Friday, October 29, 2010

Friday Thoughts and Links: Halloween Edition

I meditate on the ginormous mandana on this Friday before the Hallow’s Eve.

I ruminate.

I postulate.

I crapulate.

And I reach an epiphany: It looks stupid.

But then I realize that young ladies today follow in the traditions of their foremothers, and wear tight red dresses displaying the firmness of suckle boobage.

And all is well in the witching hour.

Here’s your links:

Your HCwDB Book Pick of the Week: “I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all.”

One of the Holy Grails for those of us who grew up in the 80s has finally been released: Footage of Eric Stoltz as Marty McFly.

HCwB’s own Baron Von Goolo pwns Twilight. BvG for the epic uber-win.

T Shirt Hell introduces the Douche Baggins. I should’ve gotten around to making those HCwDB shirts I was gonna design last year. Stupid laziness.

Of all the many “Hot Chicks with” ripoff sites created after HCwDB, none may be odder than Hot Chicks with Big Fish.

If you’re bored and have time to kill this Halloween, you can always watch fifteen minutes of “Bad Ronald.”

HCwDB Halloween Costumes, once the province of readers of this site, are now everywhere: When costume disasters strike on Halloween. I’m a bit bummed it isn’t our collective private mock anymore, but a larger cultural mock is still a good thing.

Speaking of, Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco does his best “Situation.”

The great Roger Ebert pens an engaging look back at Hugh Hefner and Playboy.

But you’re not here for blogs about Playboy. You’re here for the Pear. And while I have no Halloween-centric Pear to offer you upon this Friday, I can offer you this:

Mirror Pear.

It is healing. It is wholesome. It is firm like the finest gouda.

Enjoy. Partake. Serve on a cracker.

For it is Halloween weekend. And the ‘bags are properly mocked.

# posted by douchebag1
12:57 pm October, 29 Lämp said...

**clicks on**
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I Love MirrorPear
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**clicks off**

12:59 pm October, 29 Army of Douche-ness said...

@ Baron-

Are you familiar with Jonathan “The Impaler” Sharkey?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jonathon_Sharkey

1:17 pm October, 29 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

Didn’t know who the fuck Erick Stoli is and still don’t. The Baron is the new evil Boss. I am drunk enopugh to take the enormously enormous Mrs’ Kroeger to yet another party in her corpundulant homor and throw up when it is over. Cheeerious.

1:18 pm October, 29 Merle Baggard said...

glad you used the pic DB1. Have a great weekend. I will be covertly getting high and watching the Giants win with my wholesome family.

1:29 pm October, 29 Captain Scrote Sparrow said...

Danny Bonadouche and the Satan Sisters can wait…
I need some alone time to oogle miss firm turquoise pear

1:32 pm October, 29 Blinded by the Shite said...

Thank god for Baron von Gollo and his guerilla book-burning work. Also, thank god for Hot Chicks with Big Fish to reverse the poo-ey tide that flows from today’s Fright-day Haiku photo, ‘Hot Chick with Big Pish’.

1:52 pm October, 29 Eliza Douchecoo said...

Chick on the right is so hot, this guys nipples burst into flames. Thank you and so long, see you in the emergency room.

2:09 pm October, 29 Et Tu Douche? said...

Hmmm Pear!!!!
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On another note, Happy Halloween to all and if you get a chance listen to “Goblin Girl” by Frank Zapppa this weekend tis a classic Halloween song and who knows maybe you’ll run into her at your local costume ball CAUSE WHEN SHE’S A GOBLIN THERE AIN’T A PROBLIN.

2:13 pm October, 29 Medusa Oblongata said...

