Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Lumpy Professor

I haven’t seen an arm that lumpy since my ferret had lupus.

EDIT: And yes, it’s been officially confirmed that this is the douchebag side of our 2009 HCwDB of the Year winning couple, the powerhouse that is Smoot.

There are ‘bags who come and go. There are few legends who can pump up into this state of absurdity.

# posted by douchebag1
7:12 am September, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

SMOOT! I’d recognize that slouch anywhere.

7:18 am September, 14 Sir Boo said...

How many belts does he have on? Synthol at its finest.

7:19 am September, 14 Goyyou said...

“It’s never lupus” [....] It seems the worst the douchebag is, the better the chick is.

7:20 am September, 14 Vin Douchal said...

Couple years back, I had a beloved Golden Lab that took on a disease. I had to give her daily insulin shots and in the morning I had to stick a suppository stick up her arse and waltz her around the backyard until she did her bidness.
.
She was a good old girl.
.
I would rather eat her shit, suppository and all rather than say, ‘ Excuse me, you are about to get hit by a bus, sir” to this guy

7:20 am September, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

The sign says “All Fails are Final”. Truth in advertising at last.

7:25 am September, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Vin
.
Have you no respect for 2009′s Douchebag of the Year? This guy has a name you know. It is Smoot and it will not be denied. Although it’s also been roiding it up from the looks of that pickle jar stick.

7:30 am September, 14 ehcuodouche said...

Apparently London has been infested with a type of hipsterbag.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVmmYMwFj1I

7:32 am September, 14 Wheezer said...

My first reaction was also “Hey, it’s Smoot!” But then I thought, “No, he seems too stocky for Smoot.”
.
Then I punished myself by going through all the previous appearances…..well, at least those that actually showed. But I think Scrotato is correct – check for that little tatt on the left arm here ass well…..and by ass, I mean Crystal’s.

7:36 am September, 14 Vin Douchal said...

His raisin ‘nads are going on strike. Al Sharpton is on his way right now to rally in front of local news channels as professional California rioteers, who love crowds, fires and taunting police regardless of the cause, are now giving interviews in Los Angeles to Spanish language Morning Zoo radio shows.
.
Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa hung up his cell to cease begging for Laker/Kings/Dodgers/Sparks/Lady Gaga tickets to say,
.
“I am an orange douchebag with a hot chick and I refuse to allow ‘nads to be abused so today I institute a 37% tax on steroids, hasta luego, pinoches”

7:38 am September, 14 Wedgie said...

Smooooooooot. Nice to see you again, my old friend. Yellow wristdanna, multiple belts, faux hawk and looking all Winstrol’d up, too. It’s nice to see a real pro in action, reminding us all that not only consistency, but a strong work ethic, is necessary to pull of a yearly win. Pay attention, newbies. This guy is the Jerry Rice of douchebags.

7:39 am September, 14 Vin Douchal said...

BTW, that gal is Lu Parker, Miss America 1994 and Channel 5 KTLA news personality

7:42 am September, 14 mr.reeve said...

Mayor Antonio Villaraigosabag and a hott chick. Good find Vin. He is a total asshole.
This Smoot character has muscles on his muscles. When do the Roidbags say enough is enough?

7:45 am September, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Wheezer,
When you have a minute e-mail me at mr.scrotatohead@gmail.com. Need a favor from you.

7:46 am September, 14 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Nice belt.
Is this some sort of poo convention? Look behind the hott, there is some other shirtless freak behind her with a back the size of my cocccck.

7:49 am September, 14 Claude Douchenburg said...

Do roids do that to your hair?

7:51 am September, 14 Vin Douchal said...

I like the prophet of doom in the back with the sign that states “All Exits Are Final”. Indeed they are, soothsayer

7:51 am September, 14 DarkSock said...

Damn; Smoot’s arm needs to take a dump or something. He must have finally gotten employment jacking off Clydesdales or something.

7:51 am September, 14 Wheezer said...

@Scrotato -

Done.

7:52 am September, 14 DarkSock said...

Slightly off topic, but I need to ask Baron Von Goolo:
.
What in the FUCK is going on up there in Portland?
asdff

7:52 am September, 14 Wheezer said...

‘Sock,
.
Just as long as he’s not peeing in those horses…..

7:55 am September, 14 Claude Douchenburg said...

I think his entire outfit and all his accessories need to go into a douchebag museum.

8:04 am September, 14 Wedgie said...

Future anthropologists will study him.

8:18 am September, 14 Wheezer said...

…..and I LIKED it!

8:22 am September, 14 E-blo's Last Thought said...

“SMOOT SAYS GROO.”
In my opinion, the best tagline ever put on the site.
Smoot is indeed a legend

8:24 am September, 14 DouchYouWannaDance said...

That studded belt, coin earrings and 99cent-store white plastic sunglasssess…

Aunt Edna???

8:36 am September, 14 doucheywallnuts said...

Amazing what anabolics can do. “Anabolics: It’s What’s for Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner!”

8:39 am September, 14 Deltus said...

@DarkSock: and more to the point, why is an angry Betty White riding a be-centaur-ed John Ritter with a leather bikini and a flaming chainsaw, on a weekday?
.
Mind, that’s so much awesome right there, my head might explode.
.
Also, Smoot? Ease up on the ‘roids, man. You want big arms, we get it. But they’re affecting your mind terribly now. Evidence: you’re wearing at least 2 belts, and I think a third belt buckle to combine the belts. That ain’t right. Bad Smoot! *spritzes Smooth with a spray bottle of vinegar*

8:40 am September, 14 Nancy Dreuche said...

