Saturday, August 21, 2010

Your Saturday Oldbag

To the Real Housewives of Southern Nantucket, I can only ask one thing:

Is Army Crotch an oldbag? Or does he transcend into a strange kind of folk hero?

# posted by douchebag1
1:09 pm August, 21 MoeDouche said...

I think it’s a fake. Look at the guy’s left hand and the blue sky. Hmmm…, something doesn’t look right.

1:16 pm August, 21 Troy Tempest said...

There’s a point where you get so old, baggery is of a different consequence. The tatts have long faded into blurry black splotches as permanent bruises of defiance. The fucked up haircuts went grey and hair by hair found their way down the shower drain. The piercings removed and have sealed over, leaving small scars as reminders of an attachment to pain. The world of tomorrow will wear things out – it`ll be hard enough to get what`s yours, much less provide for others. And as the days draw down to a precious few, and you can’t get the calendar to stop, it all revolves on character – a character of compassion, empathy, and care.

But some of us will keep the machismo and douchewank spectacle rolling because that is all that matters to the geezers who think with their dicks rather than their heads, who feel with their hands rather than their hearts, is the endless insatiable requirement of GET SOME. One might look upon Oldbag and think: “Good for you Geezerman! GET SOME” but for this old fool, that is what he is also thinking – narcissism is not limited by age and experience.

So, to this old fuck, I say:

“Hey you sleezy old fuck! You wanna attract women at the beach? Show up in a tux. The bleethy bitches will think “weird old man” but the quality women of elegance and wit will understand the gesture, because class is not something you attend or something you buy – it is something you acquire through education and practice.”

1:23 pm August, 21 dbBen said...

I say put him in they Soylent Green machine for the abomination that is the golden arm band.
.
What the hell World? Why is this still happening? I suspect he put on his chubby granddaughter’s camo bathing suit backwards.

1:40 pm August, 21 DarkSock said...

Harold’s decision to carry his wife’s purse in his swim trunks had unexpected consequences.

1:46 pm August, 21 creature said...

it’s hard to hide a dead python

2:11 pm August, 21 creature said...

Gampy McGee never thought ‘the potato goes in the front’ joke would have such a dramatic effect on his golden years

2:11 pm August, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Take him to Carousel, this runner has been caught.

Oops! That is my father -in-law. They are not my mother-in-law.

2:12 pm August, 21 creature said...

General (ret.) Norman Schwartzkopff has a unique method of carrying his ‘sack’ lunch to the beach

2:15 pm August, 21 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Visitor’s Day at the Turtle Bay Nudist Colony and Retirement Home in Naples, Fla.

2:19 pm August, 21 shake hands with beef said...

Bwahaha! Nice camo budgie smugglers grampaw. Those milfs got some nice racks. Shy one in the purple needs to lower the towel.

2:33 pm August, 21 Mr. Biggs said...

At first I thought, whatever. Old guy playing nice to the young ladies. Then I scrolled down and saw the crotch monstrosity. Sorry guy. Urradouche.

We all grow old, and I hope when I’m old I won’t be faulted for entertaining the giggly suckable young ones, but the same rules of douchitude apply across age brackets.

2:58 pm August, 21 scrotum pole said...

After storming the beach at Normandy in ’44, Gus decided to forgoe the German machine guns, the fighting in the hedgerows, the Battle of the Bulge and the whole damn war.
Instead he opted to stay on the beach, strap his rucksack to his crotch and to this day, impresses the middle aged French femmes with his vintage military hardware.

2:59 pm August, 21 tall guy said...

Agree with Troy on this.

Look at what he’s wearing.
It’s pathetic.

It’s an unfunny clown costume.

And I love the look of the black bikinied housewife to his left.

3:28 pm August, 21 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Gives new meaning to the term “baggy balls” although I’m not sure why he’s wearing camouflage cloth when there’s no way in hell he could ever hide that package unless he covered it up with surfer trunks, but at least he’s “hangin’ ten,” LOL.
The dames are hot, hot, hot.
Oh, and there’s even a tiny Waldo peekin’ over Oldbag’s shoulder, or wait…is that a li’l fairy?
Now, where is that bottle of Old Overholt Rye I was saving for this weekend?

3:33 pm August, 21 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Oh, I almost forgot: The proper term for boobies like those on a beach is “waterwings” although I’ve been hearing “floaters” used a lot lately, but a generous package also has good “float” to it when submerged in a pair of loose trunks, or plum nekkid.
Now, where is that bowl of fresh fruit the wife set out….?

3:35 pm August, 21 Justin said...

This is a very good question. An even better question would be: Boobs?
.
.
The answer: Yes…oh yes.

3:35 pm August, 21 Steve L. said...

Hedonism RIck has finally met his match.

3:37 pm August, 21 mr.reeve said...

The black bikini hott made up for the Camo Banana Hammock Olbag is sporting.

