Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Alyssa’s Boobies Power Priuses

I don’t know how annoying a douche Teddy douchechamp really is. A stage-2 bar choader at best, in the Fred Durst oeuvre.

But Alyssa’s pale, delectable cleavite is a rare and inviting delicacy of wanton lust and powerpuff slappy tap.

A small tribe in Guinea once built a shrine to honor the bounciness of Alyssa’s curves, but the Tribal Elder, K!chu, demanded it be torched and never spoken of again.

# posted by douchebag1
2:44 pm October, 13 Wedgie said...

Too bad K!chu didn’t demand that she light Durstie on fire, and dance naked around his flaming corpse.
Now, that’s a sight I’d pay good cash to witness.

2:45 pm October, 13 Mr. White said...

I’d let Medusa tat that same sleeve on my arm while drunk out of her gourd and using only a Bic and a dull butter knife, if I could then drape it around Alyssa’s boobage.

2:50 pm October, 13 soy bomb said...

The urge to ‘bate is incredible.
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F*ck it, why fight it? I’ll be back later. Still here, but, y’know, not really typing stuff and whatnot.

2:54 pm October, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

I feel like I just barged in on the these two’s awkward dry hump session, thus causing the dreaded dry humpus interuptus. Sorry Teddy, by the look on her face I’m sure she was “almost there.” Next time lock the door.

2:57 pm October, 13 cmak said...

Just add some librarian glasses and remove the choad…MMmmmmm

2:59 pm October, 13 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Priuses aren’t the only thing she can power…

3:00 pm October, 13 fatness said...

Tina Fey has had some work done…

3:08 pm October, 13 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

Teddy has that dreamy far-away look in his eyes because he’s fondly remembering that one and only night when K!chu tenderly took his virginity during their intense session of oonga boonga.

3:47 pm October, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Mr. White 2:45
Just be careful not to pop me in the schnoz, because I’ll be using it to root out her perky pink nipples from under that sweater.
.
I give him a notta, even if he does look like Jesse James with gout. At least he looks as awestruck as i would be if I had my hands so close to that glorious bounty of boobage. I just wanna rub ’em with olive oil and then dive across them naked like she was a Slip’n’Slide.

3:48 pm October, 13 Medusa Oblongata said...

However, I give her minus ten for making the stupid “MySpace Face”. Enough with the ducklips, look me straight in the eye. There. Now. Tits or GTFO.

3:55 pm October, 13 Devon Wheatcakes said...

Oh, to be a miner, trapped for sixty-nine glorious days in the darkened depths of her warm and supple cleavage.
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Rescue?
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I think not. It’d be far nobler to suffer a long and terminal asphyxiation between those fabulous globes of flesh and silicone.

3:57 pm October, 13 massengill said...

His face…
It’s like a still from the opening credits of “My So Called Life” or something.

3:59 pm October, 13 massengill said...

Her face…
Face? What face?

4:04 pm October, 13 Devon Wheatcakes said...

A Swedish Doctor invented a brassiere, which when worn properly, greatly reduced a woman’s breasts from bouncing and/or jiggling , and also prevented her nipples from protruding when she became cold or excited.
.
He was found beaten to death by a group of angry men, outside of his office.

4:41 pm October, 13 Wedgie said...

Two words, pasty boy: Tanning Salon.

4:44 pm October, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

That Randy Quaid II can sure pull some tail.

4:46 pm October, 13 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^Shame about the fungus he caught while spellunking the day after Burning Man. That Beverly D’Angelo sure could pull my cocc.

4:46 pm October, 13 Vin Douchal said...

He looks like Barney Frank Jr
.
She looks like Bristol Palin if she went the Heidi Montag route and got everything reconstructed in Beverly Hills.
.
And by reconstructed I mean her brown winker, my piston and a can of Mobile One Synthetic Oil

4:54 pm October, 13 Vin Douchal said...

There once was a tatted choadwank
Who looked the spawn of Barney Frank
Although his date’s cute
By wearing him like a suit
She’s skirting the line of bar skank

5:03 pm October, 13 system of douche said...

‘Dusa touched on a major pet peeve of mine.

The retarded duck face, or the idiotic whites of the eyes eyeroll (optional).

Either look causes my fists to clench in white knuckled fury. I long to inflict bodily harm upon the offender. What the hell is wrong with people? Do they think that’s attractive??

So, in summation, despite Alyssa’s cleavite, I want to steamroll her and Whitey McTatt into the ground.

5:42 pm October, 13 Justin said...

This dude is a fartknocker.

5:43 pm October, 13 Justin said...

…but not a total ‘bag. He’s on the waiting list, though.

7:12 pm October, 13 Turdacious said...

Shes got that Winona Klepto look…..fuc, wheres my watch?

7:14 pm October, 13 Turdacious said...

damn it , now my wallets missing!

7:19 pm October, 13 doucheywallnuts said...

I think he’s going for a retro Riki Rachtman look. Her boob/neck/face area looks photoshopped, particularly the shadows on the under,inner boobage. Little does he know, she’s squeezing out an air biscuit into his lap. This reply comes to you courtesy of my “stream of doucheiousness style of writing.

