Thursday, September 9, 2010

HCwDB of the Week: Andrew’s Bro and Kaitlyn

The sentimental favorite of the ‘bag hunters, since it was a first person ‘bag tag (by Andrew, obvi), Andrew’s Bro may be bantha fodder in the Monthly, but he’s a well deserved Weekly winner. As is Kaitlyn Hott. For she is blondey yummy. Mmm. And don’t forget the run: Brobag #2. Brobag #3 and Brobag #4.

The voters speak:

DoucheBigue: Andrew’s BroBag FTW. It’s a close call between him (it?) and Nil Hardy. Both are annoying douchebags, but I feel that Nil Hardy is more of a mother’s-baby-spoiled-bag and that’s easier to ignore and self-absorb-pudwhck Brobag whom I’d like to slap in the face with that piece of plywood soaked in crude oil.

I R A Darth Aggie: Andrew’s Bro and Kaitlyn FTW. Mostly because it seems that he’s trying to reach into my soul and pollute it with Axe.

Blinded by the Shite: the effort show by Andrew’s Bro in his douchiness, Kaitlyn in her elbow-suckleness and Andrew in his, err, tagginess leaves me certain that I’ve made the right choice.

tall guy: AB’s Mark Of The Bag is the most luminescent I’ve seen for a while.

Douche Boyardee’s Cheese and Bagaroni: Gotta go with Andrew’s Bro. To mock the ones we care about in hopes of them seeing the errs of their way is true family love. That silly twat waffle needs to re-evaluate his life choices before Andrew takes matters in his own hands and neuters him in his sleep. Justifiably so.

Wheezer: This is our service to all young men and women of the world who are willing to turn in anyone violating the terms of good taste. But we’re going to leave it up to Andrew to help his bro step up his game for the Monthly (by supplying more douchey ass pics).

dbBen: I really feel like we can make a difference here. And that difference is killing the corporate branded faux jovialness that the brother of Andrew drinks like a liquid twinkie. Delicious.

Deltus: Gotta go with Andrew’s Bro and Kaitlyn. His face has the sneer of unearned entitlement that the other doucheknobs just don’t have. It makes me stabby.

MC 900 Foot Douchebag: Andrew’s Bro FTW. Guy was turned in by his own bro(ther) that tips the scale heavily in my mind.

Mr. Biggs: one of the qualities of a true douchebag is his “infectability” – meaning his ability to find glorious unspolied giggle hott and despoil it. Andrew’s bro has it in spades. And the sleazy taint in his eyes reveals true bag zen.

Amerigo Vesdouchey: There are three important reasons why I’m voting for Andrew’s Bro. First, as a lesson to all those who might be blinded to obvious douchery by family ties. Second, the mark of the ‘bag. Thirdly, Kaitlyn. Oh Kaitlyn.

Mr. White: Andrew’s Bro: He is glistening mark-of-the-bag pudwhackery, with a plaid visor as garnish. Two, possibly three of the girls he’s with are out of his league. His brother reported him. ‘Nuff said.

soy bomb: It’s a special case, with the younger brother outing him, and I feel something as powerful as that should be recognized.

Nicely tagged, team, and soy bomb is exactly right. Andy turned in his Bro for our help (mock). And rightly so. For his ladies are undeserved. It was pretty even voting, with Neil Hardy and Marsha’s faux wood paneling coming in a close second:

Wedgie: Neil Hardy FTW, and Gilligan wants his hat back.

SloppyJoe: Neil Hardy only owns one set of “cool clothes”. He saved up for 4 months at his Jimmy John’s delivery job to make that happen. He only busts them out on the weekends because his cousin said that washing the Ed Hardy shirts can make the sequins fall off, which is totally not cool.

Baleen: Neil Hardy ftw because his contributions to society include totaled Hondas and microwaving a mean hot pocket.

RAPETIME: Neil Hardy. Like any member of the proletariat, he is trying the least and yet getting the most. Barely legal indeed. I tip my hat to you, good sir Hardy, by which I mean I fap weakly to the pictures of your 17-year old kegger attendees and then fall down weeping.

broseph12: Neil Hardy for the win of course – hanging with hot barely legals looking like a total tool

Architeuthis Douche: The Hardy boy looks autistic and is still dressed up like that. I don’t know whether to blame him or whomever dressed him, but someone is responsible for this sin.

