Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Douchebags Down Under
With the recent success Australia has had fighting back the Douchebag Plague, reader moomz writes in to tell and show us that all is not well in Oz:
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Warning!.. Warning! The douche bag epidemic has gone global and is spreading faster than herpes on the set of jersey shore.. I found these pix on a friend of a friends facebook!
apparently all you need to be a gangster in Australia is a fanny-pack, gold chain,tribal tattoos(to show your spiritual side) ed hardy tshirt and 10 friends with knuckle tattoos.. watch out chopper!
– moomz
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Perhaps it is time to call upon The Choad Warrior. To seek vengance in our post-douchepocalyptic wasteland. Keep mocking, moomz. The battle continues.
Sheila boobies. I want to spread vegemite on them, and then lick it off.
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Lick, rinse, repeat.
i’d hit that with a carp, i’d hit that from the back, i’d hit that and that with each other, i’d hit that with my raging schlong, stop hitting yourself…stop hitting yourself.
Do you think you’re the only one that’s suffered? We’ve all been through it here. But we haven’t given up. We’re still human beings with dignity. But you? You’re out there with the garbage.
The Great Papagallo
that is a veritable plethora of children’s shoe sized IQs in one frame.
Being confused isn’t cool she thought and replied, “stop asking me such dumb questions.” He pondered his interest range at this point and consciously contemplated, “if she says she loves sushi the most why is asking her if she has ever gone to Tokyo a problem?” She had been twirling a string of hair, and licking the front of her teeth with her tongue. Looking around the supper club there were only older balding heavier sets. She turned back to him with a raised eyebrow as if to spur him onto conjuring up the right kind of conversation to stimulate her nymphonic needs and whet her truly retardedly voracious sexual appetite. He leaned back and opened his mouth, “GRROOOOOOO”. She winked and replied, “you got a car?” “GROOO”. “Alright then, let’s get out of her.” Her hand pressed against his chest. He heaved a breath. She felt a quiet comfort in knowing that he was a living thing. Later that night she sucked a mean dick and received multiple spooge in facial area. Grunts and giggles rang out. He got the herpidaurus rex virus to which rotting testicles was all too common. She squeezed out two retarded shit babies and a crusty log from her Vaganus. The End.
When no thoughts are running through your head, but are instead crawling and wheezing looking for a little oxygen in the thick smog of ignorance and ineptitude… and when the background noise of your subconscious mind is really just images of Schwarzenegger’s penis floating around as if in a restless sea jagerbombs and k-y jelly…you might feel compelled to flip the bird as a snappy bit of moxie. nip the confusion of the moment and life in the bud. assert yourself boldly. but it will never change that you sir are a douchebag through and through.
Great movie.
It’s that infamous butthole surfer gang that calls themselves “The Brat Boys.”
Bonus rebellion points for the fanny pack on the choad on the far right.
@ CBS—Holy choking belly laugh. You’re a madman and a poet.
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@ Moomz–Don’t worry. Our armies are training to come to your aid.
shiv that throat, shine that bump, stomp that skull and shoot that grump. Stuff that mouth and wax those tits, ugly shirt guy can eat some shit. open fanny pouch and turned upside down, shaken first and dropped to the ground. grab that coke in short supply, dont forget the hotts’ kiss goodbye. now the bags know the score. i’ll be back next week to git sum more.
“Alright then, let’s get out of her.”
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A punch line feverishly searching for a set-up…
The guy in pic #2 (front right) was in Zombieland, right?
Since when did puppeteers start controlling their marionette’s using only their middle fingers?
Normally I hate when Americans travel to other countries and set the example of the adage “Ugly Americans.” In this case, for the sake of Australia, I PRAY these are just some Ugly Dirty Jerz Guid Americans. Then I hope they are on a Dirty Jerz charter flight that crashes into the sea while the pilot parachutes to safety.
Such naughty finger gestures from such pristine girls
Holy God ..these aren’t Douchebags in the 2nd pic …they are fuccin’ ZOMBIES !! UNDEAD DOUCHEBAGS ! Is this what happens to ‘Bags when they die ? I am very very afraid .Time to buy a new rifle . And a crucifix and some other Catholic stuff from the statuary .And an exorcism kit . @ DB1 Tell the truth – is this a Halloween stunt ?