7:40 pm October, 13 Turdacious said...

God I love Winona Ryder
Not only is she hott, but if things got tight with money.
We would probably do alright without me doing any prison time.

8:59 pm October, 13 Steve L. said...

this would be the douchey photo-op version of pity sex.

9:15 pm October, 13 Crucial Head said...

If Alyssa doesn’t earn a nomination to Hall of Hott, then I am going to quit my job.
.
Which, up until this point has been snapping photos with my AF28-300mm F/3.5-6.3 XR Di VC LD Aspherical (IF) Macro lense of Medusa O using the toilet from my strategic vantage point in the self-constructed nest in the trees across the way from her loft.

9:16 pm October, 13 Crucial Head said...

At least that’s what I tell myself everytime I rip off another sheet of flimsy.

10:13 pm October, 13 Mr. Biggs said...

Sorry guys, I’m gonna play the jealousy card and give him a +1/+2 douche modifier just for mugging such a perky young thing. Besides, he’s got the ridicutatt and the chin fung. And I still try and avoid threadbare patches in my jeans.

10:33 pm October, 13 Motorcycle Parts said...

His eyes, because he is fondly remembered as the one and only night K! chu tenderly took her virginity during their meeting intense

10:50 pm October, 13 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

First piece of exuberant buxom business . Alyssa for Hall Of Hott!!! NOW!
.
I believe that I can prove that those pythonic jiggilys will cure lupus… The certainly cure limpness (not counting limp bisquick drummer ScrOtto propping up her hottness).
.
Will someone please save her before Teddy pee’s in her butt…

10:51 pm October, 13 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

!kung pygmies of South Africa were seen hoisting tiny cables to keep her boobies in proper suspension. (by order of !fung)

And our douchewanking choadchomper displays how icky tatts are when compared to licky tits.

11:04 pm October, 13 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

I’m gonna go be alone with my penis now. I simply cover his tard-gob with a post-it and it’s showtime!

11:14 pm October, 13 Crucial Head said...

If she doesn’t make Hall of Hott then I am going to sandblast Mr. Scrotatohead’s testicles with Francine’s salty fuccen tears.
.
That’s right.
.
I’ve been keeping her here this whole time in my back pocket for this key gametime situation. I give the Boss my (honored membership into the Hall of Hott voting board) vote for Francine…if the rest of you scoundrels will concede Alyssa.
.
Dual induction via quadruple Kleenex & lotion. It’s that simple.
.
May the boobies prevail.

11:56 pm October, 13 Wheezer said...

Alyssa’s boobies.
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You want more?

12:57 am October, 14 Baleen said...

Is he sitting on a giant thumbtack?

1:04 am October, 14 Baleen said...

And his chin pubes are the same color as the poo splatters in my toilet bowel the day after I’ve drunkenly gorged on Taco Bell. Takes fuccen sandpaper to get that shit off.

3:20 am October, 14 MC 900 Foot Douchebag said...

With a sleeve like that he’s far beyond Stage 2.

4:30 am October, 14 Douche Bigelow said...

Gazing at that rack i almost dont notice the stupid fuckin looks on both theyre faces…..almost

5:20 am October, 14 Snowdouche's vegaterian brother said...

Two words; Punch. Face.

5:21 am October, 14 Snowdouche's vegaterian brother said...

Oh, and Boobs.

5:24 am October, 14 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

She is nummy. He’s a bit needy of attention with that massive sleeve tattoo (or maybe he’s trying to cover up a horrible birthmark), but doesn’t otherwise offend me.
.
I, too, have Post-It notes, and they will suffice to keep his goofy mug out of mind for the requisite time staring at this picture.

6:34 am October, 14 Eliza Douchecoo said...

damn those look nice, I’d like to smack the look off her face though. I’d like to smack the face off of that guy.

8:08 am October, 14 Deltus said...

Not boobs sure boobs what boobs it boobs is boobs about boobs this boobs picture boobs that boobs I boobs like boobs, but boobs I boobs do boobs like boobs it boobs. Oh, and? Boobs.

8:54 am October, 14 DoucheyWallnuts said...

The hall of hott calls for this bird are a bit troubling.

10:56 am October, 14 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

Yeah, I don’t know about HoH, but she’s definitely better than some of the chicks gracing these forums in the past couple weeks. I loves me some cleavage.
.
He looks vacant and disinterested, like he’s only holding onto her until her real boyfriend comes back from the restroom.

11:50 am October, 14 Blair said...

Chris Penn had a baby with Fred Durst.

7:56 am October, 15 Anonymous said...

Douche von heimlich!

Nice titties. Must see pear!

5:02 pm October, 15 Didjeridouche said...

I dunno, his face has a kind of haunted look to it, like underneath it all he’s aware of how far gone he is & wants out, but he knows it’s already too late so he’s desperately clinging to a life preserver.

A hott-shaped life preserver named Alyssa.

10:08 pm October, 25 Hugo Boss Mens Suits said...

Yes, I do not know about the HOH, but she definitely gracing these forums in recent weeks, some better than girls. I loves me some crack.

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