Thursday, September 16, 2010

Wet Vac America

Oh, just turned 18 Tracy.

Your tie-died Fratboy Phish-listening 80s sunglasses wearing clownfriends who just took a Bayer aspirin with an “X” crudely cut into it that someone wearing wings sold to them for $22 dollars by the water station are shwicky douchepud.

Your firm, petite melonic melonball firmness deserves to be groped by better hands.

You are clearly stage-2 or even a stage-3 Bleeth, and there isn’t much time to spare. I will read you Balzac and then ask to dust your ankles with a feather duster.

# posted by douchebag1
4:15 pm September, 16 justadouchalo said...

Well said, Oh Great One!

4:15 pm September, 16 Wedgie said...

Wow, Britney’s little sister is just a chip off the old blockhead, isn’t she?

4:16 pm September, 16 Wedgie said...

^Too angry?

4:18 pm September, 16 Constantine IX Monodouchos said...

Watch out! He’s got a douche-remote in his hands!

4:31 pm September, 16 scrotum pole said...

Nuclear splooge on her thigh, means that she’s had sex in the Three Mile Island break room.

4:35 pm September, 16 DarkSock said...

I got a balsac she can read…

4:39 pm September, 16 mr.reeve said...

Uhhh, why are they all wet? When did young douchers start spraying out neon from their little cranks?
This girl is bordering 18. The tattoo is a good indication of old enough to pee……you know the rest.

4:50 pm September, 16 Vin Douchal said...

They’re all wet because that contraption on fat boy’s back is the urine sack at the end of his catheter that doubles as a squirting flower musician’s trick.

5:00 pm September, 16 mr.reeve said...

And while we are talking about douchebags, I predict this to be the new fashion of the bags……….spray on fabric.

5:01 pm September, 16 MILLS said...

All i can do is scratch my head at this shit and say what the fuck?

5:01 pm September, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Is the guy on the right nicknamed , “Quiche”, per chance?

5:02 pm September, 16 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

Jim McMahon bag doesn’t want to start no trouble. He’s just here to do the douchebag shuffle.

5:05 pm September, 16 MILLS said...

spray on fabric, i read about that there was an article in my local newspaper today about it actually, well there’s already been axe bodyspray, spray tan, now spray on fabric what next spray on sunglasses?

5:21 pm September, 16 mr.reeve said...

@Charles Ulysses Farley, I nearly choakd on a cashew after reading that one. Good stuff.

6:23 pm September, 16 CBS said...

glistened up for bukkake-uromania orgy…just the way i like them too!!! who are the two eunuchs though? you can send them off to buy a dozen cans of whip cream…just try to keep tubby from gorging himself before they get back.

6:27 pm September, 16 I douche, therefore I am said...

wow, she is certainly one hott that blots out all the douche surrounding her…
.
however, that may have to do with the fact that i am drunker than usual… go figure!

6:29 pm September, 16 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I guess his religion is basketball.

6:33 pm September, 16 I douche, therefore I am said...

i guess it’s just some basic self-preservation thing that works better with alcohol

6:38 pm September, 16 creature said...

missed my shot the other day… Fuck Fish Slap!
.
Oily lil’ Tracy would probably do a great job of snorting my mud hole

7:33 pm September, 16 Vin Douchal said...

Kill me now. I’m watching CMT Pure Country while eating dinner in my man cave/music studio and the Nickelback video for the song “This Afternoon” came on.
On the supposed underground country, non-Top 40 station. I’m not going to post a link, fuck that.
.
I say we bomb Canada. Make them unrecognizable like a hillside cave farm in Pakistan

7:33 pm September, 16 Steve L. said...

when Tracy starts college, she’ll dump the shwicky douchepuds.
wait. maybe she won’t.

7:35 pm September, 16 Douchelips said...

Stage 3 bleeth for sure, but man look at those golden globes…

8:24 pm September, 16 Stephanie said...

2 + 2 + 2 = 6, they’re staying after school for poor math test scores,and so early on in the semester.

8:39 pm September, 16 creature said...

douche poo in shades is trying to make dumbass in the back his talking dummy sat “Grr”

9:40 pm September, 16 Baleen said...

Serious daddy issues. And Tracy debuts on the weekly best-of videos with a 94% rating over at PornHub in 3, 2, 1…
.
Good for you Tracy.

10:24 pm September, 16 DarkSock said...

It’s a production still from the set of Vivid Video’s James Bond parody – “Jammed Bung: The Secret Agent Double Penny Traitor”.

10:34 pm September, 16 DarkSock said...

The Amish may not have Sybians, but they do have the tech required to clamp a half barrel full of snakes open-end down over a hot coal pit, then ass-clamp the bung hole in the top of the barrel with the pig-greased orifice(s) of their choice and wait for scaly writhing hot RAPTURE.
Having said that, these folk do not appear
To be Amish…

12:15 am September, 17 Wheezer said...

And why, exactly, does she need to be clothed at all?

1:09 am September, 17 tall guy said...

Hott looks fairly slippery all aquaed-up like that. I hope on the night someone had the common decency to slap rotund-on-right (who looks to be pulling a diseased liver out of his arse).

3:01 am September, 17 seo firm said...

Nuclear splooge in the thigh, it means you had sex in the break room at Three Mile Island.

