Thursday, September 16, 2010

Reader Mail: Vic the Brick Wants our Mock


——————

your website is epic.

so.. i want to be a part of your website.. well the “douches” that is.. the reason is. i think that all guys are more or less the same, and that the douche bags just want to stand out.. and girls tend to notice that.

….. at the expense of how they look to ordinary people, douchebags get girls.. and can still have more fun than anyone at the club/bar..

so here is a few pictures of myself being a big douche. nobody likes me, and i dress funny..

if these work i can send more lol 3:D
– Vic the Brick

——————-

The disconnects in this email offer the logical corridors of a first person shooter designed by M.C. Escher. Librarian Hott Cindy deserves much, much better.

# posted by douchebag1
11:40 am September, 16 Medusa Oblongata said...

Vic needs a hug, not mocking. We don’t give hugs here. Nor am I amused at your grasp at the internet-style fame you don’t seem to be getting on MySpace. Or else this is not a pic of you, this is one of your friends and you’re trying to bust his balls. OR you’re the girl in the pic (or another jilted girl) and trying to get strangers to humiliate him because you’re angry. I see right through this whatever it is.
.
Blondie, I’d also like to see right through your clothes.

11:51 am September, 16 Musicman said...

I love the librarian hott…

But I think Vic will be the next generation’s Gary Busey…he already looks a little crazy, and sounds a little crazy too.

I think men’s souls are sold to douchery as the result of getting some poon. While I love poon, I would feel like a whore if I started to pop my collar and buy Ed Hardy…I tell ya, Ed Hardy is the tackiest shit out there.

You want to get a woman’s attention ahead of the other guys trying to woo her? Walk around naked with a mask and a dildo and see what happens. She will have your full, undivided attention. Give it a try.

11:55 am September, 16 Vin Douchal said...

The only Vic The Brick that matters is Vic The Brick Jacobs and at that he’s the biggest asshole mother fucking tool in all of radio land with his over emphasizing minor points, myopic belief that the NBA is watchable / compelling and the should have lost it by now New York accent since he’s been in SoCal for 40 years that grates the ears, teeth, soul all at once…… tired-act tool, asshole, bore, fuckface….. I can’t tell you how much he makes my blood boil.
.
The only guy that could like Vic da Brick is Dirty Hooman Llamas

.

He looks a Rabbi lost a cage fight with a different Rabbi’s badger and then they stuck all the pubes from a Brazilian waxing salon all over his giant empty dome and ugly face. Did I mention I hate him?
.
And Db1, no, Librarian Hott Cindy does not deserve much, much better. Ya reap what ya sow buddy. Fuck her , too, don’t get me started ….
.
In closing, I hate Vic The Brick. Bad nickname, douchebag, go fuck a rusty oil can and come back when you grow a personality. Go , git, vamoose

11:56 am September, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Too harsh?

12:00 pm September, 16 Mr. White said...

@medusa
In this one rare instance, I must disagree with you. Vic doesn’t need a hug; he needs thorazine. And a straight jacket….
.
…which I suppose is like a hug since you’re hugging yourself. So I guess we do agree. Yay! Let’s cuddle.

12:01 pm September, 16 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

If all the hotts want is porch beef and other varieties of meat, I guess personality hasn’t much to do with it. Thinking about it that way, being a douchebag has everything to do with meat processing.

That said, some just deserve to be placed on the slab and beaten to a thin veal scallopini.

12:01 pm September, 16 Mr. White said...

^
And by “cuddle,” I mean make Librarian Cindy the meat in a Medusa and White sandwich.

12:04 pm September, 16 jonezy said...

that is the face he makes when a horse pees in his butt

12:05 pm September, 16 Wheezer said...

That letter sounds like John Mayerbag ironobaggery.
.
Next? And by “next,” I mean the next pic of Librarian Hott Cindy, a serious threat for the “Girl Next Door” Award at the Yearlies. (But only if her hair color is actually real, though not because of it.)

