Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Got Jayson?

For Kelly, the pickings are slim in Scottsdale.

But that’s still no excuse.

# posted by douchebag1
7:13 am October, 12 The Goob the Bag and the Pudly said...

Hmmm… fwippy hair, soul patch and lip ring. I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but you’re a douchebag.
.
Also your girlfriend’s glasses are too big and breasts are too small. But you should just be happy that anyone of the opposite sex is willing to press up against you.

7:24 am October, 12 Wheezer said...

I’m so glad Baby Faux isn’t bothering to touch her with his hands. Now if he’d just move away from her entirely…..

7:32 am October, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

I like her back arch sluttiness. Him? He’s just trying to deal with the Juvenile Diabeetus abd eating
Wheetabix.

7:34 am October, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^nice typing ya drunk

7:37 am October, 12 Nancy Dreuche said...

No thank you, I’m Jayson intollerant. Also I’m not too fond of the Jayson mustache it always leaves.

As for the hott, the IBTC called, they need a new president. I’m finally retiring.

7:40 am October, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

^I mean fuccking Quaker Oats. I always get Wilford mixed up with Willis. What?

7:45 am October, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

After a day of work at the highly mechanized Wal-Mart distribution centre, security Kelli is going to let Jayson off for stealing a pack of Pall Mall menthols if he smells her armpit while contmplating his own unnatural death.

7:45 am October, 12 Wedgie said...

No.

7:47 am October, 12 Tom Choad said...

I, too have always thought a great location for a photo op is in an airport’s long-term parking lot or behind a beer distributor warehouse.
.
His glasses are too big, as well. They should be removed by swinging a 2×4 at the back of his empty, fauxhawk-topped head.

7:49 am October, 12 The Reverend Chad Kroeger said...

P for Penis. She thinks it’s like Jews for Jesus but she only made it to sophomore year Christmas before the first baby started her thin white gunt.

8:02 am October, 12 Deltus said...

If by Jayson, you mean the lip herp, then yes. Both of you.

8:03 am October, 12 Justin said...

Yeah, what the eff is this place? An unlabeled, shady loading dock parking lot on a sunday afternoon is what it looks like to me. Why not tailgate?

8:11 am October, 12 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Rev Chad Kroeger

“I like her back arch sluttiness” I couldn’t of said it better. Not much going on here but she does have potential and Jayson is just a loss mess.

8:29 am October, 12 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

Jayson reminds me of another no good bastard.

8:31 am October, 12 Amerigo Vesdouchey said...

No good bastard.

8:48 am October, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

John Largeman fumed. He was not happy. First Costco was out of his favorite pickled eggs in the 40 lb. glass jar, and now some young smirk nibbler was wearing the same shirt as him. He hiked up his white walking shorts and trudged towards his car. John Largeman was not happy, not one bit.

8:59 am October, 12 Et Tu Douche? said...

@Mr Scrotato Head

I say John Largeman get’s nominated for an honorary award at the yearly’s He’s the man!!!

9:07 am October, 12 Captain Garanichode said...

Kelly: “I found this special little turnip under the loading bay at the Super WalMart”
.
Jayson: “thbbbbft!”
.
Kelly: “isnt he just precious? and rain water just beads off his head like an ugly duckling…”
.
Jayson: “yayai yam ollie, sheeeis Sven…”

9:10 am October, 12 Anonymous said...

ALL Phillie fans are douchebags. Keep booing Darren Daulton’s 4 year old kid jackasses.

9:11 am October, 12 Merle Baggard said...

Last post was not meant to be anon.

ALL Phillie fans are douchebags. Keep booing Darren Daulton’s 4 year old kid jackasses.

9:35 am October, 12 Troy Tempest said...

So, tilting the camera 15 degrees helped exactly HOW? Did it make this benighted hell hole of suburban sprawl mall somehow “nicer”? Did it make the asteroid belt of architecture that is suburbia any more livable? No. It just displays the contempt these shitheels have for each other and other people in general.

If you want to learn what I’m talking about watch this 20 minute video. It is funny, provocative, and deadly accurate.

9:54 am October, 12 Vin Douchal said...

If by “Got Jayson?” you mean do I have him in the crosshairs? Then yes, yes I do

9:57 am October, 12 Turdacious said...

