Friday Thoughts and Links
As Friday drifts into eve, and the notion of stupidheads who show their abs to every passing camera rattles through my subconscious, your humble narrator stares out at the muggy skyline of Los Angeles.
And watches as summer turns to fall.
By which I mean the temp goes from 80 to 77.
A crisp breeze brings with it the smells of desert cactii. And actor flopsweat desperation pretending to be sense memory. And directors bragging about movie deals at dinner parties.
Another day up in the canyons. Another night in Hollywood. Man, did that band suck.
Here’s your links:
HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: Tofutti Break!
Neil Hardy can’t believe his urban cred hangin’ with the homies wasn’t enough to win him, and Des Moines’s finest barely legals, the HCwDB of the Week. Sorry, Neil. Maybe next time.
Jose Canseco stars in Hot Chick with Roidbag.
In tracing the early manifestations of the 1980s Grieco Virus, let us not forget the iconic proto-douche of animation fame, Gaston. And let us not forget the Palace with the Phallus. Or naked Jessica Rabbit. On frames 2170-2172 on side four of the laserdisc. In case you wanted to check.
Phil Davison really, really, really wants your vote.
Arthur C. Clarke sees the future. No mention of Perez Hilton or TMZ.
More nerd stuff: The Doctor Who theme via electrostatic charge.
In sad news, the great comedian Robert Schimmel died after a car accident last week at the age of 60. Here’s the great Mr. Schimmel in the 1980s Young Comedian’s Comedy Special. Like Kinison and Hicks, he was one of the 80s greats to leave us too soon.
From England, Lil’ Mac demonstrates how to be a ‘bagling with a British accent.
In weird strange randomness, here’s a pretty great urban art project animation. It’s my happening and it freaks me out!
Okay, enough weird-ass randomness. Here’s a double pear in hi-res that is surely worth a celebration of collective gnaw:
Mmmm… it’s like two tiny orbs of fleshy planet grappling with the curvatures of space/time paradox.
Enjoy. Gnaw. For the weekend is upon.
Both these shirtlifters look very gay. Nice pear.
Enjoy your weekend, fellow baghunters.
Fuck everything; I’m moving to STAR COUNTY AND LIVING IN A VAN BY THE RIVER.
That guy sounded like he was either gonna start crying or hyperventilate. The two pears are two of the best ever. Especially Barrel Pear.
I wanna watch that guy while stoned/high. Maybe he’d make some sense. I wonder if he does parties…
I think you just DID watch that guy stoned/high.
Oh wait….while YOU’RE stoned….ahh never mind broheimburg.
Between Barrel and Mona
I think I’m a gonna
shoot out from my bonna’
Thank you PEAR! Good god. People I work with think I have IBS with all my trips to the bathroom. If they only knew.
Odenkirk & Cross were genius!!!, that was a great show.
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Barrell Pear makes me want to drink Scotch, Brandy, Cognac or whatever is aging in those barrels.
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Road Pear, who is the same chick, makes me wish I were a Hobo riding the rails.
Tuts my barreh.
Does anyone know the name of Barrell/Road Pear? I would like to do some more “research” when I get home. Thanks.
In 1962 I met a young man named Richard Williams. I predicted that he would grow up two father two ugly dudes who would dominate womens tennis for a decade.
Arthur C. Clark predicted that America would one day be ruled by a failed actor, a drunken frat boy and a dude with a name that sounds like Tarzan’s nemesis.
and by “predicted” I mean relayed what a strange slender dude in sunglasses wearing a tie across his forehead told him.
Time to drink. One more look a the pear first. Aahhhhhh.
Aurthur C. Clarke was so off-base.
He never mentioned Twitter, Facebook or Ozzie Osburne.
Robert Schimmel. Funny as shit. Rip…
Lil’ Mac needs a brisk spanking from a prim English nanny. And I don’t mean that in the sexy way at all. He needs a good spanking and then to be dragged home by the ear to his Mum, where she can order him to the bath and then to his primers and then to repent on his offense to the Queen.
