Monday, September 20, 2010

HCwDB After Dark

We haven’t had an HCwDB After Dark in awhile.

So come on in!!

Pull up one of my uvula shaped beanbag chairs. They’re over by the outdoor sauna. No, that’s the one for the African Tree Frogs.

The other one. Over there. Yeah, the one that smells like passionfruit and Ring Dings.

Help yourself to a Dr. Brown’s Black Cherry Soda. There’s one by the block of ice keeping the iguanas cool during rainy season.

Apologies for all the alpaca poo on the veranda.

Things haven’t been the same since Pepe quit in a labor dispute over residuals from his temp job huffing paint fumes for the scientists at the Tyrell Corporation.

# posted by douchebag1
6:43 pm September, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

Throw her back, Broseph. She has a bad attitude.

6:53 pm September, 20 Baron Von Goolo said...

Those two are all about the class.
.
Well, 90% the class and 10% the Valtrex.

6:57 pm September, 20 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Pink Pantie Poke.
.
I like. Despite her bleethiness.

7:03 pm September, 20 Steve L. said...

insufficient pink pantie reveal says she’s a bad girl but she won’t put out. which is a long winded way of saying that there is no justice.

7:18 pm September, 20 Justin said...

His sideburns and her intelligence exist in the same place in space.

7:21 pm September, 20 DarkSock said...

After much experimenting, Darla and Joseph discovered that if he blew in her ear and bent her just right her ass would emit a velvet-like bassoon note, like a quietly mourning chimp.

7:45 pm September, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

An update on the Scrotato Clan fire ordeal. The city evacuated several thousand of us as they were fighting the fire. We learned in the very early morning that our house had been spared. The mountain…not so much. Here’s an airial shot of our circle. Ours is the middle house on the left. Fire stopped about 20 feet from our back door.

7:48 pm September, 20 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Actually it’s the 8th photo up from the bottom, right hand column, of the photos to the left of the article.
.
Very tired. Going to bed now.

8:00 pm September, 20 Baron Von Goolo said...

@ Mr. Scrotato Head –
.
So what you’re saying is, everything’s fine, everyone’s safe but somehow the fire took out your spellcheck.
.
“airial.” Pfffft.

8:01 pm September, 20 Steve L. said...

that is great to hear, Mr. Scrotato Head. nice neighborhood you live in, too.

8:11 pm September, 20 dbBen said...

@ScrotatoH: Glad to hear that things are okay for you, had it gone bad…you would have been welcome to head north to this dirty little secret of a city in the north for all the hostess you could eat…and HCwDB after dark.
.
Ms. Bleeth immediately regretted her evening the next morning when she overslept her CHF 2500 “Development of the Child: Birth through Eight” Unfortunately her knowledge of early childhood development would become first hand nine months later.

8:46 pm September, 20 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

This bleeth has the longest fingers I have ever seen on a woman. If only she would use them to poke this shit stain in the eye to the point of piercing his brain instead of letting us know the last grade she successfully completed.

@Scrotato – Glad to hear everything is okay. Had the same thing happen to me here in L.A. in ’08. Good luck.

8:55 pm September, 20 douche bagel said...

i dont mind them so much. i kind of like her rebelious attitude towards society…. then again my judgement gets worse as the sun sets

9:16 pm September, 20 mehoff said...

<3 HCwDB after dark!

9:51 pm September, 20 Deltus said...

Nice place ya got here, Boss! @Scrotato, glad everything’s relatively okay.
.
I bet the hott in the picture doesn’t put out. She looks more tease than anything.

11:23 pm September, 20 Baleen said...

I dunno. It’s a shame a tongue like that is wasted on his taint. It would be much better suited shining her bi curious sorority sister’s diamond or something.

11:58 pm September, 20 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

That’s the face of a woman who’s no stranger to butt pee.

.

Sock, tell me you didn’t…

12:01 am September, 21 Sergeant Scrote Stain said...

And upon a second look, I realize that Todd McTaint has had his own butt peed-in more than a couple times.

.

Once again, Sock, please tell me that you haven’t relieved yourself in that dark, dark dumpster.

