Friday, October 1, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links

Ah, yes, the energetic power Prius electric vegan combo of alt girls and hipsterbags.

Girls with strange hair dyes and dudes wearing giant wooden necklaces.

They fuel our society like so many online ‘zines and indie bands begging you to iTunes their two minute autotune synth masterpiece so they can finally open for the band opening for Vampire Weekend at that Portland show the drummer’s older brother totally has a connection with.

Because it’s a dream come true, man.

Someday, we’ll all get signed to that label in the sky.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD pick of the week: “Let me go, Barney!”

Maxim Online totally comes up with a hilarious article on douchebag mocking techniques totally on its own through sheer creative writing genius, totally!. Remember kids, if you edit a major magazine and see something funny written on the internets, it’s freeeee to copy!

Las Vegas is now killing tourists with death rays. Say hello to Vegas Ass Kicker’s mom for me.

A reader notes that Alex Trebek’s Jeopardy! stays hip with the kids.

Uniquely American douchebag Spencer Pratt promotes his new movie: Malibu 69 or something. (I only made it 10 seconds, and then I castrated a baby seal).

On Ebay, you can bid on a ‘bag lunch.

This week in HCwDB History: In the mid 19th Century in England, douchebags were called Macaronis. Thus the line from Yankee Doodle Dandy “stuck a feather in his cap and called it Macaroni,” was a mocking English reference to how ignorant Americans were when they tried to, literally, peacock it up for the ladies. See? It all ties together.

Ed Hardy Motorcycle helmets. For when you want your counterculture rebellion mass produced and on sale at a discount online website.

The great Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon riff hilariously on feminine hygene products in 1974.

Bollywood officially pwns Hollywood with the greatest trailer of the year.

Ladies and gentlemen, Young Christopher Walken says everything there is to say.

So from Young Christopher Walken saying everything, there is nothing left to say. We leave the linguistic realm and we go straight to the Pavlovian response:

Desert Pear

And:

Fleeing Pear

Go forth. Chase a fleeing Pear. Flee a chasing bear. But, most importantly, celebrate our God given right to alcoholic inebriation. For the Weekend is upon.

# posted by douchebag1
1:04 pm October, 1 Bag A said...

Smiling blondie has that look. That look that she would tear you up in the sack. And then demand more. Yes. Yes she would.

1:04 pm October, 1 Bigphatnotadouche said...

Bollywood trailer – need to show Bollywood pear

1:05 pm October, 1 mr.reeve said...

All I know is when I watched the Walken video this appeared on the right.
Mmmm pear. How I love you.

1:05 pm October, 1 Jimmy said...

Love me some HEather Thomas in Zapped. I always thought she was the hotter of the two early 80’s Heathers.

http://www.uhnd.com/bb/forum/index.php?action=display&forumid=2&msgid=82011

1:06 pm October, 1 douche bagel said...

CW’s first movie. awesome

1:06 pm October, 1 mr.reeve said...

Man David Schwimmer sure turned into a hipsterbag since Friends. Watta docuhe.

1:08 pm October, 1 mr.reeve said...

My brother had two Heather Thomas poster’s on his walls growing up. I wonder why? YIKES!!!

1:09 pm October, 1 mr.reeve said...

Here is one of the posters.

1:12 pm October, 1 Blinded by the Shite said...

@ Mr. Reeve 1.05pm
.
Thusly, this then appeared from that video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2oLps1HyuV8&feature=related
.
What a country!

1:16 pm October, 1 tall guy said...

I find hipster bags terribly disturbing.

Nice pear, especially fleeing pear.

@ CBS. Re the link you posted: there’s a medical name for what that chick suffers from. Imbecilitis. She’s obviously in the final stages.

Enjoy your weekend fellow baghunters. We done good this week.

1:19 pm October, 1 mr.reeve said...

@Blinded by the Shite,
I see your video and raise youone Ass Pear video. I agree, watta country!!