I know it’s all great to see chicks all dressed slutty, but damn. ‘Slut’ isn’t a costume, it’s a way of life. One of the greatest costumes I ever saw was a woman dressed as a lobster. She made it herself, it was this giant, red, puffy lobster suit. She went to three bars that night and won over a grand in costume contest money. Needless to say, the girls dressed as “slutty bumblebee”, “slutty fairy” and “slutty insurance claims adjuster” were pissed. I myself will be Bride Of Frankenstein, and I will be in a shapeless white sheet. White bra and panties were NOT what she wore in the movie.
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@ Rev–Eric StoltZ….Realy? He was in Mask with Cher, he was John Travolta’s drug dealer in Pulp Fiction. Rob Roy, Killing Zoe (Bank heist must-see), Memphis Belle, Say Anything, Some Kind Of Wonderful, Fast Times At Ridgemont High, Anaconda….Although, really, he’s one of those guys who, a great deal of the time I go, “Really? Eric Stoltz was in that?” He’s one of those guys who really disappears into the part. I can’t see him as Marty McFly at ALL. Michael J. Fox’s tweaky nerd-ness was the perfect foil to Biff’s Bully and Doc Brown’s raving lunatic.
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The real genius behind HCwBFish is the captions. I almost peed myself. I give these guys a pass.
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Dear BVG: My unborn daughter traveled back in time and told me that in the future, you are revered like a God because your book-burning instigated the assassination of Stephenie Meyer.
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Douche Baggins. Huh huh.
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I should get back to painting the ceiling. Weak sauce. Have a good night, all.

2:19 pm October, 29 Vin Douchal said...

How many write-in votes is the Baron gonna get on Tuesday? I’d write him in ahead of Jerry Brown and Meg Whitman if he lived in Cali.
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Gals with fish are hot. Sorry, I love ‘em. I’ve spent many an afternoon ogling fishing babes at this website, Fishing Babes
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2:23 pm October, 29 DarkSock said...

Waiting with bated breath to see if Roger Ebert okays my “I peed in a horse once” comment on his Playboy blog…..

2:24 pm October, 29 paperorplastic said...

the opening of the Ebert article is killer and hot chicks with big fish is much funnier than this site

3:37 pm October, 29 I R A Darth Aggie said...

Hot Chicks with Big Fish
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Heh. As the old joke goes, the blind man was walking past the fish market when he stopped, doffed his hat, and said good afternoon, ladies.

5:15 pm October, 29 Deltus said...

Mirror Pear. Lord a’mighty, that’s a fine hunk of grade A boobie hottie suckle thigh, right there.
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@Baron Von Goolo: well said, sir, and best of luck with that book burning (the right kind, when you’re burning the book because it’s utter garbage writing, not because it says something contrary to your religion) and with your Halloween weekend, which I imagine is VERY big for you.

5:34 pm October, 29 Indiana Choad and the Temple of Douche said...

As a library tech, I must now confess that the Baron is my new hero. and Mirror Pear is my new goddess. And by goddess I mean fwap material.

5:46 pm October, 29 Crucial Head said...

Anyone else here have any inadvertent homosexual thoughts while watching The Baron in real-time action?
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… nope, me neither.
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Like totally not?
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… like, just a smidge?

6:02 pm October, 29 Sir David Douchenborough said...

@ Medusa

Yeah, didn’t Eric Stoltz win an award or was nominated for one with his performance in Mask? By the way, he now stars in Caprica, which is great for my inner nerd. His acting is quite good as a morally ambiguous CEO of a electronics company.

I see the regular moral warriors are getting on Ebert’s back about his fair portrayal of The Hef. If you like that article, you have to watch his documentary. I actually left with more respect for the guy considering he was serious enough even to initiate Supreme Court challenges.

From one of the comments on that Ebert’s article put it quite well: “If Hugh Hefner was the Caesar of magazine sex, Bob Guccione was surely the Caligula.” Indeed.

@BVG Well played, good sir, well played. And those snarky commenters on that site can go fornicate themselves with a bottle of glitter sparkle.

6:08 pm October, 29 Vin Douchal said...

Canada brings us my new crush, Hayley McLean. She’s a chicken pickin’ badass on the guitar and easy on the eyes. I’m in L-U-V
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She compromises one third of the singing “McLean Girls”, three hotties that write good tunes, harmonize like angels and know enough to back off when Hayley plays a solo
.

