Thursday, September 16, 2010
Wet Vac America
Oh, just turned 18 Tracy.
Your tie-died Fratboy Phish-listening 80s sunglasses wearing clownfriends who just took a Bayer aspirin with an “X” crudely cut into it that someone wearing wings sold to them for $22 dollars by the water station are shwicky douchepud.
Your firm, petite melonic melonball firmness deserves to be groped by better hands.
You are clearly stage-2 or even a stage-3 Bleeth, and there isn’t much time to spare. I will read you Balzac and then ask to dust your ankles with a feather duster.
Well said, Oh Great One!
Wow, Britney’s little sister is just a chip off the old blockhead, isn’t she?
^Too angry?
Watch out! He’s got a douche-remote in his hands!
Nuclear splooge on her thigh, means that she’s had sex in the Three Mile Island break room.
I got a balsac she can read…
Uhhh, why are they all wet? When did young douchers start spraying out neon from their little cranks?
This girl is bordering 18. The tattoo is a good indication of old enough to pee……you know the rest.
They’re all wet because that contraption on fat boy’s back is the urine sack at the end of his catheter that doubles as a squirting flower musician’s trick.
And while we are talking about douchebags, I predict this to be the new fashion of the bags……….spray on fabric.
All i can do is scratch my head at this shit and say what the fuck?
Is the guy on the right nicknamed , “Quiche”, per chance?
Jim McMahon bag doesn’t want to start no trouble. He’s just here to do the douchebag shuffle.
spray on fabric, i read about that there was an article in my local newspaper today about it actually, well there’s already been axe bodyspray, spray tan, now spray on fabric what next spray on sunglasses?
@Charles Ulysses Farley, I nearly choakd on a cashew after reading that one. Good stuff.
glistened up for bukkake-uromania orgy…just the way i like them too!!! who are the two eunuchs though? you can send them off to buy a dozen cans of whip cream…just try to keep tubby from gorging himself before they get back.
wow, she is certainly one hott that blots out all the douche surrounding her…
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however, that may have to do with the fact that i am drunker than usual… go figure!
I guess his religion is basketball.
i guess it’s just some basic self-preservation thing that works better with alcohol
missed my shot the other day… Fuck Fish Slap!
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Oily lil’ Tracy would probably do a great job of snorting my mud hole
Kill me now. I’m watching CMT Pure Country while eating dinner in my man cave/music studio and the Nickelback video for the song “This Afternoon” came on.
On the supposed underground country, non-Top 40 station. I’m not going to post a link, fuck that.
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I say we bomb Canada. Make them unrecognizable like a hillside cave farm in Pakistan
when Tracy starts college, she’ll dump the shwicky douchepuds.
wait. maybe she won’t.
Stage 3 bleeth for sure, but man look at those golden globes…
2 + 2 + 2 = 6, they’re staying after school for poor math test scores,and so early on in the semester.
douche poo in shades is trying to make dumbass in the back his talking dummy sat “Grr”
Serious daddy issues. And Tracy debuts on the weekly best-of videos with a 94% rating over at PornHub in 3, 2, 1…
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Good for you Tracy.
It’s a production still from the set of Vivid Video’s James Bond parody – “Jammed Bung: The Secret Agent Double Penny Traitor”.
The Amish may not have Sybians, but they do have the tech required to clamp a half barrel full of snakes open-end down over a hot coal pit, then ass-clamp the bung hole in the top of the barrel with the pig-greased orifice(s) of their choice and wait for scaly writhing hot RAPTURE.
Having said that, these folk do not appear
To be Amish…
And why, exactly, does she need to be clothed at all?
Hott looks fairly slippery all aquaed-up like that. I hope on the night someone had the common decency to slap rotund-on-right (who looks to be pulling a diseased liver out of his arse).
Nuclear splooge in the thigh, it means you had sex in the break room at Three Mile Island.
Deja vu all over again.
It may be a stretch to say Tracy is 18. From the size of her hands she could be a Carny. Circus folk. Nomads you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.
She probably has one of those “watch me strip and writhe in front of the laptop” websites. Next stop: bukkake.
I hope she does, I hope she does.
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Which one of you basement dwelling nerds will now find it and post the link here?
