Friday, October 22, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links


If there’s one thing we’ve learned in all our many years of hottie/douchey travels, it’s that hitmen gangstas always pattern coordinate pants with hat.

The real reason for posting this pic? Caroline’s lithe and tasty youthful harmonic boobie curvage of suckle thigh mastication.

I would bungee jump through a mist of helium filled jellyfish just for the chance to almost catch a wad of chewed bubblegum she spit out of a nearby helicopter.

And while I didn’t catch it, I’m pretty sure it was Juicyfruit. No, Big Red.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Halloween Costume Pick of the Week: Just Add Hot Chick.

Greatest YouTube xBox clip of all time: “F@#k you, Gumby!”

Speaking of sports fans, one thing the Yankees continue to lead the league in: Douchey Fans.

And in other sports news, here’s yet another reason why Shaq rules. Kobe, however, is still a douche.

More from England’s hipster backlash.

Ass Pear La Plante: The Movie

Or just enjoy some Mad Men Pear. (and no, they’re not your official pear, just your appeartizers)

The Onion with a quality riff on Sorority Woo Hotties.

The Contrarian tracks all the Douchebaggy Ghost Hunters running around on the teevee these days.

Here’s the goofiest congressional candidate since fratdouche Ben Quayle got outed as a co-founder of “The Dirty” (and still might be elected). I don’t like to stereotype entire states, but non-Austin Texas may be the most culturally worthless area of land since Mitch and Murray sold the last of the Glen Ross Estates.

Okay, here it is. You’ve been good. You’ve waited:

Yoga Pear.

Enjoy. Chomp. Meditate. Drink alcohol. For the weekend is here.

# posted by douchebag1
12:53 pm October, 22 Lämp said...

**clicks on**
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.
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I Love Yoga Pear
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.
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**clicks off**

1:03 pm October, 22 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Yoga Pear == I’ll be in my bunk

Also, Dallas != Austin (or mos of the rest of Texas, for that matter)

1:15 pm October, 22 Deltus said...

I actually like Mad Men Pear more than Yoga Pear. Which is not to disrespect the awesomeness that is Yoga Pear (it’s good pear, and righteous pear, and worthy pear). But not much in this universe can stand up to the boner-creating wonderment that is Christina Hendricks.

1:21 pm October, 22 jonezy said...

I’d love to see the Pear pic of the Hottie in this post. She is delicious, and much like Austin is the exception to douchiness of Texas, her face is the exception to the hotness of her.

1:25 pm October, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Yoga Pear needs to be Glengarried with my Glen Ross. Where is my dress MacDonell of Glengarry kilt dear?

Are you looking at little girl’s asses on that douche site again?

No sweetheart.

Iron pan to the head.

1:30 pm October, 22 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Mitch and Murray paid a lot for those leads.

1:33 pm October, 22 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

Shirt should say “Hitman Pedophile Gear” (though it is hard to stop looking….)

1:44 pm October, 22 Condouchious said...

As someone who lives in Austin I will admit that this town has it’s share of douchebags (including but not limited to hipsterbags, fratbags, and redneckbags). With that being said it’s still the best city in this whole state. But no matter where you reside, you can appreciate the pear.

1:51 pm October, 22 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Always Be Closing.
.
I’d Sweet Caroline’s Caroline.

2:06 pm October, 22 Crucial Head said...

Well I’ll be ‘bated. I just noticed that Francine and Holly have been inducted into the HoH. Guess I have my work cut out for me this evening. And by “work” I mean barbequing steak. And by “barbequing,” I mean ‘batin. And by “steak,” I mean my pelvic porch beef.
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Have a wonderful, wonderful weekend everyone.
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Peace and love. Peace and love.
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-Crucial Aloysius Head Sr., AIA, LEEDap, Phd., Esq.™®©

2:15 pm October, 22 Army of Douche-ness said...

So my Sophomore year of college was 2002-2003 so you have a timing perspective of this: the 2nd weekend of every month both Friday and Saturday nights I’d wear an Orlando Shaq jersey under my shirts and at the proper time of drunkeness id rip off my over-shirt revealing the Shaq jersey and for the rest of the night i’d only answer to Shaq. I did this for about a year of my life into the first semester of my Jr year when i decided to retire the jersey into a giant fire (preseveration through destruction). Of all the basketball pros to do this with, Shaq was definitely the best choice…it was a great run.