The packed parking lot goes wild for Jayson

10:16 am October, 12 Mr. Scrotato Head said...

@Troy Tempest
.
Went to your Kuntsler link expecting to then ask you if the people in your world cut themselves on a regular basis. But, aside from saying “uhm” too much, he was both entertaining and insightful. As one who resides outside of the SLC asteroid belt of architectural garbage, I can attest to the validity of pretty much all of his message (although my house does have windows on all sides and is designed to invite people in). As a society we’ve forgotten or perverted, somehow or another, so much of what it means to in fact be, a society. We don’t reside in communities or neighborhoods; we live in our homes or apartments, we live in our cars, and we live at our work sites. Everything in between is either a means of getting to a destination (eg. shop, restuarant, soccer field), or its geological gray matter.
.
Layer on top of that the artificial relationships of the internet which have successfully replaced true human interaction, and it’s a wonder people don’t approach each other on the streets like animals, sniffing each other’s asses and displaying their plummage or antlers.
.
Oh wait, isn’t that what Jayson’s doing?

10:35 am October, 12 Pete said...

I think they are more Scranton, then Scottsdale.

All people who think all Phillies fans are douchebags, are douchebags.

11:09 am October, 12 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

And all people who think all people who think all Phillies fans are douchebags, are douchebags, are themselves douchebags!
.
Yep, I escalated instead of ignoring. I’m not an agent provocateur, but I do throw fuel on already smoldering fires.

11:36 am October, 12 Fatness said...

Mr. SH: “it’s a wonder people don’t approach each other on the streets like animals, sniffing each other’s asses and displaying their plummage or antlers.”
.
Isn’t that the entire theme of this website?
.
That was a great video. As one who is marooned in the asteroid belt but regularly escapes to the real old-city world, he’s dead-on.
.
Jayson here, however, is just dead inside.

12:26 pm October, 12 system of douche said...

While Kelly and Dipshit pose for the picture, cement blocks are silently slipped under the couple’s black Compass as the local Crips chapter strikes gold.

12:28 pm October, 12 system of douche said...

Would it kill you to put down the Bud Light and put your arm around the lady the right way asswipe, or do ladies give you the “willies”?

12:32 pm October, 12 Anonymous said...

Got Jayson is for Jayson Werth of the Phillies. You Idiots.

1:53 pm October, 12 Merle Baggard said...

No Shit Anon. You really know your ball.

2:35 pm October, 12 Anonymous said...

Wow, Anonymous, thanks so much for setting all us “idiots” straight on that! Your work here is done– you can go bask in the warm sensation of your own superior knowledge of the Phillie’s promotional wear and return to sucking Ryan Howard’s dick or whatever it is you do with your spare time.

2:36 pm October, 12 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

^That rant would have been much more effective had I logged in first. Oh, well…

2:48 pm October, 12 Fenton Hardy said...

I love how 90% of you nerds don’t realize “Got Jayson” refers to Jayson Werth of the Phillies. The guy in the picture isn’t Jayson. Since when does it make you a douche bag to pose with your girlfriend and show support for your team (they are in the playoffs and looking strong).

2:55 pm October, 12 Charles Ulysses Farley said...

^ It doesn’t. Being from Philadelphia and having an attitude about it like anybody outside that stank hole gives a shit about it makes you an enormous douchebag.

3:02 pm October, 12 Turdacious said...

Ohhh you philly fans are soo serious, this is not the place for that..lol
GO GIANTS!!! and if they lose, who cares…therers always the 9ers!!!
hmmmm
ok, GO Giants!!!

3:24 pm October, 12 fatness said...

News flash, Fenton…we all know who Jayson Werth is. That’s what makes running around in what is essentially a free billboard for a billion dollar business so stupid. Put “Ed Hardy” on that shirt and it is even stupider. Get it?

3:27 pm October, 12 Fenton Hardy said...

I’m still not clear why this guy is being considered a douche bag. He’s got his arm around his girl and both are clearly happy their team is doing well. By the way, being from Philly, I’m qualified to say that we can be a**holes at times…but there are no more passionate fans in the world, win or lose.