6:20 pm October, 29 Sir David Douchenborough said...

oh I forgot @ Medusa

I know slutty [insert profession here], but for us guys, it is like early Christmas. I do take your point, however. People will find excuses to indulge their proclivities. A friend of mine made the excuse that he started ‘cycling’ to hide the fact that he likes to shave his legs. When I saw his purple hardware store special bike, I mocked him mercilessly. He stopped shaving after that.

6:25 pm October, 29 Sir David Douchenborough said...

@Vin

Hayley was Canadian Sailing Champion as well! This woman is spectacular.

7:16 pm October, 29 Deltus said...

@Vin: wow, and she can play a mean guitar too! Listened to “No More Beautiful Guys” on that site, really good tune!

7:16 pm October, 29 Steve L. said...

Mirror Pear has good taste. but there are no angels among model / porn type hotts, not even from Victoria’s Secret. they can only be devils who devour bank accounts. hur hur hur.
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i just felt like saying that.

7:18 pm October, 29 soy bomb said...

Ah, “The Sirens of Titan.” I felt like I was trippin’ when I read that book.
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Trippin’ on Knowledge, that is.

7:24 pm October, 29 Steve L. said...

@ Vin Douchal 6:08 PM,
as a non-white Canadian, my knowledge of Canadian country stopped at Shania Twain and some of the stuff that comes out of the Polaris music prize competition. but Shania Twain makes me puke in my mouth and i don’t get Polaris, beyond their insipid snobbishness.
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but hey, Hayley McLean isn’t that bad.

8:14 pm October, 29 Steve L. said...

also, Baron von Goolo on camera is pure awesomeness.
but you already know that.

8:45 pm October, 29 Stephanie said...

Wow Leif Garrett can still pull in the chicks huh?

2:23 am October, 30 Baron Von Goolo said...

Thank you all for the love and support. I’m very glad DB1 posted this here because out in the wilds of youtube and whatnot, I remain slackjawed at the number of people that thought this was ANYTHING else than a goof and a ham-handed publicity stunt. I’d sell half my soul for the Heckle & Jeckle power to reach through my computer screen and taint-punch all those pretentious freshmen that are comparing me to Hitler just because I burned a book. Lighten up, Francis. There’s nothing inherently sacred about putting ink on paper, you dumb dicks. And torching a dozen hand-me-down copies of Stephenie Meyer’s 50 million dollar drool cup – in a town where used book stores are so glutted with her tripe that the hobos have started using them as bricks to build their Twilight igloos under the Fremont Bridge – hardly registers as a divot in the cultural green. No knowledge was lost, no way of life debased. Plus, we composted the ashes. Win.
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But here, at least I can count on cynicism flowing like sweet honey and the collective IQ always being well above room temperature. (*deep breath in*) Ahhh. Home….

5:43 am October, 30 Blinded by the Shite said...

I’m dressing up as a slutty cowboy tonight. Gonna corall me some Smirnoff Ices, get down on all fours and have a ho-down. Ye-ha!

6:36 am October, 30 mr.reeve said...

BVG, I am sure the Twilight Army of Tools are upset and blogging about how much of a jerk you are. You are so mean sir. Teen age girls are cursing your name as I type.
As for Bad Ronald, I didn’t know Howard Stern was in a made for TV horror flick in the 70s. This site is educational at times.
That was damn fine pear. Linda Pop is a fine name for that booty.

7:07 am October, 30 DoucheyWallnuts said...

There’s no two ways about it; the Mandanna pulls the hotts. I have to say I would consider sporting an oversized Mandanna for the chance to anoint the loins of these uber-gnawable bleethy vixens with my love parts.

8:07 am October, 30 DarkSock said...

“Sirens of Titan” was my favorite KV novel; in my top 5 books, out of the 10 I’ve read. If I could remember how to get back to my Blogger profile I’d add it to “Confederacy of Dunces”.
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The movie was terrible, though. It had nothing to do with the book’s plot; just girls railing each other with oversized novelty strap-ons. They didn’t even spell it right on the VHS box: “Sirens of Tight-‘Uns”….duh.

8:15 am October, 30 DarkSock said...

