Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Ask DB1: The Paradox of Orange Boobs


—–
DB1,

I have spent a lot of time picking at the daisy petals of my loins…i’d hit that, i’d hit that not, i’d hit that…

My question is this, does radioactive orange qualify a hott for closet of poo infamy and generally poo status?

As much as the bodacious pear, sweet suckle thigh and delicious cleavite are there, there and there…they are covered in pooocity! so what is the right move with this type of baguette hott…Rush or Flush?

— A.J.

——-

What you ask about, A.J., I expound upon at greater length in my book, and is called the “Douchadox.”

This is the douchal paradox when confronted with a hot chick who is both Hott, yet also Bleeth. ‘Bag Huntresses also face this conundrum when tagging a ‘bag who is incredibly douchey, yet offers genetic merit that cannot be denied.

There is no easy resolution of the Douchadox. It tests even the proudest ‘bag hunter’s strength of will. But the short answer is that you must resist, and mock, even as the loins attempt a nervous system coup.

# posted by douchebag1
12:36 pm October, 19 Wedgie said...

Or you can just warm up a nice orange in the microwave and hump it.
Or so I have heard.

12:36 pm October, 19 Wheezer said...

The Snooki-wannabe in the photo does not turn me on. Boobies, yes, but the rampant bleethery here trumps the boobies.

12:37 pm October, 19 skrag2112 said...

Not with 50 cans of Raid and a level 5 bio-hazard lab. She is a walking advertisement for crotch-rot.

12:38 pm October, 19 Wedgie said...

Hey, is that another Russian spy-girl?

12:39 pm October, 19 Douchble Helix said...

Bull. You bang it. Never, ever, cock-block yourself. Never!

12:43 pm October, 19 Vin Douchal said...

When it comes to pussy, my buddies at Mass Maritime Academy used to say , ” Any port in a storm”.
.
Of course the Grieco Virus was unheard of and a simple penicillin shot upon returning from liberty could handle 75% of the crap they’d pick up in the Phillipines.
.
.
@ AJ
I have two words for you : “Grudge Fuck

12:45 pm October, 19 saulgoode42 said...

I’d hit it…with a stick to beat it back.

12:58 pm October, 19 Medusa Oblongata said...

“‘Bag Huntresses also face this conundrum when tagging a ‘bag who is incredibly douchey, yet offers genetic merit that cannot be denied.”
.
Did Fenton Hardy write that? Sheesh. I will say this, though, Boss, you do have a point there. When perusing the mall and I am presented with a tight ass or a broad set of shoulders, my eye cannot help but follow. When I see these young men with their junk full of spunk and looking for something to rub up against, I have to remind myself of one thing: This is the enemy. And as the devil will disguise himself to make himself appealing, so will the Douche Demon. Luckily I am repelled by fwippy hair, big watches and bedazzled jeans. I simply imagine the noise said douche would make if he opened his mouth. What good is a stuff dick if all I can hear is “GROOOOOOOOOOOO” ? It’s gonna throw off my rhythm.
.
As it goes with adouchetrements, so it goes with Bleeth signifier. A Tan alone is not enough to deny a fine set of boobies. But, as with the specimen above, you have the white plastic squared-off nails. You have blast-shield shades, chalky white lipstick, hair bleached to the consistency of a haystack and douchey sneer. Boobs can’t save that. Boobs aren’t always the answer. There are boobs-a-plenty to be had that aren’t attached to such a ghastly beast. Trust me on that.
.
Spring fashion, indeed. I spring from my clothes and then spring face-first into that ice cream sundae of boobage.

1:09 pm October, 19 Mr. White said...

My penis is now hiding next to my left kidney because of this picture. It is not comfortable.
.
@medusa
After the “Mad Men” season finale Sunday, they had a little commercial with cast members to advertise the upcoming premiere of “The Walking Dead.” Christina Hendricks said she liked to watch horror films. I would like to watch horror films while curled up in her lap and/or nestled betwixt her bewitching bosoms.

1:09 pm October, 19 Blinded by the Shite said...

So sad to hear about Tom Bosley today. I remember that time me and my friend Potsie had to keep these two chicks separate for the Fonz, so we broke into the cinema after it had closed but got caught, and my dad Mr C. had to bail us out.
.
Also, boobies for the win, bleethies for the bin.

1:14 pm October, 19 Deltus said...

As Medusa so aptly pointed out (and thank you, Ms. Oblongata, for that righteous view of Her Hendricksness), there are different parts on douche and bleeth that are appealing. Yes, that choad stain might have great arms or a taut bum. Yes, that bleeth skank might have firm, proud boobs or a juicy pear. And if you concentrate only on the good parts, you may soon find yourself in a WORLD of regret and have to boil yourself in bleach. So, DON’T CONCENTRATE ON THOSE PARTS! Look instead and dwell upon the negative. The douchey tatts. The garish, stupid clothing. The fucking unnatural orange skin that would make an Oompa Loompa cringe. Focus on those qualities, and whatever stirrings in your loins you might have felt will quickly be replaced with righteous mock that will spew forth freely from your lips.

