Friday, September 24, 2010

Once We Step to Da Masta We Will Be Served Like Sushi


Vegas Ass Kicker responds to HCwDB in the comments thread:

—–
Once you all grow a set of balls and step to da masta you will be served like sushi on a roll bitch! You know? F#ck no you don’t. Cause yall aint seen no action since yo dr. went up that ass to check yo prostate. Bitches! Why you all hate on Vegas. You c#nts know we gots the best strip clubs, clubs and pool clubs. You little faggots can’t handle my vibe and my action. Its fo real dawgs. Lick it up and stick up yo ass. When you done pull it out and feed yo dawgs cause he love that sh#t taste bitches! Damn! My sh#t all real. My sh#t is the doe sh#t that makes addicts want more. Yall feel me? Nope! Cause you al f#cken retards ride on that short bus. Helmets, drool and all bitches.
—–

And then moments later:

—–
I am off to da club to get my d#ck rubbed or sucked. You know nothing about it. Stay home and play with yo little thang. I am going out in style with blang. Bitches! I will take Vegas like a champ. You stay home and lick dick like a stamp. Out c#nts. This me signing out. F#ck this site. F#ck mr.reeve’s bullsh#t site. You all keep posting real Vegas ballers and we just getten better and more play. I am drunk and high. So good night and bye bye. OUT!
—–

I once ordered the “style with blang” at an Indian restaurant on 6th Street, close to 2nd Ave. I got the runs.

# posted by douchebag1
11:19 am September, 24 Wheezer said...

Smegma/Ass Licker wants to ride Stackhouse’s coattails to greatness. We know the position he’d assume. And by “ass-ume”…..

11:24 am September, 24 skrag2112 said...

And then people wonder why I never want to visit Las Vegas. Ever.

11:26 am September, 24 Sir David Douchenborough said...

Dear Ass plunger,

Your constant references to the rectum and fecal matter have me wondering. Are you sure the places you frequent aren’t some sort of dark scat fetish club in Reno? All that poop in your eye may have you mistakenly going to poo clubs as opposed to pool clubs of which you speak so highly.

11:37 am September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Darksock prepares his craft to get up to ramming speed in the distance.

11:41 am September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Alpo’s latest ad campaign poster sure isn’t going to make me buy the stuff for my dog. Yeesh!

11:45 am September, 24 jonezy said...

these bags seem to be fairly harmless nottas, but I would take a luge shot of that rum off the back side of middle hott

11:48 am September, 24 Deltus said...

When you got the runs from that Indian style with blang, that liquid ass juice could probably communicate more cogently than Vegas Ass Dicker.
.
Yo, V.A. Dicker (can I call you Dicker for short? thanks), you’re clearly a closeted homosexual with a deep rooted anal/scat fetish. For the homosexuality, I will say: it’s okay! You can be gay and perfectly happy, even if your idiot parents wouldn’t approve! Nobody’s going to judge here, we just don’t like the whole coverup-through-angry-accusations thing you have going on. Be what you are: a fine, upstanding gay person. As for the scat fetish… um, just stop it. That’s nasty.

11:53 am September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Hurry, hurry, hurry. Come on down to Gavin’s Anal Bead Emporium just off I-40. We got round ones, square ones, oval ones, you name it. All colors, weights, and sizes too. You just can’t get lowers prices! See my “necklace”? Only the finest wookie balls went into it. Hell, I even spray painted them gold to make ’em look more expensive. My anal beads are the best. Do you see a dissatisfied customer on this boat? No you don’t! Hell, Sideshow Bob has been a loyal customer for the last 18 years, haven’t you Bob? If he’s been cummin back for that long I gotta be doin’ something right. And did I mention Ladies Night is every Tuesday? That’s right, the ladies can come in without the pressure of any men bein’ in the store. Only female clerks will be available in a non-threatening atmosphere. So come on down and find out what everybody’s been squealing about. That’s Gavin’s Anal Bead Emporium just off I-40. If you don’t find it here, then nobody makes it.

11:54 am September, 24 scrotum pole said...

Meanwhile, Buffalo Beast attempts to disable the boat’s engines. He can be seen here funneling breast milk into the fuel tank from his ample lactating bosom.

11:54 am September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

V.A.K. = former altar boy? Discuss.

11:54 am September, 24 tall guy said...

You know… in planning my forthcoming trip to the US the question of whether to visit Vegas or not repeatedly surfaces. Now, I ask myself, *what if I bump into this cockneck!* Bring on the pear.

11:54 am September, 24 DoucheyWallnuts said...

Wow, it’s as if Vegas Ass Kicker looked directly into my soul and told me all the things about myself that I am insecure about. I really wish I had the physique of a 13-year old pre-pubescent girl that was topped with a discount fright wig from the Halloween Store and lived a life-style that included being in debt, going out with F-list bleeths on a rented boat, and drinking cheap booze in a city and state where the economy is dead, never to recover. Yep that’s it, we all want to be like VAK….

