Friday, September 10, 2010

Hipsterbag Michel Tries To do “The Shocker;” Fails

No Michel, it’s two fingers out, third finger folded, fourth finger calling the parents for rent/groceries cash help while couch surfing in the Mission District, but just until next month, when the art career will definitely take off.

Mocha Pear is curvy. I’d gnaw like a crabapple meeting a hungry crab.

# posted by douchebag1
11:26 am September, 10 Wheezer said...

Oh my goodness…..I’ll bet they both have great pears!
.
Michel just needs a pair of grenades lodged in his sphincter.

11:30 am September, 10 mr.reeve said...

Mocha Pear? I say Asain Pear but who really cares where the pear comes from as long as there’s pear there. Huh?
Michel, Screech called and said he wants his look back. Minus the whatever the hell you have wrapped around your head.

11:31 am September, 10 mr.reeve said...

I think I am right about Blue Blockers becoming the sun glasses of choice for the ‘bags. Yet another example on Screech/Michel taint.

11:34 am September, 10 mr.reeve said...

I am also thinking that Bud Light Lime=autodouche. Fuck I have had too much coffee today.

11:36 am September, 10 THEONETRUEDOUCHE said...

Celeb. Fit Club helped Screech lose the gut, but was a douche

11:41 am September, 10 DarkSock said...

Sometimes the sticky boogers just won’t flick off.

11:42 am September, 10 Vin Douchal said...

Announcer: Bud Lime…. the beer of choice for index finger ring wearing wimps at street festivals that get unexpected grinds from drunk college coeds they have no chance with…… now at 7-11….

11:42 am September, 10 DarkSock said...

He’s throwing the face shocker; one in each nostril, two in the piehole.
.
Hard to reach orgasm with that one.

11:50 am September, 10 Bigphatnotadouche said...

I thought it was the Vulcan shocker.
Good early ASS Pear.

11:55 am September, 10 DarkSock said...

If you invert it you have what is known as The Cattle Prod, with Ball Tickle.

11:56 am September, 10 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

He’s drinking Bud LIME. That alone makes him a douchebag.

11:56 am September, 10 DarkSock said...

Doucher Mouse

11:56 am September, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

Yeah, I concur on the Bud Lime thing. People used to put put lime in their Coronas, not for flavor, but because the beer was made with filthy, untreated water. The acids in the lime killed the bacteria (and the taste of Mexican rat piss) and made it safe to drink without getting Montezuma’s Revenge. People still do it now out of douchiness. And if you have to buy your beer with the lime already in it because you’re a lazy trend follower, well, then, you deserve the worst life has to offer. Such as, looking like this assclown. The temporary joy of frolicking with asspear pairs is fleeting, replaced by crushing loneliness, I assure you.

11:57 am September, 10 CBS said...

shart wig and the insta-flinch. michel looks about a buck oh three soaking douched

11:58 am September, 10 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Just read the comments… glad I’m not the only one with an aversion to shit beer. And if I see another prick drinking PBR I may have to get a rifle and take up a position in the nearest clock tower.

12:02 pm September, 10 CBS said...

i think he is counting out how many pounds he has lost since the gator has begun ramming his vital organs up out past his tonsils and into the sink. a mere whisper could shatter this kid’s puny frame into a pile of contorted flesh, grease and bones Another one for the fire ma!

12:14 pm September, 10 tall guy said...

Finally, though belatedly, that whole lime in the Corona thing has been explained. I’ve heard many a theory. All of which have neither impressed or convinced me. Years ago I worked behind a bar in a small country town in Queensland, the state directly above my home state of New South Wales. I adjudicated many a good natured argument among shearers regarding why hipsters felt it necessary to insert lime into their beer – the practice was then at the peak of its trend – and was surprised and highly amused by some of the theories put forth.

12:15 pm September, 10 tall guy said...

Oh, and great preliminary pear as well.

12:15 pm September, 10 CBS said...

i can here them now…”You just got Gayyyyyy-turd…i bet you thought this orgasm was about you.”
Michel replies, “ARRRRRGGGHHHHHHH”

12:15 pm September, 10 DarkSock said...

“Bud Lime” is an anagram for “Dumb Lie”.
.
.
.
Medical FACT.

12:16 pm September, 10 DarkSock said...

Bud Lime is, however, outselling Bud Tampon by a considerable margin.
.
.
Marketing FACT.

12:18 pm September, 10 Justin Beiber said...

Wouldn’t it be cool if she had a large cucumber tucked in the back of that green thong just to fuck with everyone?

12:19 pm September, 10 Dr. Lance Kuykendall, Ph.D said...

Wouldn’t it be funny if she had 15 cans of Campbell’s Mushroom Soup stuffed in her thong?

12:20 pm September, 10 IT MUST EAT POON said...

WOULDNT IT BE FUNNY IF SHE HAD MY HEAD AND NECK AREA STUFFED INSIDE HER SWIM TRUNKS???1??

12:23 pm September, 10 Wheezer said...

^^Bud Cherry will catch on! They’ll even have a douchey tattooed band doing all their commercial jingles.
.
.
.
.
.
Huh?

12:25 pm September, 10 DarkSock said...

I’m partial to Bud Cajun Ranch Bacon

12:25 pm September, 10 DarkSock said...

and Bud Okra.

12:36 pm September, 10 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

They should come out with Bud Corn and Rice.
.
Wait…they already use corn and rice to make Budweiser. Or, as I call it: Buttwiper.

12:48 pm September, 10 tall guy said...