1:15 pm October, 19 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

I’d hit it. After an STD screening at the free clinic. And a power washing.

1:21 pm October, 19 Justin said...

I see no boobies here.

1:26 pm October, 19 Blinded by the Shite said...

Brad Ferro would hit it.

1:29 pm October, 19 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I care not about the level of bleethyness, I find the good in a skank. Skanks are awesome, just make sure you wrap it up, or you’ll have more sores on your weiner than that guy I used to know who had all those sores on his weiner.

1:32 pm October, 19 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

I’d give her the Pink Sock, then leave her to de-fog those mad tard’ish aviators. .
.
Hopefully jaundice isn’t contagious…

1:42 pm October, 19 fatness said...

Liptatt has bigger tits than this skank.
.
Next…

1:44 pm October, 19 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I must sheepishly admit that I like girls with orange boobies which are of the A-cup nature. But they are hard to titty-fuck.

1:57 pm October, 19 DarkSock said...

I’m no geologist, Boss, but I’m not sure that’s a female human:
asdfff
asdgffggge

1:58 pm October, 19 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

Hearkening back to the “OH” game from the Assface McReynolds thread–
.
OH = “Orange Ho”
.
.
Sorry–thread-jumbling by Re-Re-Re. I’m just flummoxed, that’s all. I don’t know how to respond to a photo on this site that features neither douchebag nor hott chick.

2:08 pm October, 19 Wedgie said...

Raymond Babbitt says: “I’d hit it……..time for Judge Wapner”!

2:46 pm October, 19 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

The snapping of bubblegum. They can go nowhere unless they are snapping a mouthful of the shit. Drives me fuccen crazy! And the yelling into the cell phone. And the checking of the hair/dress/face/shoes every time they walk by something reflective. You can only hit while driving at 70 mph. And then back up. And hit it again. And again. And again…

2:47 pm October, 19 I R A Darth Aggie said...

You have to look at them under a black light. If they’re still orange, head for the exits no matter the siren song being sung to you.

3:28 pm October, 19 mills said...

i say all pussy is worth a look but not all is worth a fuck, look but dont touch, she may be worth a wank but she aint worth the money in the bank.

4:38 pm October, 19 Douchble Helix said...

It’s much bigger than just tonight’s nut.

Once you start making excuses for not “gettin’ some” (that you shoulda had), the next excuse comes that much easier. You’ll hit the bottom of that slippery slope pretty fast, and probably realize you’re a bone smuggler.

7:08 pm October, 19 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

What she lacks in boob-size she more than makes up for in sunglasses size…

…Carefully tinted to match her oompa-loompa orange.

7:17 pm October, 19 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Peel a cantelope, carve a hole in the fruit, and f*ck it to your heart’s content.
.
Then cut it up and serve it to your f*cking mooch brother-in-law.

7:28 pm October, 19 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Even Joan Rivers appreciates the Douchadox paradox in her Fashion Police show on the E Channel, with her “Starlet or Streetwalker?” segment.

And it’s a crossover to the HCwDB Rock Star Leniency Rule, too.

Or as Confucius say, “Damned confusing.”

8:25 pm October, 19 Stephanie said...

Angry tranny!

8:28 pm October, 19 Stephanie said...

Angry sleestack tranny!

8:46 pm October, 19 Steve L. said...

her nails are bigger than her boobs.
okay i didn’t take out at tape measure to measure them. i just feel like saying that.

8:59 pm October, 19 Troy Tempest said...

Here’s an interesting conundrum – will she change her tint to something within the RGB colour space, soften the snear and marry some douchenozzle just to get dumped when she’s 40 and the size of a refrigerator, if a refrigerator was shaped like a fireplug, by her balding douchenozzle husband for some bleethy bint half his age he acquired as a trophy prize for his stunning career in real estate, or IS she the bleethy bint for some oldbag scuzball’s trophy prize for his stunning career in real estate?

Curiouser and curiouser.

12:04 am October, 20 Douchble Helix said...

Dark Sock, great comparison photos!

2:11 am October, 20 tall guy said...

I’m pleased Medusa mentioned the bleeth’s nails. Every time I see the same style they’re unfailingly attached to the the type of hideous trollop who assumes – incorrectly, wrongly – they are the business. What’s with that? As for the rest of her: it had potential but didn’t she go and fuck it up! Stupidity stupid.

5:49 am October, 20 Tony Ventresca said...

Time remaining until this bottle blonde gets breast implants….5….4….3….2….1….

6:52 am October, 20 Bag Margera said...

I’d pee in that horse.

8:42 am October, 29 nix nash alan said...

The Zune concentrates on being a Portable Media Player. Not a web browser. Not a game machine. Maybe in the future it’ll do even better in those areas, but for now it’s a fantastic way to organize and listen to your music and videos, and is without peer in that regard. The iPod’s strengths are its web browsing and apps. If those sound more compelling, perhaps it is your best choice.

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