12:05 pm September, 16 jonezy said...

by the way, I quite literally saw a horse micturating on the street yesterday. One of those carriage ride horses. Huge wang, huge puddle.
.
I found it rather entertaining

12:10 pm September, 16 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Vin douchal^
.
Too harsh? How soon you forget that this is an angry site populated by ANGRY people.
.
I knew a guy in college in my fraternity (F*ck you already…don’t want to hear about fraternities). Anyhow, about a year before I got there he was on kitchen duty and has to plan the menu. Now, the guy can cook. So he decides to do something different than the usual Top Ramen Surprise and whips up a variety of quiches. Keeping in mind I’m old enough that this was just about the same time as the “Real Men Don’t Each Quiche” trend was reaching its peak. So, if real men don’t eat quiche, then naturally they would never cook it. He got saddled with the nickname Quiche before dinner was over.
.
Now, some nicknames hang around for a couple days then fade away because they just don’t stick. Not this one. Quiche was Quiche for the next 20 years. And not for the reasons you’d think. Quiche went out of his way to intentionally continue to do and say things that would ensure the name Quiche did not go away. He’d act like a total dick, say stupid things, force you to be pissed at him. Why did he do it? Massive insecurity. As the saying goes, bad attention is better than no attention at all. Rather than be one of the run of the mill frat turds like me, Quiche was compelled by his insecurities to stand out no matter what. Even after he was married. Even after he’d fathered two kids. He’s finally moved on, but it took forever and a concerted effort by everyone else to just let it go.
.
Sad, really. Might as well have called himself Vic the Brick. Except nobody would eat a brick. Especially creamy young librarian hotts on a Friday or Saturday night.

12:10 pm September, 16 Dex said...

I see this social experiment going horribly, horribly wrong for Vic. He’ll be the next internet bullying sensation. I say we get him to commit seppuku before Good Morning America catches wind of him.

12:17 pm September, 16 jonezy said...

ahhh- frat nicknames. My favorite was when one kid was called “Soggy” so much, his parents actually referred to him as Soggy when speaking about him, otherwise no one knew who they were referring to if not. That was awesome.
.
We also had a pledge named Zima. The least cool kid I’ve ever met…

12:20 pm September, 16 mr.reeve said...

I hate Vic the Brick! I hate wanna be bags as well! Fuck you Vic! Both Vics! Why do I keep putting an ! after everything I write! I guess I am angry too!

12:22 pm September, 16 Et Tu Douche? said...

Could this be the same Librarian Hott from earlier this week only with more clothes on?.
.
Vic the Brick is a non entity and elicits no sympathy or mock from me

12:24 pm September, 16 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Vic reminds me of a monkey that tries to fight it’s own reflection in a mirror.

12:32 pm September, 16 Wedgie said...

Hey Scrotato……….fraternity.
Vin D……..no such thing as too harsh here in angryland.
And finally, DB1……the guy in the pic got one thing right. This site is epic.
Well, I guess I should waste some more time working now. Fuccen clients, I wish I could figure out a way to cut them out of the loop.

12:33 pm September, 16 Et Tu Douche? said...

More poor spelling and an lol to boot, now THAT makes me angry

12:37 pm September, 16 Chevy Doucherado said...

No good, Vic.

Show some fucking commitment, roid up and and get some tats.

Then we mock.

Until then only chit chat.

How was your summer?

12:39 pm September, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Vic the Brick is as annoying as any Sunday Frolic video star/asshole
.
Vic The Brick with Manny Ramirez. Total room I.Q. 37. If you can hang in until the Haiku @ 2:30 you’ll witness a non-Haiku / not even CLOSE to a Haiku spouted by the biggest ass reamer in the broadcast industry to the biggest retard in the sports industry:
.

.
.
Kill
Kill
Kill
Kill
Kill Vic Jacobs ……….

12:40 pm September, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

What the fuck is 3:D? Three dicks. Tertiary douchebag. Daring Dirk Diggler.

This fuck wants to be a douchebag but can’t make it out of the trailer park where the lovely librarian is doing community service for forging Oxycontin prescriptions. He got his clothes from Totie Fields.

Vic deserves as much sympathy as the formerly talented namesake he shares who had a little betting problem with the puppies. I love puppies. Especially yesterdays librarian hott puppies.

No frats in Canada. They called me pussy eater in the res because I rolled like that.

12:42 pm September, 16 Captain Garanichode said...

Vick the Prick and Marsha Marsha Marsha can go to hell hell hell!

12:46 pm September, 16 Vin Douchal said...

If you smelled Vic Jacobs’ hat you’d have to lift a horses tail, cram your nose in it’s pucker and inhale the deepest breath you could partake to eliminate the horrid odor.
.
While you’re there might as well pee

12:50 pm September, 16 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Joe Dirt called and he wants his skullet back. I love the word skullet almost as much as I like quiche, and it is quiche season fucckers.

12:51 pm September, 16 jonezy said...

