Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Great Flexpectations

You can wear your Nike fannypack at a 45 degree tilt, Chad, but it doesn’t make you any less douchier.

That’s just wayyyy too much choadshine on display and way too little hott counterbalance (although I appreciate Maya’s best efforts).

Time for a Pear Chaser. Roller Pear.

Ahhh… now I can think clearly again. And by think clearly, I mean watch TV and scratch myself.

# posted by douchebag1
2:15 pm September, 7 chaserofthehott said...

Thanks for the Chaser boss, you can’t get more douche/bleeth than this folks…

2:16 pm September, 7 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I think the grease ball chick in the pic. has her suit on backwards. Roller Pear nice, me likey.

2:17 pm September, 7 Eliza Douchecoo said...

On a side note, I finally got around to adding a gravatar, I slack therefore I am.

2:18 pm September, 7 chaserofthehott said...

Ok… Is it just me, or is super gay that the one guy is holding on to the string off the other guys fanny pack?
.
.
.
Or just gay all together that the guy is wearing a fanny pack?

2:18 pm September, 7 mr.reeve said...

That’s good pear.
This picture smells like my toilet the morning after 20 beers, a couple shots of whiskey and a double chili cheese burger from Tommies.
White sunglasses = autodouche

2:25 pm September, 7 Blinded by the Shite said...

A Tale of Douche Titties.
/
Thanks for the much needed rolla pear. What the hell is going on with Sunburn’s left arm? More to the point, what the hell is going on with all of these schmeckles?

2:27 pm September, 7 Mr. White said...

That Bleeth looks familiar.

Oh, right. Here she is.

2:29 pm September, 7 Vin Douchal said...

Smug must be earned.
.
You must toil for 40 years on stage paying honky tonks to wear the Merle Haggard facial expression.
.
You must win multiple World Series while fighting racism from the ownership of your team to the very people paying for a ticket to watch you dominate your sport to be Jon Miller’s sidekick on ESPN baseball like Hall of Famer Joe Morgan.
.
You must be elected leader of the free world and leave an eight year trail of failure and fuck up behind to be able to stick your chin out like George Bush.
.
You three greaseballs on the right have a long way to go. You may want to go ahead and let your abs go to hell because you’ll never earn smug.

2:33 pm September, 7 Choadthedouchesprocket said...

From what yonder continent or tribe do these douchebags come?

Their signifiers bespeak of Vegas/Florida choad…yet the poo-like aura of brown in which they cloak themselves harkens to deeper secrets of a dark continent.

Verily it occurs to me, they hath trangressed from the vile isle of Jersey, to forsake their turd-like-life there and transpose it to sunnier climes.

And by sunnier climes, I mean the usual infestation of too-tanned wankers with an affinity for over-browned babes with pink lipstick.

2:35 pm September, 7 mr.reeve said...

@Vin,
My brother lives in Redding, Ca and Merle is a resident there. Everyone in the twon says he is a giant a-hole. He made some good country at least.

2:36 pm September, 7 mr.reeve said...

twon? how about town.

2:40 pm September, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

Thank goodness for the roller pear just witnessing this pic really hurt my head & soul. WTF is happening to society. The apocalypse is closr then you think

2:44 pm September, 7 soy bomb said...

After drinking for literally the past five days and calling out “sick” today I can barely put together a coherent thought, let alone eviscerate choads and bleeths but I’ll give it a go:
.
Raw Sewage. This pic makes me think of raw sewage.
.
I’m seriously about to go and puke right now, no joke.

2:52 pm September, 7 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

I seriously think it is high time that we give a name to a collection of douches (3 or more) in a pic. You know, like a flock of geese. I’ll throw a few out to see what others think:
.
a taint of douches
a smegma of choads
an axe of pudwhackers
a bling of scrotes
.
I’m fuccen burnt to hell after teaching Gen Chem lab for 4 straight hours (Why is my head up my ass Dr. Bunsen? It smells like poo!) so feel free to come up with others.

2:59 pm September, 7 Vin Douchal said...

A Gaggle of Gobblers
A Pride of Loins
A Flock of Grease
A Litter of Poopies

3:01 pm September, 7 MILLS said...

I saw this pic on guidofistpump.com a week ago and someone had sent it in there from a previous site, still a classic though! and is it me or are jerz douches now as common if not more so in vegas than their hometown version that is atlantic city? they must finally be moving out only to infect somewhere else more suited to them, but if thats the case where do all the original vegas douches go? probably scottsdale.

3:03 pm September, 7 Steve L. said...

today’s HCwDB diet gave me indigestion, immediately followed by diarrhea. and then immediately followed by constipation.
and although Roller Pear did nothing to ameliorate my bowel problems, gawking at the pear feels good.

3:17 pm September, 7 Et Tu Douche? said...

A pod of pud?
An Axis of Asswipes?

3:19 pm September, 7 Battlescrote Galactica said...

I think Chad is selling BluBlocker sunglasses on the beach out of that fanny pack so he can make his monthly payments on his Bowflex. He seems to think they go great with his licensed Baywatch Hasslehoff shorts…

3:19 pm September, 7 Baleen said...

They keep the bleeth around to wash their dirty designer briefs. It takes more than Whisk to get out those pesty semen and bloody rectal discharge stains. She also fluffs back at the hotel during their meth addled gay porn shoots.

3:25 pm September, 7 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Nike fannypacks are sooo last year, everyone knows you gots to be rockin the Coach fannypacks, what a loser.

3:40 pm September, 7 tall guy said...

There’s far too much bromance going on here. Surely Maya’s being engaged as a fluffer.