I was waiting, in vain as it turned out, for Baron to lob Stephanie Meyer into the barrel; or at least a sack of kittens, or the reporter’s upper torso. But a few dozen books ain’t a bad start.
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The ridiculous college freshman screechings of those thinking it’s sacrilegious to burn ANY book is ironic since they’ll turn most of their college texts into beer money at the end of the term. Campus Hipsters love to fuccen screech and show outrage: “I’m a COLLEGE BOY….and I have found something to RAIL AGAINST…I WILL SCREECH…BECAUSE I’VE SEEN FOOTAGE OF COLLEGE KIDS SCREECHING……and so I can SCORE POON from the ugly hairy-legged drama chicks also screeching here”.
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Twat-Slaps. The shame, if they only knew that their bile was directed against those with solar allergies, ironically making them into racist dude fags that deserve to be surrounded by screeching freshmen.

8:15 am October, 30 DarkSock said...

Wow.
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Just, wow.

8:59 am October, 30 Medusa Oblongata said...

RE BVG: The real irony is that most of these people shitting bricks over the whole thing have probably never read a book that wasn’t aimed at teenagers. And that includes sweaty soccer moms who read these books and consider it religion. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve read the first 4 Harry Potter books and I enjoyed them immensely. I bought the box set of Dav Pilkey’s Captain Underpants books. I’m telling you, if you have not read this, you’re missing out. These are the books I would have written when I was nine, and that sort of humor still appeals to me greatly.
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But shit, people, really. It’s not the Bible. It’s not the Torah. It’s not the Koran or the Yellow Pages or anything else. It’s a joke and a farce and a publicity stunt. A friend of mine commented on the video saying, “It’s funny, but I hate to see anyone burning books. At least people are reading. I consider stuff like Twilight to be gateway books.” Good point. However, it’s still funny, and it was a great publicity stunt. It made the Associated Press!
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And BTW, you look rather dashing on camera, Baron.

9:22 am October, 30 Troy Tempest said...

BvG gets three points.
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Now a moment of awkwardness –
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The waiting room in purgatory after a murder-suicide.
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“Hi! Oh. Ummmm…uuuh…hmmmm…”

10:09 am October, 30 Mr. White said...

The only thing I enjoyed more than Goolo himself was the misguided outrage in the comments section. I find it both hilarious and pathetic that so many people completely. missed. the point.

11:41 am October, 30 Jacques Doucheteau said...

I had a really nice dinner last night. My wife made a Jamaican jerked goat and lentil stew. Those little scotch bonnet peppers are frikin’ hot though. Each fart I squeeze out makes my asshole burn.

11:44 am October, 30 Jacques Doucheteau said...

It’s like Cub Scouts all over again.

9:37 am October, 31 DarkSock said...

@ Medusa:
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If I were a predatory divorce lawyer I’d stalk these Twilight gatherings and leave my card on every Mini-Van and with ever pining jello-bellied flappy-armed 40 year old crying Soccer Mom bint I could find.
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Who the FUCK cries and pines over a book built around the embarrasing premise of an immortal demi-god who worships, sacrifices and obsesses over a sulking ultra-needy plain Jane? Besides chubby Mormon home-makers?
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Two kinds of people:
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1.) Hormone-riddled 13 year old girls that cry when they hear Justin Beiber, and
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2) 40 year old broken needy-as-fuck un-pleasable serial divorcees who can only orgasm from the Dildo of Self Pity; these are the Needy Harpies that MEN NEED TO RUN THE FUCK AWAY FROM. Unless you’re into chucking half your belongings and future income into a moaning bottomless black hole**

**(not to be confused with Plinky’s Mom)

9:38 am October, 31 DarkSock said...

I’d have made a pretty good predatory divorce lawyer. Damn. Stupid AutoCAD.

2:01 am November, 1 Motorcycle Mirrors said...

Thank goodness for Baron von Goll and his work as a guerrilla book-burning. In addition, I thank God for Hot Chicks Big Fish poo-ey turn the tide flowing in today's Fright-day

8:40 am November, 1 Dr. Bunsen HoneyDouche said...

@ Darksock
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How did you not name your band “Dildo of Self Pity”? *chortle*

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