Friday, October 8, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links

‘Bags and Hotts float through our collective unconscious like phantasms of spectral toecrud.

It is Freud’s primal scene, the words of corporeal wrongness written on the facebook walls. And twitterbook halls.

The echo in the sound of douchebag.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB DVD Pick of the Week: “Story of my life. I always get the fuzzy end of the lollipop.”

Miami club owner hoping that the sports fan ‘bags won’t realize it’s a recession, that $15,000 for a cabana and champagne is asstastic, and that hi-def TVs are quite cheaply priced these days.

Billy the Exterminator continues to terrorize small woodland creatures with extreme douchebaggery.

Australia’s wonderful successful victory in the War against Ed Hardy didn’t come without significant financial costs.

Via Reader Joe comes this week in Retro HCwDB: 1959’s Edd Byrnes and Connie Stevens.

For the sports fans among us, baseball’s Bryce Harper busts a douchey-ass faux/mo’.

Ed Hardy pizza boxes. And the baby Cthulhu weeps.

Tapout Clothing, official brand of wannabe M.M.A. douchebags everywhere, attempts to challenge Ed Hardy and Affliction dominance by training the next gen of ‘baglings.

And if that was too much of a downer for ya, there’s always this.

But enough Roddy genius. You’ve come for the pear. And I give you the pear.

Cruise Ship Pear.

Globby bread glute. Enjoy. Celebrate. For it is Pear.

# posted by douchebag1
1:13 pm October, 8 mr.reeve said...

They Live and Ass Pear will lead me to early drinking today to celebrate me losing a job and gaining one all in the same week. Let the beer flow like water at the Niagara Falls tonight at the reeve residence. Good weekend to you all.

1:13 pm October, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Most douchebags flame out before their mid to late 30’s. So on the plus side those MMA baglings will be dead and gone before they’re able to drive.

1:15 pm October, 8 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

Mr. Reeve^
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Congrats on the second job! Tough time to lose one and gaining a second in the same week…that is kharma my friend. Hope there is much rejoicing at the Reeve house this weekend. And by rejoicing I mean angry growly sex with no apolgies afterwards for the bite marks.

1:18 pm October, 8 mr.reeve said...

Mr. Scrotato Head, thank you kind sir. I agree. And I believe all the above will happen. To me of course. My wife is wild like that.

1:27 pm October, 8 Eliza Douchecoo said...

I was already planning on drinking heavily rooting on my Phillies this weekend but the girl in this picture will make me drink even more now. Why does she insist on rubbing her tulips on this fucck-tard? Alas there is no good answer. My only solace is knowing that soon she will be infected with herpes from this wanker.

1:40 pm October, 8 BigDaddyGoat said...

Ah, Michelle (Lexa) Mindiny, how her ass is round.

1:41 pm October, 8 Wedgie said...

That is almost a great pic. Too bad he’s in it.
Somebody photo shop that, and re-post it so I can jerk off properly.

1:50 pm October, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I haven’t looked at the Friday shit yet as I am going out to dinner shortly in my hometown for the first time since I moved back, My mother is going to be there so I hope no one picks a fight.

Anyway. DB1’s rambling at the prologue to this Friday mess reminds me of a new millenium version of Jim Morrison’s drug fueled ramblings from 1969, I was a very mature four year old, and I like rambling. Scuse me while I kiss this guy.

1:54 pm October, 8 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

@Mr. Reeve

Good job young man. We must never give up. I hope the first job was not lost for inappropriate and frivolous internet use like this.

1:56 pm October, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Cruise Ship Pear gives added definition to the term

a) Love Boat
b) Anchor’s away!
c) all hands on deck!
d) Mutiny on the Bounty

2:02 pm October, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Billy the Exterminator should concentrate on vixen of the human variety…that is, if they’ll have him, instead of him having at the fox in the chicken coop.

What’d the poor fox ever do to Billy?

2:02 pm October, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Fox probably took one look at Billy and died of fright right on the spot.

2:03 pm October, 8 Blinded by the Shite said...

That’s one poop deck I wouldn’t mind swabbing.

