Monday, September 20, 2010

Vlad the Inhaler

For years, historians wondered.

What was the secret of Vlad’s potency with the finely peared ladies?

Was it Vlad’s patented “shirt over neck” maneuver?

Three inches of undies poke?

Ubiquitous Red Cup?

Or the power of douche face?

The answer: Licky Nip.

# posted by douchebag1
12:14 pm September, 20 Crucial Head said...

Vlad The Inhaler: Ants Everywhere Fear His Snout.

12:16 pm September, 20 Crucial Head said...

As his role with The Broncos lessened with each passing week, Tim Tebow began to slink further into the shadows of doucherie.

12:16 pm September, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Romania…Romania…you do not border the Adriatic. Bunch of FUCCEN gypsies, Tramps, thieves, Griecos, Travoltas.

12:18 pm September, 20 Crucial Head said...

That’s some asshole cladding she’s sporting. I bet her farts from the depths of Jerz would make a dingo’s ears bleed as it sat calmly ‘neath a tree in The Outback.

12:20 pm September, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Vlad and Nicolae Ceaucescue were the best thing that ever happened to that country but they did not finish the task, lightweights. That is what my watchmaker told me. Fuccken Romas.

12:21 pm September, 20 Merle Baggard said...

Re; Lucky Nip. Again I ask, what is wrong these women?

12:21 pm September, 20 ElderDouch said...

And I thought it was the cig in his right hand!! That’s what I do when I want to be cooooll!!!!!

12:22 pm September, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

As she kissed ever harder Agniski began to osmosize the blood out of Vlad’s limpening body, 50% of which is sausage fat and cabbage.

12:34 pm September, 20 Vin Douchal said...

I hope Uncle Carmine doesn’t look at my Facebook, I was suppozta be runnin’ numbah’s that morning….

12:45 pm September, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

Ouch!!!!!

12:46 pm September, 20 Blinded by the Shite said...

Sarkozy knows how to deal with Vlad and his peoples.

12:55 pm September, 20 Vin Douchal said...

I think I’ve seen this guy before.

12:57 pm September, 20 Blinded by the Shite said...

Vlad’s nipples start to become sensitive as he approaches the end of his first trimester.

12:58 pm September, 20 soy bomb said...

Thas’ the douchiest face I’ve seen in a while. Let them burn.

1:07 pm September, 20 Juggernotta said...

Holy shorn scrotum, is that Dr. Evil?

1:08 pm September, 20 Blinded by the Shite said...

Another Greico, another white baby seal in the Galapagos throws itself off a cliff to fall onto the serrated rocks below.

1:19 pm September, 20 Eliza Douchecoo said...

The shirt over the head move is not so flattering on the moobs.

1:38 pm September, 20 Et Tu Douche? said...

What’s with the tweezed eyebrows?

1:44 pm September, 20 mr.reeve said...

I want to impale my hammer into Vlad’s right eyebrow.

1:48 pm September, 20 Deltus said...

The shirt over the head thing actually makes him look dumber. Which is saying quite a lot.

1:57 pm September, 20 OMFUG said...

Judging only by his moronic squint eyed facial expression, I’d say that calling Vlad a half-wit is still over estimating him by 25%; he’s a quarter-wit. Tops.

1:59 pm September, 20 Medusa Oblongata said...

Great greasy goombahs. There is nothing about this dude that warrants even being near a woman. It looks like Grandpa Munster had sex with a loaf of bread and the resulting spawn lost a fight with a leaf blower.

2:40 pm September, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

One word: Ewwwww!

2:40 pm September, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Or is that “Eeeeeew” ?

2:41 pm September, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Maybe it’s “Eeewww!”

2:42 pm September, 20 The Dude said...

It’d be fun to get them to swap outfits. I’d rather see her with a t-shirt pulled over her head.

2:53 pm September, 20 Wedgie said...

^Second that motion.

2:57 pm September, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

In that case, then, I’d like to see him with a dress over his butt.

2:59 pm September, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

…no, wait a minute, that’s a UniTeddy covering his moobs and over his butt…

3:03 pm September, 20 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

I’m quite sure every asthmatic viewing this photo has already grabbed his or her inhaler or is imbibing four drops of Bach’s Rescue Remedy in a double shot of Maker’s Mark.

3:11 pm September, 20 DarkSock said...

Scrotato ever check back in?
.
Fire or hurricane, I can promise you that it sucks sitting there helplessly wondering if your house is still there or not.

3:15 pm September, 20 Turdacious said...

Man DB1!, that name is too cool for this chunk of waste meat.
I woulda called him something like “1 eyed Larry”

3:17 pm September, 20 Douchey the Great said...

From the vapid look on his face I wonder what did he inhale? My guess is too much Axe Body Spray.

3:26 pm September, 20 scrotum pole said...

Medusa, you ignorant slu….er, gorgon, Grampa Munster would never have sex with a loaf of bread.
I always figured he was bangin’ Marilyn. (and possibly Eddie.)

3:28 pm September, 20 Vin Douchal said...

Open letter to Db1:
.
Please post the next one already. I’m getting a little gassy seeing this guy everytime I check back from work.
.
Your Pal,
Vin

.
P.S. Could you use this Side Boobs photo?