I can tell Vin is pining for the days of KNAC…I don’t think DB1 has been in LA long enough to know about that though.

1:15 pm September, 16 tall guy said...

Vic’s striving for cultural identity/capital doesn’t influence me. I may be overtstating the danger, but allowing the likes of Vic the Hick to waltz in and practically demand acknowledgement creates little more than a comedy of menace. Whereas we, and seemingly several random lurkers know, HCWDB is more your comedy of manners.
Learn from it, Vic!

1:23 pm September, 16 douche bagel said...

im with chevy
get the fuck outta here vic
not impressed. just because your tongues lurches like a retarded drooling south american dart frog on poor unexpecting cindy does not give you right of passage on here or any cred. the fact that you want to be part of the spectacle makes you a tool indeed but should be grounds for automatic disqualification. for vic posses that unearned longing of spectacle without putting in the work or having any talent. fuck you vic! go away or come with some real dedication…. oh and please stop desecrating poor innocent young hots

1:28 pm September, 16 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Vic is not mockworthy, just because you have no friends and don’t know how to dress doesn’t mean you’re a douchebag, just be a wannabe, which is actually quite sad.

1:29 pm September, 16 Eliza Douchecoo said...

^just a wannabe, you douchecoo.

1:34 pm September, 16 mr.reeve said...

Vic the brick has been annoying us L.A. folks for years. Him and that talentless assclown Rick Dees. Another fucktard. I am with you Vin. KILL VIC JACOBS!!!!!
Vic the Brick with Rick Dees and Arnie.

1:40 pm September, 16 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

OOOOH! OOOOOH! Please mock me. PLEAESPLEASEPLEASE! I’m really a douchebag. I’m a really, really big douchebag. No one like me and I need some attenton. ANY attention. This is a pic of me trying to piss off my friends girlfriend. See how she doesn’t like me. Look at me, look at me I’m a douche. WILL SOMEBODY PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
.
Hey Vic, you’re an asshole and not a douche. You know how I can tell? You’re telling us you want the attention/mock. What a digusting, whiny little fucknut. REAL douchebags do what they do because they think they are cool and are too ignorant to know any better. You have to be that kid that didn’t fit in with any group in school because you were such a tool. Couldn’t be a jock, too stupid to be a nerd, didn’t do enough drugs to be a druggie, and every one else thought of you as some sort of spaz. So then you went to college and even less people noticed you because they either cared even less or didn’t have time for your bullshit. So then the tiny little hamster in your head said “Hey, how can I be even more obnoxious so much so that people can’t not notice me? I know, I’ll act like the biggest asshole I can think of! Hmmm, not what would that be?” So you stumbled into our little enclave, put a target up on your chest, and beg us to shoot at you. Well Vic, if I’m gonna shoot at you I’ll have to choose from one of 10 different firearms that I own. Verbal abuse just won’t get the job done. I offer free body piercing in a variety of calibers. All I ask is that you fuck around on my property at night. If you could pry a window or try to open the door or something, that body piercing is yours forever. Just let me know the size/caliber you want before hand so that I know what to have loaded and ready. You’ll hear my dog barking but don’t let him stop you. Oh yeah, and if you lay a hand on my dog, the mop up crew (911) won’t be able to collect enough DNA to identify you. Just thought I’d warn you about that one.
.
So fellow mockers I ask that you do not partake of this insecure little asshole’s ploy for more attention. There are many more ignoramuses out there who DESERVE mock, not want it.. Let’s focus on them shall we?
.
@ Vin.
Should we call ourselves something cool like “The Two Angriest Motherfucckers on Teh Interwebz” or something like that? Me, I just don’t like people, what about you?

1:56 pm September, 16 Chevy Doucherado said...

Vic

You don’t just walk in here and get mocked. You need to be patient. Learn. Get an internship with The Gator, Fishslap or Smoot. As DB1 said – those guys are legends for a reason. They don’t stop. They get more orange, more roided up each year.

I suggest you spend a little time “partying” with one of them. It won’t be pleasant (they’re douchebags after all) but you’ll come away a real douche rather than a pretender.

Tats, roids and a lobotomy help too.