I sometimes notice junior scrotes guzzling down Bud beer. Locally, the allure comes from a massively successful marketing which even influences folks in this part of the world. I’ve never tasted it, although I’ve a sneaking suspicion it’s consumed by our local scrote contingent primarily because they assume it to be the number one choice of beer for all Americans. Surely this isn’t the case. I mean, nobody I know drinks that cat’s piss Fosters.

12:52 pm September, 10 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

A real brew.

12:53 pm September, 10 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Try that again…
.
A really real brew.

12:54 pm September, 10 scrotum pole said...

My favorite:
.
The Buddy Mary, four parts Budwieser to one part menstrual fluid.

12:57 pm September, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

<Jesus Christ…is Lime The New Douche? We’ve got to investigate this, people. I’m getting embarrassed to be seen buying limes at the store.

1:01 pm September, 10 tall guy said...

Lime has been rebranded apple green for the Southern hemisphere summer. I think they’re onto something.

1:08 pm September, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

Wait a minute. Let me try that again. And you bet your sweet ass I’m buying Mr. Biscotti a zoot suit. What else is he gonna wear when I’m in this?

Jesus Christ…is Lime The New Douche? We’ve got to investigate this, people. I’m getting embarrassed to be seen buying limes at the store.

1:19 pm September, 10 mr.reeve said...

^ yes it is. Especially artificial lime that the shit they put in those drinks. Or bottled poo.

1:29 pm September, 10 mr.reeve said...

insert “like” where I put “that”. English is hard to speak yo!

2:03 pm September, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Countries allowed to make beer:
Begium (by far and away #1. Trappist monks make the best beer)
Germany
England
A tiny few microbreweies in the U.S.
Canada
.
Countries that should be banned from making beer:
Mexico
Japan
France
Italy (sorry Medusa but most Italian beer taste like guido douche water)
Jamaica (fact: you can use Red Stripe to get paint off of walls)
.
Yes, I’m a fuccen beer snob. Some friends and myself would go to a bar featuring “beers from around the world”. To keep track of what we drank we would peel the label off the bottle and then tape them to our office/lab doors. It takes A LOT of fuccen labels to cover one door I assure you. We managed to cover three entire doors before we were told that it was “unseemly and makes us all look like drunks” so we had to take them down and throw a crapload of others away. Ah to be young again and be able to put away large amounts of beer. *sigh* So if you can think of it I’ve probably had it and, unfortunately, have an opinion on it. I’m not braggin’ by any stretch of the imagination but I’ve paid my dues.

2:05 pm September, 10 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

How do you fucck up “live long and prosper”? Oh, that’s right, douches become even dumber in large groups.

2:07 pm September, 10 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

OK, I MUST correct Medusa…

Lime in Corona is NOT to kill bacteria to keep you from getting Montezuma’s Revenge. I don’t know why it’s put there, but have heard to make the taste more tolerable, but I don’t know about that.

This is why Medusa’s explanation is wrong… beer is made by taking malted barley and using warm water to put the sugars in the malted barley into solution. You then draw out that liquid (the wort) and you use more warmed water to rinse out even more of the sugars. You then take that collected wort and BOIL IT for at least an hour. The process of making beer makes it safe to drink, no matter what’s in the water. Well, living organism wise anyway. Also, anything that can live in beer won’t hurt you. It might make the beer taste like absolute shit, but it won’t make you sick.

Just a little beer knowledge from your friendly award winning home brewer.

2:10 pm September, 10 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Dr. Honeydouche,

Japan does make a black lager that is quite tasty when drank at a yakatori bar. I believe it’s Ibasu Black Lager.

2:26 pm September, 10 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ DBHD–no offense, I agree. I haven’t drank in ages, but when I did, I thought Italian beers were ass. They ought to stick to wine. Belgium is indeed number 1!!!
.
@ MC900–wow. Well, I guess that’s an urban myth about the Mexican sewer water, then! You know what the fucked up part is? I worked in a microbrewery for a while. I wasn’t a brewer, I was a bartender, but they made sure we understood the process so we could explain why the beers were the way they were and had the flavors they did. Well, slap my ass and call me donkey! And they say all we do is whack off in our mom’s basements! We’re getting an education, here!!!! And I whack off on the main level of my own house.

2:30 pm September, 10 mr.reeve said...

You guys are right on. The problem is most people have been drinking shit beer for so long they don’t care about good beer.
Also this whole add fake lime to alcohol is aimed at college kids. The commercials are evidence.

3:56 pm September, 10 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Mocha Pear needs to be spanked. Firmly, yet gently.

8:59 pm September, 10 Wedgie said...

Asian Mocha has always been one of my favorite flavors. With lime, of course.
Don’t know what the issue is with that guy’s fingers. Or his face. Or his headband. Etc.
Friday evening, martini time. I can almost feel my abs getting stronger.

10:04 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Rinse

10:05 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Boric

10:05 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Taint

10:06 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Abscess

10:07 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Plug

10:08 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Chum

10:10 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Goop

10:11 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Wipe

10:12 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Turd

10:12 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Tard

10:13 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Shwarma

10:17 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Nub

10:18 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Pube

10:19 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Gravy

10:20 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Bukkake

10:20 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Chunks

10:22 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Scab

10:24 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Milf

10:58 pm September, 10 Baleen said...

Bud Lube

12:19 pm September, 11 Stephanie said...

If that’s the Vulcan symbol he should be beamed up to planet douche right away.

10:27 pm September, 12 Steve L. said...

fuck. only the hippest hipsterbag can get TWO black hotts.
and that is what little i know about race relations in the US.

4:29 pm September, 13 Falcon said...

I wear the exact same underwear as him, fucking calvin klien stretch boxers with stainless steel micro-fibres are amazing.

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