1:28 pm October, 1 Sack O Douche said...

Wow! So much pear for my “research”. What a great day. Heather Thomas was my wet dream in high school.

1:37 pm October, 1 UFO Destroyers said...

And I thought the Japanese were just making up some sort of weird word play during translation from English. They actually had the proper historical context in mind when they renamed the Jersey Sores for import to the Land of the Rising Sun.

1:40 pm October, 1 UFO Destroyers said...

Mr. Reeve, are you my long lost imaginary brother? I had two Heather Thomas posters as well. Along with posters of Testarossas, Mustangs, and Paulina Porizkova. What a life back in 1983……

1:43 pm October, 1 Army of Douche-ness said...

I love how far behind maxim is with its fratish humour

1:53 pm October, 1 jonezy said...

DB1, it’s unfortunate you couldn’t parlay your macaroni reference into the latest news that Jersey Shore is called Macaroni Rascals in Japan.
.
Would have really brought that full circle.
.
But I’ll give you a notta pass for today, cuz hey. App Sear. I mean Ass Pear.

2:10 pm October, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Didn’t have time to log in. Spencer Pratt is my Robber Baron? I can’t wait to hear back from the Kleenex poopoo pirates. Fucck off I have to shit.

2:16 pm October, 1 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

I’d drop my keys in pink mullet’s poop chute, but only if blondie is there to tease my taint (but don’t put your finger all the way in…)

2:19 pm October, 1 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

wood necklace is some sorta gay anal bead road flare to others of the same persuasion

2:28 pm October, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

My name is Bruce Dickinson. We need more cowbell.

2:30 pm October, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Cowbell. That reminds me that my basement got flooded and ruined my fuccking drums last night. They were on the floor in moving boxes. Fuccking rain of the century. And fucck off Gretsch.

2:31 pm October, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mark Cuban is one lucky douchebag.

2:31 pm October, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I hate the Brits.

2:32 pm October, 1 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Nice helmets. Good luck with those at Sturgis next year.

2:42 pm October, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Johhny Carson = genius
.
That Bollywood “Robot” movie looks awesome. And, it’s nice to see Ravi Shankar put down that annoying sitar and do something with his life
.
Spencer Pratt could easily be the biggest waste of oxygen on the planet. Let’s hope he takes a cut at a burly papparazzi that turns the table on that wussy snapping off his arms and causing grevious harm to his junk.
.
Blondie in the photo has a bend-y straw. I would surmise that she brings her own package of straws in her purse because no club is cool enough to offer those marvelous little creations. You go girl, you’ve got style to go along with those weight lifter hands

2:46 pm October, 1 Doc said...

i saw the reverand chad kroeger get bukaked by the entire Manchester City football squad

3:08 pm October, 1 Doc said...

i saw captain bringdown… wait no i didn’t…

3:12 pm October, 1 Mr. Biggs said...

I can wander around in the desert for 40 years with desert pear. We’ll chase fleeing pear.

No concerns about aging, for desert pear is timelessly youthful.

3:15 pm October, 1 Doc said...

i saw boatbutter eating the yeast out of miss anon’s pee hole while creature was giving him a roman soldier helmet. then i barfed on whoop di douches cat and slapped wheezers dog.

3:31 pm October, 1 Captain Lame said...

Hey Dark Sock, I think you might have an poser pretending to be you around the internets…

3:31 pm October, 1 Doc of Coc said...

I saw doc eating vegas ass licker’s poop noodle while 69ing a horse.

4:21 pm October, 1 massengill said...

Air Hockey GIF

5:18 pm October, 1 Mahatma Gandouche said...

Heh, Heh, Vegas Death Rays…
last night on CSI the plot revolved around a shark in the pool of a Vegas casino the bags and bleeths were delicious !! “mmmmm good times”

5:19 pm October, 1 Mahatma Gandouche said...

