Thursday, September 23, 2010

Ask DB1: Wrath of Khanbags


——
DB1,

I was enjoying some Sunday Wrath of Khan when my friends and I noticed the occasional partial and full chest reveal on members of Khan’s entourage.

We all know that Khan is eternally exempt from ‘bag classification, but what about his lackeys? Are they wannabe-Khans, and possibly therefore ‘bags, or are they also exempt?

Khan did get pissed at the blonde guy on occasion. I suspect he shared my doubts about his ability to pull off the Khan Chest Reveal (KCR).

-McBagsworth
——-

Your question is a good one, McB. And may you appreciate the genius of Khan forever.

As you rightly acknowledge, The Wrath of Khan is one of the most asskickingly perfect films of all time. This is beyond dispute.

While the kinetic nonsense with the flashy lights labeled “Star Trek” that came out last year seems to have fooled many moviegoers into thinking it was a good movie, it was not. It was fast. It had explosions. It had a vagina snow monster. But it had no operatic characters, no purpose, nothing epic, poetic or inspired. Nothing like what we saw in the visage of the tragic figure of Khan Noonian Singh.

Khan, and the genius actor who portrays him, Ricardo Montalban, both earn permanent lifetime nottadouches now matter how much greased up chestshave reveal Khan displays, or how many pimp moves he perfects.

But you know this. You ask about Khan’s entourage, or as I like to call it, his Khantourage. Khan’s crew on board the Botany Bay.

Unfortunately, I have to tag them as ‘bags and ‘baguettes. For one thing, I can’t remember any of them. No personalities. Secondly, echoing the alpha male is simply another form of coopting signifiers of douchebaggery to try to get echo ass pear.

# posted by douchebag1
1:23 pm September, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@DB1
.
“Khantourage”.
.
Gawd. F*cking epic. Seriously pissed myself a little.

1:23 pm September, 23 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

Khan’s Ridin’ Dirty

1:34 pm September, 23 mr.reeve said...

This was one of the first movies I ever saw in a movie theatre. Khan rules. Always did and always will. It’s just sad that Ricardo Mantelban is always pimping his how to flip homes on AM radio all the time now. Huh?

1:54 pm September, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Mr. Reeve

Even up in Canada I know of the douche you speak. Perhaps one of the worst ever. And that whiny wife! Oy. I knew Ricardo Montalban and the Monttelangos are no Khan. But if you come to my seminar….

1:56 pm September, 23 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

“Khantourage”…..now there’s a reality show that I would most certainly tune into. And by “tune into” I mean ruin a good videotape by pausing and fapping furiously during Uhura’s ever so slight and subtle thigh reveals.

1:59 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

I tried that hand-squeezing move on Mrs. Wedgie, and she kicked me in the nuts.
Where did I go wrong?

1:59 pm September, 23 Vin Douchal said...

That photo of the crew mildly resembles the protesters at the Bell , CA anti-government meetings.

2:01 pm September, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Ricardo was the best actor from Mexico ever to portray an East Indian descendant of Genghis Khan who was bred to conquer Earth in the future and become the mortal enemy of our hero, the girdled Captain Kirk,and begin the sequence of events precipatating the death of Spock and Kirk’s son in the best movie ever made.

2:02 pm September, 23 Deltus said...

Why were the Khantourage such whiney bitches compared to the awesome manitude that was Khan? I thought they were all supposed to be genetically engineered badasses?

2:05 pm September, 23 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

My dear deceased grandma Pat told me on her deathbed that back in the sixties she stroked Ricardo’s rich Corinthian leather.

2:07 pm September, 23 smackdouche said...

If you are running in the Khantourage, you are no ‘bag.

Sorry, DB1, but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target!!!

2:09 pm September, 23 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Deltus^
.
Because all tough guys, like the great Khan, always have to do everything themselves. Never trust a boy when you need a man to do a job.
.
Wow, that sounded really gay.

2:13 pm September, 23 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Scrotato^
.
I think NAMBLA may disagree with you.

2:23 pm September, 23 Tonetta said...

Never blow a mann when you can thrust into a boy.

4:02 pm September, 23 Vegas Ass Kicker said...

Only a bunch of fucking dorks like yall would like this BS movie. Fucking losers.

4:03 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

Pass the Khandoms.

4:03 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

Are they sitting in the Khanning Tower of the Enterprise?

4:04 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

His boys have a weak khanstitution; that’s why they look like pussies.

4:05 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

Did he perform some khanilungus on Uhura?

4:06 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

Gotta go now; Mrs. W just kicked me in the nuts again.

4:09 pm September, 23 Vegas Ass Licker said...