Talk about throwing gimps on the barbies….
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Wow. Just wow.
@theonetruedouche
they aren’t that pristine.
they popped each others’ cherries in the niagara falls area i believe
you were talking about the guys right?
re: chopper pic.
what a bunch of cretans! and by misspelling i really mean a bunch of bull headed incest driven drunks who rape themselves silly with a collection of rusty labrys if mum is snoring and unavailable for a good wank.
i would build a bomb shelter for them…add a few paris hilton blow up dolls filled with cyanide gas…show them the way in with a path of used condoms covered in aerosol cheez whiz and then lock it down. two weeks later we found a chapter out of the jim jones gospel fully equipped with Philomena March formation…that is to say every bag had their head fully shoved up the ass of the bag beside them. they had thought it the only place where the air might be breathable. after chinese death fart breakfast foreplay their whole lives…the theory made some kind of sense.
let us say a prayer for these great innovators:
It was plain to see that your life was lost
You was cold and your body swung back and forth
But now your eyes sing the sad, sad song
Of how you lived so fast and died so young
The second pic shows some downtime on the set of the new gay zombie gangbang feature “Zombie Douchebag Gangbangers: Bukakk-a-doodle-doo-doo”.
On the set of Rob Zombies new movie
“Douche of the Dead”
Sheila Boobs Hott on the right, I love you.
Illiterate takedown request–featuring Aussie slang–in 3…2….1….
we need to get these tools in chinese finger cuffs stuffed with angry harvester ants
pearl pear?
http://www.comparestoreprices.co.uk/images/br/bracli-exclusive-sexy-spanish-lace-and-mallorcan-pearl.jpg
Seems all you gotta do is flip off the camera guy too. After dolling yourself up for a few hours to get to the hip club and posing just right so you can get into the social websites.
Bleethy goodness…Too bad there are douches in the picture. It;s as if they are saying, “What do you think my finger smells like?”
I think there is a need to make a new Resident Evil where douchebags take the place of the zombie menace.
Speaking of undead: Is that Godric (True Blood ‘bag) on the front left?
ways to die #597 Stink face vs Dirt Bomb
gangsters with fanny packs… now that is… just stupid.
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well, i guess it hides your weapons better.
bleeths need more orange.
…
okay i lied. they need HateSex GrudgeFuck.
Aussie douche-grunge-zombie shows what that country is all about.
May they all just crawl way down under a rock and stay there. Or better yet, take a ” Picnic at Hanging Rock” and just disappear.
I think my mom has that same fanny pack.
Am I the only one who is getting a strong neo-nazi skinhead vibe from these douchebags? Aryan Nation discovers Ed Hardy?
hm i wonder what the late, great, steve irwin would make of these creatures in his home land, probably something like…
“crikey what have we here aye?! ah a couple of muzzas and bogans of aussie land! in their natural habitat, they tend to only come out at night to drink, very nocturnal creatures they are, Note their distinctive markings a bum bag and henleys shirts with gold, this is what they use to attract a mate..and ..wait!.. yeh by the looks of it they sure have some beauties with them though cor! look at that one forget a ray she can sting me any day! ”
or something to that extent, well in australia they may have won the battle against ed hardy, but not the war, and what cant afford hardy can afford henleys a cheaper but just as douchey solution to brand warfare.
The douchebag epidemic down under is in most cases nothing to fear.
The Great Southern Land was quite unkind to the Hipster Plague before them, it is an unforgiving landscape as we all know from Mad Max, but soon enough these Douchebags will realise Australia is more Wake in Fright than it is Mad Max and discover their shirtless arses in the middle of the desert, not knowing how they got there, holding a gun with one bullet in it. All because they got too drunk and took the bus home and ended up in Woop Woop.
Face it, American subcultures like Jersey Shore ironic appreciation don’t last long here, as it is an utterly bleak habitat which will swallow annoying subcultures whole. You have not lived until you have heard an Australian accent on a hipster, and you have not lived until you hear Italian Australians poke fun of the accents on these bozos they see on TV. It’s that surreal.
What a bunch of douche bags for writing poetry about douche bags.. Seriously? emotions much?