3:37 pm August, 21 Justin said...

What do you think the brunette in the grey bikini is hiding under the nautical towel?

3:42 pm August, 21 mr.reeve said...

He’s an Oldbag. No doubt about it. This is worse than Tonetta’s videos. Where’s the new Tonetta links anyways?

3:55 pm August, 21 Choadthedouchesprocket said...

how low can those ‘nads go?

3:56 pm August, 21 Douchble Helix said...

Worst thing I’ve ever seen on this site. Except Black Bikini Babe.

4:01 pm August, 21 Choadthedouchesprocket said...

We at Eating Las Vegas, mine, steal, plagiarize, violate the copyright thereof and rip off photos from HCWDB all the time in our lame attempts to mimic the bite and humor of db1 and his acerbic acolytes.

For this we sometimes feel guilty, worthless and unworthy, and our spirits sink lower than this guy’s shriveled testicles.

Douche on!

ELV

4:27 pm August, 21 collosus of choads said...

“taking it off here boss!”

5:12 pm August, 21 DarkSock said...

Horace? Horace DangleBalls?

6:04 pm August, 21 clam fist said...

@Troy

you think class is going to the beach in a tux?
Let us know how that works out.

6:06 pm August, 21 Baron Von Goolo said...

Well, sir, I’ll give Jasper one thing, though: that was a man that knew how to make lemonade out of ball gout.

6:23 pm August, 21 Fatness said...

The headlights in that black bikini are blinding me…which is good since now I can no longer see the camo flag flapping.

6:44 pm August, 21 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

“Little Howser,” always the gentleman, knows to stand when ladies enter the room. And lovely, natural ladies are these indeed.

6:52 pm August, 21 Wheezer said...

Yeah, Oldbag ought to be covering himself a lot more, but all he has is this chance to be photo’d with these “young girls.” Thankfully, we know none of them grabbed his package, but the rest of his life will be happy as long as he has this memory.
.
And he’s more than welcome to keep it to himself. I don’t ever want to see another camo jockey in my lifetime.
.
I just want to rescue Betty Blackini from this travesty of justice.

7:11 pm August, 21 Mr. White said...

Either gray bikini or purple bikini is hiding this under her towel. Guess correctly, and you get to learn how to start the reactor and free Mars.

7:48 pm August, 21 Douche Springsteen said...

Feeling charitable tonight, I was leaning towards “folk hero” when I noticed the stupid little arm band he was wearing, which pushed him squarely into old bag territory. He almost made it, had there been ten boobies in this picture instead of eight I may not have noticed it.

7:53 pm August, 21 August Derelict said...

Troy Tempest nailed it.
.
Case closed. Now all we have to look forward to tomorrow is some douchebag having a siezure in a parking lot with no hot chicks to be found. I’m starting to loathe Sundays.

8:12 pm August, 21 Douchie Howser M.D. said...

During the “physical act of love” (as Gen J.D. Ripper would say), in their early years, girls seem most concerned about their hair or makeup being mussed.
.
Or so I’m told.
.
This curvaceous cavalcade of perfect pulchritude, in contrast, while ravishing you mercilessly couldn’t care less how much they resemble Courtney Love on an off day.

8:12 pm August, 21 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Doucheble Helix: Well, if you think this is the worst thing you’ve ever seen on this site, go look up Old Chap and HIS banana sling. Or maybe Mooby Dick and his interesting shirt.
Gotta hand it to Oldbag: he has a matching camo hat to go with his thong.
Which, upon second glance, reminds me something of a horse’s feederbag.
Not that any animal has his head in Oldbag’s bag and is munching away. None we can SEE, at least.

8:14 pm August, 21 Guid is Good said...

I don’t know what category but I nominate black bikini hott’s rack for a 2010 Douchie.

Thank you Mother Nature.

8:50 pm August, 21 Anonymous said...

Bag? Nah.
That’s just a dirty old man who doesn’t care who he offends anymore.

8:57 pm August, 21 08ArmyDoc said...

Doesn’t matter WHAT you call it – that’s disgusting!

And who the hell wears depends UNDER a bikini? Maybe there’s a special type of incontinence-bikini?

There’s no way he’s packing natural under that camo, baby, dangly old-man balls or not.

And the bicep bracelet – really?

Blech

9:51 pm August, 21 Douchble Helix said...

Whoop-Di-Douche: Wow! Old Chap is pretty bad. I was overcome with grief, when I posted that comment. One can no more pick a ‘worst’ on this site (you can’t believe the horrors I saw just scrolling after the search to find Old Chap and Mooby Dick), than one can pick a ‘greatest rock band’, or ‘best blowjob I ever got’.

But he’s bad. And Black Bikini is excellent!

These guys with the banana sacks gotta be Eurodouches, right? Or Canadians, anyways.

