Thursday, September 30, 2010

HCwDB of the Week: Vlad the Inhaler and Natasha

Between this pic and Licky Nip, Vlad sniffed out the win, just barely edging Jimmy Scribble and Hott Bikini Hannah.

The voters speak:

Justin: Vlad for the win, due to a ridiculously high level of face punchabillity and ridonkulous ass pear.

Charles Erasmus Douchewin: Vlad constipated kissy-face makes me want to pummel him with little kittens until he finally sucks a couple up that massive umbrella nose of his and asphyxiates. And Natasha. Oh, the exceptional adaptation that is bootylicious curve has clearly been designed explicitly to maximize fitness. Particularly mine.

Fatness: Vlad looks the classic punchable Jerz pud and Natasha looks like she could empty me and my bank accounts without breaking a sweat. The others look like failed MTV audition excerpts.

Douchey Lewis and the News: Vlad the Inhaler and Natasha FTW. This guy looks like Tim Tebow…I hate Tim Tebow!

End the Haberdouchery: Unless the back of his shirt is on fire, he has no reason to take it off. I want her to dispense my toothpaste using a tube of Colgate and those powerful ass cheeks. Dental hygiene FTW.

Chris in ‘Baghdad: Vlad the Inhaler! He may not be a vampire, but the douche lips, faux yawn and feigned inattention to the affections of bosomy Natasha are over the top.

douche bagel: vlad him self is immaterial, but his sneer is one that legends are made of and is rumored to be a direct decendent of the romans. for vlad does not own that sneer, that sneer owns vlad. 1 min in a room with this guy and i would be considering self mutilation just to redirect the pain. vlad FTL

DayGloGuido: Natasha’s wealthy, rotund suplitude is making my groin ache like a dry riverbed in the Kalahari.

The Goob the Bag and the Pudly: Vlad is positively radiating doucheosity, and clearly those pics were taken in his grandmother’s house, exacerbating the grotesque failure of his existence, thus proving the nonexistence of a benevolent God. Also, that chick has a lot of badonk to grab hold of, and her willingly applying tongue to that fetid slab of scat makes me even more cynical about the future of the world.

Turdacious: Vlad FTW, Even though it looks like Natasha found him under a bridge and brought him home to piss off dad. he reeks of Douche

douchesquire: Rocking that hard stare with pierced moobies, and whatever is going on with his eyebrows, garners my vote. That and Natahas full figuredness that gives me morning wood.

Nicely targeted, D.S. Natasha’s lack of love from some of the voters astounds me. She is Pear personified. And Vlad is douchal innovation personified. But The Scribbler and Hannah’s curves found enough support to almost pull out the win:

Noname Joe: Definitely Jimmy Scribble, as his side-torso tattoo actually says, “Gimmick,” which is self-critical to the extreme. If only it said, “Filled with self-doubt; another tattoo will make me whole,” in script (or in Chinese characters).

Taint Nuthin But A G-Thang: Hott Bikini Hannah has me reaching for an oxygen tank like a fat defensive lineman who just picked up a fumble and ran 50 yards for a touchdown. Jimmy & Hannah FTW all the way.

jonezy: His moderate success of being photographed with Hannah-Hott only emboldens his douchiness, and as I see, he will evolve in the manner of the greats such as DD & FFS, slowly compiling tribal tatts and GSR in the never ending quest of chasing tail.

Deltus: Jimmy Scribble has the dedication to real choadwankery that I like to see in the Weekly winner. He’s permanently defaced himself with tatts that make tribal shoulder tatts look positively reasonable and tasteful. Add on the lip piercing, huge ass sunglasses, and almost-GSR, and you have a lose-lose combo the others cannot touch. And Hannah hott is the only one in the group that makes me want to touch my privates lasciviously.

The Reverend Chad Kroeger: Write in vote this week. And by write in I mean Scribble. He’s the only one trying to douche it up and she looks like she bathes.

Eliza Douchecoo: This guy looks like he smells like raw chicken breast that’s been sitting out for a couple of days on the back porch at my Grandma’s house in Daytona Beach.

Whoop-Di-Douche: his fingernails would make a manicurist swallow some serious pain-killers with her morning coffee. Hott Hannah’s thin-line brows are as skimpy as her yellow bikini, and might be construed to be as narrow as her taste in men.

Poor JaBooty. So little mock for the unemployed garbage contracter from Dorchester and his collegiate hottie friends.

mr.reeve: In honor of the troll named “Vegas Ass Kicker” I have to vote for JaBooty and Carly/Kimmy FTW. JaBooty is what I imagine VAK to look like if we ever come across a picture of this Choad Juice Extract.

RAPETIME: I gotta go with JaBooty, as he looks as though he’s functioning without a working brain stem. I can imagine him standing, rigidly catatonic, in one spot forever. I wonder what thoughts, if any, go through his shattered cortex when the likes of Carly and Kimmy stand next to his frozen, wax-sculpture like body. Probably something along the lines of “I have to pee…”

Douchelips: Even though JaBooty’s hotts are notts. I still give him my vote for the weekly win. He’s trying SO hard to get it, he deserves it!

JaBooty’s ladies just didn’t pull their weight enough to make much of a dent, alas. This was Vlad’s innovative shirt move and Natasha’s beauty rump, in combo, for the win/loss. Lets let CBS take us home:

Vlad really knows how to make himself look like an idiot. He has honed the look over time. the other two just stumbled upon idiotic appearances bc their personality couldn’t steer them straighter. Vlad on the other hand is a true deviant. He may feel like Niko Bellic but he looks like latin Al Bundy. This look could be referred to as the Friday day night wifey beatdown. This guy is a true bedroom bully…with the house cat. That is quite the bodacious rump on his lady friend too making my decision easy…another posting with ass in my face is definitely a must see.

Well said, CBS. Only a few Monthlys left before the 2010 Douchie Awards in December, so it’s getting down to the edge. Chalk up The Inhaler and Natasha for the first slot in the next Monthly, and your humble narrator for New York coffee and everything bagels.

# posted by douchebag1
7:57 am September, 30 Turdacious said...

Man, this guy must be Lee Van Cleefs grand son, i could not find a dirty enough pic of Lee to be convincing, but here it goes.

http://cache2.allpostersimages.com/LRG/27/2770/DLXTD00Z.jpg

8:46 am September, 30 Deltus said...

I still think Scribbler should have won, but my 2nd place pulled it off. And by pulled it off, I mean the level of decency one expects. His lady friend does have a spankable ass, though, don’t she?

8:54 am September, 30 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

As long as Natasha’s around Vlad will have a nice, firm, tongue-worthy place to put his weekly trophy.

9:27 am September, 30 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

THERE IS AN EAGLE IN HIS PANTS!

9:27 am September, 30 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

I think there is a pillow in her pants??

9:33 am September, 30 Fatness said...

There is a tent pole in my pants.

9:41 am September, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

There is vomit on my pants.

10:23 am September, 30 Mr. White said...

Far be it from me to question the voters, but in this case, they’re wrong. There’s just no rage with Vlad. Why? Because Natasha is the same size as, and upholstered in the same fabric as, my grandmother’s couch.

12:31 pm September, 30 Nancy Dreuche said...

Jabooty was robbed…by a guy in a Yankee cap.

3:35 pm September, 30 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

His underwear may say American Eagle, but he has the head of a California condor. Rare, endangered.

3:36 pm September, 30 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

….and she has the classic WHOOP ASS.

9:49 pm September, 30 Steve L. said...

looks like HCwDB was SNUFFED by Vlad the Inhaler.
it’s worse than being IMPALED.

Leave a Reply

What is 2 + 2 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)