Friday, September 3, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links


As a sharp cutting breeze crusts upon daybreak of autumnal ocean sunrise, a lone deer glances up from the edge of the forestland.

He sees hot chick with douchebag.

And sharts a wee lonely turd uponst the sand.

Where it steams, forlornly.

Here’s your links:

HCwDB’s DVD Pick of the Week: “Wad-a-harr-to?”

‘Bag Hunter Update: HCwDB’s own Mr. Biggs has raised enough money to self finance his graphic novel, Inferno, which he assures us will depict much douche mocking and hott lusting. Thanks to all readers who donated after July’s link was posted. More details will be posted when it’s finished.

A review/account of a proud owner of the Hot Chicks with Douchebags book that makes me particularly happy.

Sign #41 of the impending Scrotocalypse: The Jersey Shore’s ‘The Situation’ Paid $400,000 to Promote ‘Ab Building Vodka.’ The war must continue, fellow ‘bag hunters.

Hair Gel tipping point reached in Las Vegas.

Sign #36 of the impending Scrotocalypse: Bon Jovi’s Tico Torres Starts Douchebag Baby Clothing Line

One of the greatest bands of the 90s, Ween, play Freedom of ’76 on the Jenny Pratt show. For those who still buy CDs, no collection is complete without this masterpiece.

We fought the Cold War for 40 years so Russians would have the right to act as suburban wigga douchey as Americans.

A pretty amusing essay on how Hipsters can’t understand irony. It’s like rain on your wedding day.

2007 HCwDB of the Year winner, Joey Porsche is on Facebook. Ya diggg?

It’s a triple treat of Ass Pear after all the flexing Vegas douche we endured this week, so here’s your reward for all your hard work.

Car Pear.

Mocha Pear for the chocolate lovers among us.

And, for the end of summer, Beach Pear.

Enjoy. Discuss. Fondle meditatively. For the weekend is upon.

# posted by douchebag1
1:08 pm September, 3 mr.reeve said...

Mmmmm Pear.
I had a roommate prior to getting married who loved Bon Jovi. He had a framed picture of him in our house that I always hated. One drunken night I ripped the damn thing off the wall, broke it in the backyard and pissed all over it.
Moral of the story is, I peed on a Jovi once.

1:13 pm September, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Mother fucker bon Jovi stepped into my neighborhood with a country cd a wee bit back.
.
Shortly after , Shooter Jennings released a cd called , “Put the “O” Back In Country” . Good thing there’s still longhaireds with loud guitars in the south

1:18 pm September, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

I’m a fan of all types of pear.
.
“A protein-rich vodka that builds your abs and your buzz at the same time.” WTF??? I’m gonna let the pros on this forum have fun with this.

1:19 pm September, 3 DarkSock said...

Dean and Gener are genious.
“Pumpin’ 4 the Man” defined my work ethic as an intern. If we were jaded we called it DHP (Dirty, Horny and Pissed Off) in honor of this Ween song.
.
It’s a nine mile walk from the office to the pumps
Sometimes you think you’re gonna drop
In the end you’re filthy dirty, horny, and pissed off
And before you can leave you gotta sweep the fuckin’ shop

It’s a real real bitch to be workin’ for the man
But shit, I do it well, so what the fuck
I could probably wash dishes at some other fuckin’ dump
But it’s all the same to me, bustin’ ass to make a buck

So read ’em up and stick ’em
Pump that fucker good
Some woman down on Main Street needs a jump
Get your fingers outta your ass
And pump some faggot’s gas
And think about how bad New Hope sucks

And it’s a piss poor life when the ladies fire you up
And then you check their oil and know you’re fucked
‘Cause no one wants a loser who works for 5 an hour
Smells like gas, looks like shit, works in the rain and rude as hell

Now I can fix a tire like Hurricane Melinda
I know that I’m the best for what it’s worth
So if I choose to help you don’t look like you expect it
‘Cause it’s a gift that God gave me at birth

So read ’em up and stick ’em
Pump that fucker good
Some woman down on Main Street needs a jump
Get your fingers outta your ass
And pump some faggot’s gas
And think about how bad New Hope sucks, woohoo!

1:19 pm September, 3 ehcuodouche said...

I can’t really get too mad at Russian douchebags, they’re just so relatively non-offensive compared to the Situation.

1:21 pm September, 3 DarkSock said...

“A protein-rich vodka that builds your abs and your buzz at the same time.”
.
Well that answers the age old question “What are we going to do with his vat of Takaa red that we caught those hobos jerkin’ off into?”