White trash has never been so orange
@Vin Douchal: uh, let’s not bomb Canada, there’s a few regular mockers on here that wouldn’t like that. We know about Nickelback and Bieber and other terrible acts, and we’re sorry. But don’t discard the baby with the bathwater.
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@Wheezer: agreed, Christina Hendricks should be naked, all the time. Or in skimpy underwear. Um… excuse me, gotta go… visit the bathroom.
Enormodouche on the right is putting up his order for the number of triple thick burgers from Hardee’s.
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His side-kick, Fung douche is holding up the number of times he was given a wet willy by Enormodouche in the last 10 seconds.
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Miss Minxy McCocckwiper is letting us know what the going rate is for that thing she can do with her tongue for you. Yep, for two whole dollars she’ll rim out a nostril.
Dude, is that a cross with a basketball on it? Do you now understand why we just consider tattoos autodouche?
Let’s give a big round of applause to the winners of this year’s Olestra Olympics. Our contestants just finished the 50-meter-dorm-hall-run-after-eating-a-bag-of-chips-and-a-bowl-of-chili-athon. Tracy “Loose Stool” McAdams displays the fine form that won her the gold. Marc “Fat Bastard” Anuse takes the silver with his special “two-finger shuffle” method and Eric “Balloon Juice” Friedelhoffer took the bronze. Originally all the contestants thought they had tied for second until someone pointed out that there had to be a winner. Yes, yes, they are all “winners”.
That chick is gross. I think I’ve seen her on the business end of some serious bukakke already. I mean, I would bet she has. I would never watch something as disgusting and degrading as bukakke porn. Ew! All those huge, throbbing, glistening cocks all being stroked in honor of one chick, who’s ready to lap it all up like this was the greatest birthday party I ever had, I mean, she ever had, I mean, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah. I hope this girl sticks to her Community College goals, she needs direction.
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@ Wheezer–I read that article the other day and it made me ill. You bet your sweet ass if I were a dressmaker I’d break my neck stumbling over my sewing machine to make something for her. Not even because she’s hot, but SHE’S A STAR AND PEOPLE LIKE HER AND THAT’S HOW YOU GET BUSINESS. Not only THAT, but it’s a big step to design for someone who isn’t a broomstick. Usually dresses for these fuller-figured gals look like an awful old muumuu. Mz. Hendricks has always looked lovely, so whoever’s dressing her is doing a hell of a job. However, that pisses me off that she gets snubbed like that. I wish I was a designer. I would bring her into my studio and we would giggle and have some tea and scones and swap skincare tips. And then I would watch her carefully undress, the light pouring in from the windows illuminating her porcelain skin with a heavenly glow, outlining the gracious curve of her body through the pale pink satin slip she wore. I’d approach with the tape measure, shyly, and ask her to raise her arms out to the side. I’d reach around behind her, placing the tape measure across her shoulder blades, my fingertips tracing along the soft curve of her torso as I drew around the front. My eyes couldn’t help but fall to her bosom as it rose and fell ever so slightly with her quickening breath, my fingers sliding closer and closer to the stiffening peaks of her nipples straining against pink satin. I pause, look into her wide eyes as she parts her dewy, full lips and……
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If you want to read the rest, send $19.95 via paypal, you can email me for the link.
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@ Darksock 10:34
Oh, my God.
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Yeah, where is Croosh, anyway?
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Oh, please don’t bomb Canada. Tim Horton’s, John Candy, Rush (fuck you, I love Rush) Back bacon, The Mounties, The MacKenzie Brothers, NoMeansNo, Skinny Puppy (although they’re in California now, WTF), Hockey….Really,they’re not so bad. I think more appropriate would just be a witch hunt. Nickelback, Alanis Morrisette, Avril Lavigne, Bryan Adams and a few others need to be burned at the stake.
She’s a spinner.
@Vin
Even worse on CMT in the wee hours was the totally unremarkable “Celtic Rock” tin whistle pipers Great Big Sea and Celtic Thunder. I want Dallas reruns back. Bomb the east coast and Edmonton, Alanis will have to be a precision strike cause she rolls in L.A. You will need a mini Transformer to find that midget Bieber. And the best pizza in the world is in Eastern Ontario.
Shouldn’t that be Wet Vac Tracy as in she’ll suck them dry?
Mr Biggs 9:21…
Hence my comment at 6:29 9/16/10.