3:40 pm September, 7 Wedgie said...

Not sure Al Jolson qualifies as a hot chick, but ok. There sure are a lot of douchebags in this pic; the collective testosterone count is off the charts. There is so much Winstrol in their blood, you could almost smoke it.

3:41 pm September, 7 tall guy said...

Oops, just read Baleen’s comment re. Maya’s fluffiing back in the hotel room. Nice one, Baleen!

3:45 pm September, 7 tall guy said...

Collective testerone might be off the charts, but I estimate with so much steroid use the collective penis length would be about 3″. Stupid pindicks!

4:24 pm September, 7 Eliza Douchecoo said...

The guy on the right doesn’t appear to be juicing. But the guy next to him is taking so many steroids he’s probably getting a contact high, or pump as it were.
He’s still guilty by douchsossiation.

4:29 pm September, 7 Sack O Douche said...

Its the newest gay porn, Man Meat 2: Attack of the Old Lady Sun Glass Wearing Felchers.

4:30 pm September, 7 Dr. Richard Goesinyou said...

There is so much douche in this picture it has the density of a dwarf star.

There is so much douche, it is beginning to collapse in on itself.

5:11 pm September, 7 Steve said...

I think the guy on the right looks like “Vinny the Chin” from the “My New Haircut” video.

5:47 pm September, 7 tall guy said...

I think Chesty McCrucifix is the gayest of the lot. Although he’s (no doubt) got some stiff competition from the other three clowns.

5:49 pm September, 7 Nancy Dreuche said...

Their great flexpectations have lowered my expectations…on my ability to keep down my dinner after viewing this pic. My grandma had the same fanny pac. She’s dead now. Unrelated? I think not.

6:02 pm September, 7 soy bomb said...

Looks like Tony Gonzalez in the middle there has been douching it up. It’s sad.

6:04 pm September, 7 Wedgie said...

Dude in the middle is realizing he needs to work pecs more, and abs less. Dude on the right is realizing he needs to work abs more, and Ben & Jerry’s less.
Chick in the group is realizing she needs to become a lesbian.

6:10 pm September, 7 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She thought all was ok until she realized that abs bigger than chest is the exception to the rule. Then she shat herself and the four Tony’s proceeded to form a square and suck each other off.

And you thought the Canadian guidos were bad, eh.

They were. Kleenmedia.com. Gay fucckers.

7:29 pm September, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

It’s a common misunderstanding that under the ‘roided skin sit abs of steel, when in fact, they are parasitical aliens escaped from the entire alimentary canal of choadwanks.

7:38 pm September, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

It’s really no secret, either, that the reason douchebags like these wear sunglasses, indoors and out, is they cannot endure the shock of seeing each other overpower their own narcissistic presentations of self in everyday life, sort of a “blinded by the light” reaction to the presence of other choads…and that they’re hiding the real source of their blindness: Eyes pecked out by a flock of ravaging ravens and red-tails drunk on fermented crabapples pilfered from an orchard in west ‘Joisey.

7:42 pm September, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

If Roller Pear does fall down, she’ll bruise a perfectly fine ass and benefit from a good paddling, er, uh, ah, padding.

7:44 pm September, 7 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

There are times I just have to ask myself,
“What the DICKENS is going on in these photographs?”

8:37 pm September, 7 Stephanie said...

G reasy
A nal
Y uck

8:39 pm September, 7 Stephanie said...

Vinny on the far right is doing his Fred Flintstone face

9:04 pm September, 7 ehcuodouche said...

Can women be nominated for “Hall of Poo”, cause Maya has a strong resume.

10:38 pm September, 7 Douchie Arnaz said...

Teenage douchetaint nalga girdles.

11:19 pm September, 7 Wheezer said...

Yo, homeboiiiiieeeeezzzzz!!!!! Word, yo’ glasses is slammin’, dawgz!

11:24 pm September, 7 dbBen said...

A sack of douches?
.
I just sent Roller Pear my 401k. Sorry about the tax penalty for the early withdrawal. May you spend it on cocoa butter.

3:28 am September, 8 Baleen said...

Props to granny @Wheeze, so long as she’s gettin busy on the wheels of steel because if she’s fading canned disco from a laptop then she’s an Oldbaguette. Quite a rare sight in these parts.

4:39 am September, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

This picture looks like it was taken off the middle eastern version of HCwDB. Hot Shaabbas With JerzGuidArab Douchebags

6:20 am September, 8 Claude Douchenburg said...

Roller Pear is excellent

6:33 am September, 8 CBS said...

School confused them. They confuse me.

I understand that somewhere in their hopeless lives they noticed that academia was not for them…so they completely re-routed and worked on the brawn aspect…however, these douchebags clearly use protein supplements in the least… how about healthy exercise to just be fit and in good shape…oh no i forgot, they are Grade A Chodscrape, it wasn’t about compensation, it was about never being able to fill a massive void that will last inside them until the end of time. I pity these fools and the slimy turds stuck in the hot chick bodies as well

7:38 am September, 8 I R A Darth Aggie said...

My boss says thanks for posting roller pear, my employee will be worthless the rest of the day.

8:38 am September, 8 DarkSock said...

I’m no chemist but I am pretty sure right douche is getting slow-jerked by Bulwark McThickShit next to him.

11:08 am September, 8 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Was the other possible heading of this post, “Great Expumptations?” Just askin’…

11:16 am September, 8 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Frank Lloyd Wright

12:57 pm September, 8 skrag2112 said...

Roller Pear is nice and lickable. Maybe I’m stuck in the 80s, but girls in legwarmers are hot.

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