1:31 pm September, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I have discovered two beverages that are carbohydrate rich and hides your abs and gives you a buzz at the same time. Rum and Coke and Beer.

Finally someone else agrees that that angry hag Alanis is not ironic. I met her when she was a teenager in Ottawa and she was ironically homely even then the big whore.

Fuck off Bon Jovi. Led Zeppelin rules you fruits.

1:32 pm September, 3 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Nice pears. Where’s Lamp?

1:34 pm September, 3 Stephanie said...

Having a review say your book is hilarious and funny,entertaining is really all the best things you could ask for.
The irony article is good. Maybe more bloggers can get more book deals. Since there’s no where else to write,and make a living.
The picture above-the key word is crust.

1:34 pm September, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

This is exactly what goes through my mind when I opt for some Vodka
.
“The unique vodka is the creation of President and New Jersey native Drew Adelman, a nightlife/dining aficionado and fitness buff. Devotion was inspired by his search to combine his two favorite passions: fitness and nightlife.”
.
“Devotion Vodka is the first 80-proof, triple-distilled casein (protein) infused vodka to enter the US market. Infused with PeptoPro®, the casein creates a warm and inviting flavor”
.
Sounds really gay

1:38 pm September, 3 tall guy said...

I nominate Beach pear for HoP. Also, Joey Porsche sucks (sucks=sucks dog’s balls).

1:40 pm September, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Mocha Pear warrants a speech:
.
And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a wet dream. It is a wet dream deeply rooted in the American wet dream.
.
I have a wet dream that one day this phallus will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these cheeks to be self-evident, that all pears are created equal.”
.
I have a wet dream today!
.
I have a wet dream that one day every crevice shall be exalted to my face, and every posterior hill and mountain shall be made low upon my lap, the rough places will be made plain by my hands, and the crooked places will be made straight by my rod; “and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all groinal flesh shall see it together.”
.
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back “down south” with.

1:43 pm September, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Didn’t read the hipster thing. Just went straight to the bottom to see Darksock’s now lexicon statement, had my chuckle and left

1:44 pm September, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

Forgot about the Bleeth in the pic, does it really say “Lucky You” on her lower stomach?

1:47 pm September, 3 Sack O Douche said...

All three pears work for me and my penis. Jovi and Joey P both blow donkey cockk. I second Beach Pear for HoP.

1:48 pm September, 3 Et Tu Douche? said...

@ Vin
Thanks for pointing that out on the Hipster thing re; DSock, I too just chuckled and with that I bid you all adieu, Happy Hour here I come and no Vodka for me beer only.

1:52 pm September, 3 Mr. Biggs said...

Wow. First link! More than I coulda hoped for, I’m flattered!

As to the hipster irony and how it relates to Inferno, the question of fraud people always ask is, does the fraud know he’s lying or is he too dumb to know? The answer is both. Fraud corrupts the mind into utter retardation. That is what makes them not only mockable, but unable to understand mockery, sarcasm, irony, those qualities which make us human.

Of course we always return to ass-pear. And all is back to normal. Thank you db1, for bestowing such quality top shelf upon us.

1:53 pm September, 3 Mr. Biggs said...

Oh. And I think it’s “Wad-a-harr-to”

2:03 pm September, 3 Anonymous said...

Nice to hear you’re a Ween fan, greatest band on earth.

2:03 pm September, 3 douchebag1 said...

Crap, thanks Biggs. Fixed it.
– management

2:08 pm September, 3 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Speaking of chocolatey pear…

2:14 pm September, 3 tall guy said...

Yeah, ‘Lucky You’. Quite deluded isn’t she. Massive cans, bleeth hair, too tatted-up (and too tarted-up), white belt, pierced navel & dumb look on her otherwise forgettable face. Sheesh! When the mind misleads itself, who ya gonna call?

3:10 pm September, 3 italian douche said...

Two general looking stupids of this decader.

Most young people who walk over italian streets are very similar. Stupid looking. Incredibly unsexy. Mother Theresa was sexier than them.

4:04 pm September, 3 massengill said...

Buenas
tardes
amigo

4:06 pm September, 3 Anonymous said...

mmmmmmm……..mocha pear

4:15 pm September, 3 soy bomb said...

I can’t wait for the weekend to begin (Awesome music video featuring hotties in various states of undress). You’re welcome.

4:32 pm September, 3 Wedgie said...