@Vegas Ass Kicker

…Yeah

4:13 pm September, 23 Only Winners Live in Vegas said...

@Vegas Ass Kicker
How’s that khandominium you bought five years ago holding its value, chump?

4:16 pm September, 23 CBS said...

i had insomnia for a long time and star trek was a big thing for me.

you are right…the show is a drama and it has some action and a lot of interesting ideas behind it, however, it is character driven. Making high concept films under the name Star Trek doesn’t really fit the mould,

i love sci-fi but i think unintelligent people reject it because it is focused on presenting a new way of thinking and they are already having trouble with the struggle of just thinking coherently period.

4:24 pm September, 23 Nurplebeam Von Huckletank said...

You know I have begun to notice a disturbing trend around here lately.
.
Whenever one of the Reg’s leaves for a short period of time to take care of some work related issues, remodeling of one’s home, or spending a little quality time at County; the rest of you disrespectful fools start to dogpile on said missing Reg. I find this heinous act to be highly disgusting and I hold my own head high above this stink, knowing that I would never steep to such a low.
.
Also, Plinky’s mom’s so fat she speaks in the key of beluga.

4:24 pm September, 23 Vegas Ass Kicker said...

Lived here my whole life bitches! I got me a roof over my head. Fucken retard!

4:25 pm September, 23 Nurplebeam Von Huckletank said...

Why the fuck are you all looking at me like that…?

4:26 pm September, 23 Nurplebeam Von Huckletank said...

(!)

4:37 pm September, 23 DarkSock said...

Epic post, Boss. I propose a new Yearly category, “Best Post of the Year”, and nominate this one in one fell swoop, whatever that means.
.
AMERIKA. YES, WE KHAAAAAAAN!

4:37 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

Icing my nuts; missed some of the khanversation. I love Las Vegas, but then again, I love Tijuana too.

4:38 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

And cold sores.

4:38 pm September, 23 DarkSock said...

“Go! …. or stay; but do it because it is what you WEESH!”
.
Star Pimp indeed.

4:45 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

Randy Quaid is moving to Las Vegas as we speak.

4:58 pm September, 23 Deltus said...

Hey, Vegas Ass Muncher:
.
Living in your parents’ basement doesn’t really constitute an accomplishment. Give up the Axe, it’s damaging your already pitiful brain capacity.
.
Oh, and @Scrotato^: yes it did sould gay. But then again, we’re talking about Khan and the Khanettes. The subject is inherently homoerotic.

5:01 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

Katy Perry & Russell Brand are moving to Las Vegas next week. So is John Mayer.

5:04 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

Christian Audigier already owns a home in Vegas, which he calls his “inspiration”. So thanks for that, douchebag epicenter.

5:09 pm September, 23 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

At least the Vegas Ass Hat didn’t accuse of fondling our retarded cousin’s tits.

5:13 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

^How did you know about that? I made her promise not to tell anyone.

5:42 pm September, 23 Khanye West said...

I haven’t been so turned on since Richard Gere threw that gay Navy hat at Vegas Ass Reamer.

5:44 pm September, 23 Khanway Twitty said...

Yo-de-le-hee. I haven’t been so turned on since John Denver won a Grammy for Yo-de-le-hee. I love Dolly’s new tits.

5:46 pm September, 23 Kahnrad Hilton said...

I haven’t been so turned on since I found out that Paris succked cocc…..

5:47 pm September, 23 Kahnrad Bain said...

What you talking ’bout Willis? Is he deaded?

5:49 pm September, 23 Kahnivorous said...

I would eat Dr. McCoys turd.

6:12 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

^You must be from Las Vegas.

6:17 pm September, 23 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

My grammy, who was born before 1900, was a whiz at the canning stove, and the cellar was always full of the bounty of the organic garden.
Her favorite saying was, “Eat what you KHAN, and what you KHAN’T, you KHAN.”
Lord only knows what she would have done with Ricardo Montalban.

6:39 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

You know who’s from Las Vegas that I really like? Nobody.

6:46 pm September, 23 DarkSock said...

Between 1963 and 2001, Ricardo Montalban lived on an exclusive diet of Bear Jerky; hand killed and lightly smoked.

6:48 pm September, 23 DarkSock said...

Ricardo Montalban ate one of Herb Villechaize’s diapers on a drunken bet once, then drove a motorcycle through a hose bibb warehouse.

6:49 pm September, 23 DarkSock said...

Ricardo Montalbahn made a man purse out of Natalie Wood. Nobody ever said shit to him about it to his face.

6:52 pm September, 23 DarkSock said...