2:10 pm September, 16 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Not liking people is a prerequisite for this site. If we ever did get together in Vegas one of us (I’m Thinking Vin) would lock the doors once we were all in the banquet hall in Sam’s Town, then toss a baseball bat studded with rusty nails into the middle of the room. He’d then drift out of the way, slipping a bowie knife out of his boot, waiting for us to fight over the bat and killing each other off. But Vin would forget that we’re the angriest f*ckers around and that we’d have naturally brought the nastiest collection of hand held weapons ever imagined. The carnage would be apocholyptic, enough to make even Lobo shit his white, muscled ass. And in the end it would be just me and Medusa, and I’d bend her over the pile of your bloody corpses and f*ck her good and hard in the ass knowing that just as we both finished that she’d put a snub nose under my chin and blow my.brains out the top of my skull. I’d be dead before my cum got cold but it would be worth it.
.
Yeah, we’re angry f*ckers and this is THE singular kick-ass site on the interdoodles.

2:19 pm September, 16 Deltus said...

I concur with the good Dr. above. You’re, at best, a douchelette. A choadling. Hardly worthy of the attention. Go away and taint up for a few years, then come back. We’ll see if you’re worthy of the mock then.
.
BTW, Librarian Hott Cindy is all kinds of just-barely-not-jailbait deliciousness. What the hell is she doing with that little snotlette?

2:36 pm September, 16 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Librarian Hott Cindy commands me to slap Vic the Brick with a restraining order. I’ll wrap the order around a brick, first. And now you know how Vic picked up that nick.

2:55 pm September, 16 Vin Douchal said...

@ Mr S Head
.
Did you say, “white muscled ass”?
.
I thought so

3:25 pm September, 16 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Vin^
.
Yes. Yes I did.
.

4:14 pm September, 16 Wedgie said...

^Hey Mr. S, you wouldn’t be a Raider’s fan, would you?

4:17 pm September, 16 wonderdouche twin said...

Vic your more Rick Springfield than Douche. Come back when your mustache actually grows in and you have made a bad sounding rap about your dad’s Range Rover.
.
Sending in a picture of you at 80’s dance night at grade school where you went dressed like George Michael doesn’t count.
.
Fail

4:18 pm September, 16 justadouchalo said...

Answering in the form of a question: “Is that a shit stain on his tongue?”
Yeah, I already know the answer but it’s the Jeopardy-Wheel of Fortune Power Hour bitches.

4:38 pm September, 16 OMFUG said...

To call this pose off, this self-nominator, this weak-sauce pretender Vic a true douchebag is an INSULT to the living titans of baggery–the Fishslaps, the Gators, the Joey P’s and Crosshair Mc’s of this great enterprise we call mock. Therefore, congrats Vic, your’re king of all douchebags!! Yay for u

4:39 pm September, 16 DarkSock said...

@ Scrotato:
Never bring a horse to a bat fight.

5:15 pm September, 16 credability said...

I wouldnt be suprised if Db1 created this little post himself to pass the time, Im always somewhat sceptical about douchebags writing in as if they’d waste their so called precious time responding to a barrage of mock and insults when they could be looking at themselves in the mirror.

5:19 pm September, 16 credability said...

..either that or this guy truly is one desperate attention seeking wannabe but so much so it beggers belief, as does the unconscionable gayness of chris crocker who similarly was a gay, desperate, attention seeker with severe mental and social issues

5:45 pm September, 16 Night of the living choadwanks said...

3:D, isn’t that the emoticon for joyfully being teabagged?

6:09 pm September, 16 CBS said...

You are way off Vic Dumbshit..smart people traditionally make fun of dumb people because that is all we have left when you morons are whooping it up and destroying the planet and society’s progress out of your colossal and overbearing ignorance and refusal to defer instant gratification. If the world had an average IQ above 100…then i would be out at the clubs every night too…wearing whatever we decided was appropriate. by the way on a bell curve…100 average IQ means that roughly 85% of the world has an IQ less than 120. do you understand how pitiful that is?

that means that this vast majority will be totally unable to get their mind around important area of thought like…why are we here? what are we here to achieve? what could happen after being here? they just dont have the brain power for it.

and it is no wonder that you are describing the nihilistic and vacant douchebag lifestyle as one comparable to that of the ancient people of Naples – eat and be merry for tomorrow we die. The only difference is that they were smart enough to understand what was going to destroy them. They didn’t literally mean…be pathetic, shallow, underachievers because we are not sure about tomorrow bc we are not sure about much at all for that matter.darrrrr.