I think her tatt says Yucky Lou….but that’s just me.
Glad to hear all my martinis are going to give me a six pack. I add blue cheese & jalapeno stuffed olives as well, so maybe my pecs will get bigger at the same time. Sweet.

5:37 pm September, 3 Jack and the ScroteSac said...

I’d like to get my “Palms” on them “Coconuts”.

5:59 pm September, 3 I douche, therefore I am said...

Hola,
my
good friend.

8:47 pm September, 3 Flashlight said...

**clicks on**

Lamp is gay. He doesn’t love pear like I do.

**clicks off**

9:11 pm September, 3 Vin Douchal said...

I’d like to go back in time 43 years and make sweat love to Dusty Springfield
.

.
.
Drunken youtube searching is fun

9:17 pm September, 3 shelbyville douche said...

in regard to the fact that joey porsche is on facebook isn’t everyone these days? or most people anyway, but im sorry db1 i dont see what the news is about with that particular link, but i do see that it was the last link you posted before you posted the pears, im guessing you were somewhat distracted and rushed ahead to the pear section of the links hehe.

9:23 pm September, 3 I'am a relliK said...

HoHos are for douchebags and people whos mothers are HoeHoes LOL (Ace!)

9:24 pm September, 3 Vin Douchal said...

Then, drive out to Pioneertown and try to find Shelby Lynne. I want her to have my children

9:33 pm September, 3 I'am a relliK said...

unscramble this anagram….OUY REA NKCIUF GAOTGSTF!

10:37 pm September, 3 Wheezer said...

I unscrambled the anagram!

10:38 pm September, 3 Wheezer said...

Who’s loving the Tri-Pear?
.
(points thumbs at self)
.
THIS GUY!

8:00 am September, 4 The Dude said...

Beach Pear looks like she’s wearing a little hammock. I need a nap!

8:30 am September, 4 Deltus said...

I just love starting off my Saturday morning with a trifecta of pear.

8:57 am September, 4 Wedgie said...

Moobs, a boiler, and tatted-up pencil arms, all packed into a wife beater. “Lucky You”, indeed.

10:07 am September, 4 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Italian Douche 3:10
.
Di dove e’ lei?
.
As far as this ab-vodka mess, I can only hope this leads to a rash of heart attacks much like the Red Bull-Creatine frenzy that plagues the douche community a few years back.
.
As for the pic, if you pull down your pants, you can read the fine print of her tattoo. It actually says “LUCKY YOU–if you do not catch any of the following from this battle-weary vagina: Herpes Simplex, Herpes not-so-Simplex, Hepatitis Q-Z, Farfalonas of the blowhole, Taiwan bird flu and Leprosy. Godspeed!

11:12 am September, 4 MILLS said...

I LOVE MOCHA PEAR! OH YEH ID PUT SOME MILK IN THAT MOCHA AND MAKE A LITTLE LATTE!

11:47 am September, 4 italian douche said...

@ Medusa
.
well I don’t think it’s so hard to guess…
.
obviously…yes, there.
.
io vengo dall’Italia
.
yuck

12:47 pm September, 4 Steve L. said...

nothing builds abs like a colorless, odorless, and tasteless liquid that happens to have alcohol in it.
i probably shouldn’t have offended an entire genre of distilled spirit, but first we have Grey Goose, and then we have this. damn.

6:31 pm September, 4 Wheezer said...

“Your search – Farfalonas of the blowhole – did not match any documents.”
.
.
.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONLY ONE OUTTA THE FUCCEN LOOP?????

9:42 pm September, 4 Douvhe Vader said...

I don’t speak Russian, but I get a sense of Mock from those blokes. Mother Russia is fighting the grieco virus……..again?

11:03 pm September, 4 DarkSock said...

@ Steve L.
.
There is hope….
asdasdasdg

9:18 pm September, 5 lucious lupus john remembers the spin magazine spread on heroin chic said...

yes, douchebag fashion and the women who whore it up to love’em are now the “heroin chic” fashion template for our new youth, and just like heroin chic, it’s popularity will be dead in no time. i appreciate everyone’s effort in bringing this into the limelight, unfortunately, an new “heroin chic” will replace the old in no time. and so repeats the cycle of crap.

11:49 am September, 8 douche bagel said...

lucky you? whats it say when you flip her over… you now have herpes?
i just saw this chick on another website

http://www.bloodydecks.com/forums/botd/271410-lucky-you-botd.html

12:17 am September, 14 PTZ network camera said...

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