, 24 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

I agree, Boss, that the fetishisms of (X) Body-mutilation and (Y) Gadgetry are along axes. They are thusly not in opposition, though, but rather describe a two-dimensional space, X vs Y.

I’ve found the sweet spot therein: I’ve extensively tattooed and pierced my iPhone.

6:08 pm August, 24 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

So, what you’re saying is:
.
This guy’s a douchebag.
.
Right?

9:32 pm August, 24 08ArmyDoc said...

So, entitlement mixed with a small amount of the self-conscious with a smattering of the ignorant and the utter need to somehow be like everyone else while being “different” = douchebag.

And hey – that’s Vest Guy, isn’t it?

10:20 pm August, 24 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Personally I like the way birds do it, say, peacocks with those magnificent tails. Humans must have lost something in the passage from our primate ancestors to being fully human.
Or perhaps as the bower bird builds his wild nest to attract the female, human males have lost the ability to fashion an abode for the female. They’re too busy partying for themselves.
Offering beer and hypnotics seems a poor substitute.
The Boss here needs to read Morris’ books on male rituals. Jungians, they get it right.

10:31 pm August, 24 Baleen said...

“We had joy, we had fun
And we mocked the choads of dung
But the swill that I drink
Always makes my shit tank stink.”

10:56 pm August, 24 Baleen said...

Seriously boss, nice essay. I liked the phrase “intertextuality aligned with a broad media landscape”. It makes me think of stupid shit like some generic tattoo of a brand name that signifies the brand itself, the overall “badassness” of the bearer (because it’s a tatt i.e. rebellious), absolute slavery to the brand as a walking billboard and commitment to the codified social rules reflected in the brand, and the absurdity of the arbitrary attachment of the body to the brand. Does this make sense? No,becuase during those college lectures on the Trobriand Islanders I was napping in class with a semi.

11:06 pm August, 24 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Now that university has resumed, I get a whiff of pedantics from TROY and the Boss. I suppose the overdetailed artwork on an Ed Hardy shirt must be met with overly-worded and winded responses from the resident experts.

And then there is the simple genius of Crucial Head and DarkSock with their one-liners. And tube socks.

The ying and yang of wang-bang.

11:14 pm August, 24 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Asked to give a urine specimen at the last minute, Neoprim fumbled with the Zipo-loc bag and got his somewhat minuscule apparatus for delivering the goods caught in the zipper.

11:20 pm August, 24 Stephanie said...

He shart in his pants,huh?

11:20 pm August, 24 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

DOUCHEBAG ALERT: male seen using a real douchebag to do a
a) urine catch
b) sperm donor contribution
c) post-VD clinic antibiotic wash
d) Coca-Cola and vinegar douche

12:28 am August, 25 Webalot said...

she is in no way hot

1:22 am August, 25 Darth Doucheous said...

Very deleuzian, I really enjoyed that

1:23 am August, 25 Darth Doucheous said...

Very deleuzian, I really enjoyed that.

Bloody software says I already said this (not).

Well…

6:14 am August, 25 Troy Tempest said...

@Whoop-di-douche:
not pedantics – scholastics. There is a difference. The pedant’s end is the pedantry itself. The scholar’s end is a contribution to knowledge. We are bringing the tools of contemporary philosophy to bear upon the practice of scrotewankery.

It’s a different form of humour from the pithy brilliance of DarkSock and Crucialhead et al., but nonetheless hysterically funny, once you get the joke.

Kind of like Firesign Theatre, only without the surrealism.

Except of course for the minor fact that I’m a puppet. Which isn’t too surreal. I think.

7:34 am August, 25 Claude Douchenburg said...

Hey boss thanks for the education. I am always wondering what the f@#ck is going on around me but don’t have the education to figure it out for myself. I have basically come to the same conclusion you have in my own intuitive way of thinking. But instead of thinking of it as tribal behavior I refer to it as the behavior of the herd.

8:50 am August, 25 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Darksock 1:46 RE Beavis and Butthead:
OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD!!!!! No lie, that is the best news I’ve heard in a month. Which tells you what my life is like these days.
.
@ DB1–when can we expect the publishing of your volumes on the subject? The Intellectual elite is champing at the bit.

6:06 pm August, 25 Snoop Douchey Bagg said...

Whoa. Heavy.

10:42 pm August, 25 Mr. Biggs said...

DB1 you could have just said Maori Armani and have been done with it.

Maormani?

10:43 pm August, 25 Mr. Biggs said...

I think the biggest mistake intellectuals make is ascribing thought patterns to those who don’t think. I’ve asked people why they got tattoos. Their answers make me prefer to talk to dumb animals.

Leave a Reply

What is 8 + 3 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)