2:06 pm October, 8 Blinded by the Shite said...

I think I’ve managed to pursue and locate Australia’s lamented Ed Hardy Operations Pty (EHOP) Ltd

2:06 pm October, 8 DarkSock said...

So Mr. Gary Berman waltzed out of Australia, defaulting on loans and failing to pay the workers in the failed Ed Hardy chain…Guys, this is why you don’t want to work for or loan money to Douche Bags. Because, they’re like, um, Douche Bags.
.
He sounds really choked up about it though: “”When you put four years of your life into something, and it goes under, it’s hard to stay upbeat….It was a good product and I’ve got a wardrobe full of it.”
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FAILIKOPTURZXZ
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Mr. Reeves: you didn’t work in an Australian retail fashion chain by chance, did you? Congrats on the new job; slip the IT department some beer so you can keep up the good fight here during working hours.
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Speaking of Good Fight, here’s the worst fight ever. For shame, James Tiberius Kirk….

2:13 pm October, 8 tall guy said...

It’s upsetting to think that the Berman douche might eventually land on his feet (while conveniently forgetting his creditors).
I should be used to this shit by now. The fact that I’m not keeps me going in the fight against taint.
Enjoy you weekend fellow bag baggers. We move with stealth, steadily towards our targets.

2:17 pm October, 8 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Going after Christian Audiger seems more to the point when attacking Ed Hardy enterprises.

LEt’s face it: tasteless eagles with confused Asian design dragons and tigers next to them were in the American graphics vocabulary from the earliest days.

Did I say tigers and dragons?

Sorry. That came with the chinese porcelain trade.

2:44 pm October, 8 Deltus said...

Literally, I could be smothered by Cruise Ship Pear, and die a happy man. Lord amighty, that’s a fine ass!

2:54 pm October, 8 massengill said...

Without having any formal MMA training, I’m pretty sure I could take both kids in the Tapout video at the same time.

2:56 pm October, 8 massengill said...

I feel totally misled, I thought she was going to be on a cruise ship, not on the balcony of a condo building I have seen on CSI Miami about 12 dozen times.

3:42 pm October, 8 Justin said...

Best ass pear ever! I love her.

3:42 pm October, 8 Mr. Biggs said...

What a roller coaster. First I saw the MMA kids. And I thought the army of the undead was training to kill child Jesus. Then I saw Rowdy Roddy. And thought there was no way pear could top that.

Then I saw cruise ship pear.

Nuff said.

3:46 pm October, 8 Justin said...

…she also goes by Carrie Du Four. You’re welcome!

3:48 pm October, 8 Mr. Biggs said...

Justin is that pear courtesy of yourself?

4:58 pm October, 8 Medusa Oblongata said...

Some Like It Hot. Ahhh, yessir, that’s when movies were movies. And that’s when Tony Curtis famously blurted at an awards event RE Marylin Monroe, “It’s like kissing Hitler!” I never would have thought that, but okay. RIP, Tony.
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@ Rev Chad–my condolences, followed by my congratulations. Make friends with the IT guys at your new gig. We lost a lot of good ‘baghunters that way, blocks and all, ya know. Unless, of course, you’re working on a dairy farm or something, show the other guys some ass pear and get them on board here.
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Dear Miami: Please burn to the ground. Thank you.
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Kookie, give her the goddamned comb so she’ll shut up. Oh, that’s right, you’re crushin pussy on the reg, you’ll do what you want.
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Dear Tapout Clothing: Thank you for afflicting these young boys with the serious injuries that will cripple them later in life. Repeated impact on the ends of their growing bones and still-developing cartilage, not to mention the abnormal and rapid development of their muscles, is going to stunt their growth and put them in wheelchairs with arthritis by the time they’re 28. See if you can’t get them a couple of good blunt head traumas while you’re at it. Loosen up those skull plates that are still trying to fuse together, get ’em a nice brain rupture. I look forward to the drain off of my tax dollars to pay for their long-term disability checks while I’m half-blind and trying to tattoo at the age of 70 to pay my rent. Fuck off.
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Have a good weekend, ‘bag boys and girls. I’m back to painting closet doors. Bonerville.