11:55 am September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

V.A.K. = head of the Vegas NAMBLA chapter? Discuss.

11:56 am September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

V.A.K. = former ATM girl? Discuss.

11:57 am September, 24 Condouchious said...

“lick dick like a stamp?” Who licks stamps nowadays? We live in a wonderful age where stamps are self-adhesive. It’s a good thing too b/c when Vegas Ass Kicker licks a stamp, the letter’s recipient automatically gets AIDs.

We don’t hate Vegas. I was there a few months ago and it was awesome…except for scrote stain like you that require extra chlorine to be poured into the pools.

11:57 am September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

V.A.K. = necrophilic buggerist? Discuss.

12:01 pm September, 24 Vin Douchal said...

I had my say last night at 11 PM . This illiterate gets no more of my time.
.
What’re the chances that Sideshow Mel in the photo above wears size 13 EEE shoes and sported wood posing for this photo?

12:01 pm September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

“My sh#t is the doe sh#t that makes addicts want more.”
.
V.A.K. = deer rapist? Discuss.

12:04 pm September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Holy shit! If this guy claims “I peed in a deer once” then we know it’s a distant relative of Darksock.

12:06 pm September, 24 DarkSock said...

In other unrelated news: Go to the Google homepage, then type “I”, then a space, then “PE…” and with only three letters it now autosuggests “I peed in a horse once”.
.
That may be the 2nd most retarded thing I’ve ever accomplished.

12:07 pm September, 24 DarkSock said...

I’m calling Troll on Vegas, but only because I cannot process the concept of someone this… diarrheal.

12:13 pm September, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Blang? Is that the past tense of bling, or is it the plural form?
.
I love how guys like Vegas Ass Kicker go out of their way to sound as primitive as possible thinking that anyone would actually be impressed. As if any of us would say “Awww, I wish I was Vegas Ass Kicker! Why can’t I go to a strip club and pay some herp infested single mom to suck my dick? I am such a loser what with my wife who will do it for free whenever I want.”
.
His last paragraph sounds that whiney kid with the runny nose that nobody like who stamped his feet and shrieked “I’m going home! I hate you guys!” And everybody said “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out.”
.
Ass Kicker, did you sign you cell phone contract with an “X”? How did you hold the pen without an opposable thumb? Or are you dick-tating to one of your broheim’s and having him post for you?
.
Next time you come into our house try shouting at us in cave drawings. Or maybe grab a large stick and rampage around your apartment bellowing “AAAARROOOOGHAHA!” and throwing couch cushions at the microwave. It’ll accomplish about the same thing. Just don’t wake up your apartment manager. He’s already pissed off you’re a week overdue with the rent.

12:19 pm September, 24 Gus said...

So Herbert Kornfeld is actually still alive?

12:20 pm September, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@DarkSock
.
You have some work ahead of you oh Master of Micturition. Bling doesn’t auto recognize even if you type the whole phrase.
.
Better start hydrating.

12:25 pm September, 24 smackdouche said...

Why must all douchebags proclaim the authenticity of their “shit”? Ok, I get it, your “shit” is real. But what are you saying? Are there really “shit addicts” in the world?

I can’t lie, I’m a little queasy from reading such a blend of food/dick/ass/shit references. But then I smile and remember a drunken night that I spent with Paula Deen. Long story, can’t get into it here.

12:26 pm September, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@smackdouche^
.
Heh heh heh!

12:27 pm September, 24 Eliza Douchecoo said...

@scrotato head
I am such a loser what with my wife who will do it for free whenever I want.”
I STILL have to pay my wife to do that, my little ho, I do love her so.

12:31 pm September, 24 mr.reeve said...

I actually laughed at this idiot’s post. As my friend would call it “flexing internet muscles” is all he’s doing. DarkSock is right on with him being a troll.

Poor Vegas, I do like you. Too bad you have a lot of douche bags floating around your pools and clogging up your casino restrooms. Plus you have some of the highest crime in the nation and a bunch of empty homes. Karma? I think so. Time to abolish douchebaggery from your city. Good luck.

12:34 pm September, 24 Ted Brogan said...

You sound like a really cool person, Vegas Ass Kicker.

12:35 pm September, 24 mr.reeve said...

And i am ready for pear which will be followed by copious amounts of Scotch.

12:36 pm September, 24 Wedgie said...

I knew Jason Stackhouse, and you, sir, are no Jason Stackhouse.

12:37 pm September, 24 Wedgie said...

BTW, he is right. We are all bitches. OK? Feel better now?

12:37 pm September, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

I do appreciate that he said “I am drunk and high.” instead of “Yo, I be drunk and hi and shit”.
.
Tells you he went to a really good juvenile detention center.
.
But seriously, what kind of hard ass says “bye bye”?
.
Inconsistent herpf*cker.