3:32 pm October, 12 Fenton Hardy said...

You know because I told you, Fatness. The whole joke of putting this picture up is because the nerds on this site thought Jayson was the guy wearing the shirt. So, no, you didn’t all know who Werth is. Once you know, there’s no joke.

3:44 pm October, 12 fatness said...

Pretty wild claim from someone who has no idea what anyone here is or where they are.
.
Which makes you a douchebag, too.

3:48 pm October, 12 Fenton Hardy said...

It’s an opinion I’ve formed from reading comments. I realize you’ve backed yourself into an indefensible position and now you want to fight your way out by calling names and trying to make it personal. The majority of the comments on this thread clearly show people didn’t make the Phillies connection.

4:00 pm October, 12 DarkSock said...

Fenton Hardy:
.
Sorry, I’m just not into Hockey.

4:04 pm October, 12 DarkSock said...

@Troy Tempest:
.
I contacted James Kuntsler last year trying to get him to speak to our AIA chapter. Nice guy; wanted too damn much money though. Shit-raker extraordinaire, and dead on about sprawl and the automobile culture. I lived through the aftermath of Katrina; for 2 weeks, no gas ergo no cars. In that scenario you get a profound realization that the foundation of America is built on processing a finite amount of black goo that the rest of the world, including awakening giants India, China and Brazil, are becoming increasingly thirsty for.
.
Now I’m depressed. Fuck you, Troy. And Kuntsler. Where’s my Makers bottle?

4:36 pm October, 12 Turdacious said...

Big Fuccin glasses, mini mohawk, caterpillar under his bottom lip and some other dudes name on his shirt.
What does all that add up to?

4:39 pm October, 12 Turdacious said...

@ fenton
True, i did not know who the shirt was for, I know now
Thanks

6:54 pm October, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

I do not give a fuck who Jayson is, I know nothing of sports and I could give two hoots about the performance of some steroid-addled cro-magnons on a grassy field, chasing a stupid ball. I would much, much rather talk about boobies. That, sir, is one of the primary functions of this site. But, if you would rather argue about the latest SportsBall goon and his majestic prowess thanks to RoidFreak Labs, well, then, you are a peter puffer of the highest order, sir.

7:04 pm October, 12 Troy Tempest said...

@Fenton: I will paraphrase a friend of mine:

Sorry, but I hate sports. I really don’t care about the emotional bond you’re experiencing over the pointless and wasteful activities of professional athletes. Get out and play baseball yourself, don’t rot on the sofa and cheer over a proxy war between regional tribes. This is the 21st century, and if you don’t want Skynet to remove you and your progeny, you’ll make yourself useful instead of getting hysterical over non-events such as sports. If people were as passionate about the actual political process and how the corporations are stripping their rights to self determination away on a daily basis as they are about faux tribalism, we would have a much more compassionate and sustainable society.

7:04 pm October, 12 Troy Tempest said...

@All re: Kunstler –

Yep. Now you know where I’m coming from.

Now you know why I drink.

7:08 pm October, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Troy–my LOLICOPTERZ shoot ROFLMISSILES at I.M. Pei. What a fucking choad. I’d imagine a bottle of Makers, a handful of Ambien and two hits of 4-way windowpane split between Croosh and DarkSock could yield something more functional and beautiful than anything Pei’s schlocky, incompetent ass could put together. Between him and Mies Van Der Rohe, I don’t know who wins biggest bumbling boob of the architecture world.

7:18 pm October, 12 Anonymous said...

@ Troy

I am actually not a big baseball fan, but I do support the Phillies as I’m from the area. Thing is, I’ve met guys like you before who seem to have a problem with people actually enjoying life. Of course it’s not as important as what happens in national politics. But being concerned about the future doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the present. Sports isn’t a proxy war between modern tribes; it’s an entertaining diversion that has existed since we first formed societies.

As far as baseball is concerned, if you don’t like the sport that’s fine. But what’s pathetic is that people on here want to castigate this random guy because they misinterpreted his shirt. A lot of these comments are pretty sick. I don’t see him making a face or some hand gesture. He’s a dude having a good time with his girl. There’s no doubt in my mind that every single person posting is into something the rest of us would find really stupid. But go ahead, wax puesdo-intellectual if it makes you feel good.

