Friday, September 17, 2010

Ask DB1: The Scrotal Network

—–
DB1,

I come to you oh wise and benevolent prophet with a true enigma.

Only this morning while checking the happenings of people I rarely know and girls I would much like to nuzzle, on Facebook, I was enlightened to the existence of the semi-celebrity douche known as Robert Kardashian Jr.

While we have all lusted after his more famous sisters of questionable bleeth and undeniable hott, I was enlightened to the fact that:

A) This douche is alive and well and B) People I used to call my friends consider themselves fans of his. As I pondered this, a more esoteric question alighted upon my furrowed brow. Is Facebook a tool for mock, or for douche?

On the one hand Facebook would appear to be the douchebag’s equivalent of the national sex offender database. With just a click of the mouse anyone can scour their friends for incontrovertible evidence of douche. In fact I now know that should I ever see Robert Kardashian Jr., no matter how demure he may seem, it is my duty to hurl feces covered toadstools at him.

On the other hand, Facebook would appear a perfect venue for pudwanks everywhere. No words or even intelligence is required. Just a webcam, steroids and some deplorable life decisions.

In summation my question is this. Does Facebook help or hurt the cause of mock world wide?

I await your response with bated breath.

Yours in mock,
Sultan of Suck

——

Facebook, soon to go the way of MySpace, is simply a tool, a condouchuit if you will, for the streams of virtual douchebaggery to pixelate in the virtual realm. It is an enabler, but not the cause.

But Facebook can also be used as an important tool for the mock, as submissions to HCwDB are often found by ‘bag hunters such as yourself.

Therefore Facebook remains mostly a neutral force in the war between hope and scrotepud.

# posted by douchebag1
11:23 am September, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

That dude is just a pair of thick glasses away from being Creepy Rapist Pedophile Dude(tm)
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He needs these.

11:28 am September, 17 DarkSock said...

Nah, Facebook will always be there for jello-bellied housewives to have secret internet flings with.

11:33 am September, 17 mr.reeve said...

I agree with Sock, its for women to look at other women’s kids, what I am doing now BS and try to bang old high school firends. Good call.

11:38 am September, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Facebook is for Douches as Mr. Reeve stated. I have a secret account to spy on people who have delisted me after my drunken Michael Jackson death rants some months back. Like my fuccken idiot little brother. I do however, never post on there since then.

11:49 am September, 17 tall guy said...

The douche likes to belong. And if belonging means pleadging allegiance to a dizzying array of utterly banal asinine interests, then the douche will gravitate with fervent agreement towards the relative anonymity of new media social networking. As long as it is worded in bad grammar and has at least two misplaced apostrophies. But as with all things douche, sultan of suck, there is a clear correlation between the douches limited attention span and the level of inane doucheness in any given bag. This can be confirmed by investiging the number of pointless “groups” or pages that suspected pudwanks are a “fan” of. over time, the douche is a member of a critical mass of pointless groups that allow the discerning observer to accurately define the particular type of fuckwit they are observing/dealing with. The only common denominator being: said fuckwits are all douche.

11:53 am September, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Facebook sucks. My retarded out of touch company is making a big deal about a presence there.
.
I told them , “The only people making money with Facebook is Facebook. Take my $500 set up fee and $100 a month and spend it on a good corporate spokeshole like Joel McHale or Mary McCormack , ya know someone COOL that isn’t trendy ….”
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The sound of crickets was deafening

11:54 am September, 17 Vin Douchal said...

Yes, I think Mary McCormack is cool. Tough noogies

11:55 am September, 17 Harry Reid said...

Rapist’s Glasses?

11:58 am September, 17 Mr. White said...

@vin
Mary McCormack’s boobs are the only reason anybody watched “In Plain Sight.” FACT.
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Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Lots of things only happen because of boobs. Like the Renaissance. And the War of 1812. Look it up.

12:16 pm September, 17 Vin Douchal said...

While we’re waiting for some Friday Pear, here’s a hot chick you’ve never heard of, Cyrcee Perreault

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SFW Link
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NSFW Link
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You’re welcome

12:20 pm September, 17 tall guy said...

Mmmm, Cyrcee.