AoD

2:17 pm October, 22 Army of Douche-ness said...

oh and when i say “timing perpsective” i mean Shaq left Orlando in 1996

2:32 pm October, 22 Vin Douchal said...

@ Crucial 2:06
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Francine’s induction did indeed fly under the radar. Where was the post party? In my pants. Thanks to Db1 for adding the link to the love ode to my lovely blonde temptrix
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RE: Shaq
.
His show Shaq Vs. is actually pretty good, once you start getting the hang of his speech patterns. He took on Jimmy Kimmel in a monologue contest and got killed but he was funny. It’s just that Jimmy was better
.

2:34 pm October, 22 paperorplastic said...

DBUno: not sure if you’ve ever actually BEEN to Austin, but if you had, you’d know that it is a scrotal epicenter and among the most inauthentic cities on the planet. AUSTIN SUCKS! Forgive me, as I write from an undisclosed major metropolitan Texas location about 2.5 hours southeast of Austin. Enjoy the weekend.

2:36 pm October, 22 soy bomb said...

While we’re at it, it is my firm belief that Kettlehead belongs in the Hall of Scrote.
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.
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That is all. Time to de-sober myself.

2:42 pm October, 22 Vin Douchal said...

@ paperorplastic
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What you say about Austin my be true, but it is the absolute epicenter of great music.

2:42 pm October, 22 H. Sapiens said...

Claiming Austin is “still the best city in this whole state” is akin to declaring one floater the best turd in the treatment pond…just sayin’.
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Yoga Pear is an absolute, needing no relative scale. Perfect.

2:56 pm October, 22 tall guy said...

Great way to end the week! Christina H. certainly does make a compelling case for the fuller figured woman. As does yoga pear with that magnificent arse. The petrified look on the face of the poor child snapped in the photo with hat’n’short ensemble really does say it all. She’s wisely nervous. Enjoy you weekend fellow mockers of bag. It’s quite simple, really: If we think that we’re making a difference, we are. The evidence is in the growing number of pale imitators.

3:14 pm October, 22 Vin Douchal said...

Yoga Pear is Vida Guerra , made famous by Maxim Magazine when they were still relevant. If you want someting saucier than that photo Google, “vida guerra playboy”. Kleenex not included

3:14 pm October, 22 Vin Douchal said...

gotta close them HTML thingies , dipshit

3:17 pm October, 22 darksock said...

Yoga Pear + 30 seconds of quality time in the executive washroom = Yogurt Pear.

3:24 pm October, 22 Et Tu Douche? said...

Caroline Latina Hott is yummy!!!!! and ass pear Friday is most welcome. Enjoy the Football, Indian Summer and seasonal ales this weekend fellow hunters & huntress’s.

3:29 pm October, 22 tall guy said...

Also, my regularly mentioned (well, somewhat regularly mentioned) vacation to the splendid USA looks to be happening in early new year (probably 2nd week of January for an, as yet, undecided period of time). Perhaps not everyone’s idea of excellent vacation time, but i’ll be leaving behind (temporarily) our scorching summer. More deets later as take of time approaches. I am so very much looking forward to visiting your (great looking) country.

3:34 pm October, 22 mr.reeve said...

Oh the pear! That video was outstanding. Good work to whoever found it.
Shaq is a lazy asshole. F.U. Shaq & Celtics.
I heard DarkSock peed in Pokey’s butt once. “Yoga Pear + 30 seconds of quality time in the executive washroom = Yogurt Pear.” ……thanks for making me ruin my shitty little Inspiron by spitting beer all over it.

3:49 pm October, 22 eric said...

yankee fan sucks i think it will be over tonight and then there gonna turn into full time giants fan or real douchey jet fan

4:56 pm October, 22 Medusa Oblongata said...

Good gravy, this was an awesome FTAL. Given my short attention span, I often have trouble processing so much at once. But everything this week was stellar, nice work boss. And I am humbled and grateful to have contributed.
.
That being said, I’m gonna go knock back the rest of my Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. I’m gonna finish scraping the paint of the doorframe in my soon-to be office. Then I’m gonna take a hot shower and then make some chicken tacos in habanero-cactus pear sauce. and by pear I mean fruit, not ass.
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And then I’m gonna be wrist-deep in the ol’ Gorgon hole while I enjoy some German bukakke films. Prosit!!!!