12:42 pm September, 24 Wheezer said...

I’m off to work – enjoy this afternoon’s pear and/or side boob treat!

12:46 pm September, 24 sad karaoke robot said...

this guys favorite song is “knights in white satin”

12:47 pm September, 24 Wedgie said...

I just re-read this post. You know, I like this guy. He has a certain panache, a way with words that reminds me of several previous wordsmiths of a very high caliber. And come to think of it, I would like to step to da masta, and be served like sushi, just once in my life. You know, live it up a little. So please, Mr. Ass, or is it Mr. Kicker, show us simple minded basement dwellers the way. I await your well-thought-out, detailed and correctly spelled reply most anxiously.

12:48 pm September, 24 Wedgie said...

^Gee, I hope he can understand that. I keep forgetting to use texting code.

1:00 pm September, 24 system of a douche said...

V.A.K….Ouch. I jus–wait, Mom’s calling..

Re boat pic: Where’s a Cat 5 waterspout when you need one?

1:02 pm September, 24 Steve Dave said...

Vegas is a fart in the desert, and this guy loves the smell. As he’s clearly a gay. And gays love the smell of farts. Get it? Vegas=Gay ergo This guy=Fart sniffer. That’s called logic, another hard to find thing in Vegas, as the city itself defies it.

1:02 pm September, 24 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

Why is the RUM always gone..?
..
(sorry couldn’t resist)

1:11 pm September, 24 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Maybe “doe shit” is the Department Of Education shit.

Look who I’m talking about– never mind. Education and V.A.K. have clearly never crossed paths.

2:24 pm September, 24 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

Noodlehead on left is a Sandworm

2:34 pm September, 24 mr.reeve said...

I just realized that Jim McMahonbag on the right is here to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.

2:55 pm September, 24 Vegas Ass Kicker said...

Yeah, I just got done with mr.reeve and his cunt site but yall want to start the shit with me. Na homies. Listen to this shit………Fresh up out of bed and just got done getten some head. I am sure you little working class faggots are hard at work while I am out here runnin a muck. You see I aint no DJ and I aint no MC. But mutha fuckas still want to flow like me. Yo shit is wack and my shit is dope. If you keep on steppen I am gonna have to hang you from a rope. This shit won’t stop and it will not quit. Like my nagga Hammer said I am 2 legit 2 quit.
Yep, out all night partyin and playin. That’s what I do and that’s how I roll. You call me a troll but I am hear for all the “douche bags” and “dickheads” who you little bloggen faggots call out. We are the real shit and you is the wack shit. Yall can eat my ass. And yall will not get no pass. VEGAS THUGZ BITCHES!!!! We gonna stomp dat ass!

3:46 pm September, 24 Turdacious said...

huh whaaa?
wack your shitty dope?
2 legit to quit?, you mean you found your daddy?
lots of homo talk comin outa dat big o gap in yo head.
what is it you is tappin bitch?

3:50 pm September, 24 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

What’s a nagga? Is it anything like a nubian?

4:10 pm September, 24 Turdacious said...

Hey Vegas ass kisser
Which one are you, can you send a picture of you in something other then a black Bikini?
I like my Bitches with a sassy mouth

4:26 pm September, 24 mr.reeve said...

The Vegas Wankster Wigga troll. At it again and still a clueless dickhead. I don’t speak idiot so I am not really sure what you are trying to tell us. Nice MC Hammer quote by the way. And we are all dorks huh? Heh

4:57 pm September, 24 Mr. Biggs said...

Seriously, who’s the hattah here?

5:55 pm September, 24 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

Gracious, why would someone go off to a club and treat one’s duck in such a manner! Even in Las Vegas, ren’t there statutes against the abuse of waterfowl?

–VS

6:07 pm September, 24 Turdacious said...

Damnit!, I shoulda waited to post.
My after Golf Beer buzz wore off and those post don’t sounda as good now.
Im gonna start power hooking a few beers and come back and look again

8:58 pm September, 24 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I am off to da club to get my d#ck rubbed or sucked.
.
So, that’s gonna set you back what? $200? $300? or are you

8:59 pm September, 24 I R A Darth Aggie said...

I am off to da club to get my d#ck rubbed or sucked.
.
So, that’s gonna set you back what? $200? $300? or are you going out to the goat ranch?

10:01 pm September, 24 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

“Runnin a muck”. Don’t you mean “Runnin a delivery van”? Your rap wouldn’t get you on the local access cable channel and your threats are so cliche they wouldn’t scare a girl scout. On your next delivery don’t forget the f*ucking garlic bread you goddamn cardboard cut-out.

11:00 pm September, 24 Wheezer said...