12:36 am September, 21 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Christ, this doesn’t make my day any brighter. I already had one shitty-ass day. My 2nd in command called in sick, with some stomach bug that’s been making him puke all weekend. He sounded like shit when he called in (I could almost smell the vomit over the phone), so I was more than happy to oblige his request for a day off. Still, the asshole inside me was hating him at that moment.
.
I knew it was going to be a busy as hell day, and the fact that Todd wasn’t going to be there meant that I’d have to pick up all the slack. What did that translate to? Twelve hour shift with only one ten minute break to take a shit, and another 5 minute break to power down a banana and a cup of coffee. I can barely fucking stand up now that I’m home. And if he’s still out sick, then I get to do it all again tomorrow.
.
I’m sure everybody out there has been in the same boat at one point or another. When the lazy co-workers call in, it’s almost a relief because that’s one day you don’t have to worry about cleaning up after their stupid fuck ups. But when it’s someone who does a good job, you secretly hate them for calling in. It’s a fucked up situation to be faced with. They only call in when they’re really, really sick and you have no choice but to express your sympathy, because you know what it’s like to feel like a dump truck just backed over your skull and dumped its load of wet, acrid, shit filled garbage phlegm down your throat.
.
No matter how bad they feel, they still feel guilty about calling in because they know how it will negatively impact their co-workers. You have to tell them “Nah, it’s cool man, don’t even worry about coming in. I’ve got you covered. It’s not a problem”, just so they don’t feel as bad. It’s how you hope your co-workers to act when your faced with the same debilitating situation.
.
But it’s a goddamn lie. It’s not cool. There’s no way you have their absence covered. It is a problem. A huge fucking problem, and they should feel fucking guilty as hell for sticking you with this shit. You fucking hate them and their goddamn disease ridden filthy fucking person. They’re a total dick for getting sick, and you want to so badly tell them to quite whining and get to fucking work you fucking lazy ass piece of shit worthless CUNT WAD SHIT HOLE!!!!!!!
.
I’m sure we’ve all felt that way at one point.
.
Well, that’s also how I feel about people with cancer.
.
Fuck you for having cancer and making the rest of us feel sorry about your terminal disease. What? You expect to get out working for a damn living because of it? Fuck you. Either contribute something positive to this world, or go fucking die already. Stop trying to make us all feel bad with your stupid cancer! Fuck off already!
.
Oh, and another dead asshole does not count as a positive contribution to society.

12:38 am September, 21 Jacques Doucheteau said...

Wait, what?

3:49 am September, 21 scrotum pole said...

Scrotato’s spellcheck

5:24 am September, 21 Plowboy said...

Obscure Bladerunner reference. Nice one, DB1!

5:35 am September, 21 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I like her huge fat ass, I wouldn’t mind taking a bite, there’s enough to go around.
@scratato, good to hear everythings cool in your neck o the woods.

7:35 am September, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Our our haste to escape the fire I grabbed my pocket Webster instead of my standard dictionary before we rushed out the door. So no surprise my spelling suffered. On the plus side the little black dude was pretty happy to be rescued from the flames.

7:36 am September, 21 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@scrotum pole
.
Ha! Nice.

8:13 am September, 21 mr.reeve said...

^Glad your ok buddy.
Purple Belt = autodouche
Pink thong reveal = boner

10:11 am September, 21 DarkSock said...

@ Scrotato Head:
.
Damn glad you only got singed. Between your fire and my hurricane, if The Boss and Crucial Head would go ahead and have their earthquake we’d have Earth Wind & Fire.
.
Fire stopped about 20 feet from our back door.
I’ve had fire jet out of my back door 20 feet, but that’s another story.

3:24 pm September, 21 Musicman said...

God I love After Dark segments…DB1 always makes it sound interesting….too bad i stepped on some alpaca poop.

8:50 am September, 22 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Late again as always. Mondays and Tuesdays I cease to exist (fuccen work).
.
@ Scrotato.
Daaayum, that was a close call. Glad to hear the troops are OK and that no new digs are needed. It’s a good thing that Baked Scrotatos with with sour cream and chive weren’t on the menu.

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