Ah Smoot, an oldie but groo-die. Now when will he do us and Liberace’s belt a favor and just groo DIE?

8:51 am September, 14 Captain Garanichode said...

280 lbs of dynamite with a 1/4 inch fuse

9:06 am September, 14 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

My man. Long time no see, Smoot.
.
I see you still have the scoliosis…and every horrid douche accessory known to man, beast, and the mighty Greico. And still rockin’ the Close Encounters tower cut.
.
Now please be a good old soldier and fade away.

9:08 am September, 14 ehcuodouche said...

@Dark sock

“What in the FUCK is going on up there in Portland?”

Drugs, lotsa drugs. And coffee.

9:18 am September, 14 Chevy Doucherado said...

Great to see Smoot again. We need solid, quality bags like him and the Gator to remind us what we’re here for.

FUCK YOU SMOOT!

9:21 am September, 14 CBS said...

i see this crossing guard and all i can say is…His name was Robert Paulson…his name was Robert Paulson

9:21 am September, 14 Douchezilla said...

ENUPCHUCK!!

9:35 am September, 14 End the Haberdouchery said...

Fact: If Smoot flexes all his muscles at the same time the required blood flow to his body will deplete his brain of oxygen and he will momentarily pass out.

9:55 am September, 14 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@End^
.
Happens oh, two, maybe three times an hour.

9:55 am September, 14 Et Tu Douche? said...

Classic D-Baggery!!!!

10:46 am September, 14 skrag2112 said...

I just realized where I’ve seen this guy before…

http://members.fortunecity.com/zobovor/bebop.kitbash.jpg

11:26 am September, 14 mr.reeve said...

I was in Portland 5 weeks ago. ehcudouche is correct. Drugs, drug addicted homeless dudes everywhere asking for money, beer and coffee.

11:33 am September, 14 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Smoot. We never knew ye.

11:34 am September, 14 Dr. Richard Goesinyou said...

Would you?

12:01 pm September, 14 Medusa Oblongata said...

Nice little sippy cup full of pee, Smoot. You’re gheyer than Richard Simmons and Ryan Seacrest oil wresting on the Poop Deck of The Love Boat. He’s got that orange wristdana as a reminder of what skin tone he needs to achieve before his transformation can be 100% complete. Yeah, we thought he was already there. He’s not Proompa orange yet, there’s still room to grow.

12:03 pm September, 14 One for the Choad said...

Smooooooot! Do you know that I actually miss him? Man, that ‘hawk’s gotta go, though.

12:24 pm September, 14 Jaques Doucheteau said...

I live just south of Portland, and I have to say that it’s even worse than drugs and coffee.
.
Hipsters. Everywhere. It’s like a city that wants to be Brooklyn but with hiking trails and hippies. The hipster fad has gotten so out of hand that hipsters are ironically dressing up like hipsters as a way of mocking hipsters because they secretly despise yet are in denial of their own hipsterdom.
.
It’s bad.

12:29 pm September, 14 Jaques Doucheteau said...

A bunch of thirty-somethings trying to reclaim their youth by listening to 80′s music and getting wasted on micro-brews and overpriced PBR alternately. They’ve all gone vegan after reading “Skinny Bitch” and bike to work each day on their single gear Schwinns.

1:01 pm September, 14 Pudwank said...

Is that Arthur Kade in the background?

3:58 pm September, 14 Southern Scrotic said...

Smoot just isn’t aging well, is he.

4:32 pm September, 14 Wolfram said...

Smoot reminds me of The Crusher from the Bugs Bunny cartoon . Am waiting fer his triceps to swallow his head PMSL

5:52 pm September, 14 Troy Tempest said...

Smoot reminds me of Mongo only stupid.

6:18 pm September, 14 Memphis Bleeth said...

How is this Smoot? Smoot has tattoos.

8:07 pm September, 14 Steve L. said...

Smoot is even bulkier now. he’s keeping up with the roids, he is.

9:54 pm September, 14 Stephanie said...

His “cool outfit” cost about 9.99…and he was shopping in the girls department…

11:04 pm September, 14 Wheezer said...

@Memphis Bleeth -
.
Smoot’s arm tatts are all on his right arm, but check out the little one nearly hidden by his flame-orange wristdanna. Then check my earlier post here with the link waaaaay up there @ 7:32 a.m.

6:00 am September, 15 Douche Equis said...

Smoot is awesome. He is the douchebag’s douchebag. He is so douchey that he almost doesn’t annoy me, he’s doing it so perfectly. Did I just say that?

11:05 am September, 15 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Smoot isn’t on ‘roids. He was sent over to the hospital after Plinky’s mom had liposuction. He saved all the “extras” and started injecting himself with them. For instance, look at his left forearm. You can clearly see the outline of what used to be the fat around Plinky’s mom’s nose hairs. Now look at the bicep. He has injected the processed fat droppings from her crabs. The tell-tale sign? That’s some lumpy shit my friends.

12:49 pm September, 16 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

It’s good to see SMOOT again and be truly reaffirmed of the need for such a website as HCWDB.

Leave a Reply