Goddamn it…..do we now have “VegasDoucheBag” gettin’ ready to claim fake heart problems and challenge us to fight for $10K a pop? Or did BDB move west?
.
I’m cornfoozed.

11:25 pm September, 24 Vegas Ass Kicker said...

Oh yeah cunts! Its the main man in da house. I am runnen shit like a Obama. The main nagga in da house. Yall don’t know how its like bein da main man, I am drunk and fucken with all again. No rappen cuz I am already fucked up. mr.reeve, I aint no wigga bitch. I am a Mexican who has his shat together, Time fo da clubs. If yall don’t know what dat means eat a dick. No I aint a faggot like yall. Fuck all yall.

11:29 pm September, 24 Vegas Ass Kicker said...

If all yall bitches knew what with up me and my hommmies then all bitches know not to fuck with us, Suck it.

12:22 am September, 25 Baleen said...

Yo, the VAK attack is back
Lickin that crack and baggie sack
Droppin that doe shit and dick stink lips
.
Hat tilt and bent wrist
Tongue outstretched fo
golden piss
.
His razor burned balls smell
like bathroom stalls, text like a gurl
drinking jizz poo swirl- so
.
Shut the fuck up you Vegas wigger who wansta
get your dick cleaned in the Ceasars’s sauna.

1:23 am September, 25 DoucheBigue said...

As a foreigner, I’m always disappointed by Americans that can’t speak English. Man, this guy’s life is so sad.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but when he writes “Time fo da clubs. If yall don’t know what dat means eat a dick.”, he really mimicks the “and by *** I mean ***” trend here to say: “Time to go clubbing – and by clubbing I mean eat a dick”

Deltus nailed it.

5:19 am September, 25 Turdacious said...

LMAO!
Mexican????..LMAO!
So ure a Migga or Magga
Magga Douche

6:46 am September, 25 justadouchalo said...

That thumping noise is Jerry Garcia spinning in his grave.

6:56 am September, 25 system of douche said...

To the rest of the world:

V.A.K. is not, repeat, NOT indicative of the general American population. He is merely an annoying chunk of dog turd.

And he just sucks. Dick, that is.

Apologies.

8:01 am September, 25 Sack O Douche said...

Yo yo yo bitches!! I run my shit through my hair dawg! You don’t wat to step to my shit when its in my hair. Shit bitch. You better believe that shit. What? Nice wanna be rapping douche. You are probably a “DJ” with mad beats to spin. Am I right?
What a complete waste of oxygen this Mexigga is. system of douche is right. Not all Americans are this stupid or illiterate.

11:38 am September, 25 Poultry Turd said...

Step to, and recognize ‘da masta’.
.

The Äss Kicker is the real deal, yo.
.
Don’t hate, capitulate.
.
Don’t doubt that my homey is Mexican either.
.
My redneck neighbor finally had his bitch’s tubes tied after their ninth kid.
When I ax’ed him why, he said, FOX News said one in ten kids born in America is Mexican, and he don’t want to take the chance!
Dude don’t speak Spanish.

2:09 pm September, 25 Anonymous said...

“No I aint a faggot like yall. Fuck all yall.”
I am confused. So are you or are you not a homo.

10:18 am September, 26 Steve L. said...

i have a hankering for sushi now. rice and fresh raw fish sliced up by super sharp and intricately forged blades of fine steel that are designed to produce perfect texture and everything. the way that traditional nigiri sushi should be made. mmm… super sharp sushi knives…

well, i guess i have a hankering for super sharp sushi knives more than sushi itself. don’t ask me why.

2:13 pm September, 26 Moody said...

WTH I know vegasasskicker and hes not as tough as he writes. Hes actually a pretty decent guy… sad world this has become

3:41 pm September, 26 Henry said...

It’s good to see Juan Epstein was able to make the cruise by skipping Mr. Kotter’s class.

7:26 pm September, 26 Medusa Oblongata said...

I’m calling troll as well. Hm, Croosh hasn’t been around much….or has he…? Either way, I love stuff like this. It’s written with the assumption that its intended target would be interested in pools, bars and strip clubs. I hate being in the sun, I don’t drink alcohol, and strip clubs have a much different meaning to women than they do to men. As in, we still find it interesting, but we don’t get the same ego stroke the men do, so we could really take it or leave it. All we have to do is take out our one friend who drinks a little too much an just broke up with her boyfriend again. We buy her a few shots, tell her that men are all scum and next thing ya know, we’re getting a facefull of lovely jubblies. Call me a predator, but it works every time.

11:51 am September, 28 Crazed Aborigine said...

Yup, you’re a predator. Living my dream, but a predator.

4:13 am September, 29 Douchetopia said...

Hey Vegas Ass Kicker,

Your name wouldn’t happen to be Artemio “T” Rios, would it? Badass Mexican? He’s the only idiot I’ve heard of dumb enough to talk like you.

Own up.

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