Heh, Heh, Vegas Death Rays… last night on CSI the plot revolved around a shark in the pool of a Vegas casino the bags and bleeths were delicious !! “mmmmm good times”

6:45 pm October, 1 Deltus said...

I do loves me some Friday pear.

8:16 pm October, 1 Mr. Biggs said...

Gotta say db1… That’s some choice hipster prose you put up there. Pleasure to read. Reminds me if when I had my own offline zine back in the 90s. Then the scene got flooded with people dressed to the nines looking the part.

8:27 pm October, 1 Douchus Christ said...

Long time fan here. I haven’t had a chance to peruse a HCwDB comments’ section in months, and I’m disturbed by how few of the “regulars” (from 2008-early 2010s, at least) are still kicking.

Are my favorite bag hunters succumbing to douche? Is morale dying? Did happy hour drink-drink glug-a-lug come early today? Or have they all gotten promotions that limit internet time at work?

Keep up the good work, DB1. We need you as much as we’ve ever needed you!

9:36 pm October, 1 Tom Choad said...

We gotta recruit more mockers. I’ve been lurking on this site for about 2 years but only recently began posting. And yes, I am generally violating my employer’s acceptable use of resources policy when I do.
.
Oh, Chris– be careful when eating America– I hear she kicks when she comes.
.
Oh, was Walken NOT talking about that Ugly Betty chick?

9:44 pm October, 1 ehcuodouche said...

Yes! DB1 read my e-mail about the macaroni!

I feel fulfilled. Time for a celebratory glass of Charles Shaw shiraz and a strawberry zinger.

9:47 pm October, 1 Stephanie said...

Everyone here liked the Johnny Carson Ed McMahon fun. No one cared about the turds in the photos.

10:31 pm October, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Watching the news this morning when the most orange field reporter ever came on to discuss all the rain in the Philly area . He was also so orange I thought my TV was on the fritz
.
Steve Keely is some square jawed annoyance that had a girlfriend, also a reporter from the same station.
.
He’s the douche on the left. I do not know the smiling jackal with him
.

.
.
Anyhoo, … best part of the story is the ex-GF , Jennaphr Frederick, is now burning him big time on her twitter page… tossing diggers and giving out his phone number ! Ha! Scorned woman with some juice.
.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a more orange photo of Keely or one with a HCwDB moment.

10:32 pm October, 1 Vin Douchal said...

Sorry for the size ^ Wow!

8:18 am October, 2 notadouche said...

That Indian movie will be the last thing I see! The awesomeness will kill me.

9:09 am October, 2 CBS said...

dramatic sized pic vin

it’s almost as if he is actually jumping off the screen and into my house, rooting around at the back of the vegetable crisper and stealing my 69 yr old mother’s jacket. someone needs to tell him he has a cat turd stuck in his teeth so he shuts his mouth and stops looking like a such a creepy jackass. i can imagine his days off are quite low key…just cattle prod insertions and bloody paddle spankings from a transexual slave master. He is known in that circle as Blinky for his incredible ability to absorb loads into his tear ducts. Pinky Blinky the Stinky Twinkie…that’s what the kids sing when he emerges on sunday morning violently high on xantax and ass dripping with crispy creme glazing while stumbling back to his own house in a low cut mini skirt.

11:27 am October, 2 DarkSock said...

My favorite part of the Maxim blog:
.
…it’s the perfect ironic counterpoint to the edgy person beneath (if you don’t really understand how irony works, at least).
.
Here’s the definition of Irony: A once-entertaining men’s mag that got hi-jacked by metrosexuals being so clueless as to belatedly jump onto the “Douche-Bash” bandwagon, thusly mocking their own reader base.
.
See how I did that, Alanis? Didn’t have shit to do with a black fly in a wine glass, now did it?
.
buncha sac slaps.

11:07 am October, 3 Steve L. said...

Desert Pear is hotter than all the scorching heat that the Sahara can muster.

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