3:38 am September, 17 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Deja vu all over again.

3:47 am September, 17 DoucheyWallnuts said...

It may be a stretch to say Tracy is 18. From the size of her hands she could be a Carny. Circus folk. Nomads you know. Smell like cabbage. Small hands.

4:36 am September, 17 Troy Tempest said...

She probably has one of those “watch me strip and writhe in front of the laptop” websites. Next stop: bukkake.

4:57 am September, 17 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

I hope she does, I hope she does.
.
Which one of you basement dwelling nerds will now find it and post the link here?

6:32 am September, 17 Dex said...

White trash has never been so orange

6:57 am September, 17 Deltus said...

@Vin Douchal: uh, let’s not bomb Canada, there’s a few regular mockers on here that wouldn’t like that. We know about Nickelback and Bieber and other terrible acts, and we’re sorry. But don’t discard the baby with the bathwater.
.
@Wheezer: agreed, Christina Hendricks should be naked, all the time. Or in skimpy underwear. Um… excuse me, gotta go… visit the bathroom.

9:03 am September, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Enormodouche on the right is putting up his order for the number of triple thick burgers from Hardee’s.
.
His side-kick, Fung douche is holding up the number of times he was given a wet willy by Enormodouche in the last 10 seconds.
.
Miss Minxy McCocckwiper is letting us know what the going rate is for that thing she can do with her tongue for you. Yep, for two whole dollars she’ll rim out a nostril.

9:21 am September, 17 Mr. Biggs said...

Dude, is that a cross with a basketball on it? Do you now understand why we just consider tattoos autodouche?

10:50 am September, 17 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Let’s give a big round of applause to the winners of this year’s Olestra Olympics. Our contestants just finished the 50-meter-dorm-hall-run-after-eating-a-bag-of-chips-and-a-bowl-of-chili-athon. Tracy “Loose Stool” McAdams displays the fine form that won her the gold. Marc “Fat Bastard” Anuse takes the silver with his special “two-finger shuffle” method and Eric “Balloon Juice” Friedelhoffer took the bronze. Originally all the contestants thought they had tied for second until someone pointed out that there had to be a winner. Yes, yes, they are all “winners”.

11:02 am September, 17 Medusa Oblongata said...

That chick is gross. I think I’ve seen her on the business end of some serious bukakke already. I mean, I would bet she has. I would never watch something as disgusting and degrading as bukakke porn. Ew! All those huge, throbbing, glistening cocks all being stroked in honor of one chick, who’s ready to lap it all up like this was the greatest birthday party I ever had, I mean, she ever had, I mean, what were we talking about? Oh, yeah. I hope this girl sticks to her Community College goals, she needs direction.
.
@ Wheezer–I read that article the other day and it made me ill. You bet your sweet ass if I were a dressmaker I’d break my neck stumbling over my sewing machine to make something for her. Not even because she’s hot, but SHE’S A STAR AND PEOPLE LIKE HER AND THAT’S HOW YOU GET BUSINESS. Not only THAT, but it’s a big step to design for someone who isn’t a broomstick. Usually dresses for these fuller-figured gals look like an awful old muumuu. Mz. Hendricks has always looked lovely, so whoever’s dressing her is doing a hell of a job. However, that pisses me off that she gets snubbed like that. I wish I was a designer. I would bring her into my studio and we would giggle and have some tea and scones and swap skincare tips. And then I would watch her carefully undress, the light pouring in from the windows illuminating her porcelain skin with a heavenly glow, outlining the gracious curve of her body through the pale pink satin slip she wore. I’d approach with the tape measure, shyly, and ask her to raise her arms out to the side. I’d reach around behind her, placing the tape measure across her shoulder blades, my fingertips tracing along the soft curve of her torso as I drew around the front. My eyes couldn’t help but fall to her bosom as it rose and fell ever so slightly with her quickening breath, my fingers sliding closer and closer to the stiffening peaks of her nipples straining against pink satin. I pause, look into her wide eyes as she parts her dewy, full lips and……
.
If you want to read the rest, send $19.95 via paypal, you can email me for the link.
.
@ Darksock 10:34
Oh, my God.
.
Yeah, where is Croosh, anyway?
.
Oh, please don’t bomb Canada. Tim Horton’s, John Candy, Rush (fuck you, I love Rush) Back bacon, The Mounties, The MacKenzie Brothers, NoMeansNo, Skinny Puppy (although they’re in California now, WTF), Hockey….Really,they’re not so bad. I think more appropriate would just be a witch hunt. Nickelback, Alanis Morrisette, Avril Lavigne, Bryan Adams and a few others need to be burned at the stake.

11:29 am September, 17 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

She’s a spinner.

@Vin

Even worse on CMT in the wee hours was the totally unremarkable “Celtic Rock” tin whistle pipers Great Big Sea and Celtic Thunder. I want Dallas reruns back. Bomb the east coast and Edmonton, Alanis will have to be a precision strike cause she rolls in L.A. You will need a mini Transformer to find that midget Bieber. And the best pizza in the world is in Eastern Ontario.

12:26 pm September, 17 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Shouldn’t that be Wet Vac Tracy as in she’ll suck them dry?

1:56 pm September, 17 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

Mr Biggs 9:21…

Hence my comment at 6:29 9/16/10.

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