7:19 pm October, 12 Fenton Hardy said...

Forgot to put my name on that last post to Troy.

7:25 pm October, 12 Turdacious said...

@ medusa
4 way windowpane?, you’re going back aways

7:28 pm October, 12 Turdacious said...

@ Fenton
you are partly right.
I do not go out much so no one but my wife finds anything i do stupid, however she does find everything i do stupid.
Fuccc, i gotta go shes yellin at me again

7:44 pm October, 12 Fenton Hardy said...

@ Turdacious

Funny stuff, man. Hey, gotta keep ’em happy…

8:06 pm October, 12 Jesus Clinton said...

The problem I found with this comment thread is that the joke is ruined when you yourself comment like a douche bag. It is not about whether you like sports or not. Many did miss the point about the shirt. He does look like a douche but so does she. Both only on minor levels though. He does have a soul patch and lame faux hawk like hair. Finally, Fatness you seem like a terribley insecure person and I think talking to a therapist would help you a great deal.

9:38 pm October, 12 Guid is Good said...

Nice carpark.

9:40 pm October, 12 Crucial Head said...

Hey guys! Just thought I’d stop by and explain that the shirt is about Jayson Werth of the Philly’s.
.
Just thought I’d point it out.
.
Also, that’s Matt Stafford’s car in the background.
.
.
Welp, back to work…

9:53 pm October, 12 Steve L. said...

thank god i haven’t seen a “Got Luongo?” shirt in Vancouver. yet.

9:57 pm October, 12 Whoop-Di-Douche said...

Phillies, for what it’s worth.

Also, time for a Philly cheese-steak sandwich.
There are some tasty things come outta that place.

10:04 pm October, 12 Medusa Oblongata said...

@ Turdacious 7:25
Hey, I’m fuckin’ up life, Old School.
.
@ Fenton Hardy & Jesus Clinton:
Lighten the fucc up before Flyteeth comes in and takes all of our TARMAL.

7:50 am October, 13 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

@Fenton, 3:48
.
Are you not self-aware enough to realize the irony of your belatedly trying to take the high road with that comment about calling names and making it personal? Your first comment here (unless you were the original “Anonymous” who called everyone here idiots) called us all “nerds,” and subsequent posts chastised us for calling this guy a douche, which we do not over his shirt, but because of the entirety of his look.
.
Get some perspective, dumbshit. This site exists solely for mocking people’s appearance, and that will inevitably include their choices of sports-themed attire. Whether everyone here knew the shirt’s actual reference or not is irrelevant, and your repeated insistence that it does somehow matter makes you come off more douchey than the guy in the pic (whom you might be, considering your obtuse defense of him).Nobody cares if you’re from Philadelphia, are a baseball fan or respect this guy for “having a good time with his girl,” because that’s not what this forum is about. And your dismissive “But go ahead, wax puesdo-intellectual if it makes you feel good.” is even sillier, considering the pseudo-intellectual bullshit you had just foisted upon all of us in that very comment.

8:53 am October, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

Can someone please clarify if the guy wearing the shirt is named Jayson?! I’m dying here in ignorance!
And for the record I have nothing against baseball. I find it to be quite relaxing after a hard days work in the coal mines. Go local team!

8:58 am October, 13 Merle Baggard said...

I just want to bring it back to what is important. All Phillie phans are douches. Fat, stupid, and angry with lots of hair gel. Except the Phanatic, he’s ok.

9:19 am October, 13 Fenton Hardy said...

@ Redouche
You talk big when we’re separated by the Internet. I wonder what you’d say if we were face to face.

My last word on it, then I’ll leave you all to your collective circle jerk. Anonymously picking on someone’s appearance, especially when he has a hot chick by his side is pathetic. Wrapping the mocking in philosophical musings just makes you seem like more of a socially isolated nerd. In case you’ve all forgotten, getting girls is cool, however you do it. Now I leave you all to your continued virginity, sad lives, and deep resentment toward those who are out having a good time and hooking up.

10:04 am October, 13 Troy Tempest said...