6:57 pm October, 22 CBS said...

to all my canadian bag slayers whether you hate it here or not

7:50 pm October, 22 Dicy said...

I love ass pear movie! And Coors Light… because I’m classy like that.

8:44 pm October, 22 Python the Pud said...

being from dallas, i can tell you that Dallas is a mini-jersey shore. ESPECIALLY at Stars games. holy crap ppl show up literally halfway thru the 3rd period. and if they do show up, it’s only for roughly 30 mins. they just want to be seen. it’s ridiculous how douchey dallas, and even the surrounding cities, has become. hopefully there’s some mockers on here from dallas to help me out, bcuz i’m severely out-numbered!!

8:45 pm October, 22 Steve L. said...

i can hear Yoga Pear saying to Ass Pear la Plante, “I HAVE A FACE, BITCH.”
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i can also hear Ass Pear la Plante saying to Yoga Pear, “YOU WANT AN ALL NIGHT PILLOW FIGHT, YOU PRISSY HAG?!”
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i swear i’ve heard all of the above somewhere inside or below my head.

8:52 pm October, 22 Steve L. said...

there are so many ass pears and sorority hotts this Friday that i just had a severe bout of… er… indigestion. or, rather, something like indigestion. yeah. that’s all i’m willing to get into.

9:39 pm October, 22 ehcuodouche said...

@Mr. Reeve

I saw what you did there…

10:07 pm October, 22 the douche whisperer said...

i am glad you all liked yoga pear. when a friend sent me that shot a couple weeks ago, i immediately thought of you all and had to share.

i train hotts, i rehabilitate douches.

i am the douche whisperer.

10:35 pm October, 22 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Someone, please give Caroline a sammich.

All the pears are ripe and in season this week.

And may Ducky P.J.’s Blake Farenthold get kicked in the face by the sandman. He is an absolutely disgusting juvie douchebag of the highest disorder.

9:41 am October, 23 Nancy Dreuche said...

Just a suggestion Brodito, you might not want to advertise the fact that you’re a hitman. Also red is highly visible and eye-catching, even to those who wear glasses. So maybe get one of those F.B.I (Female Body Inspector) shirts instead so people will just accuse you of being a perv and you can keep your hitman thing on the DL.

10:16 am October, 23 Troy Tempest said...

A Bleeth racing team.
http://briancleary-bcpix.photoshelter.com/img/pixel.gif
Makes sense – all they have to know is how to stomp on the gas and make a left turn.

8:38 pm October, 23 DarkSock said...

When I die, in 2183, I want the “FUCK YOU GUMBY” guy to narrate the inevitable documentary they do about me.
.
.
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Dawksokk was da hawdest nigga on HC to dah DB…”

6:01 am October, 25 Motorcycle Accessories said...

I'd like to see Pear peak Hottie in this post. She is beautiful, and very much like Austin is the douchiness exception of Texas, his face is the exception to the hotness of her.

12:02 pm October, 26 Chevy Doucherado said...

I am so glad someone found a video (or animation) of Yankees fan, Jared Macchirole to post here. I am a Yankees fan so I was happy with that call but despite that as soon as I saw him, his hat tilt and his general behaviour I knew this had to be showcased on HCwD.

Check the fat guy screaming “fuck you” behind him.

Class.

8:42 am October, 29 nix nash alan said...

This is getting a bit more subjective, but I much prefer the Zune Marketplace. The interface is colorful, has more flair, and some cool features like ‘Mixview’ that let you quickly see related albums, songs, or other users related to what you’re listening to. Clicking on one of those will center on that item, and another set of “neighbors” will come into view, allowing you to navigate around exploring by similar artists, songs, or users. Speaking of users, the Zune “Social” is also great fun, letting you find others with shared tastes and becoming friends with them. You then can listen to a playlist created based on an amalgamation of what all your friends are listening to, which is also enjoyable. Those concerned with privacy will be relieved to know you can prevent the public from seeing your personal listening habits if you so choose.

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