12:22 pm September, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

I truly believe Facebook is plague upon society. It has fast tracked the devolution of humanity. When people get to the point that they think other people are interested that they just go their tires rotated or ate a yummy burrito, along with a pic to prove, it is beyond me. It lends itself to narcissism along with the crushing loneliness that comes with it.

12:24 pm September, 17 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Facebook is for douches. Period. The End.

12:28 pm September, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Wastebook.
A waste of time.
A waste of energy.
A waste of brain cells.

12:29 pm September, 17 Captain Garanichode said...

Who cares about scrotal networking… more about miss Perreault

12:29 pm September, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

The fact that Rob K is a so called semi celebrity riding the coat tails of his sister whose claim to fame was getting “caught” on tape having sex with a D-list “Rapper” is repugnant and that certain people in society live to celebrate this to the point that lots of money is made from it is a sign that we are spinning perilously close to the bottom.
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Sorry for ranting everyone, social media & reality programming is a big sore spot for me. Bring on the pear!!!!

12:36 pm September, 17 Claude Douchenburg said...

Only the beautiful Cyrcee Perreault could keep me entertained while waiting for Friday pear. Thanks Vinny

12:44 pm September, 17 Wheezer said...

Ms. “SurfCee” Perreault/surf pear (sort of)…..thanks to Vin’s links…..
.
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Now I have to go to work with a stiffie. Wonderful. Enjoy the pear, you hatters!

12:46 pm September, 17 Vin Douchal said...

I have a Vin Douchal Facebook, but only to ogle woman, anonymously. And to see how fat the cheerleaders from my high school have become. Hey Tubb-O, I’m talking to you

12:46 pm September, 17 rapidouchecrest said...

doche from romania

http://www.facebou.ro/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/poe-clasice-de-cocalari.png

http://www.cocalari.com

12:49 pm September, 17 Vin Douchal said...

If all DJ’s looked like Alicia Cano , we’d have to look into it.
.
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NSFW Gallery if yer interested
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Yessir, the smut is finding me today

12:57 pm September, 17 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Facebook represents the level to which society has sunk in its willingness to accept superficial “instant” relationships over genuine human contact with all its accompanying ackwardness and time consuming requierments. And all in the name of technology. “Look at my new phone! I can text, surf the web, check my facebook, send pictures to my pals. Oh, and I can make a call if absolutely have to.” Facebook et al allows one to amass a mountain of virtual validation, an army of facebook friends to which they can point and say “Look! I matter!” Until the day they lose their job or contract cancer and the only response they get is “Wow dude, sorry to hear that. But while you’ve got the time check out my surfing pics from Laguna Beach. Epic!” That and the heart rending echoing of cricket chirps in their empty apartment. I predict the next big money maker for funeral homes will be contract pole bearers to carry the casket and a room full of networked computer monitors. lol. Fail.
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I say this because we’re all friends. Right? We are friends aren’t we?

1:07 pm September, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I like them boobies. Clint Eastwood wouldn’t bone a Kardooshian so nether would I (AMC has had a good run of Clint in the last day or ten. The Bulgarian/Romanian spectacle had made me ill. Let free booze reign o’er me for two days. Well only free because I put it on a credit card. I think I’ll call Suze Orman to see if that she approves like she did regarding my wife swinging with chicks.

1:20 pm September, 17 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Mr Scrotato Head.
.
Well said sir, well said

8:17 am September, 18 Steve L. said...

Facebook is better than MySpace, but that doesn’t mean that the founders of Facebook aren’t Harvard douches.
fuck Facebook.

8:17 am September, 18 Steve L. said...

well, i meant to say fuck Harvard.
i have a Facebook account too, i just never log into it.

7:33 pm September, 19 Flash said...

Who is the girl in the picture with him?

3:52 pm September, 20 Mike said...

I can’t be the only one that despises the term “hott”. It’s cool to call a chick hot or hott as an adjective, but using it as a noun in douchier than the douchiest or douchemasters. Bleeth is also really stupid but we can cross that bridge when we come to it. Can we take a poll or something. I love this site and am very loyal, but I just can’t take “Douchbag is with hott” or any more use of “hott” at all. Please cease and desist.

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