Bob Mcadouche: Have to go with Neil Hardy. Because we haven’t seen a wankster midwest choad represent for quite a while.

ElderDouch: Neil Hardy and Marsha Hott FTW. That hat alone gies it to him.

The hat is indeed mockworthy, ElderD. ‘Bagling Neil nearly pulled it off. And in third, but also with solid support, The Breaker Morans and Zebra Hott’s arse:

Crocodile Dun Douche: Jesus bling shorts, some sort of wrist cuff leather thing, the derp smile, that suggests some sort of early life lobotomy. And then theres Jennifer Love Hewitt hott in the middle… I’ll whisper to her ghost, then run when after she claims to have contacted the other side but really she’s called the police on me.

Dicy: In basing this all on the hotts and going with the Breaker Morans and Dolla hotts. Mmmmm nom nom nom!

End the Haberdouchery: A Burberry baseball hat and a Coach bucket hat are the pinnacle of crappy-looking, overpriced accessories, with the possible exception of a Kardashian sister.

mr.reeve: Dolla Hotts FTW. Because Zebra Bikini Hott has a fantastic arse. She is all that is right about HCwDB. She makes mocking these pictures tolerable and worth while.

Eliza Douchecoo: Morans FTW. That hair, that hair, I went to the mall this weekend with the wife and wanted to punch so many dudes in the face with hairstyles like this

Jacques Doucheteau: I just want to kick their ass for that hair. Hell, I want to kick their hair’s ass for that hair.

Douchey Lewis and the News: The Breaker Morans FTW. Anyone who takes 3 hours to get dressed up for the beach is an auto wank.

Vin Douchal: Zebra Hips is HoH , my friends. All these douchebags are equal, Zebra puts her group of ants over the other cock-a-roaches.

Zebra Hips offer glorious fondle sunrises and taut, shining seas of golden boing. But this was Brobag and Kaitlyn’s week to bring even more shame to Canada. Lets let Condouchious take us home:

I’m voting for Andrew’s Bro for one reason – his own brother is calling him out. This is based more upon potential and/or unseen douchiness, but I imagine the level concern must be high for one to turn on his or her own family. Either there’s unspeakable baggery not documented in the photos provided or Andrew can sense that the Grieco virus has mutated and is taking over at an accelerated rate. Andrew reached out to us because he doesn’t want to be the Michael to his brother’s Fredo, and that’s commendable.

And lets not forget Kaitlyn, Condy. She is a tasty dish of confused late teens. We’ll see Andy’s Bro and Kaitlyn on Monday in the HCwDB of the Month, where they stand no chance of winning. And now I get Honey Combs.

# posted by douchebag1
7:29 am September, 9 Et Tu Douche? said...

It wasn’t much of contest in the sense that the contestants were all boring. The Hott quotient took him over the top for the win and by win I mean fail.

7:41 am September, 9 Troy Tempest said...

Andrew’s bro has the eyes of a gator. Dull and malevolent.

7:49 am September, 9 CBS said...

Andrew’s Bro gives me the distinct impression that there is a hidden camera in the spray nozzle of his Axe can, cunningly positioned to catch glimpses of hott ass pear just before taking a seat on the toilet. I can imagine the private replay involves him closing his eyes while watching bathroom tiles and kneecap on the screen just hoping that her fart was pronounced enough it could pass for a guys.

Delicious.

8:20 am September, 9 Drew's sibling said...

That’s right, bitches. You don’t get any Kaitlyn. She’s all for me.
.
And I don’t even like women.

10:43 am September, 9 Medusa Oblongata said...

Oh, shit!!! I never saw that coming. Just as his face will not see the sole of my boot coming. Congrats, Andrew’s Bro. And Andrew, you better boil yourself. GV-1 is highly contagious. Although you’ve shown strong resistance, you can never be too careful.

2:24 pm September, 9 Blinded by the Shite said...

Bro? Bra!

3:16 pm September, 9 DarkSock said...

My money’s still on Stackhouse. And by “my” I mean “Mrs. Sock’s”.

7:14 pm September, 9 Steve L. said...

congratulations Andrew!
and by “congratulations” i mean “my deepest condolences for your moral fibers”.

10:17 pm September, 9 Mr. Biggs said...

“he doesn’t want to be the Michael to his brother’s Fredo” … well played, young man.

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