5:00 pm October, 8 Steve L. said...

i didn’t have many opportunities to practice blowing a bubble with bubble gum, and unfortunately of all my attempts, none of them turned out well. nevertheless, bubble gum always tastes better than normal gum.

6:06 pm October, 8 Justin said...

@ Mr. Biggs

No sir…it is not, but I am familiar with her “work”. I’ve been responsible for a few of the links here and there for the past few months, but this one is not from me.

7:53 pm October, 8 Stephanie said...

I had a feeling Ed Hardy wouldn’t fly in Australia. Those people actually have taste there.
I don’t see the connection between pizza and Ed Hardy,either. But I’ll bet some ding a ling will cut off the top of the box and frame it as “art”.

8:35 pm October, 8 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

@Mr. Reeve
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Congrats on the job– tough market out there right now. Well done!
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Like everyone here said, stay on the good side of the IT support people. We generally accept bribes, just so you know…

8:36 pm October, 8 Douche Springsteen said...

Oh yes, Nada and a big ol’ juicy ass pear and a short glass of bourbon and a Nat Sherman. This is a good start to the weekend. The douche is mocked and hott lusted after. All is right with the world.

9:18 pm October, 8 Mr. Biggs said...

Justin, ya know, feel free to send more links of her my way. I think I’m ready to nurse another obsession.

Medusa, I see it as a horrifically just working out of karma. And don’t worry about paying for these kids’ disability. By the time they’re 25 the social safety net should be food and dead. Well just be paying taxes to bomb people by then.

9:27 pm October, 8 CBS said...

i just won $5000 for being the most shit faced asshole at a swill guzzling pub. now i will run off to the parlour and get “scrotum” tattooed across my chest. wish me luck

10:51 pm October, 8 CBS said...

gays like playing wet willy and i like cutting fingers off

11:13 pm October, 8 Wheezer said...

Great Rush reference, Boss! I’ll take up a little bit of Pfah’s slack there. I guess the hott in the main pic thinks she is living out her Middletown Dreams, but she’s closer to (no, not “the heart”) The Twilight Zone. Because beyond this ‘bag’s parents’ basement, strange things are growin’.
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Congrats on the quick rebound, Mr. Reeve! I guess the old boss didn’t appreciate talent – let’s hope the new boss ain’t the same as…..OK, no more song references…..
.
Cruise Ship LolliPear? Love is what I feel…..and my own wood. I’d like to land in that ho…..ly ass pear!

11:14 pm October, 8 CBS said...

i would take her glasses off and instantly snap them in half. He would posture in a confused manner and i would kick him so hard in the knee he would drop to the ground and cry out like a stuffed pig. i would take the arms of the glasses and shove them so far up his nostrils he would think he was that raped bitch from the appetite for destruction inleaf that pretty much ruined every childs innocence born between 1979-1981. i would then do a dramatic van damme pose and kick him in the face making it a bigger deal than it was. she would be running…in one smooth motion i would rip his dick off and staple it to her forehead. when she got to the cops they would be sure that she was a reckless wild tranny binging on pure self indulgence. they would book her and back at the pool troy tempest would then play a scorpions ballad on a kazoo while they fagmaster Dandy Capp fumbled around with his eyes closed hoping to find what would never reappear. he would shit his pants upon realization, eat a soggy log and die 20 mins later from taco bell dysentery. all would be as it should.

11:31 pm October, 8 CBS said...

let me explain something and i dont care if any homo runs to the defense….there is a reason they promote “fully functional” trannies in the gay culture. HOMOS ARE LIMP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! when you have an orgasm from being sodomized then you have an orgasm without being erect. it makes you limp. then the quest is to get as deviant as possible to get the taboo stuff putting feeling back between your legs. FUCK THAT!!!!!!! yeah i’m drunk…and i’m done ranting. but fuck FAGSSSSSSS. so sick of them being the main reason this planet is for shit. and if you want to argue that point…go fuck yourself seriously for being so damn unfair. it is just true. and that is that. you want to tell me it isn’t 100%. yeah well it wasn’t 100% of ppl in nazi uniforms that were anti-semites and it wasn’t 100% of confederates that were kkk. dont care about 100% and dont care about 1%…i care about the fucking majority. so fuck you.