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Robert Schimmel was one funny mofo. I can’t believe he beat cancer and Hep C, only to be killed by a car. DAAAAAAAMN YOUUUUUUUU, DETROIIIIIIIIT!!!!!!!!!
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I assume Barrel Pear and Roadway Pear are the same pear, based on the little tattoo. I have yet to compare their faces.
Or that the most accomplished actor of our time would be Vinnie Barbarino, and tha t two of our greatest directors would be Opie and Meathead. I’m gettin’ the fuck outta here.
Or that Spiccoli would rack up Oscars and have slo-mo butt sex with a bleached Italian chick named after Jeebus’s momma…
Or that the biggest pop music star of our time would burst upon the scene as a young pre-pubescent African-American boy only to die decades later as a post-menopausal white woman.
Or that Nostradamus would be reborn as Mike Judge, voice of Beavis and Butthead AND writer/director of “Idiocracy”.
Or that the FFFDCM (Funny Fat Fuck Death Curse) would claim the lives of Fatty Arbuckle, John Belushi, John Candy, Sam Kinison, Chris Farley, and (any day now) Artie Lange…yet Andy Dick’s skinny ass advances daily towards becoming the Keith Richards o’ comedy…
Roadway Pear would so crush those jump off two bit Vegas bleeths with her claw box that smells like menthol cigs and cheap cologne. She’s just the right amount of slutty to wring my balls out like an old dishrag. “Now we do sexy on Autobahn overpass, frau Porsche.”
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That tears it. I’m getting a Tesla coil.
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And a barrel pear.
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Tesla coil first, though.
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….wait. Yes. Yes, Tesla coil first.
No one guessed the Ass Pear yet? Wow! Well, I see Vin hasn’t posted here yet – he’s usually “up” on the hotts like that.
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Anyway, that’s Paraguayan World Cup soccer hottie Larissa Riquelme, and I’ll presume it’s before she defiled her boobie with the “Axe” tattoo. Oh, and I submitted those pics because I thought we all deserved them. 😀
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I linked her name to the Google search for “research” purposes – you’re welcome, Sack O Douche, ‘cuz Wheezer’s a good broheim. 😉
Well, it’s now September 11th here on the West Coast. I’d like to dedicate this link to all those who gave their lives on that fateful day nine years ago. God bless.
In their defense, they look like they share the same trainer, tanning salon and hairstylist. So they have a lot in common to celebrate.
Yes, my “research” is complete. What a way to start the day off with some good old “research” in the shower. Just like high school all over again. Thank you Wheezer.
@ Jacques:
Sure the 9/11 schmaltz was fun, but the real treasure? The link at the bottom that directed me towards hand-signed pancake lacy’s depicting Betty White with apple pies for tits. Out-fuccen-standing.
Jesus fucking Christ. That is all I can say about that link, JD. I wish I had something clever. I sure don’t. I don’t want to start a rant here, I just wanna say it was a fucking inside job and no one will convince me otherwise. And the worse thing is all the cutesy commemoratives that came up as a response to it. Yeah, ’cause nothing says “Sorry about all the burned flesh and the rise of the New World Order” like a sparkly Precious Moments .gif. I have a fucking Ambien hangover, I can’t afford to sit here and bust a blood vessel.
That Betty white painting is epic. Wow. Just wow.
“White” doooh!
What the hell was Pfah doing lusting after Bea Arthur all those years? Betty White is where it was at, yo!
@ Wheezer ^
You bet your sweet ass.
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I’d hit it.
@ Medusa
You and me both
Hell, if the time machine went back far enough, I’d give Barbara Bush a poke in the ol’ whiskers:
If I were drunk I might even take a shot at Baron Von Goolo’s Mom:
Arthur C. Clarke saw many things coming. not all of which he wanted to inform future generations about.