The Star Trek episode Ricardo Montalban appeared in during the 60’s broke ground as the first network series to feature his infamous scene with Uhura that showed the first on-air interracial fisting scene. Kirk didn’t say shit to him about it to his face.

8:26 pm September, 23 Steve L. said...

Khantourage. now that would be a pleasant replacement for Entourage.

8:32 pm September, 23 Wedgie said...

I guess I’m just feeling a little khantankerous today. Perhaps I should take a little trip to Las Vegas to lighten my load, so to speak.

9:55 pm September, 23 Deltus said...

Richard Simmons used to be a real butch, tough dude. Ricardo Montalban slapped him in Vegas once so hard, he became, well, the sissy he is today. And nobody said shit about it to his face.

10:18 pm September, 23 Vegas Ass Kicker said...

Once you all grow a set of balls and step to da masta you will be served like sushi on a roll bitch! You know? Fuck no you don’t. Cause yall aint seen no action since yo dr. went up that ass to check yo prostate. Bitches! Why you all hate on Vegas. You cunts know we gots the best strip clubs, clubs and pool clubs. You little faggots can’t handle my vibe and my action. Its fo real dawgs. Lick it up and stick up yo ass. When you done pull it out and feed yo dawgs cause he love that shit taste bitches! Damn! My shit all real. My shit is the doe shit that makes addicts want more. Yall feel me? Nope! Cause you al fucken retards ride on that short bus. Helmets, drool and all bitches.

10:32 pm September, 23 Baleen said...

I give, herpavore. ^
You can have Vegas, but pretty please, just stay there for the rest of your life. You have paradise and Valtrex, and I consider you relatively quarantined and “concentrated”. Win win.

10:40 pm September, 23 Vegas Ass Kicker said...

I am off to da club to get my dick rubbed or sucked. You know nothing about it. Stay home and play with yo little thang. I am going out in style with blang. Bitches! I will take Vegas like a champ. You stay home and lick dick like a stamp. Out cunts. This me signing out. Fuck this site. Fuck mr.reeve’s bullshit site. You all keep posting real Vegas ballers and we just getten better and more play. I am drunk and high. So good night and bye bye. OUT!

10:50 pm September, 23 Vin Douchal said...

@ Vegas Ass Licker
.
You are in the photo section at Free Zone getting your dick rubbed or sucked . Don’t worry, we understand modern romance.

Also, I notice you are leaving for the club at 10:40PM , things get poppin’ at 11
.
Boys Night
Go-Go-Boys Dancing All Night!
11pm ALL MALE Dance Revue

11:15 pm September, 23 Wheezer said...

Vegas Ass Felcher’s chest is so sunken—–wrong thread? Really?
.
Ahhhhh, fuck it…..
.
…..is so sunken that he kegels —– no, this is a new one —– Pumpito’s moobs and creates his own Great Salt Lick.
.
.
.
Lake. Great Salt Lake. Or Lick, I guess.

11:22 pm September, 23 JeanClaudeVanDouche said...

…I seem to have misplaced my helmet…a little help here…anyone? Anyone? At this point, even plinky’s mom’s labial umbrella would suffice.

11:53 pm September, 23 Baleen said...

6:11 am September, 24 Deltus said...

I wonder, if his shit is doe shit, that means… he’s a doe? And who exactly addicted to his doe shit? Man, things must get confusing in Vegas.

6:41 am September, 24 Baleen said...

Don’t fuck with doe shit.

6:58 am September, 24 mr.reeve said...

Vegas Ass Licker, You are truly hardcore my friend. Going on people’s websites or blogs and talking crap. That is the true sign of a tough guy. Vegas Thugz must be running the doe shit everywhere out there. Enjoy your STD filled pools.

7:46 am September, 24 Wedgie said...

The scary part is, that guy was a candidate running for mayor of Las Vegas last year. And he almost won, but Wee Mon beat him. And by beat him, I mean…………..

9:47 am September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Wedgie
.
Your puns are getting Khantagious.

10:55 am September, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Wedgie
.
And to be khandid, they seem a bit khantrived. Sorry to be so khantankerous.

10:58 am September, 24 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

I’m starting to look forward to any new Vegas Ass Kicker posts– they’re hilarious!
.
Although I hope it’s actually intentional satire, because the alternative is terribly sad.
.
.
.
Kahn-sarn it all! i just displayed sympathy for an überdouche!

4:58 pm September, 24 Mr. Biggs said...

Wrath of Khan as Opera. Why isn’t this a reality.
http://video.adultswim.com/robot-chicken/le-wrath-di-khan.html

Leave a Reply

What is 11 + 5 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)