@Fenton:
.
You wrote:
In case you’ve all forgotten, getting girls is cool, however you do it.
.
Ummm, not to put too fine a point on it, but:
.
Girls are not something to be “gotten”. You don’t “get” a girl, or, if you do, you’re “getting” a dumb one whe probably isn’t worth “getting”.
.
You build relationships with people and nurture those relationships with kindness, caring, and understanding. If fucking like crazed weasels enters the picture, all the more fun, but you don’t “get” it, as a woman is not an it to get.
.
Now crawl back into your cave, trogboy.

10:33 am October, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@Fenton

Your profile pic looks douchy. I can say this because there is no hot chick pictured by your side. I’m using your logic so I must be right.
Now back to my sad life.

P.S. Go local team!

1:10 pm October, 13 Redouche-Reooze-Repsycho said...

@Fenton
Clearly, you are not self-aware, since you continue to hypocritically type shit without the merest hint of irony.
.
You’re accusing me of talking big from the anonymity of the web? Seriously– after you come here anonymously and insult everyone in your first post and then spout bullshit about resorting to insults and personal attacks in lieu of an actual argument, as though you have any moral standing from whence to judge?
.
Only the weakest and most insecure individual makes a thinly-veiled threat of violence on an web discussion board where everyone is anonymous. What would I do if we were face to face? Probably roll my eyes and laugh sardonically at your impotent posturing, like I am right now.
.
If you actually had such an exciting life full of good times and “hooking up” with women, why do you keep returning to this discussion which you now retroactively try to dismiss as a circle-jerk? You’re fooling nobody but yourself.

2:14 pm October, 13 Nancy Dreuche said...

@RRR. Well said. But I keep returning to this discussion too. What does that imply?

2:30 pm October, 13 Merle Baggard said...

You guys are saying circle jerk like it’s a bad thinkg. I don’t get it.

7:40 am October, 14 Tom Choad said...

Damn, how did I manage to miss dealing with the Fenton Hardy douche-troll? What a fuccen tool! It’s too bad he probably won’t return to this thread to read what I have to say about him:
.
Fenton, you visited a site titled “Hot Chicks With Douchebags” and then acted surprised or confused that people here are mocking douchebags in pictures with hot chicks. This makes you the stupidest fucck to have ever drawn breath. You claim that “90%” and then later, “a majority” of comments here misinterpreted the douchbag’s shirt to refer to himself, but I count only 5 posts that could reasonably be read that way, with possibly another 2, if one completetly tortures the logic of the commenters’ language. What this means is that you’re a pompous prick who sucks at math.
.
You call the comments here are sick and pathetic, while ignoring the obvious: mockery and shadenfreude have been traditional parts of human culture for at least as long as sport– they are forms of humor, which is itself entertaining diversion, and isn’t tainted by a long history of cheating, violence, racism and engendering bullying of those who are weaker, as sports have. Is it any less pathetic to spend lots of money to watch other guys perform acts that you only wish in vain you were capable of? And yes, since you are probably too dim to grasp it, that last question was an insuniation that you are impotent.
.
As for this statement: “In case you’ve all forgotten, getting girls is cool, however you do it” all I can say is it certainly ISN’T cool to get girls in any possible way. Is it “cool” in your book to drug girls to get them? How about to beat them up or hold them at knifepoint? Would it be acceptable in your depraved mind to get a girl by threatening her family? I’m not attempting to state an equivalence between douche-styling and forcible rape, but your statement make an “ends justify the means” argument, so it’s reasonable for me to presume these things about you.
.
To sum up, you’re a stupid asshole in addition to being a Philly fan, which seems redundant.

9:11 pm October, 14 Sir David Douchenborough said...

@Troy

I remember watching Kunstler’s video a couple of years ago. His points, sadly, are probably going to be drowned out by arch NIMBYists and self-centered twats who want all the amenities of city life in a low dense paved cul de sac.

As you probably know, the amalgamations in megacities in Ontario have created a sort of municipal balkanization in which there is absolutely no shared vision in municipal planning. Urban dense parts of the city cannot make simple initiatives to address their specific problems without getting into loggerheads with their suburban counterparts on municipal councils.

Leave a Reply

What is 6 + 12 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is:
IMPORTANT! To be able to proceed, you need to solve the following simple math (so we know that you are a human) :-)