4:38 am October, 9 DoucheyWallnuts said...

From the Ed Hardy story:
“Questions hang over $32,000 worth of Ed Hardy clothing in a Melbourne warehouse, with liquidators taking legal advice about who owns the remaining stock.”
This warehouse better be well guarded. Picture a scene from “Dawn of the Dead.”

6:38 am October, 9 DarkSock said...

Well, last night I drank half a liter of Gentleman Jack. That’s basically 2/3 of a fifth of booze.
.
.
But somehow I think CBS was more shit-faced.
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“…i would then do a dramatic van damme pose and kick him in the face making it a bigger deal than it was…”
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Ahhh, a new catch phrase I can beat to death…

7:23 am October, 9 mr.reeve said...

Thank you fellow ‘bag hunters. I don’t have to worry about IT guys since I spend most of my time out in the “field” or in a small IT less office somewhere. This site had nothing to do with losing my job. I was able to keep my HCwDB visiting quiet. The old boss’ bad decision making and hiring of useless idiots did was the cause. I am sure a lot of you can appreciate that. Especially those who work in my industry like Crucial, DarkSock and Steve L.
Cruise Ship Pear is top 10 pear of all time.

7:25 am October, 9 mr.reeve said...

@DarkSock, Gentleman Jack sounds like a good idea for tonight.

8:13 am October, 9 mr.reeve said...

“For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note:
Thanks for the big sticky cock, Aunt Bee.”
I just spit coffee everywhere DarkSock.

8:50 am October, 9 DarkSock said...

^ah yes, my old Blogger account…I forgot about that. I just visited it for the first time in months and it’s gotten 11,123 views. Not bad for an empty blog; must be the horse peeing thing.

8:51 am October, 9 mr.reeve said...

This ass pear has helped with this weeks “research”. Thank you.
Good luck Mr.Reeve. You can add me to the list of folks who work in your industry. It sucks right now here in the L.A. area. Lots of good people not working. Hopefully the new boss is better at hiring than the old boss. Sorry Wheezer, I wasn’t trying to copy you. It just sounded that way.

8:58 am October, 9 Sack O Douche said...

Whoops, I forgot to sign out as mr.reeve. Sorry dude. Can someone delete that for me? mr.reeve is my uncle and I just screwed up. What an idiot.

9:04 am October, 9 DoucheBigue said...

Next episode of South Park is titled “it came from Jersey”… It will apparently talk about the spread of Jersey virus
(that spread is a bit like “marmite” spread: you hate it or you love – except nobody loves the Jersey spread)

9:19 am October, 9 Wheezer said...

Sack O Douche said…
Whoops, I forgot to sign out as mr.reeve. Sorry dude. Can someone delete that for me? mr.reeve is my uncle and I just screwed up. What an idiot.

.
.
I call “shenanigans”! We all know damn well everyone is actually DarkSock! Including me.
.
Heeeeere horsie horsie horsie! Heeeeere…..

9:24 am October, 9 Nancy Dreuche said...

@CBS. Does CBS stand for Captain Buzzkill Syndicate? You should work with addicts. You harsh a mellow like no one’s business.

9:29 am October, 9 mr.reeve said...

Thank you to myself. You little idiot.

7:02 pm October, 9 Douchelips said...

Excellent Rush reference! And the H.P. Lovecraft as well.
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The true downfall of civilizations is seen at the peak as the Gecko Virus spreads and the douchepocalypse seems innocent. We must mock to stem the dreadful tide. The evidence is presented and it is disgusting.

1:14 pm October, 10 Lyndon Ladouche said...

Orange Lacy Bra Bikini Hott for HOH.

Her skin is softer than a kitten wrapped in silk.

10:46 am October, 11 Anonymous said...

Cruise ship pear is also a stripper on the virtuagirl website. Her name is starts with an M; Melissa iirc. Very hot shows!

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