I dont blame the 85% because you are dumb..i blame Existence and question why I have to shoulder the burden of living with you. However, I have the reprieve of being intelligent and that is far better than living the way of the douchebag and having idiotic simpleton friends..and gross herpes ridden confused insecure bleeth…with terrible taste in music. and claiming jesus as your bro and hoping that the roofie jokes are forgiven and you get heaven…get what? you wouldn’t even know what to do with the time…why would you get something like that??

go die on a cross douchebags, it is your only salvation after a meager life of insignificant achievements and virtual mental retardation.

6:10 pm September, 16 CBS said...

i like going to clubs and partying…i just hate the company of morons…do you understand that dbags?

6:16 pm September, 16 CBS said...

i’m going to hazard a guess though. his letter wasn’t inflammatory enough. i sense he scored his hott by showing her this website…following it for a bit…mocking and then persuading to get a pic of them onto the front page.

she probably has not fucked him yet…and if she does it will most likely be because she couldn’t figure out another way to reason through my comment here.

good luck vic…you tried your best. maybe next time, be yourself instead of a serious halfbag. the belt is probably hers as well..

7:28 pm September, 16 Vinny Scumbaglia said...

This is a pitifully transparent ploy. “c’mon guys, admit it, we’re all douchebags… give in to the inevitable…”.

Well, Vic, you may have been enticed into pre-pubescent circle jerks with this kind of argument, but (like most evil schemers) you have revealed a mortal flaw.

Yes, your simulacrum has key elements: the tongue, yes, the hair gel, yes the white belt, and yes the shirt minus sleeves– all very douchey, well done *saracastic claps go here*….

but, nitwit, you had a collar. And you LEFT IT UNPOPPED.

Go buy copies of HCwDB and distribute them for free at Rehab until somebody kicks your ass.

–VS

7:31 pm September, 16 ehcuodouche said...

I can’t get mad at Vic. He may be trying, but I don’t see tatts, or a hat with the tilt, or any Ed Hardy. OK, there is the white belt. Still, I give this guy a pass. His image of the douche isn’t of the offensive type. He just dresses a bit outlandishly preppy. I’m actually happy he has Librarian Hott Cindy. She’s smoking. It would be a tragedy if she was instead with someone like Fish Slap or the Donk. Even “Vic the Brick” isn’t offensive, since it reminds me of the borderline retarded weatherman from Ron Bergundy, and anyone associated with that movie is certainly nottadouche. He killed a guy with a trident, after all.

7:47 pm September, 16 Steve L. said...

while i don’t care if anyone likes Vic, i will make damned sure that Vic hates me more than anything else.

8:29 pm September, 16 Stephanie said...

Fuck this guy,he doesn’t suck enough, we need to abuse really truly angry people who come here and defend this behavior. Vic can go elsewhere for publicity- he’s from some stupid high school from the Midwest or something,most likely Missouri…

9:16 pm September, 16 Baleen said...

Vic, your attempts at attention getting only serve to foul the honor and taint of our douchey third eye, Master of the Galaxy, and bottle poppin, Lord Xenu.
May the rotten areolas of Plinky’s mom spew the creamy contents of their abcessed and ingrown follicles in your eyes just prior to Samauri Scrote’s enevitable lopping off of your husk-of-a-noggin with red hot piano wire. It is not done in anger as much as it is a strugggle for balance.
And poo.

5:57 am September, 17 search engine positioning said...

I literally saw a horse micturating road yesterday. One of those horses, horse transport. Wang huge, huge puddle.

6:57 am September, 17 Bag Margera said...

The douchiest thing about about you, is your desire for attention. I could say other things, but for you, that’s all that needs to be said.

11:20 am September, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Mr. White 12:01
Great. Now I’m gonna be fappin’ all day instead of answering these nasty legal notices I’m being bombarded with on account of my own laziness and negligence. Ummmm, Cindy Librarian sandwich….
@ Scrotato 2:10
I’ll be right over as soon as I’m done with Mr. White and Cindy. God damn these fucking immigration people–my cocck supplier is being held up overseas and I’ve pretty much stuffed everything in this house up my cooter to pass the time. Nothing’s working. I require something with a pulse and there doesn’t seem to be any way around it.

11:06 am September, 19 Sir David Douchenborough said...

No sense of self? Check
Appeal to base cultural materialistic norms to replace lack of self and seek external validation? Check
Rationalize cognitive dissonance by claiming ironic self-awareness? Check
Strain excessively to convince others that this makes you somehow more enlightened to avoid deserved mockery? Double check

Congratulations, you are a weekend of rejections away from becoming a full blown sociopath.

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