10:06 pm August, 21 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

When ya come right down to it, certain males wear banana slings to show off their impressive junk, just as certain females wear bikinis to show off their impressive boobs. I suppose it isn’t much different than grandparents showing off their adorable little darlings or some folks walking their impressive Harlequin Great Danes dogs just to be seen, seen, seen (yes, the dogs need to be exercised).
They’re all a bunch of posers and look-at-MEs!!

10:31 pm August, 21 Baleen said...

That’s not just a pup tent for his ball udders. I think he just dropped a load in there. The chicks have yet to detect the smell of fecal prime rib from last night’s buffet dinner on the promenade deck. He says, “fuck it, no Depends today, I’m freeballin, Jack!”
.
The mammary density index in this photo is directly proportional to the internal pressure of my blood engorged cockk, multiplied times five which is the number of zinc tabs I took this morning plus a dollop of Jergens thus equals roughly the population of a small city’s worth of genetic blueprint material knocking the monitor off of my desk by plasma impact equivalent to the force of a category five hurricane.

10:31 pm August, 21 Dicy said...

Oldbag is old, yuck. Additionally, I’m drunk. YAY Scotch!

<3Dicy

10:33 pm August, 21 Stephanie said...

There’s a war going on in that banana hammock.

10:34 pm August, 21 Enclosed said...

I would simply request the picture be removed.

If you are not willing to remove the picture, I have been instructed to file a TRO, injunction and Complaint for Misappropriation of Name and Likeness.

If not removed, you will be contacted by my lawyer

-EL

10:55 pm August, 21 Andy said...

i’ve been next to dead people and this is still one of the most troubling things i have ever had to deal with. all i can pray is that the bagtastic geriatric died two minutes later and they pawned his bling for beer money, after which they were hammered enough to find a fine arts major to work out their latent homosexual tendencies with.

12:13 am August, 22 tall guy said...

Additionally, what’s especially troubling is his total absence of dignity. And is he presumptuous enough to vainly try and pass himself off as some kind of surfer? You go, Moondoggy… Is his sense of manly worth so tied to his body and its appearance?

If he had the slightest bit of self-respect he’d realize that by growing older he isn’t expected perform like younger men, and although I think this fact hasn’t escaped him, what seemingly has is the knowledge that bodies are creative and inventive and that honest accounts of manhood reveal that there’s no true or right body, just as there’s no true or right way to do manhood. Experience of manhood involves difference, uncertainty, confusion and change. All he’s locked into is repetition and imitation. He’s douche to the power of whatever his oldbag age is. Plus 1.

12:40 am August, 22 Douchesickle said...

COME OUT WITH YOUR PANTS DOWN!
ugh not you pappy… Here’s to perky tiittied granddaughters.

2:27 am August, 22 jacknap said...

He’s a Banana Sack.

6:23 am August, 22 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Dicy, will you marry me?

9:38 am August, 22 DarkSock said...

Gramps is a Ludicrous McCockkWielder.

9:55 am August, 22 Fatness said...

^tall guy @ 12:13 gets the gold.

10:03 am August, 22 Douche Dastardly said...

As painful as the death scene in Apocalypse Now, Old Bag Cammo Crotch. The horror! The horror!
If anyone needs me I will be seek solace in the beautiful comfort mounds of black bikini boobie girl.

1:27 pm August, 22 Da Da Doooschey said...

Yeah, I don’t care – I’d bang them all. Yes, you read that correctly.

2:48 pm August, 22 DarkSock said...

No Cunt Ream for Old Men

3:20 pm August, 22 Stephanie said...

He’s gonna file a TRO? What does a TRO mean,again?
Turd Roid Old man?

4:13 pm August, 22 Medusa Oblongata said...

R. Lee Ermey takes a vacation. I hope Mrs. Ermey doesn’t see this.
.
Gray bikini and purple bikini are shy about their soft midsections. I urge them to relax. With magnificent tits like that, no one is looking at your stomach.

4:25 pm August, 22 Cheesesock said...

Oldbag aside, has anyone else noticed that everyone of the titties featured in this pic are just……bazonk!!?

6:46 pm August, 22 creature said...

I’d go apeshit with a ping pong paddle at this gathering… yes, gampy, you’d get it too… with the edge!

8:04 pm August, 22 Dicy said...

This picture is so much more disturbing now that I’ve seen it on a laptop and not just my phone.. Why can’t I unsee it!

8:06 pm August, 22 massengill said...

Where is this banana hammock of which you speak? I don’t see anything.

8:59 pm August, 22 Floyd Stiles said...

@Medusa:

No- they’re hiding their midsections because they are mail order brides from Khazakhstan and they have these huge multiple rippling scars from their half dozen caesarians that were performed with a ginsu knife.

11:22 am August, 24 YOYOYO said...

OH ITS REAL! who ever wrote that can get outta here.

12:38 pm August, 24 anonymous said...

Black bikini for HoH. Who’s with me?

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