3:29 pm September, 20 douche bagel said...

holy rumpus batman! that is one large turd cutter

4:23 pm September, 20 mr.reeve said...

@Vin, I think we are stuck with this a-hole for the rest of the night. Jebus Cristo!

4:46 pm September, 20 Elementary School Math Nazi said...

@OMFUG

If someone is calling him a half-wit and you think he is a quarter- wit, they would be over estimating him one-fold or 100% old man, bully. I think you yourself may be a genius old man, if multiplied by a factor of three.
Please get back to watering the plants now. Thank you ever so.

4:53 pm September, 20 Elementary School Math Nazi said...

I am not English I just sound that way, bully. Where’s my darjeeling Yates. You are such a thatcher. It’s too hot you poof. When do we get to mock the next douchebag. I do so hope he is Euro and sexy all in feathers and lace like that time we spent in Bruges with the Ostrich wrangler. I so liked it when he took us both at once. ,,,,,,,,,, Yates,,,,,,Yates……where are you my peacock.

5:02 pm September, 20 Elementary School Math Nazi said...

Oh Yates you silly valet, how did you think I wouldn’t find you hiding behind the cask of sherry I keep in the boathouse? Homosexual…..What is that? You mean the time I burgled your turd in the Dutch West Antilles?
Oh youth, you have taken me to be something I am not. You slipped on a spilled molasses and slid into me while you were intoxicated. The fact that I carried you back to the room on my erect penis was a survival skill I learned from Lord Baden Powell m dear Yates. Baden Powell taught me from a young age, they were great gay days in the 20’s that you should never remove an object from its point of entry until a medic was on the scene. The fluid that was found in your colon was trauma juice my dear………….

5:07 pm September, 20 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

You like, huh? Vlad give you free ticket to gun show, yes. And what of Malvina? You like her butt pear? We are very sexy, yes. Now tell me truth, you buy cell phone or no?

5:10 pm September, 20 Elementary School Math Nazi said...

Have you woken Yates? Medic says you should stay sedated until the bandages soak up the bloody juices. What! The nurse says you were on too many already! The whore! She wants me and to that I say, bully. Let me increase your dose just a tad my English boy. Daddy Elementary School Math Nazi will take care of his friend once he takes care of that bad, bad nurse….

5:29 pm September, 20 Elementary School Math Nazi said...

Thank you for the kind applause. Yates is unable to speak for himself at this time.

Exeunt: Estage gauche.

5:57 pm September, 20 Troy Tempest said...

A thousand meerkats puked blood and died when shown the the Licky Nip photo. They stood up on their little hind legs, and their big brown eyes wept tears of pain as their insides exploded through their mouths, tossing them a couple of meters into the bush, their spent little blown apart carcasses nothing more that a home for maggots and worms.

And meerkats are so cute. Imagine these sweet little fellas exploding in a rain of vomit because of Licky Nips.

http://www.fellowearthlings.org/images/home_meerkat.jpg

It’s a sad world we live in.

5:59 pm September, 20 Wedgie said...

DB1 is slurping Night Train and preparing to watch Monday Night Football. Where, in a strange reversal of the 1980’s, the Saints will kick the shit out of the 49ers.
Live long enough, and you will see everything at least once.
Including math arguments on this site.

6:03 pm September, 20 Turdacious said...

@wedgie
there will be no asskicking tonite, i have faith my team.

6:24 pm September, 20 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Fucking Canadian TV Bullshit. Can’t see Monday Night Football. But with NO/SF it isn’t a game anyway. NO won because it was good marketing and the game was fixed. SF=Oakland. Giants will rule.

7:19 pm September, 20 DarkSock said...

Saints, baby

7:19 pm September, 20 DarkSock said...

I’d like to see the Saints take on the Cubs.

7:20 pm September, 20 Steve L. said...

so inhaling too much burnt plastic gives you facial contortions.

7:23 pm September, 20 DarkSock said...

Rodney Dangerfield Jr. wasted little time burning through his inheritance. He spent half his fortune on gambling, loose women and booze; he squandered the rest.

7:28 pm September, 20 Constantine IX Monodouchos said...

I’ve heard he inhaled 3 Ottoman ambassadors. 3!!!

8:08 pm September, 20 Anonymous said...

Isn’t that Tim Teabow?

8:54 pm September, 20 creature said...

girl has a serious pa-dunk-a-dunk

8:55 pm September, 20 creature said...

goon’s face is simply skunk-a-funk

11:29 pm September, 20 Baleen said...

He’s a G.
grease
gut
garlic
goose
gangrene groin
ginzo
gas
gross

5:28 am September, 21 justadouchalo said...

I’m willing to skip this weeks voting and give Vlad the weekly just so I don’t have to look at this shit again Friday.

That is all.

5:36 am September, 21 Turdacious said...

niners owned the saints last night, turn overs owned the niners.
i wish this guy was on the line of scrimage with no pads or helmet

7:38 am September, 21 Eliza Douchecoo said...

@vin 3:28
yes we can all use that pic

8:29 am September, 21 mr.reeve said...

At least it was a good game. My Niners gave that game away. Maker’s Mark is a good hang over at least.

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